Comments on: The Married Single Mom

By: Carrie

Carrie — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:31:25 +0000

Why don’t women in this position leave their husbands? Probably because they realize that it’s not just about their feelings. There’s children to consider-their emotional and physical needs. And just as I wouldn’t leave my children alone with a 5 year old kindergartner who can barely tie his own shoes or a 90 year old with vision and hearing problems, I wouldn’t initiate any situation where my children are left alone with a man who has never shown an interest in family outings, meal preparation, bath time, homework help, house cleaning, doctor appointments, parent teacher conferences. Maybe on his own he’d step up. Maybe not. But my children are not poker chips to be gambled with.

By: Trina

Trina — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:11:22 +0000

My situation is a little different. I have a good marriage, my husband is a good man n works hard. He is good to me but always want my attention it’s been very hard to split my time between him my 15 yr old & 16 yr old. I married him 12 Yrs ago a year & 1/2 after the father of my 2 boys died. I thought he was a good dad he already had a 12 yr old daughter from another marriage that seemed to be a good girl. Little did I realize his mother n sister practically raised her. When she was a teenager I started to notice when she would get in trouble he didn’t do anything about it, he would let his x take care of it(that should have been a sign) when she stayed with us n got n trouble I had to deal with it. Now his daughter is 24 does drugs, drinks & doesn’t take responsibility for anything even though she is a nurse she has been in 4 car accidents. He cosigned a car loan for her a few years ago even though I told him not to. Well she never paid on time & now has totaled the car & stopped making payments. What is he doing about it? Nothings usuall. When the boys were little he would play with them n take them places now the only time he spends with them is yelling at them to be quiet so he can here the TV. It’s been like this for about 5 years now. Now my 15 year old is failing all his classes in school, drinking, last night he came home high on pot, I didn’t tell my husband cuz I know he’ll just say “I don’t know what to tell you it is what it is”. Our other son is a good boy doesnt get in any trouble but spends most of his time in his room. We dont fight or argue about anything. I have just given up on waiting for him to help with the boys. Our bills are high, he has to work hard we both do. I take care of every thing in and outside of the house even the bills he has no idea how to pay them or how much $ we have. I have told him we both need to work with the boys & he says ok but nothing changes. I almost want to cry writing this cuz I know what I have to do but I can’t we r stuck with the bills and house and like I said he doesn’t mistreat me or the boys he just neglects them and I love him and his family. I think it’s toate for me now I gave up everything for him thinking he would be the perfect dad for my boys cuz he was their biological fathers cousin n wer raised the same. he had to be something like their real dad right? Boy was I wrong. I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel like just giving up. By the way I am 37 & he is 54, so yeah he is getting older very fast & I want to go back to school but have to devote all my time to them and we can’t afford it anyway. I know things would have been so different if I had not gotten married but u can’t go back. No I can’t turn to my family they r all worthless my father is dead from alcoholism, my mother is useless my sisters & brothers all have lost their kids due to drugs or alcohol n my other brother is in jail. I have no 1 but me to rely on, been doin this since I was 15. My friends are his friends so I can’t tell them everything it’s nice to have somewhere to vent.

By: Trina

Trina — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:01:17 +0000

By: Kimberly

Kimberly — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 14:02:56 +0000

that wasn’t what the article was about. maybe you should go to Eharmony.com instead.

By: What now?

What now? — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 16:51:03 +0000

It’s really pretty simple………..I do everything!

This feeling inside (stomach turning) will not go away. I became a mother at 20, married at 21 and now feel lost (we’ve been married for 16 yaers). For two years now my husband has worked a shift that runs from 3pm-2am. I’m not sure who he is anymore and when he is “awake” he picks on everything and my oldest especially. We have 3 childen together and I do it all. Work full time, raise the kids and clean…..wait, he does do laundry and dishes once a week. The day we do see him, he is moody, picky and it really is like riding a roller coaster. I’ve told him how I feel and he has refused to get counseling and tells me this is how it is so deal with it. Just when I think I want to leave, the charming side comes out and I change my mind. I do love him and Am just not sure what to do, I do know that I dont want to live like this the rest of my life. Please help.

By: altaf

altaf — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:09:20 +0000

I am altaf i am 40 year old,i am cost and manament accountant and working as cheif internal auditor in a textile group.I am serching a sweet hear lady age 50 to 55 year old from europe and USA.I hope i will find my love

By: a long journey

a long journey — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 04:47:38 +0000

msn,
I am up way too late to be replying to blog posts, but yours really hit me in the face! You are never too old to leave. I have been married for 20 years, the kids I have are 18 and 16. My soon to be “x” and I have been in couples therapy for over 5 years. And guess what, he filed for divorce. Before we were married he prodded me with the question that I needed to decide that this marriage will be for life. He did not believe in divorce. I gave it my all and really did commit. Later after we had 2 children within 14 months, he was tired and decided that he couldn’t work a 2nd job, and all the stuff I did while he worked the 2nd job became my ususal “job”. I have another job, called income. So, my advice to you, is to look for something to do outside of the house, just to get out of it for a while. Anything works, a walk, talk to a neighbor, just get involved out of his realm. Just get away from the situation for a while helps, it clears your mind. And I know, you will feel more like the person you used to be. remember that person? That’s what you gotta get back to. Please do something that used to make u happy, listen to old music, dance like you did back then, and laugh at yourself. that’s what I did, plus I got my kids doing that too, and they laughed at all those “80′s dances I used to do! It’s little steps, to make yourself feel better, eventually you will feel good, feel good about yourself, look at the website, this woman that started it is really all abut trying to feel good about yourself, isn’t it?

By: a long journey

a long journey — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 04:22:24 +0000

I was a single mom for the last 15 years of out 20 year marriage. I wish I had this blog, yet this kind of networking to help with the situation I dealt with was not present at the time I was suffering. My children are not 16 and 18. I bascially raised them on my own. I have PhD and my soon to be “X” is a firefigher. When the kids were little he had a part-time job to help with the finances. I didn’t mind taking care of everything because I knew that he was putting in a lot of hours. Five years later, he was tired of doing that and guess what ladies, I continued to do all. Then came all the spending on the expensive ‘toys” that he felt he deserved because he worked a 2nd job. He bought this and that, while I bought all at discount stores and re-sale shops to keep the budget. Yes, I did the bills too! All the while he accused me of hiding money, etc. Fast forward about 7 years and here we are in a new “fix-er-upper” house that he offered $$15,000 more to the buyer behind my back. He convinced me that this would be the best thing to do. All the while I knew better, he hated doing any thing around the house especially home improvement. He hired people acting as a subcontracter, never really working, but here we are almost 10 years later and he still thinks I am lazy. The house bascially has been re-done by outside help, but you would think he worked on it himself. While this was going on, I lost my husband, well, I thought I lost the man I loved, but his real self reared it’s ugly head. He is controlling, manipulative, cares only for himself, thinks his car, income, etc., is his, but the rest, ie., my income, etc., is ours. Get it!
I convinced him to go to couples counseling, which lead to numerous months of him receiving single one on one therapy. Low and behold, he has numerous personality issues, namely a nacarcissim pesronality disorder. That diagnosis finally explained why I continued to be in this crazy relationship. I know I have glossed over all this with a few sentences. But if you feel like you are in a relationship where you are continually belittled, told that your contribution to the total family unit is way under par, plus the penchant that what he has is his over the family unit consider going to counseling on your own. Do not be like me thinking that “this will pass”. It doesn’t. I am currently going thru a divorce with this personality disorder. I tell you it’s not fun. He thinks he deserves it all, due to the disorder he had, which ultimately came from his upbringing.
In future dating, pay attention to the family issues, that’s where it all starts. I made a 20 year mistake by thinking by ignoring his upbringing

By: stuck

stuck — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 13:43:18 +0000

‘Debating leaving the life of a ‘single MARRIED mama’.
I am a married single mama living in the US. The only family I have here is my husband and more recently our beautiful daughter.
I own my house and run my finances as a single person. I have been off work for 7 wks on maternity leave and have had no help financially, emotionally … etc from my husband. He claims he wants to be a father to his daughter but I guess talk is cheap.
I have a family member who is sick in my home country but my husband will not allow my daughter to travel. I feel he is merely using her to empower himself to control my decisions, I have asked for his consent to travel and originally he agreed but after something upset him recently he claims he does not want us to travel and has denied my request to visit my family with my daughter.
He has been invited by my family to join us but has no money for travel expenses.
He does now work and has been looking for work for sometime now, I do not anticpate a change in his happy-go-lucky, carefree lifestyle and would like to raise my daughter with my family and create a stable home but I still can not justify leaving him with my daughter because I still care and he is still her biological father. I know that his current situation would not be inspirational to a child.
Is it selfish of me to leave with the child?
I really do love him and have tried to help him but I suppose I should really leave and let him ‘help himself’ if that is what he wants to do.

By: monica

monica — Wed, 19 May 2010 15:03:51 +0000

ahhhhh…. sorry i needed to do that.all of these happy and tragic stories make my head spin. Lance and I were on and off for five years when i got pregnant. i was ready to have my daughter, him not so much and he cheated. I left the relationship and he came back, we lived together for almost two years. Now we are both exhausted of being in relationship like ours, I wanted to be married and he wanted to be married to the playstation. the problem wasn’t him loving or not loving our daughter.he just had a hard time loving me for whatever reason. FYI lance is a great dad , i hope he stays that way. it hurts a lot sometimes how he couldn’t just fall in love with me as I did him, i wish i knew why thats what i need help with , but thank god i got out. i feel better hopeful even. Just cause i want peace of mind and serenity in my life and i refuse to live life where my daughter continues to see mommy cry . Nope not for me. thanks for listening time to wake up the baby from her nap