"“I can’t tell if she likes me or if she’s blowing me off. If I go by your advice I should be patient and expect her to keep me at a distance but how can I tell if she’s just not that into me?”

I'm having this issue now. It's doubly complicated by some language barrier issues. I only very slowly approached her, over some weeks/months, just casual chatting in the local shop where she works, building up over time, leaving if she was too busy.. Big smiles all around. A single mum friend of mine many years ago said slow was best with single mothers especially if she has reason to be cautious. This lady describes her ex-husband as "he is crazy" so that sounds like reason to be cautious. I've ran into her with her kid once (not a date) and we all got on ok that once. Whenever I saw her she seemed pleased. Gradually I worked up the courage before Christmas to suggest she come for a coffee or meal or something. Bring the kid if she wants, I didn't care. But – stupid me – of course before Christmas is a bad time to try to make arrangements with people, and she was busy. I tried for a new day but still busy. How about Monday? Maybe, she said. So I said, ok I'll come and see you Monday. I didn't, I'd lost the momentum by then and got sick for a while anyway. I have avoided her pretty much for some months after trying to ask her out.

Anyway: recently, she disappeared. After some weeks I began to wonder if she'd vanished and along with it the possibility of connecting. So I very casually asked her boss, who I chat to occasionally, what had happened to her. I was suddenly scared she had left the city. He said she'd been hospitalized and very sick with an infection, but was now much better and would be back in some days. I was very concerned – genuinely – I like this woman.

So today, she reappears. We just make eye contact as I walk past the shop. I come shortly after and ask all about her illness and express my concern and ask after her kid. She looks pale gray but ok, says she's still tired all the time. Her English seems to have slipped a few notches in the intervening months but we communicate. We both seemed a little nervous – I think that is a good sign. But at least contact has been re-opened. I'm hoping I can take it somewhere from there. My gut says she likes me, but my head is not at all sure. My gut says: she really was busy near Christmas, everybody is. My head says: if she really liked me she would have moved something backwards or forwards to see me. She's quite a bit younger than me, from a different culture (not Asian), and prettier than me also. But she seems to like talking to me. I think there is some spark.

I'm scared of dating and rejection after a long hiatus – very long. I never liked dating anyway, always amazes me when people say dating is "fun". It wasn't fun when I was 15 and it isn't fun now. For me it was only ever fun when the tensions and formalities were over, and them I could relax and enjoy the person's company. It's a painful ritual like having your skin ripped off but it is necessary in order to make contact with somebody romantically and/or sexually.

I know men that post here asking for advice seldom get any, perhaps appropriately, so I won't ask.

Oh, and: never. ever, ever, ever miss or forget a woman's birthday when you are supposed to now when it is. She'll hate your guts forever.

Women from low socioeconomic backgrounds can have pretty rudimentary expectations of men – eg as long as you don't fart too loudly at the table, don't hit them, and that you only pass out drunk and stoned without vomiting on the couch. They will think you are from mars if you start behaving too hoity toity like you learned at Princeton or Oxford. It's just that they don't always know many men with that very different background and it probably makes them uncomfortable. That one's hard – I am definitely not a snob but there can be inverse snobbery from women who don't know better.

From the info I’ve gathered it seems my instincts are correct. I find myself with a greater appreciation and understanding of patience, communication and support when it comes to my Ms. Mom.

We’ve talked quite a bit about the situation and ya, she’s gun shy and I can understand that. I’ve told her that I’m very interested and absolutely comfortable at proceeding at her pace. Patience.

I also like to make it easy to think about dating me… simple gestures of making all the date plans, cooking for her, bringing the empty glasses and popcorn bowl to the kitchen…. seem to go over well. So does the phrase “don’t worry, I understand…” when dealing with cancellations, change in plans, etc. I think that comes from knowing how many balls she’s juggling in the air… and hearing more in this forum is helping understand her situation even more.

Even though I don’t have kids, I am trying to learn from her and my friends about the demands of children. I have a much great respect for you moms out there. I just hope that I will always be doing things right by her.

I look forward to reading and hearing more…

I find it hard to meet his criteria for dating. He carries resentment that he pays for dinner. I cannot cook to his level of satisfaction. Understand that I have to pay $15.00/hour for a babysitter in my home town area and my son is autistic to boot. So I pay huge medical bills and get no help from his father. My partner knows all of this and that I am using my savings until I sell my horse as I broke my back last year and can no longer ride.

Please let me know your opinions on this. I feel he is lucky that I wait for him until he winds up his business in Chicago so we can go back to dating on a normal basis. This “waiting” could take up to a year. My partner is somewhat successful and typically travels first class, etc as I cannot afford that level of travel.

Thank you for your time!