Second. Reading this blog makes me feel like I’m reading someone whose obsessed with justifying herself and her mistake which is bringing a child into this world without a cohesive family and/or a father.

I would really like to address some points in this article. They seem very slanted. I just want to shed some light on this and would appreciate if you did not delete me.

I want to address each of your reasons:

“Here’s why single mothers are so appreciated and coveted by men:”

“1. They can already see what kind of mothers we are”

- Most single successful young professionals are not looking for this. There is nothing sexually arousing about this for most men. We are not looking at you getting turned on by the fact your a good mother. This is huge misconception among single mothers. You will have better luck with a single father who can appreciate this quality when he needs a baby sitter etc.

“2. We cook, clean and work”

- So single women without children. But I will admit it’s more pronounced in younger single mothers. This is because they do this while taking care of their children. This behavior stems directly from that. Pleasing their spouse is just an indirect side effect of this. And pleasing and taking care of him will always be secondary to pleasing and taking care of your child.

“3. We’re hot just by our very nature.” and “we do get out to have a fun night – we’re excited to be there, happy, easy to please, low maintenance and comfortable in our own skin”

The first sentence is an unsupported personal opinion which does not even qualify as a generalization. The second is true (I think) – perhaps for the fact single mothers do not get out as much as women without children so when they do, especially if it’s with a decent guy – they are just happy to be out.

“4. Single moms are refreshing.”

This is another unsupported personal opinion which does not qualify as a generalization.

“5. We are caretakers. Men love women who will take care of them when they’re sick and love them unconditionally – basically they love moms. They see this love in how we treat our children and it’s attractive. This is borderline Freudian at times, so just be sure you’re not attracting a guy with a sick mommy complex, but for the most part it can work in our favor.”

See comment 2

Honestly – the facts are most single (child free) quality men are simply not interested in being with single mothers. The child is a burden to dating you. Eventually, as the relationship proceeds we will be expected to gradually take on the role of a step dad. All single mothers claim this is not true – but it is. And it will not be our blood and DNA we are helping to support. It will be another mans offspring. And we will always come second to that other mans offspring. We will ALWAYS be less important and come second in the relationship. The offspring will come first.

I for one did not go to law school to study so hard and sacrifice so much to come second to another mans DNA. That’s not fair to do to myself. Not only that, but in many cases the “type” of guy the single mother choose to reproduce with is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the nice, caring, educated, career driven man many single mothers profess to want today. Ironically the same “type” of man they turned down when they were young, hot, and highly sexually desirable.

Why the sudden switch? The answer is obvious. Many single mothers claim it’s because they “know” themselves and have “learned from experience”. Congratulations. Nonetheless – in many cases the facts are you chose his “type” over my “type” and had his offspring.

If you didn’t want me then, why should you want me now? Again the answer is obvious. And for a good man it’s unfair to do to himself. Congratulations for now coming to your realization – however I will not be stepping in from the back burner.

A fair situation exists when the man has kids of his own. This equalizes the relationship. And if you are in fact a caring, young single mother who enjoys the traditional housewife type role or is simply a very caring person who tends to meet her husbands needs and enjoys pleasing him (and you) both sexually and in addition to the traditional role that is a more ideal situation for both parties.

It may be best for single mothers to focus on single fathers. I think it’s fair to say in general that MOST quality single men without children – including myself – are simply not interested in dating single mothers for a long term commitment leading to marriage. And I think you know this to be true as well.

Thank you.

-Michael

But it's not because "men are simple creatures" (though my 81yo mother would certainly agree with that). I've got news for you. It's because men are human, we're biological entities just like you are. We have needs and we want our progeny to succeed.

You could equally argue that women are "simple" creatures, who want something like (off the top of my head):

1. Strong, intelligently macho – he will protect and nurture the family and be butch out there in the world. Not a wimp. His social status counts more than his looks.
2. A man who'll bring home the bacon that she'll cook. Money talks but not as much as status in the tribe.
3. Be hot, and have sexy arms, apparently – given all the crap on this blog about sexy arms (probably a Freudian displacement for penis LOL).
4. Do not be easily attainable. Be dark and mysterious, be bad, be smart, be popular, and somehow at the same time make her laugh, while not showing that you really need her since that makes you too easy to get. What a combination! Did James Dean even manage this? (Why the f*ck do we have to be mysterious dark bad comedians?)
5. Be what Daddy should have been. Be a good caregiver who can share the child raising load: "I love the smell of dirty nappies in the morning" ( Be the silent type and she will project all her unresolved Daddy problems on you, which can go either way let me tell you – watch out LOL!)

Ty

2. Many childless women cook, clean and work.

3. Many childless women are hot.

4. Childless women can be refreshing, depending on who you meet.

5. Childless women can be caretaker in their personality

I guess what I’m saying is that it depends. Whether you have a child or not doesn’t matter.

Granted, a woman with a child bears more chance to have those characteristics due to her particular situation. On the other hand, in doesn’t outweigh the HUGE responsability that comes with being with a girl and the child of someone else.

You sound like someone who desperatly wants to sound cool and hot and unique on the dating scene. That’s something I usually see from 19 years old chicks.

At one point, you’re gonna have to accept the fact that you have a child and that it doesn’t make you “better” for men. This isn’t Jerry McGuire. Living with another’s man child is extremly tough, even if you love both the girl and the child.

Not admitting that, is not respecting the importance of your child. It’s lying to yourself because you know deep down that your status is not as simple as childless women. And, it’s not respecting the next man that will enter your life because you won’t be able to empathize with the inevitable mixed feelings that come with being with you and your child.

Basically, you won’t be respecting anyone cuz you’ll be too busy living in denial, thinking you’re the greatest thing ever cuz you have a child.

Please help me. I want to date my co-worker , a 30-year-old single mother with 4 boys age ranging from 8-15. I have very limited dating experience. I have never been in any serious relationship before. I have been living alone for many years. Is this thing too risky or something I am not able to handle?

I really like her. I haven’t met the kids yet. I just couldn’t imagine how life would be if I live under the same roof with 4 teenagers. I keep asking myself: Is my heart big enough to put up with 4 boys? Are they nasty, not good looking, annoying, lazy,dirty,irresponsible, or trouble makers? I was school bus driver before. I don’t know if my affection with the mom is strong enough to pull this thing off. I am not a young guy any more. Should I meet the kids as soon as possible or I have to take the risk and test my mental strength?

Please offer your advices. I appreciate.

I just wanted to say that our generation is lucky. My own mother had to deal with that single mom = slut attitude. While I have met my share of those men, I have never really run into a shortage of REAL men. My standards are high and I am very selective/protective of my family. In this world women are allowed to be mothers and women too. Which makes being confident and sexy more acceptable.

The only danger I see in this article is that it does not make a man and woman equal. It states that she will take care of him. Most single mothers I know do NOT want another whining needy person in their lives and I EXPECT a man to be able to take care of himself.

For the prudes who think a woman should just shrivel up and die because she is a mother…..C’mon.

And thanks Jim for giving an honest male opinion.