Knus! (That’s Danish for Hugs)

by mssinglemama on August 19, 2008

My dearest blogging friend, Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) – the co-founder of iHeartSingleParents.com – has fallen madly in love. When she first told me about her Man in Moseley I was skeptical, the voice or rational reason and then I saw these pictures of the two of them together and got tingles down my spine. This is the real deal… and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I am nuts in love.

By Morgan Siler

Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past month and a half I have been wonderfully in it– simultaneously lost and keenly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from my trip to visit my Man in Moselely.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

 

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the triteness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my son have I felt life so alive.

I wanted to be able to share something with you all that was novel and inspiring. However, after days of reflecting on my experience, I have only the same damn trite things to say… and as much as I tried to avoid it, I am going to repeat them, because well, they are actually worth repeating.

So here they are the three of the tritest things about love (that aren’t so trite anymore):

1. You have to love yourself first

When I first found out I was pregnant and knew I would be going the road alone, I was at a very uncertain and difficult time in my life. I did not love myself much at all. I could go into gruesome detail here, but I will spare you (and myself). Its enough to say I knew I had some major personal work to do. If I was going to be responsible for the care of another soul here on this planet, I would have to get down to business facing some mighty demons.

I grew up with a mom who was chronically depressed and I learned the behavior of being unhappy. I knew how to be ruthlessly cruel to my own self. What I didn’t realize until I hit a profoundly low spot while pregnant in the June of 2006, was that lack of compassion for your own self severely hurts the ones around you as well.

It deprives them of the gift of giving you love (because you won’t accept it), and it deprives them of receiving it from you too (because how else can you truly appreciate another human being if you don’t even value the one you are?). I’ve learned that our spirits are like radio tuners, we have to set our dial to the frequency of self love in order to send or receive any meaningful signals.

Flash forward 2 years.

It’s June again and right before the adventure with my Man in Moselely really takes off. Life isn’t perfect, but most days I wake up with a genuine sense of gratitude and joy for my son Lucca and for the woman I am aspiring to be. I am able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you (this took woooooork!). I feel complete and the thought of sharing my life with someone besides my son is irrelevant; I am happier and more grounded than I have ever been in my life. Then a voice inside me says, “Morgan…you are ready to bring someone in. Prepare space for another human being in your heart. I’ve got one for you.”

I listened and prayed and when the magic started happening with my Man in Moseley, I allowed it. I was able to be vulnerable and free and completely me, because I wasn’t looking for him to rescue me from my life. I loved it already. It felt safe to love him, because I didn’t need him to love me.

Yes, I have experienced this to be true: Learning how to fully love yourself, frees you up to fully love another.

2. Love happens when you least expect it

Falling in love with my Man in Moseley happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself with friends, celebrating my time with my son, and really immersing myself in the work for Single Parent Magazine (launching this fall!) During this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When the email correspondence took off with my Man in Moseley and I found myself utilizing every single piece of technology available (from hand written letters to video calls via skype) to have this person as a part of my day, I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback.

Yep: Love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

(Note: My readers have asked me if I get married one day if this means my interest in single parent issues and the iHeart community will change. No, I’m telling you, my heart will always be here. Single parents are my peeps, my family, and I think a part of me will always identify myself as a single parent. Kinda like a veteran of war. Its an honor to wear this badge and to stand among some of the best human beings in the universe and call them “my own.” Us single parents can fall in love and grow who we are, but we never loose that experience raising a child alone. Once a single parent-always a single parent. It is its own special brotherhood, and I’m proud to be a part of it no matter what my marital status becomes 😉

3. Love is all around

I met my Man in Moseley 3 years ago. We were living in a different town and we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He was married; I was a flighty and often drunken graduate student. I loved him like a brother and he cared and protected me like a sister. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with the other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! The universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

Love is all around.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom in three trite expressions about love.

But living this experience, I now know what is trite is true. The greatest movies, poems and literature of all time play-out these themes again and again…and don’t we love it? =)

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the self we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun. 😉 Don’t forget to tell me all about it! I love LOVE!
My dearest blogging friend, Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) – the co-founder of iHeartSingleParents.com – has fallen madly in love. When she first told me about her Man in Moseley I was skeptical, the voice or rational reason and then I saw these pictures of the two of them together and got tingles down my spine. This is the real deal… and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I am nuts in love.

By Morgan Siler

Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past month and a half I have been wonderfully in it– simultaneously lost and keenly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from my trip to visit my Man in Moselely.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

 

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the triteness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my son have I felt life so alive.

I wanted to be able to share something with you all that was novel and inspiring. However, after days of reflecting on my experience, I have only the same damn trite things to say… and as much as I tried to avoid it, I am going to repeat them, because well, they are actually worth repeating.

So here they are the three of the tritest things about love (that aren’t so trite anymore):

1. You have to love yourself first

When I first found out I was pregnant and knew I would be going the road alone, I was at a very uncertain and difficult time in my life. I did not love myself much at all. I could go into gruesome detail here, but I will spare you (and myself). Its enough to say I knew I had some major personal work to do. If I was going to be responsible for the care of another soul here on this planet, I would have to get down to business facing some mighty demons.

I grew up with a mom who was chronically depressed and I learned the behavior of being unhappy. I knew how to be ruthlessly cruel to my own self. What I didn’t realize until I hit a profoundly low spot while pregnant in the June of 2006, was that lack of compassion for your own self severely hurts the ones around you as well.

It deprives them of the gift of giving you love (because you won’t accept it), and it deprives them of receiving it from you too (because how else can you truly appreciate another human being if you don’t even value the one you are?). I’ve learned that our spirits are like radio tuners, we have to set our dial to the frequency of self love in order to send or receive any meaningful signals.

Flash forward 2 years.

It’s June again and right before the adventure with my Man in Moselely really takes off. Life isn’t perfect, but most days I wake up with a genuine sense of gratitude and joy for my son Lucca and for the woman I am aspiring to be. I am able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you (this took woooooork!). I feel complete and the thought of sharing my life with someone besides my son is irrelevant; I am happier and more grounded than I have ever been in my life. Then a voice inside me says, “Morgan…you are ready to bring someone in. Prepare space for another human being in your heart. I’ve got one for you.”

I listened and prayed and when the magic started happening with my Man in Moseley, I allowed it. I was able to be vulnerable and free and completely me, because I wasn’t looking for him to rescue me from my life. I loved it already. It felt safe to love him, because I didn’t need him to love me.

Yes, I have experienced this to be true: Learning how to fully love yourself, frees you up to fully love another.

2. Love happens when you least expect it

Falling in love with my Man in Moseley happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself with friends, celebrating my time with my son, and really immersing myself in the work for Single Parent Magazine (launching this fall!) During this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When the email correspondence took off with my Man in Moseley and I found myself utilizing every single piece of technology available (from hand written letters to video calls via skype) to have this person as a part of my day, I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback.

Yep: Love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

(Note: My readers have asked me if I get married one day if this means my interest in single parent issues and the iHeart community will change. No, I’m telling you, my heart will always be here. Single parents are my peeps, my family, and I think a part of me will always identify myself as a single parent. Kinda like a veteran of war. Its an honor to wear this badge and to stand among some of the best human beings in the universe and call them “my own.” Us single parents can fall in love and grow who we are, but we never loose that experience raising a child alone. Once a single parent-always a single parent. It is its own special brotherhood, and I’m proud to be a part of it no matter what my marital status becomes 😉

3. Love is all around

I met my Man in Moseley 3 years ago. We were living in a different town and we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He was married; I was a flighty and often drunken graduate student. I loved him like a brother and he cared and protected me like a sister. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with the other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! The universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

Love is all around.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom in three trite expressions about love.

But living this experience, I now know what is trite is true. The greatest movies, poems and literature of all time play-out these themes again and again…and don’t we love it? =)

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the self we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun. 😉 Don’t forget to tell me all about it! I love LOVE!
My dearest blogging friend, Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) – the co-founder of iHeartSingleParents.com – has fallen madly in love. When she first told me about her Man in Moseley I was skeptical, the voice or rational reason and then I saw these pictures of the two of them together and got tingles down my spine. This is the real deal… and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I am nuts in love.

By Morgan Siler

Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past month and a half I have been wonderfully in it– simultaneously lost and keenly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from my trip to visit my Man in Moselely.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

 

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the triteness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my son have I felt life so alive.

I wanted to be able to share something with you all that was novel and inspiring. However, after days of reflecting on my experience, I have only the same damn trite things to say… and as much as I tried to avoid it, I am going to repeat them, because well, they are actually worth repeating.

So here they are the three of the tritest things about love (that aren’t so trite anymore):

1. You have to love yourself first

When I first found out I was pregnant and knew I would be going the road alone, I was at a very uncertain and difficult time in my life. I did not love myself much at all. I could go into gruesome detail here, but I will spare you (and myself). Its enough to say I knew I had some major personal work to do. If I was going to be responsible for the care of another soul here on this planet, I would have to get down to business facing some mighty demons.

I grew up with a mom who was chronically depressed and I learned the behavior of being unhappy. I knew how to be ruthlessly cruel to my own self. What I didn’t realize until I hit a profoundly low spot while pregnant in the June of 2006, was that lack of compassion for your own self severely hurts the ones around you as well.

It deprives them of the gift of giving you love (because you won’t accept it), and it deprives them of receiving it from you too (because how else can you truly appreciate another human being if you don’t even value the one you are?). I’ve learned that our spirits are like radio tuners, we have to set our dial to the frequency of self love in order to send or receive any meaningful signals.

Flash forward 2 years.

It’s June again and right before the adventure with my Man in Moselely really takes off. Life isn’t perfect, but most days I wake up with a genuine sense of gratitude and joy for my son Lucca and for the woman I am aspiring to be. I am able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you (this took woooooork!). I feel complete and the thought of sharing my life with someone besides my son is irrelevant; I am happier and more grounded than I have ever been in my life. Then a voice inside me says, “Morgan…you are ready to bring someone in. Prepare space for another human being in your heart. I’ve got one for you.”

I listened and prayed and when the magic started happening with my Man in Moseley, I allowed it. I was able to be vulnerable and free and completely me, because I wasn’t looking for him to rescue me from my life. I loved it already. It felt safe to love him, because I didn’t need him to love me.

Yes, I have experienced this to be true: Learning how to fully love yourself, frees you up to fully love another.

2. Love happens when you least expect it

Falling in love with my Man in Moseley happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself with friends, celebrating my time with my son, and really immersing myself in the work for Single Parent Magazine (launching this fall!) During this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When the email correspondence took off with my Man in Moseley and I found myself utilizing every single piece of technology available (from hand written letters to video calls via skype) to have this person as a part of my day, I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback.

Yep: Love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

(Note: My readers have asked me if I get married one day if this means my interest in single parent issues and the iHeart community will change. No, I’m telling you, my heart will always be here. Single parents are my peeps, my family, and I think a part of me will always identify myself as a single parent. Kinda like a veteran of war. Its an honor to wear this badge and to stand among some of the best human beings in the universe and call them “my own.” Us single parents can fall in love and grow who we are, but we never loose that experience raising a child alone. Once a single parent-always a single parent. It is its own special brotherhood, and I’m proud to be a part of it no matter what my marital status becomes 😉

3. Love is all around

I met my Man in Moseley 3 years ago. We were living in a different town and we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He was married; I was a flighty and often drunken graduate student. I loved him like a brother and he cared and protected me like a sister. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with the other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! The universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

Love is all around.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom in three trite expressions about love.

But living this experience, I now know what is trite is true. The greatest movies, poems and literature of all time play-out these themes again and again…and don’t we love it? =)

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the self we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun. 😉 Don’t forget to tell me all about it! I love LOVE!
When you’re a dating single mom there is arguably, nothing worse than being hurt by a man. 

Sometimes that hurt is unintentional. We both enter into the relationship or fling with the best of intentions. But sometimes a jerk sneaks in and shatters your world. One of my favorite single moms in the blogosphere, QT Mama, has some tips on how to spot a jerk in the wild. 

Fried Eggs On a Nail 

By QT Mama

I have heard of Green Eggs and Ham, oh yes I have Sam-I-Am. I have a five year old, who hasn’t? But what I had not heard, until recently, is the phrase “Fried Eggs on a Nail.”  

These words were uttered by a friend of mine, who for the purpose of this story, I’ll call Sam. I need to preface this by saying that Sam, is most certainly and in every definition of the word – a JERK. 

He knows it, he knows I think it, and he knows that I’m writing about it. But he’s my friend, and I love him for what and who he is, and for me, it’s a good man. But I’m not dating him.

Today, Sam asked me the following question:

“So are you still propping those big bigs up to make sure everyone notices?!!”

He is asking me about my breasts. I tell him yes, my breasts are fine and fabulous, thank you. His response? “That’s rare these days, good for you. The 32-year-old (his most recent fling) was not as fortunate. Nothing worse than fried eggs on a nail.”

And there it is, the prime example of a real, honest to goodness jerk. So I asked him to explain to me, exactly, what did that mean? He said, “Well, when nice tits go bad, they sag and they resemble what a fried egg would look like were it nailed to a wall.” And yet again, I shake my head and think “Those poor women. They have no idea what they are in for.” He is THAT guy, the one I avoid. The Jerk.

Read more to find out how single moms can spot jerks.

How do women spot a jerk?

More importantly, how do you spot a jerk before you start dating him? Because clearly, the blinking neon sign that says “JERK ALERT” is only for those women he’s already hurt. I am not an expert; but that won’t stop me from offering some tips on how to spot said Jerk. With a bit of help from Sam, of course. 

1. “I’ll call you on Tuesday.”

If Tuesday comes and goes and he doesn’t call? He’s a jerk. Get rid of him immediately. You ARE good enough for a phone call when he says he is going to call, and I don’t care what kind of excuse (other than death) he comes up with when he does finally call. If this early on, he is already not sticking to his word? He’s a jerk and he’s not that into. Buh Bye.

2. Me, Myself and I.

Ok, I admit, it’s often hard to see from someone else’s perspective, but a non-jerk does try. When everyone else is consistently wrong, when everyone else is ruining HIS world, when the guy at Taco Bell purposefully messed up his lunch order just to ruin his day, the guy is a jerk. Drop that burrito and hit the road, baby.

3. The Sex Hound

Once the sex is done, so is he. Unless of course, he’s drunk and decides then you’re good enough to date. Or have sex with. Let’s remember ladies, a man who only wants to see you when he’s drunk isn’t much of a man. At least that’s this mama’s opinion. Now, if he’s good in bed and you’re happy with the booty call … by all means, have at it. Safely please. You never know where a sex hound has been sniffing around.

4. The Player

Imagine me shuddering here. I hate the players. Yet they are there, waiting … just waiting for the next loving, warm wonderful woman to come along. And at first? They are attentive. They pay attention, they open doors, they bring flowers, they call when they say they are going to call, they are charming. You think you’ve hit the jackpot. Problem is, so do the 3 or 4 other women he’s doing the same thing with. These are very hard to spot, ladies. My only advice here, is when you do find out you’ve been played, get some girlfriends to gather with you, hide your phone from yourself and stay away from him. Run in the other direction as far as you can, because he will be back when the other ladies dump him. And you’ve got to stay strong, because no matter what, he’ll play again. Just don’t let it be with you.

5. The Narcissist

This is probably, by far, the hardest jerk to spot. Lisa Earle McLeod, author of Forget Perfect says, “Jerkiness is related to narcissism. A jerk usually has a long history of failed relationships, and they’ll always tell you why it was the other person’s fault. The relationship gets really serious really fast, they get infatuated, but the second the jerk finds out that you’re not perfect and you no longer see them as perfect, they become demanding and critical.”

And once that disappointment blemishes the relationship, the narcissist can never retrieve the fantasy feeling of true love. That euphoria of perfection in another. And in my experience, by the time you figure it out, you’re in too deep to simply walk away. Warning signs here? The long history of the failed relationships – relationships that ended always at the fault of the other person, they want to get serious VERY fast and then there’s the infatuation. As romantic as it may seem, be careful. Love at first sight by someone can be dangerous as well as romantic.

Not all men are jerks. Not all jerks are men, either. Let us remember, “Jerks have no gender, the only difference is the package they come in.”

Go forth and date my friends … Just proceed with caution.

[Photo: From film Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde]
My dearest blogging friend, Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) – the co-founder of iHeartSingleParents.com – has fallen madly in love. When she first told me about her Man in Moseley I was skeptical, the voice or rational reason and then I saw these pictures of the two of them together and got tingles down my spine. This is the real deal… and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I am nuts in love.

By Morgan Siler

Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past month and a half I have been wonderfully in it– simultaneously lost and keenly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from my trip to visit my Man in Moselely.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

 

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the triteness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my son have I felt life so alive.

I wanted to be able to share something with you all that was novel and inspiring. However, after days of reflecting on my experience, I have only the same damn trite things to say… and as much as I tried to avoid it, I am going to repeat them, because well, they are actually worth repeating.

So here they are the three of the tritest things about love (that aren’t so trite anymore):

1. You have to love yourself first

When I first found out I was pregnant and knew I would be going the road alone, I was at a very uncertain and difficult time in my life. I did not love myself much at all. I could go into gruesome detail here, but I will spare you (and myself). Its enough to say I knew I had some major personal work to do. If I was going to be responsible for the care of another soul here on this planet, I would have to get down to business facing some mighty demons.

I grew up with a mom who was chronically depressed and I learned the behavior of being unhappy. I knew how to be ruthlessly cruel to my own self. What I didn’t realize until I hit a profoundly low spot while pregnant in the June of 2006, was that lack of compassion for your own self severely hurts the ones around you as well.

It deprives them of the gift of giving you love (because you won’t accept it), and it deprives them of receiving it from you too (because how else can you truly appreciate another human being if you don’t even value the one you are?). I’ve learned that our spirits are like radio tuners, we have to set our dial to the frequency of self love in order to send or receive any meaningful signals.

Flash forward 2 years.

It’s June again and right before the adventure with my Man in Moselely really takes off. Life isn’t perfect, but most days I wake up with a genuine sense of gratitude and joy for my son Lucca and for the woman I am aspiring to be. I am able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you (this took woooooork!). I feel complete and the thought of sharing my life with someone besides my son is irrelevant; I am happier and more grounded than I have ever been in my life. Then a voice inside me says, “Morgan…you are ready to bring someone in. Prepare space for another human being in your heart. I’ve got one for you.”

I listened and prayed and when the magic started happening with my Man in Moseley, I allowed it. I was able to be vulnerable and free and completely me, because I wasn’t looking for him to rescue me from my life. I loved it already. It felt safe to love him, because I didn’t need him to love me.

Yes, I have experienced this to be true: Learning how to fully love yourself, frees you up to fully love another.

2. Love happens when you least expect it

Falling in love with my Man in Moseley happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself with friends, celebrating my time with my son, and really immersing myself in the work for Single Parent Magazine (launching this fall!) During this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When the email correspondence took off with my Man in Moseley and I found myself utilizing every single piece of technology available (from hand written letters to video calls via skype) to have this person as a part of my day, I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback.

Yep: Love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

(Note: My readers have asked me if I get married one day if this means my interest in single parent issues and the iHeart community will change. No, I’m telling you, my heart will always be here. Single parents are my peeps, my family, and I think a part of me will always identify myself as a single parent. Kinda like a veteran of war. Its an honor to wear this badge and to stand among some of the best human beings in the universe and call them “my own.” Us single parents can fall in love and grow who we are, but we never loose that experience raising a child alone. Once a single parent-always a single parent. It is its own special brotherhood, and I’m proud to be a part of it no matter what my marital status becomes 😉

3. Love is all around

I met my Man in Moseley 3 years ago. We were living in a different town and we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He was married; I was a flighty and often drunken graduate student. I loved him like a brother and he cared and protected me like a sister. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with the other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! The universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

Love is all around.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom in three trite expressions about love.

But living this experience, I now know what is trite is true. The greatest movies, poems and literature of all time play-out these themes again and again…and don’t we love it? =)

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the self we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun. 😉 Don’t forget to tell me all about it! I love LOVE!
My dearest blogging friend, Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) – the co-founder of iHeartSingleParents.com – has fallen madly in love. When she first told me about her Man in Moseley I was skeptical, the voice or rational reason and then I saw these pictures of the two of them together and got tingles down my spine. This is the real deal… and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I am nuts in love.

By Morgan Siler

Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past month and a half I have been wonderfully in it– simultaneously lost and keenly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from my trip to visit my Man in Moselely.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

 

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the triteness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my son have I felt life so alive.

I wanted to be able to share something with you all that was novel and inspiring. However, after days of reflecting on my experience, I have only the same damn trite things to say… and as much as I tried to avoid it, I am going to repeat them, because well, they are actually worth repeating.

So here they are the three of the tritest things about love (that aren’t so trite anymore):

1. You have to love yourself first

When I first found out I was pregnant and knew I would be going the road alone, I was at a very uncertain and difficult time in my life. I did not love myself much at all. I could go into gruesome detail here, but I will spare you (and myself). Its enough to say I knew I had some major personal work to do. If I was going to be responsible for the care of another soul here on this planet, I would have to get down to business facing some mighty demons.

I grew up with a mom who was chronically depressed and I learned the behavior of being unhappy. I knew how to be ruthlessly cruel to my own self. What I didn’t realize until I hit a profoundly low spot while pregnant in the June of 2006, was that lack of compassion for your own self severely hurts the ones around you as well.

It deprives them of the gift of giving you love (because you won’t accept it), and it deprives them of receiving it from you too (because how else can you truly appreciate another human being if you don’t even value the one you are?). I’ve learned that our spirits are like radio tuners, we have to set our dial to the frequency of self love in order to send or receive any meaningful signals.

Flash forward 2 years.

It’s June again and right before the adventure with my Man in Moselely really takes off. Life isn’t perfect, but most days I wake up with a genuine sense of gratitude and joy for my son Lucca and for the woman I am aspiring to be. I am able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you (this took woooooork!). I feel complete and the thought of sharing my life with someone besides my son is irrelevant; I am happier and more grounded than I have ever been in my life. Then a voice inside me says, “Morgan…you are ready to bring someone in. Prepare space for another human being in your heart. I’ve got one for you.”

I listened and prayed and when the magic started happening with my Man in Moseley, I allowed it. I was able to be vulnerable and free and completely me, because I wasn’t looking for him to rescue me from my life. I loved it already. It felt safe to love him, because I didn’t need him to love me.

Yes, I have experienced this to be true: Learning how to fully love yourself, frees you up to fully love another.

2. Love happens when you least expect it

Falling in love with my Man in Moseley happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself with friends, celebrating my time with my son, and really immersing myself in the work for Single Parent Magazine (launching this fall!) During this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When the email correspondence took off with my Man in Moseley and I found myself utilizing every single piece of technology available (from hand written letters to video calls via skype) to have this person as a part of my day, I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback.

Yep: Love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

(Note: My readers have asked me if I get married one day if this means my interest in single parent issues and the iHeart community will change. No, I’m telling you, my heart will always be here. Single parents are my peeps, my family, and I think a part of me will always identify myself as a single parent. Kinda like a veteran of war. Its an honor to wear this badge and to stand among some of the best human beings in the universe and call them “my own.” Us single parents can fall in love and grow who we are, but we never loose that experience raising a child alone. Once a single parent-always a single parent. It is its own special brotherhood, and I’m proud to be a part of it no matter what my marital status becomes 😉

3. Love is all around

I met my Man in Moseley 3 years ago. We were living in a different town and we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He was married; I was a flighty and often drunken graduate student. I loved him like a brother and he cared and protected me like a sister. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with the other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! The universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

Love is all around.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom in three trite expressions about love.

But living this experience, I now know what is trite is true. The greatest movies, poems and literature of all time play-out these themes again and again…and don’t we love it? =)

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the self we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun. 😉 Don’t forget to tell me all about it! I love LOVE!
When you’re a dating single mom there is arguably, nothing worse than being hurt by a man. 

Sometimes that hurt is unintentional. We both enter into the relationship or fling with the best of intentions. But sometimes a jerk sneaks in and shatters your world. One of my favorite single moms in the blogosphere, QT Mama, has some tips on how to spot a jerk in the wild. 

Fried Eggs On a Nail 

By QT Mama

I have heard of Green Eggs and Ham, oh yes I have Sam-I-Am. I have a five year old, who hasn’t? But what I had not heard, until recently, is the phrase “Fried Eggs on a Nail.”  

These words were uttered by a friend of mine, who for the purpose of this story, I’ll call Sam. I need to preface this by saying that Sam, is most certainly and in every definition of the word – a JERK. 

He knows it, he knows I think it, and he knows that I’m writing about it. But he’s my friend, and I love him for what and who he is, and for me, it’s a good man. But I’m not dating him.

Today, Sam asked me the following question:

“So are you still propping those big bigs up to make sure everyone notices?!!”

He is asking me about my breasts. I tell him yes, my breasts are fine and fabulous, thank you. His response? “That’s rare these days, good for you. The 32-year-old (his most recent fling) was not as fortunate. Nothing worse than fried eggs on a nail.”

And there it is, the prime example of a real, honest to goodness jerk. So I asked him to explain to me, exactly, what did that mean? He said, “Well, when nice tits go bad, they sag and they resemble what a fried egg would look like were it nailed to a wall.” And yet again, I shake my head and think “Those poor women. They have no idea what they are in for.” He is THAT guy, the one I avoid. The Jerk.

Read more to find out how single moms can spot jerks.

How do women spot a jerk?

More importantly, how do you spot a jerk before you start dating him? Because clearly, the blinking neon sign that says “JERK ALERT” is only for those women he’s already hurt. I am not an expert; but that won’t stop me from offering some tips on how to spot said Jerk. With a bit of help from Sam, of course. 

1. “I’ll call you on Tuesday.”

If Tuesday comes and goes and he doesn’t call? He’s a jerk. Get rid of him immediately. You ARE good enough for a phone call when he says he is going to call, and I don’t care what kind of excuse (other than death) he comes up with when he does finally call. If this early on, he is already not sticking to his word? He’s a jerk and he’s not that into. Buh Bye.

2. Me, Myself and I.

Ok, I admit, it’s often hard to see from someone else’s perspective, but a non-jerk does try. When everyone else is consistently wrong, when everyone else is ruining HIS world, when the guy at Taco Bell purposefully messed up his lunch order just to ruin his day, the guy is a jerk. Drop that burrito and hit the road, baby.

3. The Sex Hound

Once the sex is done, so is he. Unless of course, he’s drunk and decides then you’re good enough to date. Or have sex with. Let’s remember ladies, a man who only wants to see you when he’s drunk isn’t much of a man. At least that’s this mama’s opinion. Now, if he’s good in bed and you’re happy with the booty call … by all means, have at it. Safely please. You never know where a sex hound has been sniffing around.

4. The Player

Imagine me shuddering here. I hate the players. Yet they are there, waiting … just waiting for the next loving, warm wonderful woman to come along. And at first? They are attentive. They pay attention, they open doors, they bring flowers, they call when they say they are going to call, they are charming. You think you’ve hit the jackpot. Problem is, so do the 3 or 4 other women he’s doing the same thing with. These are very hard to spot, ladies. My only advice here, is when you do find out you’ve been played, get some girlfriends to gather with you, hide your phone from yourself and stay away from him. Run in the other direction as far as you can, because he will be back when the other ladies dump him. And you’ve got to stay strong, because no matter what, he’ll play again. Just don’t let it be with you.

5. The Narcissist

This is probably, by far, the hardest jerk to spot. Lisa Earle McLeod, author of Forget Perfect says, “Jerkiness is related to narcissism. A jerk usually has a long history of failed relationships, and they’ll always tell you why it was the other person’s fault. The relationship gets really serious really fast, they get infatuated, but the second the jerk finds out that you’re not perfect and you no longer see them as perfect, they become demanding and critical.”

And once that disappointment blemishes the relationship, the narcissist can never retrieve the fantasy feeling of true love. That euphoria of perfection in another. And in my experience, by the time you figure it out, you’re in too deep to simply walk away. Warning signs here? The long history of the failed relationships – relationships that ended always at the fault of the other person, they want to get serious VERY fast and then there’s the infatuation. As romantic as it may seem, be careful. Love at first sight by someone can be dangerous as well as romantic.

Not all men are jerks. Not all jerks are men, either. Let us remember, “Jerks have no gender, the only difference is the package they come in.”

Go forth and date my friends … Just proceed with caution.

[Photo: From film Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde]
Jane Wonder, the author of Confessions of a One Date Wonder (a personal favorite of mine) isn’t a single mom but she is a dating expert. I love her blog because she’s brutally honest about her emotions including the ups and downs of falling in love and breaking up. She’s also hilarious and writes about EVERYTHING. Here’s her take on how best to recover from a break up. 

Dead Men Walking

By Jane Wonder

Unfortunately when it comes to breaking up, there is no magic bullet.

No one sure fire way to erase the pain and move on. No path to avoid longing, or pain, or heart break. And no way to erase memories. It’s going to hurt. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a filthy liar. The only thing you can do is to develop a way to survive through the time it will take for your heart to mend again. And that’s what I’ve been invited here to talk about with you today. Because, of course, I have an opinion on this.

My breakup philosophy is pure and simple like the freshly fallen snow, and it is called Dead To Me (DTM). DTM is a straightforward philosophy both simple in name and premise. Practice is deceptively difficult. In short, you new ex is now dead to you. No longer exists. *poof*

First you must explain DTM to all of your friends. Surely they have all been there, all love you, and all believe that ex was never good enough for you anyway. They will help to distract you, keep from talking endlessly about him, and definitely keep you from contacting him.

Regarding contact, here is the thing: Your ex is dead (to you).

We do not call the dead on the telephone. We do not send the dead emails. We do not text the dead when we are drunk. The dead are beyond these means of communication. So when fully practicing DTM, all of these are automatically prohibited. As part of the DTM philosophy all of those means of contact must be erased. (Ladies seriously, in your cell phones? This includes saved voicemails, your contact list, text message history, and your recent and missed calls. I know all your tricks. Stop holding on over there.) Please also add any other means of online, telephone, cell phone, or other communication you can think of. Simple so far, right?

Unfortunately, sometimes the dead refuse to stay that way.

These zombies of exes will pop up. They will want to just say hi, or be friends, or possibly have a booty call. Now listen carefully… have you ever seen those old horror flicks? The black and white ones, with the zombies? Seriously, would you go to bed with that? Hell no! Those are to be attacked with axes or burning stakes or something. Not welcomed back into your cell phone, or your MySpace, or your bed. Zombie sex…. just ick. Plus I’m sure that kissing a zombie results in you becoming undead yourself. And really, who wants that? Remember, if your pesky ex reappears, he is a zombie and is to be ignored.

On a more serious note, the last step is unfortunately the hardest.

Even if you manage to stop contacting him and even if you manage not to let him wheedle his way back in, the part that no one can really help you with is making your heart forget. The purpose of DTM is to give you the room to let go. It is easy to imagine maybe things weren’t that bad and to get caught up in missing him. But for the most part, whatever did you in the first time will do you in again. That is usually the way way of things. So it is best to hold on to DTM instead of holding on to him. Hold on to your friends, not your zombie.

I will not lie… it won’t be easy. But eventually, you will heal.
My dearest blogging friend, Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) – the co-founder of iHeartSingleParents.com – has fallen madly in love. When she first told me about her Man in Moseley I was skeptical, the voice or rational reason and then I saw these pictures of the two of them together and got tingles down my spine. This is the real deal… and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I am nuts in love.

By Morgan Siler

Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past month and a half I have been wonderfully in it– simultaneously lost and keenly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from my trip to visit my Man in Moselely.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

 

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the triteness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my son have I felt life so alive.

I wanted to be able to share something with you all that was novel and inspiring. However, after days of reflecting on my experience, I have only the same damn trite things to say… and as much as I tried to avoid it, I am going to repeat them, because well, they are actually worth repeating.

So here they are the three of the tritest things about love (that aren’t so trite anymore):

1. You have to love yourself first

When I first found out I was pregnant and knew I would be going the road alone, I was at a very uncertain and difficult time in my life. I did not love myself much at all. I could go into gruesome detail here, but I will spare you (and myself). Its enough to say I knew I had some major personal work to do. If I was going to be responsible for the care of another soul here on this planet, I would have to get down to business facing some mighty demons.

I grew up with a mom who was chronically depressed and I learned the behavior of being unhappy. I knew how to be ruthlessly cruel to my own self. What I didn’t realize until I hit a profoundly low spot while pregnant in the June of 2006, was that lack of compassion for your own self severely hurts the ones around you as well.

It deprives them of the gift of giving you love (because you won’t accept it), and it deprives them of receiving it from you too (because how else can you truly appreciate another human being if you don’t even value the one you are?). I’ve learned that our spirits are like radio tuners, we have to set our dial to the frequency of self love in order to send or receive any meaningful signals.

Flash forward 2 years.

It’s June again and right before the adventure with my Man in Moselely really takes off. Life isn’t perfect, but most days I wake up with a genuine sense of gratitude and joy for my son Lucca and for the woman I am aspiring to be. I am able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you (this took woooooork!). I feel complete and the thought of sharing my life with someone besides my son is irrelevant; I am happier and more grounded than I have ever been in my life. Then a voice inside me says, “Morgan…you are ready to bring someone in. Prepare space for another human being in your heart. I’ve got one for you.”

I listened and prayed and when the magic started happening with my Man in Moseley, I allowed it. I was able to be vulnerable and free and completely me, because I wasn’t looking for him to rescue me from my life. I loved it already. It felt safe to love him, because I didn’t need him to love me.

Yes, I have experienced this to be true: Learning how to fully love yourself, frees you up to fully love another.

2. Love happens when you least expect it

Falling in love with my Man in Moseley happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself with friends, celebrating my time with my son, and really immersing myself in the work for Single Parent Magazine (launching this fall!) During this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When the email correspondence took off with my Man in Moseley and I found myself utilizing every single piece of technology available (from hand written letters to video calls via skype) to have this person as a part of my day, I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback.

Yep: Love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

(Note: My readers have asked me if I get married one day if this means my interest in single parent issues and the iHeart community will change. No, I’m telling you, my heart will always be here. Single parents are my peeps, my family, and I think a part of me will always identify myself as a single parent. Kinda like a veteran of war. Its an honor to wear this badge and to stand among some of the best human beings in the universe and call them “my own.” Us single parents can fall in love and grow who we are, but we never loose that experience raising a child alone. Once a single parent-always a single parent. It is its own special brotherhood, and I’m proud to be a part of it no matter what my marital status becomes 😉

3. Love is all around

I met my Man in Moseley 3 years ago. We were living in a different town and we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He was married; I was a flighty and often drunken graduate student. I loved him like a brother and he cared and protected me like a sister. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with the other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! The universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

Love is all around.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom in three trite expressions about love.

But living this experience, I now know what is trite is true. The greatest movies, poems and literature of all time play-out these themes again and again…and don’t we love it? =)

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the self we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun. 😉 Don’t forget to tell me all about it! I love LOVE!
My dearest blogging friend, Morgan (aka Modern Single Momma) – the co-founder of iHeartSingleParents.com – has fallen madly in love. When she first told me about her Man in Moseley I was skeptical, the voice or rational reason and then I saw these pictures of the two of them together and got tingles down my spine. This is the real deal… and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I am nuts in love.

By Morgan Siler

Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past month and a half I have been wonderfully in it– simultaneously lost and keenly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from my trip to visit my Man in Moselely.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

 

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the triteness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my son have I felt life so alive.

I wanted to be able to share something with you all that was novel and inspiring. However, after days of reflecting on my experience, I have only the same damn trite things to say… and as much as I tried to avoid it, I am going to repeat them, because well, they are actually worth repeating.

So here they are the three of the tritest things about love (that aren’t so trite anymore):

1. You have to love yourself first

When I first found out I was pregnant and knew I would be going the road alone, I was at a very uncertain and difficult time in my life. I did not love myself much at all. I could go into gruesome detail here, but I will spare you (and myself). Its enough to say I knew I had some major personal work to do. If I was going to be responsible for the care of another soul here on this planet, I would have to get down to business facing some mighty demons.

I grew up with a mom who was chronically depressed and I learned the behavior of being unhappy. I knew how to be ruthlessly cruel to my own self. What I didn’t realize until I hit a profoundly low spot while pregnant in the June of 2006, was that lack of compassion for your own self severely hurts the ones around you as well.

It deprives them of the gift of giving you love (because you won’t accept it), and it deprives them of receiving it from you too (because how else can you truly appreciate another human being if you don’t even value the one you are?). I’ve learned that our spirits are like radio tuners, we have to set our dial to the frequency of self love in order to send or receive any meaningful signals.

Flash forward 2 years.

It’s June again and right before the adventure with my Man in Moselely really takes off. Life isn’t perfect, but most days I wake up with a genuine sense of gratitude and joy for my son Lucca and for the woman I am aspiring to be. I am able to look myself in the mirror and say I love you (this took woooooork!). I feel complete and the thought of sharing my life with someone besides my son is irrelevant; I am happier and more grounded than I have ever been in my life. Then a voice inside me says, “Morgan…you are ready to bring someone in. Prepare space for another human being in your heart. I’ve got one for you.”

I listened and prayed and when the magic started happening with my Man in Moseley, I allowed it. I was able to be vulnerable and free and completely me, because I wasn’t looking for him to rescue me from my life. I loved it already. It felt safe to love him, because I didn’t need him to love me.

Yes, I have experienced this to be true: Learning how to fully love yourself, frees you up to fully love another.

2. Love happens when you least expect it

Falling in love with my Man in Moseley happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself with friends, celebrating my time with my son, and really immersing myself in the work for Single Parent Magazine (launching this fall!) During this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When the email correspondence took off with my Man in Moseley and I found myself utilizing every single piece of technology available (from hand written letters to video calls via skype) to have this person as a part of my day, I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback.

Yep: Love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

(Note: My readers have asked me if I get married one day if this means my interest in single parent issues and the iHeart community will change. No, I’m telling you, my heart will always be here. Single parents are my peeps, my family, and I think a part of me will always identify myself as a single parent. Kinda like a veteran of war. Its an honor to wear this badge and to stand among some of the best human beings in the universe and call them “my own.” Us single parents can fall in love and grow who we are, but we never loose that experience raising a child alone. Once a single parent-always a single parent. It is its own special brotherhood, and I’m proud to be a part of it no matter what my marital status becomes 😉

3. Love is all around

I met my Man in Moseley 3 years ago. We were living in a different town and we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He was married; I was a flighty and often drunken graduate student. I loved him like a brother and he cared and protected me like a sister. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with the other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! The universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

Love is all around.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom in three trite expressions about love.

But living this experience, I now know what is trite is true. The greatest movies, poems and literature of all time play-out these themes again and again…and don’t we love it? =)

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the self we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun. 😉 Don’t forget to tell me all about it! I love LOVE!
When you’re a dating single mom there is arguably, nothing worse than being hurt by a man. 

Sometimes that hurt is unintentional. We both enter into the relationship or fling with the best of intentions. But sometimes a jerk sneaks in and shatters your world. One of my favorite single moms in the blogosphere, QT Mama, has some tips on how to spot a jerk in the wild. 

Fried Eggs On a Nail 

By QT Mama

I have heard of Green Eggs and Ham, oh yes I have Sam-I-Am. I have a five year old, who hasn’t? But what I had not heard, until recently, is the phrase “Fried Eggs on a Nail.”  

These words were uttered by a friend of mine, who for the purpose of this story, I’ll call Sam. I need to preface this by saying that Sam, is most certainly and in every definition of the word – a JERK. 

He knows it, he knows I think it, and he knows that I’m writing about it. But he’s my friend, and I love him for what and who he is, and for me, it’s a good man. But I’m not dating him.

Today, Sam asked me the following question:

“So are you still propping those big bigs up to make sure everyone notices?!!”

He is asking me about my breasts. I tell him yes, my breasts are fine and fabulous, thank you. His response? “That’s rare these days, good for you. The 32-year-old (his most recent fling) was not as fortunate. Nothing worse than fried eggs on a nail.”

And there it is, the prime example of a real, honest to goodness jerk. So I asked him to explain to me, exactly, what did that mean? He said, “Well, when nice tits go bad, they sag and they resemble what a fried egg would look like were it nailed to a wall.” And yet again, I shake my head and think “Those poor women. They have no idea what they are in for.” He is THAT guy, the one I avoid. The Jerk.

Read more to find out how single moms can spot jerks.

How do women spot a jerk?

More importantly, how do you spot a jerk before you start dating him? Because clearly, the blinking neon sign that says “JERK ALERT” is only for those women he’s already hurt. I am not an expert; but that won’t stop me from offering some tips on how to spot said Jerk. With a bit of help from Sam, of course. 

1. “I’ll call you on Tuesday.”

If Tuesday comes and goes and he doesn’t call? He’s a jerk. Get rid of him immediately. You ARE good enough for a phone call when he says he is going to call, and I don’t care what kind of excuse (other than death) he comes up with when he does finally call. If this early on, he is already not sticking to his word? He’s a jerk and he’s not that into. Buh Bye.

2. Me, Myself and I.

Ok, I admit, it’s often hard to see from someone else’s perspective, but a non-jerk does try. When everyone else is consistently wrong, when everyone else is ruining HIS world, when the guy at Taco Bell purposefully messed up his lunch order just to ruin his day, the guy is a jerk. Drop that burrito and hit the road, baby.

3. The Sex Hound

Once the sex is done, so is he. Unless of course, he’s drunk and decides then you’re good enough to date. Or have sex with. Let’s remember ladies, a man who only wants to see you when he’s drunk isn’t much of a man. At least that’s this mama’s opinion. Now, if he’s good in bed and you’re happy with the booty call … by all means, have at it. Safely please. You never know where a sex hound has been sniffing around.

4. The Player

Imagine me shuddering here. I hate the players. Yet they are there, waiting … just waiting for the next loving, warm wonderful woman to come along. And at first? They are attentive. They pay attention, they open doors, they bring flowers, they call when they say they are going to call, they are charming. You think you’ve hit the jackpot. Problem is, so do the 3 or 4 other women he’s doing the same thing with. These are very hard to spot, ladies. My only advice here, is when you do find out you’ve been played, get some girlfriends to gather with you, hide your phone from yourself and stay away from him. Run in the other direction as far as you can, because he will be back when the other ladies dump him. And you’ve got to stay strong, because no matter what, he’ll play again. Just don’t let it be with you.

5. The Narcissist

This is probably, by far, the hardest jerk to spot. Lisa Earle McLeod, author of Forget Perfect says, “Jerkiness is related to narcissism. A jerk usually has a long history of failed relationships, and they’ll always tell you why it was the other person’s fault. The relationship gets really serious really fast, they get infatuated, but the second the jerk finds out that you’re not perfect and you no longer see them as perfect, they become demanding and critical.”

And once that disappointment blemishes the relationship, the narcissist can never retrieve the fantasy feeling of true love. That euphoria of perfection in another. And in my experience, by the time you figure it out, you’re in too deep to simply walk away. Warning signs here? The long history of the failed relationships – relationships that ended always at the fault of the other person, they want to get serious VERY fast and then there’s the infatuation. As romantic as it may seem, be careful. Love at first sight by someone can be dangerous as well as romantic.

Not all men are jerks. Not all jerks are men, either. Let us remember, “Jerks have no gender, the only difference is the package they come in.”

Go forth and date my friends … Just proceed with caution.

[Photo: From film Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde]
Jane Wonder, the author of Confessions of a One Date Wonder (a personal favorite of mine) isn’t a single mom but she is a dating expert. I love her blog because she’s brutally honest about her emotions including the ups and downs of falling in love and breaking up. She’s also hilarious and writes about EVERYTHING. Here’s her take on how best to recover from a break up. 

Dead Men Walking

By Jane Wonder

Unfortunately when it comes to breaking up, there is no magic bullet.

No one sure fire way to erase the pain and move on. No path to avoid longing, or pain, or heart break. And no way to erase memories. It’s going to hurt. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a filthy liar. The only thing you can do is to develop a way to survive through the time it will take for your heart to mend again. And that’s what I’ve been invited here to talk about with you today. Because, of course, I have an opinion on this.

My breakup philosophy is pure and simple like the freshly fallen snow, and it is called Dead To Me (DTM). DTM is a straightforward philosophy both simple in name and premise. Practice is deceptively difficult. In short, you new ex is now dead to you. No longer exists. *poof*

First you must explain DTM to all of your friends. Surely they have all been there, all love you, and all believe that ex was never good enough for you anyway. They will help to distract you, keep from talking endlessly about him, and definitely keep you from contacting him.

Regarding contact, here is the thing: Your ex is dead (to you).

We do not call the dead on the telephone. We do not send the dead emails. We do not text the dead when we are drunk. The dead are beyond these means of communication. So when fully practicing DTM, all of these are automatically prohibited. As part of the DTM philosophy all of those means of contact must be erased. (Ladies seriously, in your cell phones? This includes saved voicemails, your contact list, text message history, and your recent and missed calls. I know all your tricks. Stop holding on over there.) Please also add any other means of online, telephone, cell phone, or other communication you can think of. Simple so far, right?

Unfortunately, sometimes the dead refuse to stay that way.

These zombies of exes will pop up. They will want to just say hi, or be friends, or possibly have a booty call. Now listen carefully… have you ever seen those old horror flicks? The black and white ones, with the zombies? Seriously, would you go to bed with that? Hell no! Those are to be attacked with axes or burning stakes or something. Not welcomed back into your cell phone, or your MySpace, or your bed. Zombie sex…. just ick. Plus I’m sure that kissing a zombie results in you becoming undead yourself. And really, who wants that? Remember, if your pesky ex reappears, he is a zombie and is to be ignored.

On a more serious note, the last step is unfortunately the hardest.

Even if you manage to stop contacting him and even if you manage not to let him wheedle his way back in, the part that no one can really help you with is making your heart forget. The purpose of DTM is to give you the room to let go. It is easy to imagine maybe things weren’t that bad and to get caught up in missing him. But for the most part, whatever did you in the first time will do you in again. That is usually the way way of things. So it is best to hold on to DTM instead of holding on to him. Hold on to your friends, not your zombie.

I will not lie… it won’t be easy. But eventually, you will heal.
Jane Wonder, the author of Confessions of a One Date Wonder (a personal favorite of mine) isn’t a single mom but she is a dating expert. I love her blog because she’s brutally honest about her emotions including the ups and downs of falling in love and breaking up. She’s also hilarious and writes about EVERYTHING. Here’s her take on how best to recover from a break up. 

Dead Men Walking

By Jane Wonder

Unfortunately when it comes to breaking up, there is no magic bullet.

No one sure fire way to erase the pain and move on. No path to avoid longing, or pain, or heart break. And no way to erase memories. It’s going to hurt. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a filthy liar. The only thing you can do is to develop a way to survive through the time it will take for your heart to mend again. And that’s what I’ve been invited here to talk about with you today. Because, of course, I have an opinion on this.

My breakup philosophy is pure and simple like the freshly fallen snow, and it is called Dead To Me (DTM). DTM is a straightforward philosophy both simple in name and premise. Practice is deceptively difficult. In short, you new ex is now dead to you. No longer exists. *poof*

First you must explain DTM to all of your friends. Surely they have all been there, all love you, and all believe that ex was never good enough for you anyway. They will help to distract you, keep from talking endlessly about him, and definitely keep you from contacting him.

Regarding contact, here is the thing: Your ex is dead (to you).

We do not call the dead on the telephone. We do not send the dead emails. We do not text the dead when we are drunk. The dead are beyond these means of communication. So when fully practicing DTM, all of these are automatically prohibited. As part of the DTM philosophy all of those means of contact must be erased. (Ladies seriously, in your cell phones? This includes saved voicemails, your contact list, text message history, and your recent and missed calls. I know all your tricks. Stop holding on over there.) Please also add any other means of online, telephone, cell phone, or other communication you can think of. Simple so far, right?

Unfortunately, sometimes the dead refuse to stay that way.

These zombies of exes will pop up. They will want to just say hi, or be friends, or possibly have a booty call. Now listen carefully… have you ever seen those old horror flicks? The black and white ones, with the zombies? Seriously, would you go to bed with that? Hell no! Those are to be attacked with axes or burning stakes or something. Not welcomed back into your cell phone, or your MySpace, or your bed. Zombie sex…. just ick. Plus I’m sure that kissing a zombie results in you becoming undead yourself. And really, who wants that? Remember, if your pesky ex reappears, he is a zombie and is to be ignored.

On a more serious note, the last step is unfortunately the hardest.

Even if you manage to stop contacting him and even if you manage not to let him wheedle his way back in, the part that no one can really help you with is making your heart forget. The purpose of DTM is to give you the room to let go. It is easy to imagine maybe things weren’t that bad and to get caught up in missing him. But for the most part, whatever did you in the first time will do you in again. That is usually the way way of things. So it is best to hold on to DTM instead of holding on to him. Hold on to your friends, not your zombie.

I will not lie… it won’t be easy. But eventually, you will heal.

Hugs… because I’m leaving!!!

By the time you read this I’ll be in the air…Wordpress has a neat little auto-publish feature. There goes that time – playing tricks on me again. 

When I land it will be 9:00 a.m. in Denmark. I’ve already told Thomas he must immediately deliver me to the best coffee and pastry shop in Copenhagen.

FYI – I’m planning on gaining at least 5 pounds while I’m there, maybe 7 (if I’m lucky). 

I am excited (everyone has been asking me) but it’s a bit clouded with some serious Benjamin cravings. I’ve talked to him on the phone twice today. He’s filled with cute little stories about his new toy truck, his naps in grandma’s hammock and all of the chocolate chip cookies she’s feeding him. His voice is so sweet… as all children’s are – but there’s nothing like the sound of your own child’s voice. Angels. And I’ll be missing mine crazy bad.

But there’s a Dane waiting on the other side with a jam packed schedule to keep me distracted and maybe, just maybe, I will be able to completely step out of mommy mode – throw all cares to the wind and just be. 

On the agenda so far…

  • A Danish national soccer game (YES! LOVE real football)
  • A boat ride into Sweden to see Hamlet’s castle
  • A party out in the country 
  • A Danish beach or two
  • The rest may include but will not be limited to shopping, eating (real chocolates), drinking (real coffee) and relaxing (no matter what).

You may find an errant post from me here or there.

And when I get back expect at least one video, tons of pictures and lots of stories… To keep you thinking and entertained until then I’ve lined up a series of AMAZING guest posts.

You’ll hear from a single mom who has found true love, from another who knows how to spot a jerk from a mile away, from a single woman who knows exactly how to conquer a bad break up and from a single dad who may have finally conquered the first hurdles of single parenthood.

And, last but not least, a writer I admire beyond words will be sharing a post (as soon as that brilliant brain of hers clears up a mild case of writer’s block). ;  )

I hope you enjoy! And I will miss this blog (almost) as much as I miss Benjamin. Hold down the fort for me, watch out for those errant comments from single parent haters and take care of yourselves until I get back. 

Knus, 

Ms. Single Mama

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Falling in Love as a Single Mom « Modern Single Momma
August 20, 2008 at 8:10 am

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Anna August 19, 2008 at 6:01 pm

Knuds to you too! Have a great trip…we’ll miss you while you’re gone! 😉

Reply

Kitkat4real (SOLO dot MOM) August 20, 2008 at 8:04 am

Looking forward to the brief posts and the TWEETS! So happy for you and for the time – living vicariously through you!

🙂

Reply

pisceshanna August 20, 2008 at 3:11 pm

Have a fabulous time girl!

Reply

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