A kink in the plans…

by mssinglemama on October 20, 2008

My self-imposed man cleanse has been sublime.

But this weekend a man held my eyes with his.

I swear he actually held them. It sounds so ridiculous doesn’t it? But the rest of the world vanished and for a moment this wild spirit of mine was completely still.

Now I’m standing over the edge of the rabbit hole. I don’t want to fall in, but I don’t have to fall. Right? I could just climb in… slowly. Actually, as a single mom, I can’t let myself fall in head first. I have to proceed with caution. I want to tell you about him. I do. But not yet… I’m going to keep this one to myself for the time being. Besides I’m at a total loss for words.

I just didn’t think a man could do that. I really didn’t. Now the big question is – will I give him the chance to do it again or keep this heart of mine right where it is.

Hello Chesire. Nice to see you again – it’s been a while.

UPDATE: Thanks to a very good point made my Single Working Mommy in the comments, I think it’s definitely fair to say my “Man Cleanse” isn’t working. See my comments for more explanation.

Back up reading:

Related posts:

  1. A smudge in the plans.
  2. A love song?

{ 3 trackbacks }

The Rabbit Hole
November 2, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Pleased to meet you.
November 7, 2008 at 6:52 am
The Rabbit Hole | better-dating.org
November 8, 2008 at 4:39 am

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Leah October 20, 2008 at 8:15 pm

Self imposed man cleanse. I love it. Can’t say I’ve been there although it would probably be healthy (secretly I always seem to want those “toxins.”)

Enjoy the perma-grin and keep this one to yourself as long as you need to. :)

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Laura October 20, 2008 at 8:37 pm

My self imposed man cleanse is NOT going well! It seems not only is it self imposed but universe imposed too!!!

But this story sounds like it could be pretty amazing!!!!!

So ENJOY it and hopefully we get to here about it soon!!

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Tricia October 20, 2008 at 8:52 pm

Lucky.

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Dawn October 21, 2008 at 5:51 am

Thwap woman! You need to let go a little bit, cautiously of course, but let go. What can it hurt??(Dont answer that because I’m sure you will come up with something)

….OH YEAH…ANSWER MY DAMNED DIRECT MESSAGE ON TWITTER dangit! LOL

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Katherine (SOLO dot MOM) October 21, 2008 at 5:54 am

Isn’t the hope for that special someone…just so wonderful.

‘Hope’ this is that magic finally happening… keep it all yours for awhile… but let us know when you can ;)

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Jolene October 21, 2008 at 6:07 am

I totally understand where you are coming from however I am a little newer to this life then you. The ink on the divorce papers is not even dry and I have told myself throughout this all that I was going to work on healing myself and not care about men and just do this by myself and before I knew it here I am… falling hard and fast….. and all my caustions have flown right out the window. People have told me to go at it alone for a while, to be ok with being alone…. and then when I least expected it someone special would come into my life…. but now what…. someone special is here… do I push him away because of the timing or do I follow my heart? Heart or Head?

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Ms. Single Mama October 21, 2008 at 6:37 am

Jolene:

Heart and head – use them both.

I had a boyfriend before my divorce papers was even final. It didn’t last longer than a few months but I had an amazing time – it was just what I needed at the time. But I used my head as well.

Date him! Enjoy him! This DOES not mean you have to marry him. Just relax…

Use your head by keeping his time with the kids to a bare minimum.

It’s been over two years since my separation – two years people. And I have yet to really give myself over to someone. But that’s okay – I love being single, I absolutely love it. It’s smart actually, protective – it’s that mama bear inside of me.

So the man I do choose is going to have to be exceptional.

Everyone should follow their guts, just keep the kids and yourselves protected in the meantime. That’s the fine balance we walk as single mothers.

Thanks everyone for your comments… and for understanding.

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SingleParentDad October 21, 2008 at 8:35 am

Jealous.

Very, of him. A reluctant smidge, of you.

You deserve the extra happiness a relationship can bring.

You’ll make the right call, you’re not daft.

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Beth October 21, 2008 at 8:38 am

I can TOTALLY relate… Whenever I find myself feeling this way, too much, too soon, I remind myself about the biophysical aspects of “love” and infatuation. You know, the dopamine, norepinephrine, phenyl ethylamine, oxytocin, etc. that make us feel that high, euphoric rush whenever we are around that special someone, and make it impossible to spend twenty minutes without having this person pop into our thoughts, at least once. When I remind myself that this intense feeling could be just a chemical reaction in my brain (it’s kind of a buzz-kill if you think about it) I can usually bring myself down to reality, for the time being. Somewhat.

Yep. I’m right there with you. :-)

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singleworkingmommy October 21, 2008 at 10:24 am

OK, I’m going to be super blunt here, because, well, I’m pretty blunt IRL, so I might as well do it here.

You often say that you are swearing off men, but yet, you seem to have at least one of them in your life at one time or another.

From what I can tell, we’ve heard about Kris, the Dane, Cabin Guy, now this guy in the past six months or so (my timing might be somewhat off here).

I don’t say this to be mean or cruel, but I’m wondering. Have you really sworn off men? Or does it make you feel better to say it when you are man-less? By that I mean, “It’s not that I can’t find someone, it’s that I’ve sworn.off.men!”

Or maybe by saying that you’ve sworn off men you are constantly putting this hurdle in your way of trying to find true love.

“But I’ve sworn off men! This shouldn’t happen!” Thus creating this drama in your life that doesn’t necessarily have to be there.

Just sayin’.

At any rate, this new development does sound pretty exciting.

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pisceshanna October 21, 2008 at 10:57 am

Guys still do that? Maybe I should start making eye contact on the street again.

GO you! Your life is never dull :P

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Ms. Single Mama October 21, 2008 at 11:24 am

SWM:

This is a really good point – and I’m so glad you raised it. But in blog world, things are blown up a bit. The Dane for example, we talked on the phone maybe once or twice between May and my visit in August. The Cabin Man – same thing. So to me, my dating these men or keeping them on the back burner, isn’t really a relationship at all. And I know, they are not in the forefront of my mind every day at all. They’re an after thought.

So I, technically, haven’t been “manless” because yes, I do have a lot of suitors. (ha!) But, in my mind, I haven’t been emotionally investing in any of them.

Is that standing in the way of me finding someone? Most definitely. It’s a conscious choice. I know myself. And I am an impulsive person. So by taking these flings to the back burner mentally, it helps me to keep everything else straight in my head.

And remember, this blog highlights my dating life – which in reality, is just a sliver of my day to day life. You know? But this is a really good point. I think if I were really on a man cleanse I’d have to hide out in my home – because apparently they’re all over the damn place.

Pisces – never dull, that’s for sure. Maybe I should go live in a cave. Ha! I just love men I suppose…

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littlemansmom October 21, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Swear off men…..naaaaaaaaaaaa…cleanse only as needed. Perhaps your cleanse does not need to be lengthy, but just momentary in order to give yourself an eyeopener of what you are really looking for/at/towards.

Peek over that edge, smile back at the Chesire and remember, YOU are Alice…and that means this is a world of YOUR making….it’s under YOUR control…..

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liv October 21, 2008 at 1:51 pm

this reminds me of when loretta lynn sings, “mississippi man got me losin’ mah mind, got to have your lovin’ a’ one more time…”

no, i don’t know why. but it does.

oof. those rugged guys. mine will be in a deer stand in about 40 minutes… hunt til dark, bag mama her dinner.

mmmph!

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Cyndi October 21, 2008 at 2:35 pm

My “self imposed man cleanse” stems primarily from the fact that now I assume anyone with a penis who wants to talk to me is a child molester!

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Leah October 21, 2008 at 3:43 pm

MSM you will have to tell me your secret. You are gorgeous so it’s probably self-evident… but how the heck do you meet guys? Have you blogged about this somewhere? :)

xoxo
L

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LTP October 21, 2008 at 6:11 pm

I think as long as you are not getting over someone–as I have been and seem trouble truly being over it–then go ahead and explore, date, whatever. I think where it gets tricky is when you are NOT over someone and you try–and then you make a complete fool of yourself while spending the wknd with the new guy and can’t stop talking about the old one! If anyone needs a man-cleanse, it’s me….but I just got a new job and a relocation will be happening shortly as well….maybe just the thing that I need. Good luck….can’t wait for the details!

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mssinglemama October 21, 2008 at 8:45 pm

Cyndi – say what? I hope you’re kidding! Yikes!!!

Leah – secret? I think you’ll find it here:

http://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/01/want-men-to-start-falling-from-the-sky/

and I’m also happy. Men are attracted to happiness I think and confidence. Believe it or not, men are less into looks than many of us believe… they’re very simple creatures.

LTP: Oh! No way, I must catch up on your e-mails and blog. (Sorry I’ve been so out of touch). SO very busy – and that goes for all of you… if I don’t respond to your e-mails, know that I will – I’m just so very slammed with life and work right now.

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Nicole October 25, 2008 at 6:09 pm

Give him a chance!

I did and as cautious and slowly as things had to proceed, I’m so glad they happened.

:)

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