A fairy tale ending?

by mssinglemama on September 11, 2008

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…
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It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they wouldn’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit, damn it. 

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that. 

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. Yes. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. Screw this. God, what can I do? There’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…

It’s only a matter of time…

(Part 2 of my single mom fairy tale and my date last night will have to wait. You’ll understand why I hope, that I can’t think about anything else right now because tonight Benjamin’s father told me he is going to move away.)

There is something I know with every inch of my body, in my gut, in my heart and in my mind. I know that one day my ex-husband will leave… he will disappear from Benjamin’s life. I’ve known it since the day I left him and the weeks that followed without a phone call checking on Benjamin or a visit. My heart broke into a million pieces over and over and over again when his father just wasn’t there – ever. 

And then he started showing up – for his two days each week with Benjamin – like clock work. But still, no phone calls during the week to check up on him, no visits outside of his 36 hours. Nothing. 

My ex-husband is from Canada. We got married so he could get his Green Card (I know I shouldn’t disclose this, but I don’t give a damn because the INS can kick him out of the country for all I care). But they won’t. We were in love. We had a child. It was legit.

So the question hanging in my mind has always been, when is he going to bail? I know when the day comes it will be sudden. Maybe a phone call, “I’m coming by to see Benjamin today because I’m leaving tomorrow.” Something to that effect.

Tonight when I got home from work his father told me, “I think I will be moving to Chicago.” 

Just like that.

No conversation, no “I have something important to tell you.” Nope. Nothing surrounded the sentence, no mention of Benjamin or when he would see him. Chicago is six hours away from here. 

“Oh, really?” I ask calmly. “Why?”

“My company has a great job for me there, I’ll make twice as much as I make now.”

“What about Benjamin?”

“Yeah. That sucks… but I won’t be able to make any money here. I will be stuck here for five years and never make more money.” Coat that sentence in his thick French accent, I corrected his English liberally. This by the way is complete and utter bull shit. We live in a big city, his father could easily move here and do just fine. 

He goes on to tell me he’s not sure when it will happen, six months from now or maybe less. He can’t be sure. 

Oh, and keep in mind, he’s said nothing of these plans to the SINGLE MOM he’s LIVING with or her six-year-old son. My mama bear instincts are raging in this moment, I am FURIOUS. My heart is breaking again – not for myself – but for Benjamin. For my sweet, adorable little boy who has a father who could care less about seeing him or being in his life. 

It will happen. He will disappear one day. I just want it too happen sooner rather than later. To happen now, when Benjamin is only two and a half, not when he’s three and completely understands. Even now it would be impossibly hard to explain. Benjamin still asks for his father every day. One morning he woke up and just started crying, “Daddy gone, mommy. Daddy gone.” Woke up crying. He says this phrase often – at least once a day.

Yes. Daddy will be gone one day and I can’t wait. ENOUGH. I want him out of our lives. Maybe I should move to Alaska. He wouldn’t follow us there. Or Portland. Or Montana, I’ve always dreamt of living in Montana. This is where my mind is – how can I protect my son from his father? Aside from moving there’s nothing I can do. I can only sit here and wait… wondering when he’s going to vanish and wondering how I will wipe the pain away for Benjamin. 

If you aren’t too familiar with my ex-husband you might want to read this horrifying tale.

Again, I’m sorry to leave you hanging about the date. Tomorrow…
Favorite Web Spots

Single Mamas

Single Papas

This site designed and created by:

Part 2 of A Muddy Single Mom, a Fairy Tale

Sydney’s curse happened just one day after I’d taken Benjamin to the book store.

If you follow me on Twitter you may have noticed my choice of the book store over the library, “Going to Barnes and Noble… books, trains AND cute men… ” The Twitter fairies went to work and when Benjamin and I walked back to the Thomas train table I saw a dark-haired, very adorable dad.

I thought I’d turn the corner and see his wife. But no, he was alone with his three-year-old son. I checked out his hands, no ring. And all of this talking. He definitely seemed interested. But you never know. So how does one say, “I’m a single parent.” He worked it in by telling me about the house he’d just bought, “it’s small but that’s okay because it’s just the two of us.”

“Oh! You’re a single dad?” I said, “I’m a single mom!”

And as always, it was so incredible to just sit there and talk to another single parent. We spent an hour chit chatting while the boys played with Thomas and then it was time to leave. The kids were protesting, of course, and in what would have been an awkward moment for any childless man – we both just scooped up our screaming toddlers and walked out together.

“This is SO nice,” I said over Benjamin’s howl of despair, “to have two screaming kids instead of one. Makes it a lot easier.”

We were both laughing. The kids quieted down when we stopped to say good-bye at the exit.

“So, this is completely out of character for me,” he said, “but I’d love to hang out with you sometime. Can I give you my number?”

I got nervous. My brain fast-forwarding to the part when I tell him I can’t date him. To the part when I crush him.

“Yeah, I’d love to… I can always use more single parent friends.”

Note the word “friend.” Just in case. I have a major guilt complex. I think it’s because every boy rejected me in junior high. I was the girl at the dance who would stand up against the wall – alone – the ENTIRE time. For two years it was like that (until my parents yanked me out of that awful school). So, to this day, I can’t stand the idea of rejecting people when they’re brave enough to ask me out.

Usually it’s me doing the asking – if you haven’t read my post on How to Pick Up Men, get over there. Crucial advice for the dating single mom. 

I called him a few days later and we set up plans for last night.

I was nervous. It was incredibly pleasant but alas, no love connection. I’m not sure if he felt the same way, but I told him I thought we should just be friends. And I meant it. Benjamin needs a guy friend and I can always use more single parent friends – seriously, can’t have enough.

What a fluke it was to meet a man at Barnes and Noble. My daydream of meeting a charming guy at a book store finally came true… but all of that time and effort for no spark. Meeting men in the flesh isn’t easy. Very possible, yes, but I’m thinking it’s time to jump online again. The first time I tried online dating, over one year ago, I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I wasted a lot of money. (E-Harmony by the way – is a scam). 

But now I’m older, wiser and ready to shop for a man.

Why not? Mr. Right Now is never going to become Mr. Right. And if Sydney’s fairy tale curse is destined to come true, at least I can say I tried. Either that or I’ll get so sick of dating that bowl of muddy soup will sound more appealing than a man. 

To be continued… (yes, again)

Next up – the Top 5 Online Dating Sites and steps on how to date online as a single parent.

In the meantime which online dating sites have you tried? Any success?

{ 1 trackback }

The muddy single mom, a fairy tale.
December 16, 2008 at 11:24 pm

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole September 11, 2008 at 9:29 pm

A cute intelligent man is a terrible thing to waste, but to date without sparking is a terrible waste of time.
You definitely did the right thing, and at least there’s hope for meeting a Mr. Barnes and Noble with a spark.
This time was just good practice 😛

As for the dating sites I’m going to give plentyoffish.com two big thumbs down, and okcupid.com is still up in the air. It gets an a-OK for now if only because the tests give me something to do when I’m bored…
A few of my friends have met “the loves of their lives” on plentyoffish but in my experience most of the men on there are creeps…

Reply

jonb September 12, 2008 at 4:35 am

Alaina,
My small bit of advice is to just not worry about men at all. It’s easier said than done. But I know my best relationships happen when I am not looking. I think if you are conciously in the market for a man, you may see htings you want to see, or attract the wrong kind of person. My three loves to this point came from working at pizza hut, talking with friends after kickball at the bar, and when I stopped by a friends place. All three times I was not actively looking.

I know how you feel though. I love the ladies, I have to say. Something about the opposite sex just makes you smile.

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Ms. Single Mama September 12, 2008 at 4:54 am

I hear you Jon, remember this post:

http://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/01/want-men-to-start-falling-from-the-sky/

That’s why I might have a chance out there right now because I could care less if one of them actually pans out. I mean I care, but it wouldn’t rule my world, you know? I don’t even know HOW I’m going to have time to actually do this – so may just be a pipe dream at this point. I might just get on there and scout around. But online dating really is a good option for us single parents… in addition to meeting people in the flesh.

Thanks for the heads up on OkCupid and PlentyofFish

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Amy Nathan September 12, 2008 at 4:56 am

I’ve done a lot of dating in the past 6 years of being single…how do you know if there wouldn’t be chemistry eventually? I mean if it’s not there it’s not there, but to write him off as “just a friend” after several hours seems like you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face. No? Of course if you really do become friends then you can see if anything happens. And if not, then you’ve got a friend (I hear music…)

A friend of mine was single into her 30’s and was always looking for fireworks. She had such a good time with this one man and kept asking me if she should continue dating him. DUH. No brainer. She didn’t think it a waste of time – she laughed all the time when she was with him. They had so much in common. And though the sparks didn’t fly — they did grow. They are now madly in love – married – with a baby.

Just something to chew on folks.

And believe me, I’m totally a skeptic when it comes to men and love.

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Pathan February 4, 2015 at 6:14 am

It really denpeds more on your venus and moon sign. I don’t really have a problem with intimacy, since I have a moon in scorpio, but I also don’t like clingy women. I like strong, independent women, that know what they like. Besides that, since Aquarius is an air sign, were often thought to be aloof and distant, not because we don’t like relationships, it’s just that most of us are uncomfortable with opening up our feelings, since we operate on a more intellect level.

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Kitkat4real (SOLO dot MOM) September 12, 2008 at 6:01 am

I’m with Amy, although I do enjoy feeling the sparks when you first meet someone. That has happened in the past… yet here I am still single after being separated and divorced since 2003. So sparks don’t get you to the finish line, obviously. They do however, help keep your interest. But in agreement with Amy, I do think that guys as friends can grow into something more… only you know your heart, so giving up on B&N so soon is a going with your gut thing.

Now online dating, I have tried E-Harmony, Match, American Singles, Singlesnet, and more than I can even remember over these last three and a half years when I started dating again. Lately I have tried PlentyofFish and the verdict is still out on this free site. There are many cons to online dating… and I have many many stories, but, glutton for punishment or not, I am back at it again: filtering and a bit wiser for the wear.

Keep us posted…. I know you will. Love your blog.

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mssinglemama September 12, 2008 at 7:49 am

Amy – you’re right. That’s a really, really good point. And it wasn’t a waste of time – shouldn’t have put it that way because I really did enjoy his company. We shall see… you never know. And I am definitely going to hang out with him again soon. We already have plans for another concert in October.

But that is a really important point and I’m glad you made it. Nice addition to this post.

Kit Kat … thanks you sweetie! Keep us posted on POF

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April September 12, 2008 at 9:32 am

I hated online dating. HATED it. I need that personal connection. Unfortunately, rather hard to get when your life is work and being a mom. I guess we should go to a book store this weekend! Does this work with older kids?

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pisceshanna September 12, 2008 at 9:39 am

I’ve met a few guys on POF who seem cool. Never met anyone in person, but have chatted extensively. I think I need to get the guts to call someone already.

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debra September 12, 2008 at 11:03 am

I met an AMAZING guy within 5 minutes of being on plenty of fish, we’ve only been seeing each other for about 3 weeks, but so far, he is the most compatible person I’ve met online or in person. However, within a week, I pulled my profile down, seemed like lots more creepy guys with nothing in particular to say who just wanted to chat/IM. I’ve had the most success with Match, but have taken a break from all of them now.

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Kim September 12, 2008 at 6:50 pm

I’ve been on Match since late June and I’m having a ball! When I share my 2 cents worth about online dating I always tell people to be yourself, be honest, and just have fun! I’ve heard stories of women (and men) who don’t get any “hits” using their real age, so they lower their age and post older pictures. They ‘fess up on the first date, but that really p*sses me off. How dare someone start a relationship based on lies and deceit! Haven’t most of us had enough of that already? Dating is so better for me at 50 than it was at 20: I’m not looking for my life partner (but I won’t turn him away if he appears), I’m much more self-confident, so I *really* enjoy flirting, and I’m very up-front about only wanting to date casually, make new friends and hang out. If I feel a guy is leaning toward sex, I make it very clear pronto that I’m not looking for that right now. No drama, no expectations, and no commitments. And certainly no STDs! :o) I’ve met a few guys who weren’t my match, but most of them have been really great. Maybe my results are not typical, but I highly recommend giving it a try. Use common sense, meet only in public places, and be careful. Oh, I recently heard about a site where you can plug in a guy’s name and see if any women have posted bad experiences about him: http://www.womansavers.com. They claim to have millions of members, and while it’s probably a crap shoot to find a guy on there that you’re seeing, it still makes sense to have a site like that.

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Jaclyn September 13, 2008 at 6:13 am

I’ve tried Yahoo Personals ($24 a month). I was 25 at the time, so I didn’t really get any matches of guys my age that weren’t looking for “hook ups” or were at my emotional and mental level.

However, I’ve been dating a man 6 years older than me going on 2 years now. He’s really great and I’m very happy and my daughter loves his “creepy voices” (he’ll play Barbies with us and does a terrible ‘girl’ voice).

I wasn’t looking for anything but casual, and with him, we were both looking for a friend that had undergone a nasty divorce…a friend to commisserate with, someone who understood.

He posted a bad, and older, pic of himself because it was the most recent he had. He looked much heavier in the picture. When I met him, I immediately thought “He’s so hot. Why did he post such a bad picture?” and from then, the date got better, etc.

I’d like to say that I’m not your typical girl, I am definitely insecure, and I had a very traumatic childhood that still affects me today. Most men eventually cannot handle me (even though I don’t feel I’m difficult, they just can’t relate). This one is a keeper. No plans to marry ever again, but he enriches and enhances my life and vice versa.

Drawback to Yahoo! Personals: they are still sending me emails for my ‘Latest Matches’. I canceled my subscription after 2 dates w/ him because I inexplicably found the guy I didn’t know I was looking for. I don’t need more matches Yahoo — I’ve been very happy with this match for nearly 2 years.

The point I am making is that usually we find what we want when we aren’t looking for it. When I joined, I was just looking for someone to hang out with and have fun to distract me from my divorce at that time. Just a playmate (minus the sex). Instead, I found something so much better that I thought I didn’t want at that time.

Well, that’s my 2 cents

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Mydria September 13, 2008 at 8:40 pm

Hello! First of all, let me just say that I love your site!

I think it’s a great idea that you go to bookstore instead of the library. I’ve been taking my son to the library in an effort to save money, but now that I’m ready to get out there and start dating, the bookstore may have to be the way to go!

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Larissa February 4, 2015 at 8:31 am

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LTP September 17, 2008 at 9:37 am

Believe it or not, the guy that I’ve just recently broken up with that I dated for almost two years, I met on Craig’s List, which is free. I had posted something, he responded, and we dated for a long time. Prior to that, I had tried Match.com (which was pretty good but I think a lot of guys are just looking to hook-up). Since our recent break-up, a friend told me about PoF. I’ve emailed with a few guys but I’m not ready to date anyone really. I’m taking this break-up pretty hard. I did try SingleParentsMeet.com….it’s awful.

I think I just need to give myself time to get over this relationship….even if I feel lonely. I have friends and am trying to keep myself busy when the kids are with their dad. This wknd (coming up) is going to be tough for me….but I have lots of things scheduled so I’m not tempted to call or email. UGH. Why are break-ups so hard????

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