Benjamin and I went to a dude ranch this weekend.
We started out together.
Then Benjamin demanded to ride by himself. He won over the ranch hand with his powerful persuasion tactics and took the reins.
And here he is, fleeing from me… knowing I was about to haul his butt into the car to head back to the city.
We spent the entire weekend out at Grandma’s… I saw my new dude as well.
He’s convinced – beyond all reason, perhaps – that we are destined for each other. I try to talk him off of the ledge, telling him it’s impossible for us to know anything yet but he’s not budging. He’s there and I’m still here – kind of confused. Trying to identify my emotions like some kind of scientist.
Slow, I tell him – very slowly – “Fall at your own risk.”
Then I let him wrap his arms around my waist, so tightly, and bury my head into his broad chest, trying to believe in a happy ending that involves a man. He runs his hands across my forehead and tells me everything will be fine, just fine. But I’m still unsure…
I’m not sure how it should feel, how I should be feeling. That busy brain of mine won’t stop thinking – overly analytical. He says he can tell when I’m thinking because my eyebrows furrow and I start biting my lips. He watches me constantly when we’re together, unable to take his eyes off of me. It’s so odd to have someone care so much.
But I’m a different woman now. I am a mother. I already have a full-time relationship with someone, not even to mention a full-time job.
More later (not sure when) but stay tuned…