What makes him so irresistible?

by mssinglemama on December 29, 2008

Just floating thoughts in my head of what makes a man sexy (to a single mom, and therefore eventually to all women because most of us will be mothers). This man, by the way, is a figment of my imagination. And while I have dated different men who possessed at least one or more of these qualities I have yet to find the entire package.

But there’s definitely still hope – major hope! I’ll never lose that. If I compared this to my Sexy list pre-Benjamin days I think there would have been some big differences.

So here goes…

My Top 10 Things that Make a Man Sexy

1. The sight of him doing the dishes, sweeping the floor or mopping. Seriously, works like a charm.

2. Even better, him repairing broken things around the house or assembling Christmas toys or new furniture without complaint.

3. Making me laugh.

4. The simple worn flannel shirt never fails.

5. Boxer briefs or boxer shorts – NOT tightie whities (this, I believe, is universal).

6. Picking up the check but having the confidence to let me grab it every once in a while.

7. Creative play ideas for kids (this is THE real winner).

8. Ability to express emotion and feelings without losing his cool.

9. Just a subtle splash of cologne (don’t kill me please).

10. Listening skills coupled with just a dash of empathy (I know it’s tough for men but just a dash, that’s all).

That’s my list. What would be on yours?

Notice… not a bad boy feature listed. Good stuff! I’m telling you. Progress, my friends, I’m making major strides. Bad Boys Be Gone! Ha.

And here’s some advice on where to meet men. One item that’s not on here: New Year’s Eve parties (assuming you can find a sitter, always the tricky part). And this is all assuming you even want a man. Remember the key is wanting one not needing one.

[Photo: Some random HOT Patagonia model, buy the shirt here – sorry, he’s not for sale]


And, without further ado….

Kick Ass Christmas Contest Winners:

The winner of the strangely robotic cyborg toothbrush is: Candy, who is going to name hers the Blanchinator. Here is her comment:

Mine would be… the Blanchinator… (blanchir – in French – means to whiten…)

And each morning and evening after I brush my teeth, I’ll warn him in my most Arnoldy voice that… “I’ll be back!”

Hee hee… corny, I know… but if I win, I can’t wait to tell my French students stories about him!

Ooooh… and she speaks French. I took foreign accents off of my sexy list after my ex-husband, but it definitely used to be on there.

And the second place prize – the $20.00 Macy’s Gift Certificate goes to…. Rebecca!!!

[I chose the winners by shutting my eyes and scanning my cursor down the page of my post. There were well over 70 entires between the blog and Twitter. So thanks everyone! I wish I could give you all a prize. Seriously, one of these days I will – I’ll think of something.]

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Laura December 29, 2008 at 9:07 pm

I cant think of one thing to add to this?

Just wondering if we maybe setting ourselves up to fall? Should we be looking for a 10/10 or will anything about a 6/10 be ok??


mssinglemama December 29, 2008 at 10:34 pm

Hey Laura,

I think everyone’s list would be different… this is mine. And I don’t think these things are that hard? Do you?

These are just basics in my mind – am I nuts? Maybe… I guess if he didn’t have a flannel shirt I could let that go… and maybe even if he wore tightie whities but everything else – not sure if I could budge much.



Idalia February 3, 2015 at 10:10 am

Suirpisrng to think of something like that


Sheila December 29, 2008 at 11:16 pm

I agree with yours, especially #3, and I have one big one (plus one or two more) that are important to me —

– He doesn’t story repeat, i.e. keep telling the same stories over and over again and not realize he’s told them to you a hundred times before.

– His eyes light up when I enter the room.

I was reading an earlier post of yours, and I realized, I don’t NEED or even WANT a man right now … this sounds horrible, but the thought of having to deal with the whole dating situation makes me want to heave! I guess I’m just not “there” yet, but I have hope. 🙂 Until then, my little spiderman is all I really want in a man.


Heidi (Singleworkingmama) December 29, 2008 at 11:22 pm

Ha! I say, ladies, this is our chance to hold out for the best. We deserve it.

My criteria, from which I vow to not budge:
Incredibly intelligent, witty and funny, cute with chemistry (I don’t have a “type” when it comes to looks, but that chemistry thing is critical) with *just a hint* of naughty. (And by naughty, I mean a twinkle in his eye… The boy who got sent to the hall for making the other kids laugh in class.) The “being good with my Chillies” thing is a given, too….

P.S. I bet YouTube has a magic tutorial: How to make Tightie Whities disappear! 😀


mssinglemama December 29, 2008 at 11:24 pm


I am right there with you… not interested right now. My cab light is definitely off.

And as for your additions to my list – 100% agree. Consider them added. My ex is a big time story repeater (SO annoying).


Sheila December 29, 2008 at 11:28 pm

It’s seriously the most annoying thing in the world … lol ….


Carolyn December 30, 2008 at 6:21 am

I think tightie whities can be cute.

I would add financial responsibility to that list. An ability to pay his own bills is hot!


Savored Life December 30, 2008 at 8:26 am

Respect for others. Respect for Self.

Self Confidence on the [very] shy side of Ego

Musical Inclination ~ My Ultimate Weakness!! Play guitar & sing to me and you are automatically SEXY! 😉

Sense of adventure & spontaneity

Yes…Make me LAUGH!!!!

Be genuinely interested in my munkees [aka: Gremlins! haha)

Great list! Happy [almost] New Year, MSM!!! 🙂


Margaret February 4, 2015 at 10:59 am

Anyone heard of Leisure Marketing who conned us out of a lot of money also a coampny called ZE Consultantcy who contacted us recently re the previous coampny saying they could get some of out monies back.


Nina December 30, 2008 at 9:39 am

and I don’t know that these are in any type of order

1. he makes me laugh, really hard. not many people do…I’m not a good person that way, I don’t laugh if you’re not funny. and we laugh together
2. he can handle me being sarcastic and all while realizing I’m pretty sensitive on the inside and to be kind
3. he loves my son, plays with him
4. he is the type of man I want my son to grow up to be
5. he is the type of man I want my daughter (if I had one) to grow up to marry (sometimes we want better for our kids than ourselves, I want to model best for them)
6. he loves working and his job but doesn’t confuse having a career with having a life
7. he helps people without being asked
8. he is trustworthy and reliable
9. he likes me and all the moods of me
10. he’s who I want to be around (next to my son) more than anyone else and vice versa


Kati December 30, 2008 at 10:01 am

God I love a man in a flannel.


jenn December 30, 2008 at 10:14 am

I think I have to agree with everything on everyone’s list so far (when I’m ready, because I’m not right now).

Savored Life: The musician thing gets me everytime, but it scares me a bit now, since my ex was a musician. Still a weakness of mine though.


Lynn December 30, 2008 at 1:10 pm

I would say that self confidence would be on my list, and the ability to let go, dance, be silly, and not care what other people are thinking about him. Thats what makes a man sexy to me!


Dawn December 30, 2008 at 1:30 pm

I’m not actively man shopping, although I do window shop. And this post reminded me of a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, called The Invitation. The first line of the poem begins …

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.”

The rest, quite long but well worth the read … it’s as close to a description of what matter’s most to me.


Kelly December 30, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Good sense of humor, a little shyness (but not so much I have to keep making the first move), good with kids, good listener and conversationalist, accents are a definite plus, and a great smile.


jamie January 2, 2009 at 11:50 am

Wow!! I completley agree with nina!!!! That is exactly what i want in a man……

I always compare guys to my father because he is the sweetest man alive. He loves my mom and is so good to her, and us (us being his four daughters) i’m not joking i’m the youngest of 4 girls and we all went through our bad boy phase, but now we are older we are all looking for my dad out there!! haha

To add to the list………

someone who genuinly cares…about my day, my kids day etc.

someone i can cry to, bitch to, and laugh with.

The most important thing to me is comfort and security. I want to know by looking at that person in the eyes that they love me and always will.

oh yeah last but certainly not least, drum roll please……..PASSION! when he kisses me my knees wobble, if i do not have that i am happy being alone. Gotta have the wobbly knees : )


Lost in Love January 5, 2009 at 10:42 am

I am here ladies:=) Good to know nice guys make ALL the lists (yes with a little naughty to them (me)))):-) Happy new Year


Anonymous January 7, 2009 at 12:19 pm



Foui January 10, 2009 at 4:22 am

I do all of those things and more. Maybe except the flannel shirt. I work in an office so I dress with actual shirts and a tie.

But I would never be with a woman like you who has a list like that, even if it pleases her.

I’m with a single mother. She loves me for who I am, I love her for who she is. We’re soulmate. She happens to have a child, we make it work. We make it work cuz we love each other so hard.

I wasn’t actively looking for a single mother and she wasn’t looking for a male nanny like you seem to. Eeew, really.

You either love someone, or you don’t. The rest will come, children or not. You don’t have to have a huge grocery list about your ideal partner.

You fall in love with a person, not an image of what you want.


NotADad April 18, 2009 at 9:20 am

Interesting point Foui (that's a pun on Foo-ey! right? Or are you Sami or Finnish or something?)

All women have lists. It's part of fantasizing. As I pointed out in a reply to someone's comment on another thread, one of MSM's lists effectively translate into wanting a domestic robot LoL!. But that's ok. The reality is that ability with domestic chores, flannelet shirts and even getting on great with their kid is not going to attract them to you in the first place. By itself, these are all secondary things that get evaluated during the next steps.

What comes first is your symmetry, the size of your jawbone (indicates large testosterone surge during puberty – I'm not making this up), whether your facial geometry conforms to universal rules of handsomeness, your eyes, your odor (this is unconscious but clearly proven), your demeanor and body language, the chemical makeup of your saliva (this is why humans and apes kiss – unconscious but also clearly proven to be a very strong factor), your verbal skills (though you don't need these if you're James Dean), your relationships in the world (status among men – alpha males gets the girls), your health, your independence. These are all signs of a good potential mate, father, caregiver, protector. It was so when we evolved on the plains in Africa and it is so now.

Men have lists, too. Ours focus is on her potential as a child bearer whether we realize this or not. Bright eyes, hair and clear skin all signify good health. Symmetry signals both good genetics and environmental influences that are relatively free from damage (such as scarring) – same for men. Ditto kissing. Good round hips are about carrying children – cultural fetishes for rexy models contradicts this of course, they are actually likely to have problems during childbirth (pelvis aperture too small). The facial geometry of beauty has some basic proportions that are hardwired and universal across all cultures. Curves result from the hormone surge at puberty. Nice breasts do not necessarily mean more milk production but they suggest this psychologically; they also make nice targets for newborn babies and men to grab onto – I still like grabbing onto them :=), but it's critical for newborns – this one is my theory, I've never seen it written up before. In fact some scientists have said good size breasts only exist to excite men and there is no benefit to size (I disagree). A very flat stomach indicates not pregnant and therefore availability to be impregnated. An absence of excess body hair suggests there is no hormonal disease.

There are probably a million biological signals that we don't know anything about yet. And then there are the individual turn ons, the quirks that we imprinted off our parents and television etc. Recently it was statistically proven we are more likely to select a mate who looks somewhat like our opposite sex parent. Freud would have predicted this of course, but now we really do know that her heart really does belong to Daddy, even if subconsciously.

There are indefinable aspects to romance if course. The shear complexity of the above, the je ne sais pas, would be hard to integrate and rationalize by itself. It's not that I think the poets and mystics are entirely wrong. It's just that there are rational things going on behind many of our seemingly irrational feelings. What throws the final "hotty or notty" switch? Who knows.


Leave a Comment