This is for the guys.
The men who have fallen madly and crazy in love with a single mom need our help. Time and time again I get e-mails from men telling me devastating stories of how their single mom, the love of their life, is still tied to her ex emotionally. They find this out when it’s too late… after they’ve fallen hard. And sometimes I’m the one to break the bad news to them after putting two and two together.
Take Jon B. for example. Many of you know him from his active commenting on this blog… and for months now he’s been sharing beautiful comments about how he fell so hard for his single mom and her son. And now he’s discovered in the aftermath of their split that she’s still pining for her ex. Read about it here.
So how can men like Jon find out if a single mom is still attached to her ex before they fall head over heals for her? What can they do to help her along the way? Is there hope that she’ll move on?
Here are the signs I’d watch out for:
- Calling the ex frequently – more than once a day, and without clear reason.
- Talking about the ex too frequently.
- She clams up with you after she’s seen him, unable to be physically relaxed or she just blows you off all together.
Single moms, does any of this sound familiar? Are there any other signs? Are you still obsessed with your ex? If so, what are your steps toward forgetting about him?
I know it’s not easy. Because, unlike the childless, our ex is the father of our children – and that opens up an entirely new chapter in the break up book.
My advice to forget about the ex:
- Move on. Get back out there and start dating. There are so many amazing men waiting to treat you like you deserve to be treated. It will put things into perspective.
- Get in touch with your old single self again. What makes you, you? Do more of the things you love or discover new hobbies.
- Put those old pictures away. Don’t trash them – the kids will want them, but get them out of your house – maybe grandma’s.
- Surround yourself with a support network of real friends, ideally other single parents. Find someone you can call when you’re crying.
- If you must, make a list of why you left him. Read it every time you’re wishing you were still together. [Hide this one from the kids]
Again, anything to add? Please share your thoughts. Inquiring minds, namely men who love us and other single moms who have yet to forget about their ex-man, want to know…