Comments on: The Married Single Mom http://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Thu, 24 May 2012 06:03:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Sparklehttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-56106 Sparkle Mon, 16 Apr 2012 05:15:11 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-56106 I concur... I talked, begged, pleaded for YEARS for my ex and I to get counseling. His answer? Same as yours... And THEN, get this?? When I finally seriously filed the paperwork for divorce all of a sudden he wanted to "try whatever it takes, including counseling"... Then harassed me for weeks on end claiming that I "didn't do everything in my power to save the marriage" and that he was... HA please!! Cry me a river because mine has dried up. Sorry buddy, that ship sailed and apparently you weren't on it. I concur… I talked, begged, pleaded for YEARS for my ex and I to get counseling. His answer? Same as yours… And THEN, get this?? When I finally seriously filed the paperwork for divorce all of a sudden he wanted to “try whatever it takes, including counseling”… Then harassed me for weeks on end claiming that I “didn’t do everything in my power to save the marriage” and that he was… HA please!! Cry me a river because mine has dried up. Sorry buddy, that ship sailed and apparently you weren’t on it.

]]> By: Sparklehttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-56105 Sparkle Mon, 16 Apr 2012 05:07:41 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-56105 "I feel like I have spent years wasting my energy. You want to think you know what it’s like. Go for it. You know, when you go out to dinner w/ another adult, when you have someone to help you take a kid to the ER, when you have that second income in your home, when you have someone to share the joys and heartaches of your kids with." I'm not sure if I'm getting the right perception from your reply to this post Amy Nathan but from what it looks like, I'm going to reply based on what I got from this. The point being the "husband" ISN'T doing any of those things. I for one definitely appreciate a hard working man. That being said I appreciate a man even more for coming home and realizing the reason WHY he's a hard working man is for the FAMILY that he helped create. Whether the wife is a SAHM, WAHM, WOHM, she works and works hard. The "husband" should never be exempt from participating because he's "tired"... So is she! Of course there is give and take, that's a given. But the responsibility to keep a family running should not rest solely or majority on one of the two partners. And from what I gather about meaningful, long-lasting relationships, is that both people have to participate fully to make it a wonderful experience for all. Otherwise, someone may just end up getting left... Like apparently if you read below, several people did. “I feel like I have spent years wasting my energy. You want to think you know what it’s like. Go for it. You know, when you go out to dinner w/ another adult, when you have someone to help you take a kid to the ER, when you have that second income in your home, when you have someone to share the joys and heartaches of your kids with.”

I’m not sure if I’m getting the right perception from your reply to this post Amy Nathan but from what it looks like, I’m going to reply based on what I got from this.

The point being the “husband” ISN’T doing any of those things. I for one definitely appreciate a hard working man. That being said I appreciate a man even more for coming home and realizing the reason WHY he’s a hard working man is for the FAMILY that he helped create. Whether the wife is a SAHM, WAHM, WOHM, she works and works hard. The “husband” should never be exempt from participating because he’s “tired”… So is she! Of course there is give and take, that’s a given. But the responsibility to keep a family running should not rest solely or majority on one of the two partners. And from what I gather about meaningful, long-lasting relationships, is that both people have to participate fully to make it a wonderful experience for all. Otherwise, someone may just end up getting left… Like apparently if you read below, several people did.

]]> By: Jeniferhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-49522 Jenifer Tue, 28 Feb 2012 18:52:22 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-49522 I as many is a married single mother of one. My husband swiped me off my feet. Had a baby, then weeks later got married. Once our daughter entered this world. I instantly changed to provide the best life possible for our daughter. My husband on the other hand felt there was no need change. This left majority of responsibly on me! I do everything in the house, which is what my husband feels is my responsibly. I'm always trying to do outings as a family, however, it's me lecturing him to go or it me and baby. Yes, my husband works hard to provide for our family and can be exhausted when he gets home. If there activity with drinking he's down but for our family it's tough going. When I ask for help he will step in but he just doesn't know what to do or doesn't do things properly. End result it takes more of my time to help him out or clean up after him than it would have if I just done it myself. He puts me down in front of our company every time. It's like I'm not self worth. Didn't think I should have yr off for maternity leave.. At 4 month of my leave I went back to work- part time. Financially we could survive fine without me working. Our life is good sometimes and horrible other times. I'm wrong he's right kind if relationship. I find my self always catering to him. Right now I find myself so lost.... Is this married life with children? Does it get better as our child gets older? My biggest fear of leaving is that he will not be part of out daughters life! I as many is a married single mother of one. My husband swiped me off my feet. Had a baby, then weeks later got married. Once our daughter entered this world. I instantly changed to provide the best life possible for our daughter. My husband on the other hand felt there was no need change. This left majority of responsibly on me! I do everything in the house, which is what my husband feels is my responsibly. I’m always trying to do outings as a family, however, it’s me lecturing him to go or it me and baby. Yes, my husband works hard to provide for our family and can be exhausted when he gets home. If there activity with drinking he’s down but for our family it’s tough going. When I ask for help he will step in but he just doesn’t know what to do or doesn’t do things properly. End result it takes more of my time to help him out or clean up after him than it would have if I just done it myself. He puts me down in front of our company every time. It’s like I’m not self worth. Didn’t think I should have yr off for maternity leave.. At 4 month of my leave I went back to work- part time. Financially we could survive fine without me working. Our life is good sometimes and horrible other times. I’m wrong he’s right kind if relationship. I find my self always catering to him. Right now I find myself so lost…. Is this married life with children? Does it get better as our child gets older? My biggest fear of leaving is that he will not be part of out daughters life!

]]> By: Carriehttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-37692 Carrie Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:31:25 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-37692 Why don't women in this position leave their husbands? Probably because they realize that it's not just about their feelings. There's children to consider-their emotional and physical needs. And just as I wouldn't leave my children alone with a 5 year old kindergartner who can barely tie his own shoes or a 90 year old with vision and hearing problems, I wouldn't initiate any situation where my children are left alone with a man who has never shown an interest in family outings, meal preparation, bath time, homework help, house cleaning, doctor appointments, parent teacher conferences. Maybe on his own he'd step up. Maybe not. But my children are not poker chips to be gambled with. Why don’t women in this position leave their husbands? Probably because they realize that it’s not just about their feelings. There’s children to consider-their emotional and physical needs. And just as I wouldn’t leave my children alone with a 5 year old kindergartner who can barely tie his own shoes or a 90 year old with vision and hearing problems, I wouldn’t initiate any situation where my children are left alone with a man who has never shown an interest in family outings, meal preparation, bath time, homework help, house cleaning, doctor appointments, parent teacher conferences. Maybe on his own he’d step up. Maybe not. But my children are not poker chips to be gambled with.

]]> By: Trinahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-36868 Trina Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:11:22 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-36868 My situation is a little different. I have a good marriage, my husband is a good man n works hard. He is good to me but always want my attention it's been very hard to split my time between him my 15 yr old & 16 yr old. I married him 12 Yrs ago a year & 1/2 after the father of my 2 boys died. I thought he was a good dad he already had a 12 yr old daughter from another marriage that seemed to be a good girl. Little did I realize his mother n sister practically raised her. When she was a teenager I started to notice when she would get in trouble he didn't do anything about it, he would let his x take care of it(that should have been a sign) when she stayed with us n got n trouble I had to deal with it. Now his daughter is 24 does drugs, drinks & doesn't take responsibility for anything even though she is a nurse she has been in 4 car accidents. He cosigned a car loan for her a few years ago even though I told him not to. Well she never paid on time & now has totaled the car & stopped making payments. What is he doing about it? Nothings usuall. When the boys were little he would play with them n take them places now the only time he spends with them is yelling at them to be quiet so he can here the TV. It's been like this for about 5 years now. Now my 15 year old is failing all his classes in school, drinking, last night he came home high on pot, I didn't tell my husband cuz I know he'll just say "I don't know what to tell you it is what it is". Our other son is a good boy doesnt get in any trouble but spends most of his time in his room. We dont fight or argue about anything. I have just given up on waiting for him to help with the boys. Our bills are high, he has to work hard we both do. I take care of every thing in and outside of the house even the bills he has no idea how to pay them or how much $ we have. I have told him we both need to work with the boys & he says ok but nothing changes. I almost want to cry writing this cuz I know what I have to do but I can't we r stuck with the bills and house and like I said he doesn't mistreat me or the boys he just neglects them and I love him and his family. I think it's toate for me now I gave up everything for him thinking he would be the perfect dad for my boys cuz he was their biological fathers cousin n wer raised the same. he had to be something like their real dad right? Boy was I wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like just giving up. By the way I am 37 & he is 54, so yeah he is getting older very fast & I want to go back to school but have to devote all my time to them and we can't afford it anyway. I know things would have been so different if I had not gotten married but u can't go back. No I can't turn to my family they r all worthless my father is dead from alcoholism, my mother is useless my sisters & brothers all have lost their kids due to drugs or alcohol n my other brother is in jail. I have no 1 but me to rely on, been doin this since I was 15. My friends are his friends so I can't tell them everything it's nice to have somewhere to vent. My situation is a little different. I have a good marriage, my husband is a good man n works hard. He is good to me but always want my attention it’s been very hard to split my time between him my 15 yr old & 16 yr old. I married him 12 Yrs ago a year & 1/2 after the father of my 2 boys died. I thought he was a good dad he already had a 12 yr old daughter from another marriage that seemed to be a good girl. Little did I realize his mother n sister practically raised her. When she was a teenager I started to notice when she would get in trouble he didn’t do anything about it, he would let his x take care of it(that should have been a sign) when she stayed with us n got n trouble I had to deal with it. Now his daughter is 24 does drugs, drinks & doesn’t take responsibility for anything even though she is a nurse she has been in 4 car accidents. He cosigned a car loan for her a few years ago even though I told him not to. Well she never paid on time & now has totaled the car & stopped making payments. What is he doing about it? Nothings usuall. When the boys were little he would play with them n take them places now the only time he spends with them is yelling at them to be quiet so he can here the TV. It’s been like this for about 5 years now. Now my 15 year old is failing all his classes in school, drinking, last night he came home high on pot, I didn’t tell my husband cuz I know he’ll just say “I don’t know what to tell you it is what it is”. Our other son is a good boy doesnt get in any trouble but spends most of his time in his room. We dont fight or argue about anything. I have just given up on waiting for him to help with the boys. Our bills are high, he has to work hard we both do. I take care of every thing in and outside of the house even the bills he has no idea how to pay them or how much $ we have. I have told him we both need to work with the boys & he says ok but nothing changes. I almost want to cry writing this cuz I know what I have to do but I can’t we r stuck with the bills and house and like I said he doesn’t mistreat me or the boys he just neglects them and I love him and his family. I think it’s toate for me now I gave up everything for him thinking he would be the perfect dad for my boys cuz he was their biological fathers cousin n wer raised the same. he had to be something like their real dad right? Boy was I wrong. I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel like just giving up. By the way I am 37 & he is 54, so yeah he is getting older very fast & I want to go back to school but have to devote all my time to them and we can’t afford it anyway. I know things would have been so different if I had not gotten married but u can’t go back. No I can’t turn to my family they r all worthless my father is dead from alcoholism, my mother is useless my sisters & brothers all have lost their kids due to drugs or alcohol n my other brother is in jail. I have no 1 but me to rely on, been doin this since I was 15. My friends are his friends so I can’t tell them everything it’s nice to have somewhere to vent.

]]> By: Trinahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-36865 Trina Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:01:17 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-36865 My situation is a little different. I have a good marriage, my husband is a good man n works hard. He is good to me but always want my attention it's been very hard to split my time between him my 15 yr old & 16 yr old. I married him 12 Yrs ago a year & 1/2 after the father of my 2 boys died. I thought he was a good dad he already had a 12 yr old daughter from another marriage that seemed to be a good girl. Little did I realize his mother n sister practically raised her. When she was a teenager I started to notice when she would get in trouble he didn't do anything about it, he would let his x take care of it(that should have been a sign) when she stayed with us n got n trouble I had to deal with it. Now his daughter is 24 does drugs, drinks & doesn't take responsibility for anything even though she is a nurse she has been in 4 car accidents. He cosigned a car loan for her a few years ago even though I told him not to. Well she never paid on time & now has totaled the car & stopped making payments. What is he doing about it? Nothings usuall. When the boys were little he would play with them n take them places now the only time he spends with them is yelling at them to be quiet so he can here the TV. It's been like this for about 5 years now. Now my 15 year old is failing all his classes in school, drinking, last night he came home high on pot, I didn't tell my husband cuz I know he'll just say "I don't know what to tell you it is what it is". Our other son is a good boy doesnt get in any trouble but spends most of his time in his room. We dont fight or argue about anything. I have just given up on waiting for him to help with the boys. Our bills are high, he has to work hard we both do. I take care of every thing in and outside of the house even the bills he has no idea how to pay them or how much $ we have. I have told him we both need to work with the boys & he says ok but nothing changes. I almost want to cry writing this cuz I know what I have to do but I can't we r stuck with the bills and house and like I said he doesn't mistreat me or the boys he just neglects them and I love him and his family. I think it's toate for me now I gave up everything for him thinking he would be the perfect dad for my boys cuz he was their biological fathers cousin n wer raised the same. he had to be something like their real dad right? Boy was I wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like just giving up. My situation is a little different. I have a good marriage, my husband is a good man n works hard. He is good to me but always want my attention it’s been very hard to split my time between him my 15 yr old & 16 yr old. I married him 12 Yrs ago a year & 1/2 after the father of my 2 boys died. I thought he was a good dad he already had a 12 yr old daughter from another marriage that seemed to be a good girl. Little did I realize his mother n sister practically raised her. When she was a teenager I started to notice when she would get in trouble he didn’t do anything about it, he would let his x take care of it(that should have been a sign) when she stayed with us n got n trouble I had to deal with it. Now his daughter is 24 does drugs, drinks & doesn’t take responsibility for anything even though she is a nurse she has been in 4 car accidents. He cosigned a car loan for her a few years ago even though I told him not to. Well she never paid on time & now has totaled the car & stopped making payments. What is he doing about it? Nothings usuall. When the boys were little he would play with them n take them places now the only time he spends with them is yelling at them to be quiet so he can here the TV. It’s been like this for about 5 years now. Now my 15 year old is failing all his classes in school, drinking, last night he came home high on pot, I didn’t tell my husband cuz I know he’ll just say “I don’t know what to tell you it is what it is”. Our other son is a good boy doesnt get in any trouble but spends most of his time in his room. We dont fight or argue about anything. I have just given up on waiting for him to help with the boys. Our bills are high, he has to work hard we both do. I take care of every thing in and outside of the house even the bills he has no idea how to pay them or how much $ we have. I have told him we both need to work with the boys & he says ok but nothing changes. I almost want to cry writing this cuz I know what I have to do but I can’t we r stuck with the bills and house and like I said he doesn’t mistreat me or the boys he just neglects them and I love him and his family. I think it’s toate for me now I gave up everything for him thinking he would be the perfect dad for my boys cuz he was their biological fathers cousin n wer raised the same. he had to be something like their real dad right? Boy was I wrong. I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel like just giving up.

]]> By: Kimberlyhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-34232 Kimberly Thu, 06 Oct 2011 14:02:56 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-34232 that wasn't what the article was about. maybe you should go to Eharmony.com instead. that wasn’t what the article was about. maybe you should go to Eharmony.com instead.

]]> By: What now?http://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-25886 What now? Mon, 14 Feb 2011 16:51:03 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-25886 It's really pretty simple...........I do everything! This feeling inside (stomach turning) will not go away. I became a mother at 20, married at 21 and now feel lost (we've been married for 16 yaers). For two years now my husband has worked a shift that runs from 3pm-2am. I'm not sure who he is anymore and when he is "awake" he picks on everything and my oldest especially. We have 3 childen together and I do it all. Work full time, raise the kids and clean.....wait, he does do laundry and dishes once a week. The day we do see him, he is moody, picky and it really is like riding a roller coaster. I've told him how I feel and he has refused to get counseling and tells me this is how it is so deal with it. Just when I think I want to leave, the charming side comes out and I change my mind. I do love him and Am just not sure what to do, I do know that I dont want to live like this the rest of my life. Please help. It’s really pretty simple………..I do everything!

This feeling inside (stomach turning) will not go away. I became a mother at 20, married at 21 and now feel lost (we’ve been married for 16 yaers). For two years now my husband has worked a shift that runs from 3pm-2am. I’m not sure who he is anymore and when he is “awake” he picks on everything and my oldest especially. We have 3 childen together and I do it all. Work full time, raise the kids and clean…..wait, he does do laundry and dishes once a week. The day we do see him, he is moody, picky and it really is like riding a roller coaster. I’ve told him how I feel and he has refused to get counseling and tells me this is how it is so deal with it. Just when I think I want to leave, the charming side comes out and I change my mind. I do love him and Am just not sure what to do, I do know that I dont want to live like this the rest of my life. Please help.

]]> By: altafhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-18197 altaf Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:09:20 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-18197 I am altaf i am 40 year old,i am cost and manament accountant and working as cheif internal auditor in a textile group.I am serching a sweet hear lady age 50 to 55 year old from europe and USA.I hope i will find my love I am altaf i am 40 year old,i am cost and manament accountant and working as cheif internal auditor in a textile group.I am serching a sweet hear lady age 50 to 55 year old from europe and USA.I hope i will find my love

]]> By: a long journeyhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/11/16/the-married-single-mom/#comment-18123 a long journey Tue, 29 Jun 2010 04:47:38 +0000 http://mssinglemama.com/?p=1406#comment-18123 msn, I am up way too late to be replying to blog posts, but yours really hit me in the face! You are never too old to leave. I have been married for 20 years, the kids I have are 18 and 16. My soon to be "x" and I have been in couples therapy for over 5 years. And guess what, he filed for divorce. Before we were married he prodded me with the question that I needed to decide that this marriage will be for life. He did not believe in divorce. I gave it my all and really did commit. Later after we had 2 children within 14 months, he was tired and decided that he couldn't work a 2nd job, and all the stuff I did while he worked the 2nd job became my ususal "job". I have another job, called income. So, my advice to you, is to look for something to do outside of the house, just to get out of it for a while. Anything works, a walk, talk to a neighbor, just get involved out of his realm. Just get away from the situation for a while helps, it clears your mind. And I know, you will feel more like the person you used to be. remember that person? That's what you gotta get back to. Please do something that used to make u happy, listen to old music, dance like you did back then, and laugh at yourself. that's what I did, plus I got my kids doing that too, and they laughed at all those "80's dances I used to do! It's little steps, to make yourself feel better, eventually you will feel good, feel good about yourself, look at the website, this woman that started it is really all abut trying to feel good about yourself, isn't it? msn,
I am up way too late to be replying to blog posts, but yours really hit me in the face! You are never too old to leave. I have been married for 20 years, the kids I have are 18 and 16. My soon to be “x” and I have been in couples therapy for over 5 years. And guess what, he filed for divorce. Before we were married he prodded me with the question that I needed to decide that this marriage will be for life. He did not believe in divorce. I gave it my all and really did commit. Later after we had 2 children within 14 months, he was tired and decided that he couldn’t work a 2nd job, and all the stuff I did while he worked the 2nd job became my ususal “job”. I have another job, called income. So, my advice to you, is to look for something to do outside of the house, just to get out of it for a while. Anything works, a walk, talk to a neighbor, just get involved out of his realm. Just get away from the situation for a while helps, it clears your mind. And I know, you will feel more like the person you used to be. remember that person? That’s what you gotta get back to. Please do something that used to make u happy, listen to old music, dance like you did back then, and laugh at yourself. that’s what I did, plus I got my kids doing that too, and they laughed at all those “80′s dances I used to do! It’s little steps, to make yourself feel better, eventually you will feel good, feel good about yourself, look at the website, this woman that started it is really all abut trying to feel good about yourself, isn’t it?

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