The other night on Twitter (my new addiction) I stumbled across an interesting Tweet from a guy named Seth. Then I clicked through to his blog and felt like I’d slipped into the world of my male alter-ego. If I were a dude and childless, I think I’d be him.
I immediately asked him for a guest post on dating single moms… and just a few days later – here it is. (I love those productive types). I think you’ll love him too after reading this post, just what the doctor ordered for any single mom and the men who are lucky enough to date one of us.
And be sure to check out Seth’s blog, The Dating Papers.
On Dating Single Moms
By Seth, author of The Dating Papers
“I’m the mother of three kids. Ages 2 through 7. They live with me,” she said over a spoonful of macadamia white chocolate ice cream.
I remember Kathleen’s exact words not for their syllables but for the look on her face as she said them. The blank look of expectation as she waited for me to voice my rejection.
“You’re kidding. I’m not ready to have a family.” She expected me to say. Most single moms expect guys to run when they mention a child. This need not be the case.
For the single childless guys:
- Dating single moms isn’t more challenging than dating any other woman who has a major commitment in her life. You already know you don’t have any good advice for the Olympic swimmer who trains 10hrs a day. Telling a swimmer that eating more carrots will make her faster will end better for you than telling a single mom how to be a parent. Being a parent crosses everyone’s mind at some point. But nobody is asking you to be a parent just yet!
- Most kids grow up with only one dedicated parent. The old stereotype of mom staying at home and dad going to work supports this. Get over your belief that she needs you to help her take care of the kid. She doesn’t. Her primary worry at this point is probably that she’ll end up having to take care of you as well!
- The only advice you are allowed to give in a relationship with a single mom is the type that only involves the mom. You already have enough to worry about with getting to know this new person in your life.
For the single moms:
The percentage of guys in the world who will make you laugh on dates and moan in the bedroom hasn’t changed since you became a mom. The man of your dreams has not disappeared because you have a child. A woman with priorities and goals who takes care of herself is sexy regardless of how many kids she has! Don’t lose heart.
- Do not base your search for a relationship on a timeline. You do not need to secure a partner before your child turns five or any other age. You are not searching for a father for your child. You are searching for somebody to make you smile!
- Stop thinking that all the other single, childless women in the world are having great dates, amazing sex, and rewarding relationships. Most of them aren’t. However, quite a few of them are wondering if having a child would make them happier. Go figure.
- Your hectic mommy schedule means you have little time for dating. Use this to your advantage and schedule lunch dates or late morning coffee with the new guys your seemingly deranged friends foist on you. This is a practice you should have incorporated back in the day, but now that you’re here: use it! Do use your parent status to skip out on dates. There’s no reason to feel awkward for leaving a loser “because you forgot you need to pick up your kid!”
“Kathleen” I said, slowly “you have more kindness, more humor, and are unabashedly sexier than any of the spinsters I’ve met!” She laughed and we finished our desserts amidst animated conversation. Our casual date gave her the confidence to ask out a man she’d been eyeing for months. At last news, they were fighting like an old married couple and being good for each other. In the end, it seems that if you find a person who wants to create a sustainable and rewarding relationship with you, everything else will find its place.
And my other How to Date a Single Mom posts:
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 1: The original, a very nice list on how to date a single mom.
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2: What to tell a man dating a single mom?
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3: Hear from a man who spent 5 days with Benjamin and I.
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 4: Take your vitamins.
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 5: How to win a single mom’s trust and her heart.
[Photo: John Boyd picture of a Couple pre- 1946 Credit: Finavon Copyright: Wikimedia Commons]