Flip. Flop. Flip.

by mssinglemama on September 17, 2008

You’re not going to believe this…

When my ex picked Benjamin up this morning, I told him again how attached Benjamin has been to him lately, asking about him all of the time. I do this because I want him to know how much he is needed and loved. For some reason, I think it helps… and then I said, “If you move to Chicago it would be really, really hard on him.”

“I’m not moving,” he said, “I never said I was moving. I was just asking you what you thought about that.”


And that, my dear readers, was my marriage in a nutshell. He would say something, change his mind and then tell me I had misunderstood him. I would sit there for days, like I am now, scratching my head, bewildered and feeling guilty for overreacting. The victim of some kind of twisted mind trick – or am I the victim of my own mind?

Perhaps, one could argue, I should know him better by now. And, for now at least, it looks like Daddy isn’t going anywhere…

For the first piece to this puzzle, read “When is Daddy Going to Bail?”

And I’m in a man-hating mood today (can you blame me?) and just found this book, “Are Men Necessary,” by Maureen Dowd. I love her writing and may have to check it out. Or at least put it on my night stand for a while – may make me feel better. It’s only $6.99 on Amazon. Has anyone read it?

If you’re bored check this out: an old post I wrote on a fantastic article about men and identifying their types:

»What do jerks and shoes have in common?

P.S. My online dating how to for the single parent is on it’s way… on hold because it’s going to be quite a piece. Hopefully a guiding light to navigate this crazy online dating mess.

{ 1 trackback }

September 22, 2008 at 7:49 am

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Mike September 17, 2008 at 2:27 pm

I got to tell you that if you haven’t figured it out yet, men for the most part are stupid. Especially when it comes to relating to women. Especially when it comes to women we were married to before.

Thankfully you had great intentions for your son and he “hopefully” will recongnize that sooner or later. Good luck, your going to need it…


SingleParentDad September 17, 2008 at 2:47 pm

That’s good news though, on two counts.

1) His daddy will still be around, and 2) You’re still not with him!

My sister has just divorced her now ex-h, for, amongst other reasons, the very same thing.

Must be a trait in men.

Get the book!!!


Pawan February 4, 2015 at 2:38 am

Well put, sir, well put. I’ll ceiartnly make note of that.


Savored Life September 17, 2008 at 10:17 pm

My mom gave me a book for Christmas that was spot-on in describing and identifying the different types of guys we date (or for many of us, date & marry). “Been there, done that, Kept the Jewelry” by Cooper Lawrence. Funny too! :O)


Patricia September 17, 2008 at 11:52 pm

Oh, Alaina, since I don’t have contact w. her Dad, I don’t have interaction to spur the man-hating and head-scratching. But, I find myself there today.

Maybe your readers can weigh in on my post, too. It has me like feeling like a dog chasing its tail.



Treemama September 18, 2008 at 5:42 am

UGGH! So familiar. I spent so many years trying to figure out if it was me who was crazy.

All that worry for nothing.

You rock Mama, and that’s one less battle you guys have to face.


mssinglemama September 18, 2008 at 7:10 am

Thanks everyone!

I love SPD’s #2 the best – at least I’m not married to him anymore! And yes, one less thing to worry about… for now. But I still know he’ll leave one day. One step at a time and I’ll be hoping for the best.

My little man is at grandma’s because the power is still out at home and day care. KILLING me… miss him so much right now.

Patricia – I’ll be over to check out that post!


Kitkat4real (SOLO dot MOM) September 18, 2008 at 7:44 am

Looking forward to the “guiding light.” I can use any help I can get, apparently!

No I don’t think you overreacted. I think he changed his mind and like you said, wanted you to think you are just crazy 🙂

just me… and what do I know about men? not much, apparently.


littlemansmom September 18, 2008 at 7:53 am

First of all…I don’t think you are a victim of your own mind, I think you are a responsible and level headed mother! Your concerns about your X moving had nothing to do with what YOU wanted, it had to do with how Benjamin might feel/react about it. Cut yourself some slack sweetheart!

As for the “I’m not moving,” he said, “I never said I was moving. I was just asking you what you thought about that.” …it’s called not following through. If I’ve learned anything from my ex, it’s that he always talked big talk, but rarely followed through…I thing he talked the talk because it made HIM feel important to HIMSELF! LOL….


Laura September 18, 2008 at 10:27 am

Oh lol at your ex – you could have described mine! He was also rumbling about moving to Australia and then it was as if he never said it – ever!

Its good though he is staying – well good for his son!!!

I am in a weird man mood – not sure if I love them or hate them!!!


jonb September 18, 2008 at 11:23 am

I think men will mention htings liek this, or blurt htings out on the spur of the moment. Then, once we look int things it is either unfeasible or a bad idea. Then, rather than admit they are wrong or accept the reality, they will boost their ego by attacking you, a little bait and switch they play on themselves. “I didn’t SAY I was moving, just thinking of it.” To me, I wonder if he didn;t get the job and is pissed about it, so he lashed out at you.


April September 18, 2008 at 12:57 pm

I think I’ll have to add that book to my reading list.


cheryl September 18, 2008 at 7:12 pm

I found you on Twitter and I’m now enjoying your blog. I’ve been a single Mom for over 7 years, raising 5 children alone.
You’re awesome!!


single mommy September 18, 2008 at 7:50 pm

Are your X and mine cousins or what?! I try calling him on it when he does this but it’s pointless.


J-MA October 3, 2008 at 5:39 pm

hahaha @ jonb’s comment! So true!

And go you cheryl – 5 children on your own is amazing!
I with my little girl, often think it’s hard doing it on your own.. with just 1, but 5??? hat of too you 😉

i often think the same thing.. not with my daughters father (we don’t keep in contact – Maddie’s never met him + vice versa.. long story.. another post) but the men that i’ve dated.. i often think myself ‘Am i crazy?’ maybe i’ve overreacted, i should apologise’! But at the end of the day i’ve come to think that it’s natural, coz my girlfriends do this .. as well as other mothers/women that i know.. It’s just the way our brains are.. we think of EVERYTHING.. being a mother you change……….. they dont


Kajal January 29, 2015 at 3:44 am

در 7:39 pmhasan میگوید:man be dohkatr hamsayamun alaghe daram ama ihsun asan be man mahal nemsihe engar ke mano nemibine kheili narahatam nemidunam chejuri tavajohesho jalb konamhame chi ye tarafas


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