Comments on: When is daddy going to bail?

By: Transformation

Transformation — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 19:47:29 +0000

[...] although I feel relieved that the other shoe may finally be dropping, that he may finally be out of our lives instead of just kind of here, I still don’t know how [...]

By: NotADad

NotADad — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 19:00:10 +0000

I am reminded in some of the above comments by something my ex-woman did when she left me. We had two dogs that we loved very much – technically they were hers. She just assumed they would go with her. I couldn't do much about that – I was a mess anyway – but, oh, I was allowed to babysit the dogs on weekends when she wanted to go away and fuck her boyfriend. In other words, I was only of use as a dog sitter! Oh, and I could have custody of the goldfish. Lucky me! I declined both generous offers. If we had had children, I would have loved them to death, but I can imagine not wanting to be used as a free babysitter while she went off and had a life without me.

By: NotADad

NotADad — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:51:36 +0000

Without knowing the people involved, it's possible to imagine different ways of looking at his reactions. I note that you left him, not the other way around. Does this ex-husband bear a lot of anger and resentment toward you (maybe not fully resolved – maybe it will never resolve)? He could be confusing any consultation with you about anything – including his relationship with your son – with a further loss of face or a show of vulnerability or weakness. Coldness is an aggressive act but it is also a defense against one's own feelings and vulnerability. Not getting too close to his son is a way of not letting you in, and – importantly – it is also a way of not getting too attached to his son. After all, you could marry someone else and provide a new father for your son, and then where exactly would he be left? For some people, the easiest way to minimize the risk of painful loss is not to get attached in the first place.

By: Anna

Anna — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:22:28 +0000

You know what I love? That my ex could move out of the state before the divorce was even final — no problem. But if I want to move WITH my son? I have to petition the court… HUH??

By: Houston…

Houston… — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 02:23:29 +0000

[...] Say You? When is daddy going to bail? on The muddy single mom, a fairy tale.Jojo’s Mama on Fresh Start ContestO Solo Mama on [...]

By: Jolene

Jolene — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:18:23 +0000

This blog really hits home. I am in the mists of a divorce right now and my soon to be ex at first was all about the kids, fighting for 50% custody (which he is not going to get if I have anything to say over it) and wanting to spend every moment he could with the kids but now after 5 months apart something has shifted. He only takes the kids when I pester him to and just last week he told me that if I go to our county to inforce child support by taking it out of his check that he was going to quit his job and bail out on us. My first thought was “Good! Go!” “But then the thought came to mind…. if someone is willing to throw out a threat like that then they must really be thinking about it and if that is the case…. what kind of father are you? I have three small children (3 under 4…. and yes, I know I am crazy) and I could not ever imagion my life without them. I would lay down and die for them at any time if it ment that they could live a life of happiness and for him to say that he does not want to see the kids just breaks my heart. He now has a new girlfriend and the lovely phrase “I need to make my own life now” makes me so irrate that I just have to walk away. Why is it that men seem to think that when they get divorced that means that it is a total new begining for them… what about the three wonderful children that you are leaving behind? I can totally relate to this blog because I know (mama’s gut) he will bail out on us…. now is just waiting to see when it is going to happen. I am holding on to the hopes that someday I will find someone that will not bail out on us… but until then…. it’s just me… and I could not be happier!

By: The Best of Ms. Single Mama

The Best of Ms. Single Mama — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 02:36:07 +0000

[...] When is Daddy Going to Bail? [...]

By: coin's other side

coin's other side — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 00:43:48 +0000

I did read through this and many other posts on this site. It was why I felt the need to comment in the first place. I understood “Daddy Bailing” to be a relatively recent event which is a consequence of earlier failures rather than the main source of failure in this relationship. FlipFlopFlip, what exactly are you trying to say? Are you inferring that the title is an indicator or that the whole complex event of male/female bond fracturing is explained in this single piece? Are you offering a better analytical perspective? If not, then please keep quiet and learn something.

By: Flip. Flop. Flip.

Flip. Flop. Flip. — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:14:19 +0000

[...] For the first piece to this puzzle, read “When is Daddy Going to Bail?” [...]

By: coin's other side

coin's other side — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 10:13:13 +0000

I’m going to post this for you and the other single moms reading this thread who may want to get a clue. Family advice is often biased so before you allow it to reinforce your opinion, consider what your ex WAS doing for the relationship. Outside of his difficulty in obtaining suitable employment, was he attentive toward his child? What percentage of his time was devoted to issues unrelated to the three of you? This question is very complex so really consider its implications. If he spends time at the gym to maintain his physical fitness, is this only for his benefit? What if he goes out to a bar looking for social contacts which could lead to employment opportunities? His effort may not be what YOU wanted it to be but was it really no effort? Would you have REALLY been happier if he had taken a dead end demeaning job and contributed a meager sum? What would have happened to his self esteem and libido under this humiliating circumstance? Most women mismanage their men so you are not alone. The truth is, most men really do want to please their women in every way and they really are geared to nurture and protect what is theirs so what is turning them from this effort? You may want to examine the very last part of your last comment. WHAT MADE THE UNIT FAMILY HIS? Did his opinions matter? Were you really as open with him as you expected him to be with you? Where was the control in the relationship and why wasn’t it shared?