Dude, he’s a natural.

by mssinglemama on October 27, 2008

Benjamin and I went to a dude ranch this weekend.

We started out together.

Then Benjamin demanded to ride by himself. He won over the ranch hand with his powerful persuasion tactics and took the reins.

And here he is, fleeing from me… knowing I was about to haul his butt into the car to head back to the city.

We spent the entire weekend out at Grandma’s… I saw my new dude as well.

He’s convinced – beyond all reason, perhaps – that we are destined for each other. I try to talk him off of the ledge, telling him it’s impossible for us to know anything yet but he’s not budging. He’s there and I’m still here – kind of confused. Trying to identify my emotions like some kind of scientist.

Slow, I tell him – very slowly – “Fall at your own risk.

Then I let him wrap his arms around my waist, so tightly, and bury my head into his broad chest, trying to believe in a happy ending that involves a man. He runs his hands across my forehead and tells me everything will be fine, just fine. But I’m still unsure…

I’m not sure how it should feel, how I should be feeling. That busy brain of mine won’t stop thinking – overly analytical. He says he can tell when I’m thinking because my eyebrows furrow and I start biting my lips. He watches me constantly when we’re together, unable to take his eyes off of me. It’s so odd to have someone care so much.

But I’m a different woman now. I am a mother. I already have a full-time relationship with someone, not even to mention a full-time job.

More later (not sure when) but stay tuned…

Related posts:

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  2. A sweet little reunion.
  3. He’s back.
  4. Oh me, oh my. The sparks are flying.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Wyliekat October 27, 2008 at 7:28 am

It’s worth enjoying, even if you don’t know what happens tomorrow. After being someone who puts all the energy into your relationship – with your child, not to mention the other parent, when the relationship was still on – it’s a balm to your soul to have someone look out for you. Appreciate it, sister. That’s all you can do for now.

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Carolina October 27, 2008 at 7:29 am

I can totally relate to how you feel about your new dude, I’ve been with my wonderful boyfriend for more than two months now and I’m still totally scared of how I feel about him. I’m waiting for something bad to happen!
It’s hard when you have a child, I don’t want to be a total wreck if something happens.
Good luck!

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Cyndi October 27, 2008 at 7:35 am

Give that boy a ribbon! N-man make his horse show lead line debut in February. Giddy-up!

And be careful not to talk yourself out of something wonderful, but I can totally relate!!

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liz October 27, 2008 at 8:19 am

So how is Cabin Man??

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Laura October 27, 2008 at 8:20 am

Go Ben!!! It looks like fun!!

Aw man I really really am sending positive thoughts for you on this one ;)

He sounds so super sweet!

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Leah October 27, 2008 at 11:53 am

Oh my goodness – Benjamin is so cute! I love that little white sweater :)

And I can really relate the challenge in “falling” wholeheartedly. When you have been hurt, and have so much responsibility, it’s natural to want to be cautious and go slow. But in the meantime, I hope you can savor that feeling of being cherished and cared for!

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mssinglemama October 27, 2008 at 3:54 pm

This guy isn’t Cabin Man.

He and I haven’t spoken since our weekend weeks ago… the sparkage just fizzled itself out when I told him I couldn’t drive up there all of the time.

Liz, from now on you shalt be called Ms. Sherlock. : )

Your comments, as usual, are making me feel better about trying. I just seem to focus on all of the logistics first, but on your advice, I’m going to let my emotions take over and see how it fits.

Think I’ll go call Mr. Dude right now actually.

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Anna October 27, 2008 at 4:33 pm

Aww. Good job Benjamin! I was on horse once…was a pleasant experience…we’ll just leave it at that.

And, um, a real live coyboy wants to be part of your picture? Go for it! ;-)

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Anna October 27, 2008 at 4:34 pm

that was supposed to read UNPLEASANT experience…but as usual, I don’t proof read…

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Sara October 28, 2008 at 6:35 am

Be careful! I started dating a guy that seemed wonderful, perfect. All my friends were jealous. He said he knew what he wanted and it was me. I was very hesitant, but he kept pushing for me to open up, let him in. I did, and things did not turn out well. I think when guys move to fast in the emotional realm, you need to keep your guard up. Feelings take time, infatuation is what makes you think your falling, and that can easily go away, especially for a man. Hopefully I’m wrong, I want to be, but this last experience put a very bad taste in my mouth. He turned out to be controlling, selfish and a liar(although he’s convinced he’s not, and it’s me that hurt him). My advice, (not that I really know anything) just proceed with caution, don’t give to much emotionally, if he really cares, he’ll understand and be patient. Someone wise once told me, ‘time will tell’. ;-)

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Shiela October 28, 2008 at 7:05 am

Well, I saw the look in his eye first hand when you looked at you and your absolutely adorable son.I have known your new man since we were 5 years old and I say give it a try. I may be a little bias but he deserves a shot and so do you. Being a single mom myself has definately taught me to be more cautious, but if you don’t take chances you never know what you could be missing out on. Can’t wait to go riding again.

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Denise October 28, 2008 at 8:35 pm

Ah to be wanted cared for adored and yes, fussed over. We say it’s not what we need but fact is yes we do, sometimes. And if it feels good every time, we’ll take that too. Yes, there is a difference between want and need and finally you’re mature enough to manage them both. Hey, it’s our nature to be with. If only for the moment, so long as our child is safe, comfortable and we aren’t on a mission to take care of yet one more thing that has to be done. Then, we are able to receive that kind of energy. And when we’re ready, that’s just the way it is. You’ll do things you never thought, you’ll feel and actually hear words that make you want (again). And if you are strong, you’ll fall only until something unacceptable presents itself. If you aren’t, you be stuck only until you’re strong again. There won’t be anybody’s opinion that makes your decision.
Only what you accept be part of your lives together, you and your son…Dude will provide the next step so long as you allow. Cool to be in control huh? That comes with the single mommy title. Ha! Too, I’ve been told and I believe it to be true, we do have the power to lead from behind.
Really girl, not just a ranch hand. Unwed because I never wanted to be divorced, 36 and Momma. Just recently realized my Lil’ Man, aka “Pup” is 16. It gets better, and worse and always wonderful.
For your contest, I don’t recall teaching him he just did…see I was stressed, run my bath water and light candles for me; since he was like 5 yrs old. That’s a sweet spot. If I taught him or that he simply wanted to do that for me, I know one day he’ll love to care for the people he accepts and makes in his life. As for something I hope he will know I instilled in him when I’m gone…words. I hope I have taught him to express what he feels in words while being respectful of others and himself.

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