He shows up every Tuesday morning to pick up Benjamin.
I gave up asking him about the massive credit card debt of his I had to assume or asking him to help out with Benjamin’s medical bills long ago. Instead I just brief him on Benjamin’s little happenings of the week – he doesn’t know because he never calls. Then I leave for work… a few hours later they take off for my ex’s town, my hometown, about an hour and a half from here. Less than 24 hours later, when I’m at work on Wednesday he brings him back and they spend the afternoon here in my (Benjamin and I’s) house.
Every Wednesday night I take stock of the damage.
Kitchen. Trashed. Living room. Even worse. I don’t even walk up to Benjamin’s room, I always save this for later so as not to send my body and mind into complete convulsions. But it’s just as bad. I’m not completely innocent here – much of the mess in my place is definitely mine. But every Wednesday night instead of coming home to a few dishes put away or maybe a swept floor, I come home with my mess on top of his.
There’s something you should know about me… I’m not a paranoid person. I don’t care that he’s here. I have nothing to hide. In fact, I like it, because I know my son is safe and sound in his home where he belongs. I don’t even mind that my ex helps himself to my coffee and my food.
But today I found evidence that he’s been doing his laundry here… he’s also been using the diapers I buy for Benjamin. Every little bit adds up and I’m not rolling in money. His child support his four percent of my income, it’s enough to cover Benjamin’s health insurance every month and a few groceries.
He can’t give me more because he his broke. But he could at least help me out.
So why am I sitting here feeling bad for this man because he can’t afford to do his own laundry or buy his own groceries? And why is part of me still so petrified of what will happen if I do say something? A fight. A blow out. In front of Benjamin. Something he never has to witness.
And people wonder why I’m so scared of falling in love again. My heart blinded my mind so severely in the past… and I’m still picking up the mess.
On a related note: Will you ever get married again? Take my latest poll.
More posts about my ex:
I’m sorry if yesterday’s post pissed some of you off… I can see why it makes me appear a tad arrogant (I wrote it with a few beers in my system). But I do think single moms are awesome and that I won’t ever apologize for…