Sweet Nothings

by mssinglemama on December 29, 2008

Mr. Man is still sending them to me, in letters and in voicemails.

He misses me and wants to do whatever he can to get back into our lives. I do miss him but I just can’t. Besides he’s far, far away now – off on that rocket ship – so we have some time to think about things. Seriously, he’s gone. That challenge I had alluded to in earlier posts about Mr. Man is happening right now.

Meanwhile Benjamin has yet to request Mr. Man’s presence or ask about his whereabouts. He seems completely satisfied with the rocket ship story. He also knows, because I tell him, that Mr. Man misses him. I’ve also been reading him parts of the letters he writes devoted exclusively to Benjamin.

Like this one:

To My Little Buddy, Benjamin;

Seems this trip to the moon is going to be a long one. I’ve seen some nice stuff along the way so far. The main thing is that we are all getting along together on the ship. There has been no biting, hitting or kicking. We also have this little boy on our ship about your age. His name is Huck. (This is a private joke between Mr. Man and I – I detest the name Huck, he claims to love it.)

Huck is trying to poop on the potty almost every night now. When ever Huck feels like he needs to go he comes to one of the adults and asks them to take him to the bathroom so he can try again, which is great because Huck used to go to his room to be by himself.

You let me know how you’re doing and I’ll pass the word on to Huck and when Huck has some luck you’ll hear from me. Okay?

I miss you Ben, and I hope you’re not sick anymore. Do me a favor and give your mom a big hug and kiss for me.

Benjamin is potty training by the way.

In this past week of fighting the diabolical flu I found Benjamin on the toilet twice. He’d carefully positioned his potty seat along with his stool and then jumped up there all on his own to go #2. I just heard him shouting from the bathroom, “Mommy, I POOOO – PEEEEEEE – on the POTTEEEEEE! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

So now we’re on a roll. I haven’t been pressuring him to learn but now he’s taking off diapers even if they have just a little bit of pee in them. Super expensive habit.

Any tips would be great.

And there’s your Mr. Man update. Despite his flaws he does truly love Benjamin. Nice to know I picked a good one in that respect. If Benjamin did ever ask for him or need to see him – he’d be there in a heart beat.

[Photo credit: The Chad]

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

bobby December 29, 2008 at 6:22 am

This is a very healthy post. It kind of makes me feel…well, good 🙂


Dawn December 29, 2008 at 9:35 am

Sounds like BIG strides in Benjamin’s world. Buy your next pack of diapers with him. And when you pick up the package from the store shelf, take a good look at it and pretend to read on the back label that the Diaper company is going to stop making diapers very soon.

See if he takes it from there. He magically might.


T December 29, 2008 at 9:51 am

SOOOO sweet. Its nice to see it end without drama or bitterness. For everyone’s sake.

Hooray for Benjamin!!!


MySingleMomLife December 29, 2008 at 11:00 am

My little babe is about to start potty training, too. I’m going to purchase the old skool cloth training pants…if they get wet, they feel it and will be less inclined to tinkle in them. And of course doody is a whole lot more uncomfortable. Disposable pull-ups? Crazy expensive. I can’t afford to contribute to their business. So, cloth training pants may get messy…but I had the little miss in cloth diapers for a good 18 months, so not a big deal. Besides…if one has a babe, messes are just…part of the package. I’d rather be doody’d on than ralphed on.

Also…I’m very inspired by your strength. Whatever the thing is that he broke his promise about…that’s hard business especially if he’s still sending you sweet nothings. I’m a sucker for sweet nothings…totally melts my resolve. Kudos to you for staying strong, even if you may not feel like it at times.


LJ December 29, 2008 at 11:20 am

M&M’s for going. 1 for #1. 2 for #2. Does the trick. 🙂


J-Fo December 29, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Potty chart on the wall in our bathroom, 1 sticker for pee, 2 for “more”. It’s a hideous violation to my bathroom decor, yet has worked like magic. 🙂


Alison December 29, 2008 at 2:36 pm

I read your blog everyday, but have never posted. You inspire me so much! Thank you.

I have a little guy who’ll be 4 in March. I told his daycare teacher that if he was potty-trained by a certain date, (it was 10 days away and I was going on an airplane trip with him) then I would give her a $100 gift card to 7-11, a local gas station. Since he’s in daycare during the work week it was hard to have passionate consistency he had at home. The teacher looked at me like I was offering her a brand new car or something. It worked! She took him to the potty every 30 minutes for the next week and a 1/2. (And she got the gift card! Win/Win for everyone.)

Another idea: get him underware with his favorite super-hero or cartoon character printed on them. Make it a big deal when he picks them out. Then let him know that, “Spiderman (insert character name here) does not like to be tinkled on.” lol

The combination of these two ideas, plus M&M’s for going in the potty, worked like a charm! 🙂


mssinglemama December 29, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Your tips are AWESOME!

Not quite sure which to use first. I love the M&M idea. And the potty chart and especially the bribing of the day care ladies.

You guys are brilliant. Seriously.

So… we just had our first huge potty training accident. He shat in his pants and it was NOT fun. NOT fun at all. We also had to go “pee pee” in a public restorm – also completely horrible.

Thanks so much for your moral support. I know I am venturing where many a brave single mother has ventured before and that helps tremendously.


Nina December 29, 2008 at 7:22 pm

I’ve potty trained one child – when I was a nanny – none of the above worked. we also got cute little papers for him to pee on in the potty that changed color. you know what I did? just gave up control. told him it was up to him and if he wanted to use the potty fine, if not fine, we would put a diaper on. he had been dry for months at night and when we first started and made it a big deal – barney sheets and big boy pants etc…he started hiding and pooping and stressing us all out. so I told his mom (who was carrying a potty in the car “just in case” boy that was gross) to chill out and I chilled out and we told him Zachey when you are ready, tell us and until then. no big deal. and within 2 weeks he was completely done with diapers. no training pants, no diapers, no pull ups (which are really evil) just went into underwear. and if he ever wanted a diaper we gave it to him because he never used it sometimes he just wanted to know he could ask and be in control. just don’t stress.

and if I were you and you are done with Mr. Man I would stop reading his letters to your son but that is just me. if your son isn’t asking why keep introducing him back in? its the child welfare attorney in me, I never let parents bring the flavor of the month to visits and I don’t let them talk about them and caution them to not have them around when they are getting their kids back, its all about your relationship with your son. part of it is, you say the guy did something you can’t forgive, why show/tell your son its ok? if it not, its not and move on. you are showing your son how to treat women when he grows up…so he loved your son and that is attractive to you because his father doesn’t seem to show as much interest as you would like…that does not make the unforgiveable forgiveable…and its not fair to your son, but that’s just my opinion cause i’m not in the emotion of it all…and my son looks almost exactly like his father and has his exact body…even in utero with ultra sounds I could see his back and it was his father’s in miniature…very cute to me….


Ashmel February 5, 2015 at 2:05 pm

giving your child lots of praise and attitneon when they use the toilet can help give them an incentive to use it. using pull-ups is something many parents use as a transitional stage between diapers and undergarmets. doing either of these could help you with the “rebellion” of using the toilet.References :


mssinglemama December 29, 2008 at 7:42 pm


That’s awesome advice about potty training. Chill is best. For sure.

The thing Mr. Man did had, in no way, a negative affect on Benjamin or I but on himself and his future… I just want everyone to know it’s not anything that could hurt Benjamin physically.

But I do believe that letting him know Mr. Man didn’t completely abandon him is okay. He won’t be seeing him for a long, long time so just letting him know he cares about him – I believe – is okay. I don’t want him to ever feel abandoned my anyone.

Thanks so much for your comment! Very insightful and you bring up a really, really good point.


Jim H. December 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm

I’ve been keeping an eye on this storyline, but I can’t figure out what Mr. Man did other than dating other women. Why such a mystery?


Liz February 3, 2015 at 12:07 pm

I would say that she is still too young to go full time with out dipraes on. I would keep her in dipraes but keep asking her to use the potty and see if she will go periodically during the day. I wouldn’t say its being lazy, its regression because she was too young to start with. Pull-ups are dipraes. They just get pulled on instead of taped on, but still dipraes. I potty trained my son with regular tape dipraes and did not use pull-up dipraes.References :


Kelli December 31, 2008 at 10:48 am

Hi there! Your New Years Eve post has inspired me to become more involved..and since I am in the middle of potty-training too, it’s the perfect opportunity!

I just have a couple of things that have worked for Ella and I. (My Mom has been a preschool teacher for over 20 years so most of it came from her 🙂 )

The most important thing I’ve heard (and practice) is NOT switching back and forth between diapers and undies. (I’m not sure if your little dude is already in undies?) Ella wears a “sleeping diaper” at bedtime but that’s it. I always make a big deal about her choosing the panties and the character or flower or whatever is on there telling her “Don’t pee/poop on me!” and if she has an accident we talk about how it made her panties sad. It sounds crazy, but it really does work! She has been accident free this whole past week. (We started over Thanksgiving weekend).

I have heard that it can take up to 3 months from the point of no diapers for them to actually go weeks without accidents, but even then they can still have them.

I am such a perfectionist, so accidents would totally bum me out, but I’ve learned that it’s so important to not make it a fight between you. It can’t turn into a behavioral issue. If she has an accident, I say “I understand accidents happen, but you need to try really hard to tell me when you need to go”. She’s a really communicative child and she always wants to talk things through so this works well with her.

Also, even though we’ve been going at it for awhile, I (and my brother who watches her since I work full time) still ask her every 30 minutes if she needs to go.

And I’m sure you’ve heard this, but I (and whoever happens to be there) make a HUGE deal everytime she pees/poops. I’m talking clapping and jumping and cheering…everything short of throwing a party. I don’t do the M&Ms/stickers thing, but this seems to be incentive enough for her.

Anyway-I know that is a mouthful, but I hope it helps!


Another December 31, 2008 at 3:35 pm

I am happy to read that you are stronger then me, you walked away after the first broken promise from Mr. man. But I know this Mr. man type and maybe, this is my biggest fault, you should reconsider when he returns from his voyage. I’m sure he is a great guy who just didn’t take your warning seriously, who can blame him all the past women probably gave him too many warnings to heed. He’ll have enough time to think about it, i know. I admit I do not have the “baggage”, I use that term as dearly as possible, as you have, so what you bring into the relationship is more then I ever brought to any of mine, but he is too great to force away over a lapse of judgement. I just think with this time apart you should take stock of all that has happened and think about how the situation he is in distorted your view of his life.


Miami Air Conditioning May 7, 2011 at 5:30 pm

aww nice story you make me cry, poor Mr man you maybe can think in give him a second chance don’t you think? for Benjamin…
and is also a good idea the trip t the moon, and also that mr man keep in touch with Benjamin


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