He made a promise.
And he broke it.
I had asked him to make me a promise at the beginning, one well within reason if you knew his entire story. I am not one to ask much of men when we’re together. I believe in personal freedoms and independence. But this was a promise that, when broken, risked our future together – literally.
“If you do it,” I said, “I’ll never see you again. That will be that.”
“Really?” He asked, “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. You’re not just dating me, you’re dating my son and nothing – nothing - is more important to me than him.”
“I won’t then. I would never risk anything that could keep us apart.”
I believed him. I really, truly did. Not for a second did I think he would risk it all. He was the one who seemed to be completely head over heels. That’s the one thing about this that has me shaking my head in utter confusion and realizing that Mr. Man has a problem… one I can’t fix.
When he told me the next morning – of the broken promise, the breach of trust, the throwing away of everything we had – my hands started shaking. I thought I would drop the phone. Not again. Not him. Not this one. But just like that, a man had broken my heart.
“I can’t believe you did that. Why?” I ask him, my voice cracking into a million pieces.
“I don’t know.”
Not when there is a little soul at stake… and yes, I should have figured that out before he met my son. But there are pieces to the puzzle, reasons for things that I just can’t share. So you’ll have to trust me.
I wish I could tell you more – I do – because you deserve to know every detail. But I just can’t.
I believe any one of you would have made the same decision. Having the strength to make the call – to listen to your gut – is the easy part. Living with the fact that yet another man has let you down is not as easy.
But now, just a few days later, I’m feeling fine. Really. And also a tad hopeful. There are a few reasons:
- I kept my head on straight, I never really lost control and let my emotions override my sensibilities and responsibilities to my son.
- I felt something – something incredible. I also trusted again. He broke that trust, yes… but that was not because of me, it was because of something stronger than me and even stronger than Mr. Man.
- I am more worried about Mr. Man right now than my own hurt feelings. But I know he’ll figure this out. If losing me is the reason – well, then – so be it.
- The reason (wish again that I could tell you) is as clear as day.
- And the fact that I’m not a crying, sobbing, mess of a woman right now tells me I must be doing something right. Maybe I’m an adult now? Not sure if that makes any sense at all but as a recovering bad boy or man addict that’s a huge feat.
As single moms, we don’t have the misfortune luxury of dating men who can’t quite keep their shit together – 100% of the time. Not when losing it (even for a moment) may risk your child’s heart or health.
And that’s that.
Case closed. The end. Good bye Mr. Man.
For the reason why Mr. Man and I broke up purchase a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating Sex and Love – now only $8.95. Click here to get your copy.
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