Comments on: Daddy! Daddy! Daddy?

By: pat

pat — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 12:20:27 +0000

When M was little and first asked about Daddy, she was told how much Mommy loved Daddy, and you were born….but Daddy decided he wasn’t ready to be a Daddy and didn’t want responsiblities. He just wanted to have fun with his friends..he didn’t want to work all the time..and just wasn’t ready to be a Dad. That was 11 yrs. ago..He lives 7 miles away and this child has NEVER had a Birthday card from him..or anything else. She still understand he doesn’t want to be a Dad. But she is very happy and a totally normal little girl.. ….so dad you snooze you looze.

By: Michele

Michele — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:19:41 +0000

My son is 3 and saw his dad for the first time a month ago, he hasn't come back. For 2 weeks he would cry for daddy. He is over it now, but we are supposed to go to his birthday party. I tried talking ot my son, he said he didn't want to talk about it and was upset that daddy didn't come back. It was heartbreaking. My plan is to talk to grandma (his dad's mom) and explain the heartbreak. Then talk to dad. If he can't commit, then don't come at all until he can. I'm not going to have my little boys heart broken repeatedly. I told him that visiting daddy is like going to the play ground. Its fun, but it doesn't take care of you like mommy. Don' t know how well that will work, I'll have to let you know.

My son went through the phase where all guys were daddy, too. It's because of daycare. I laughed and told him that's not his daddy. He doesn't have a daddy. But he does have a Pop Pop and a Mr. colin and a Mommy. That works well enough.

By: Questions

Questions — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 12:19:30 +0000

[...] just so hard to answer – these questions that carry such incredible weight to us adults – so I try to keep it simple. And Benjamin [...]

By: jen

jen — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 23:54:56 +0000

It’s a hard one that question. My son has never met his father (our story is on my about page) but he still asks for him and asks when he’s going to meet him. I’ve told him a limited version of the truth, that his dad’s in a different country and that one day he’ll meet him.

It’s a hard one, and obviously I’m not alone. At least I don’t have to worry about his dad being around here, but not being around here.

By: Loops (UK)

Loops (UK) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:36:11 +0000

I must be lucky. I left my ex (violent) when my son was 3. He has never asked to see his Dad but (until recently) I have always ensured he sees him despite living a four hour drive away and he never makes the trip. Until this year I arranged for him to go to his Dad’s for extended periods (school vacation etc) – which was handy as far as chilcare is concerned. My son is nearly 12 now and has decided himself that he doesn’t want to keep in touch with his Dad. I (am I mad) have encouraged him to phone etc (he is your Dad blah blah) but he isn’t interested. My parents moved to Scotland in January which made it even less likely that I would take him to his Dad’s anyway (they did live in the same town) and for summer this year my son has spent a month with his Grandma and Grandad

By: Misty

Misty — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 19:31:46 +0000

Oh I so know what you mean!! I am an 29 single momma.. My son’s sperm doner left when he was 3 weeks old.. Ayden has maybe seen his dad a handful of times.
Ayden is in that same stage where EVERY MAN is daddy.. I try to tell him that his dad is at work. Other than that I just try to divert him to something else. It breaks my heart to know that his dad is such a dead beat that he would rather have drugs & drink than have us. But I looked at it this way….
I keep him in Ayden and my life, he ruens all of our lives.. I let him go, he just ruens his life.. Just a thought..
I just want to say thank you for your blog.. As you have said, It’s nice to know that other people are going though the same “stuff” as I am..
Misty :0)

By: Amber

Amber — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:57:03 +0000

Glad to hear I’m not alone with the feeling of urgency to find my kids a daddy! I like being single although it can be lonely at times, but for the most part I LIKE IT! However, there are those days when I feel that having a partner would take a lot of weight of my shoulders as far as having help with bills. And there there’s the feeling of my kids needing a daddy! My daughter is 8 and my son is 6 and it almost feels as if time is running out! Pretty soon they won’t want me to have a husband or they won’t take well to him! But none-the-less you are not alone!!!! I feel the same way too, but the feeling comes and goes!

By: Writebrite

Writebrite — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:06:10 +0000

I married a guy to give my son a daddy…my second husband.

The boy’s father and I split before I even knew I was pregnant, and he dissapeared when he learned I was. I met “The Sequal” shortly after but we didn’t “date” until after the boy was born. He moved in, we got pregnant, we got married…and in hindsight, I realize it was all because: 1) I didn’t think I could be choosy with my men…who wants baggage, right? and 2) to give my boy a daddy who would be there.

5 years later, he’s not there either. The bio-dad is fighting me for custody now (I have no idea why…just to mess with me?) and the step-dad sees him once a month, lessening. But I’ve gone through it with both my kids, the where’s daddy, I want my daddy, I NEED my daddy…it sucks, I know. All I can say is, keep constant with your answer and it will pass. As he gets older, you can make your explainations more detailed, but for now, just continue reiterating there are two houses, Mommy lives here with you, and Daddy lives at his house. And always, always tell him Daddy loves him and misses him too.

As years go by, your son will figure it all out. It will seem slow as they pass, but you will see it. My kids are getting it, slowly, and they are ok.

ps. I’ve found a guy I really like, and my kids really like. He’s great with them, and is in fact a great dad to his own kids. But we always specify that he is our (my kids and my) “friend.” He will never be daddy, he will never act like daddy, he will never be thought of as daddy. It’s a mutual agreement that we’ve decided to live by, and it seems to work out better for all.

By: kellymac007

kellymac007 — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:30:57 +0000

SUCH a difficult situation. It’s strange how kids go through phases like this. Have you tried, “Daddy is at work?” He’s too young to rationalize the situation or have a talk with you about it (i.e. Daddy is lazy and I DID make the right decision, etc etc…ok, maybe you wouldn’t put in the lazy part) but he’s old enough to vocalize that he misses him.

Wish we lived in the same state. I’d take your little man for a few days in an instant.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 05:57:30 +0000

I hear you – all of you… and this is why I have this blog. I don’t feel alone anymore. Thanks so much for your thoughts.

I’m actually going to have more fun b/c Benjamin will be safe and sound at grandma’s. This afternoon he took a nap in a hammock! My little guy.

I love you guys! Thanks again.