How Do I Get Over My Ex?

by mssinglemama on October 15, 2008

Ask and you shall receive.

Here’s the first question. A few days ago I discovered askejean.com and was inspired (but she answered her questions in less than one minute). Bear with me… because this shit ain’t easy.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather 10.15.08 at 7:46 pm: I like this idea a lot.

Also want to add that I just read you dating tips (pt1 & 2), and they were completely amazing. Several of them really touched base with what I’m going through right now.

The timing was perfect for me discovering this blog. Just perfect.
mssinglemama 10.15.08 at 8:05 pm: Thank you so much Heather! Read your comment just in time because I was just feeling like such a whopping dork for doing this - but - hey - we’re girls!
Laura 10.15.08 at 8:18 pm: I LOVE THIS!!!!

Its such an awesome idea! And some really really great advise!
Jim Everson (Depot Dad) 10.15.08 at 10:18 pm: This is absolutely NOT dorky. This is very good advice delivered in a very personal way. When it comes to matters of the heart, it is always better to hear another person’s voice and see their face. Your respectful and sympathetic tone are as helpful as the advice you provide. Don’t stop doing these, Ms. Single Mama.
CME 10.16.08 at 9:36 am: This was AWESOME…I’m six months in and needed to hear this today. I love your blog…you rock!
LTP 10.16.08 at 11:33 am: I love that you are doing this! It’s great to read your blog but so nice to put a voice with your face plus you always sound so sincere, which I think is really important. Even though none of us (or few of us) actually know you, you seem heartfelt.

As for the advice, if you read the “novel” I emailed to you the other day, I don’t think everyone needs that “me time”. Of course, I could be completely wrong and I would be lying if I said I didn’t still miss the ex-boyfriend just a little….but being involved with something new is fun and it takes my mind off the ex + daily stresses. Time will tell. Thanks!
Random Esquire 10.16.08 at 12:33 pm: This was a really nice thing to see. I think your advice was spot on for anyone going through a break-up, though, as you said, the added difficulty being a single parent is the continued visits with the ex, for better or for worse.

Your first suggestion was, I think, such a very good dose of truth and reality. There is not a quick fix to a situation like this and the acceptance of that - and the acceptance that it is okay for this to take time - is really such a great piece of advice to begin with.

Bravo to this - it’s a very nice, personal touch.

-R.
liv 10.16.08 at 2:50 pm: my divorce lawyer is fond of saying that there is a thing called “the stink of divorce”—that there is that necessary period where you’re such a basketcase that it would be impossible to be healthy in a relationship. i wholeheartedly agree. time is really what cures. good advice.
Leslie 10.16.08 at 5:43 pm: Aw I love getting to see your smiling face! Keep up the video messges, it’s such a powerful way to share
Leah 10.16.08 at 8:29 pm: You are fabulous, MSM, and beautiful inside and out. How I wish I had read this post when I was newly separated. I had to make TONS of mistakes to get to the point where I totally agree with your wise advice.

It can be THE HARDEST THING to not go out and try to forget your ex by finding someone new.

I guess I am luckier than some of you because I don’t see my ex at all. Being a 24/7 single mama has its own challenges, but it is enormously easier to heal when you don’t have to see them all the time. That being said, it has made healing more difficult.

Anyway, I didn’t mean for this to be a tome about me. Thanks again for offering this advice from your experience and your heart and I know it will help a lot of women.
Wyliekat 10.21.08 at 1:31 pm: Now I get to be the freak in the room. I took much less than a year to get over my ex. After eight years and one child, I kept thinking that I shouldn’t have gotten over him so quickly. There are a lot of reasons why I did, some external, some internal, but it’s caused people to look at me and my now partner askance. Because I can’t possibly feel better already, can I? It’s only been a year and a half.

I mean, I know there will always be moments where I have low points, or I have to chew on some new nugget of discomfort (sorry, that was gross) brought on by circumstance. But the bottomless well of agony and the hopeless sense of betrayal? That’s gone. It went away after three months - after my daughter and I moved out of the family home.

(BTW, just found your site - there are simply not enough of us divorced parents talking about the experience in the blogosphere, methinks. Glad to have found you!)