The Bad Boy Complex

by mssinglemama on August 15, 2008

Ummm, yeah – what’s up with that?

I mentioned this in my post, Chaos and Calm, in reference to Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson and how I can relate…

To that bad boy complex thing.

I just don’t get it. My ex-husband was definitely a bad boy. Tattoos from head to toe, actually to his butt. He passed out at a party and someone tattooed a Care Bear heart on his ass. But I didn’t see that until it was too late. (Not the tattoo, the fact that he was a bad boy). You see… the bad boys can disguise themselves.

They start out warm and fuzzy, lots of compliments honed over time after their experiences with many women. Or they’re just completely rough from the start – sparing in their compliments and leaving you craving more.

Over on my old blog Vanessa from YouCanGettheGuy.com left this fantastic comment:

“OMG – the bad boy complex! Do you know HOW many women are absolutely wrecked by this same thing? I know I suffered from it for many years (and now consider myself in remission!).

You know what I think it is? Its all about attraction. We say we WANT the nice guy, but we are ATTRACTED to the bad boy. It like its evolution-based. Survival of the fittest, you know? the bad boy actually represents what we want our genetics to BE. He is the “alpha male”, the strong one, the survivor and the winner. The “nice guy” – who we want mentally, is not necessarily the strongest.”

I am also in Bad Boy remission.

Kris was definitely a nerd, but even nerds act like bad boys sometimes and that makes them hotter. WHY? Thomas is definitely not a bad boy but he’s just as hot as the hottest bad boy. And even the Biker was a big mush ball at heart despite his rough exterior. So I have yet to have a bad boy since becoming a single mom.

Sweet.

But the coast isn’t clear until the fat lady sings or until the single mom stops dating forever.

Tell me about your Bad Boys and your theory on the Bad Boy Complex. What do you think about Vanessa’s comment?

If you liked this post read Why Nerds Make Better Lovers.

Related posts:

  1. Nerds make better lovers.
  2. Good guys do exist.
  3. Getting over it.
  4. Boys vs. Men
  5. I LOVE being a single mom.

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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }

pisceshanna August 15, 2008 at 10:54 am

Um yeah. Guilty. My ex had tattoos that covered his entire back, and the patent ” bad boy bicept band” as well. He also spent time in prison.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

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Ms. Single Mama August 15, 2008 at 10:56 am

Nothing is wrong with us – we’re just women… I swear, this is universal – just a matter of when you kick it. I must say Bad Boys are good to breed with – strong genes. : ) LOL

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Mark Salinas August 15, 2008 at 1:27 pm

How about a nerd, bad boy, jock all in one? What gives?

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D August 15, 2008 at 3:47 pm

I mean, who’s more exciting to be with on a Friday night? a guy who drives fast, demands a quickie, gets trashed, fights, most likely spends the rest of the weekend in jail? or one who’s at home making dinner for people close to him, then carefully drives to the video outlet to pick out Anne of Green Gables?

oh, it’s an email from my honey- that after going to Trader Joe’s after work to get lettuce for hamburgers, we stop by Office Depot for some stuff…

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Jim Everson August 15, 2008 at 5:43 pm

Vanessa’s idea is complete nonsense. If there really is some genetic advantage to being a bad boy, then bad boys would be ruling society. But you know what? They don’t. If there was some genetic advantage to being a bad boy, then most households would be headed up by a bad boy, but you know what? They aren’t. Maybe alot of young women aren’t noticing it, but bad boys SUCK at being daddies. (note I didn’t say fathering children) And please show me any society in history that has benefited from hit’n'run fathering.

The idea that bad boys are somehow more protective, strong and the embodiment of the alpha male, is hogwash The only thing bad boys are good at protecting is their own interests. And there is NOTHING wrong with that! The only problem comes when naive young women can’t distinguish between their own selfish expectations and REALITY.

Because I have never met a bad boy who felt he needed to claim he was anything other than what he was. Its only later when they are true to their bad boy natures that heartbroken and disillusioned young women cry foul.

Now as to why many women are attracted to bad boys (and I won’t deny it for a second) I have only my own indefensible explanation. It has nothing to do with DNA, but it does have to do with the crude sensibilities of those who can’t distinguish between men who push the envelope (i.e real excitement) and those who rip it to shreds (i.e exhibit pure ignorance). Remember that many children will call all four legged animals dogs until they later learn to make distinctions. This is a process called, GROWING UP.

So I feel nothing but joy for any women who claims she is moving past her bad boy phase. It tells me that her heart and imagination is waking up to the richer variety of human beings and human possibilities. And frankly, I’d say the same thing of any man who learns to see past a woman’s breasts.

Finally, no woman better tell me (to my face) that what I do every damn day by holding down a job and raising my children and cleaning toilets makes me a pussy. As MsSingleMama has said herself on multiple occasions, “This shit ain’t for sissies!”

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jokerza January 28, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Amen brother Totally am with you on all accounts.

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jenn August 15, 2008 at 8:24 pm

I don’t understand the badboy thing, but I can definately relate. My first crush was a badboy (very bad), my first boyfriend was a badboy, and my ex-husband was a badboy in disguise. I can’t explain the attraction, but it’s there. (And I’m not just wanting the excitement. I’m actually pretty boring.) I haven’t dated at all since the divorce and the only men I’ve really found myself attracted to are badboys. I purposely avoid them. It’s not worth it. My daughter is way more important to me. I know it’s a problem but at least I know what to watch for. Maybe it’s just that they exude sex appeal or something. That instant attraction isn’t always a good thing.

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single mommy August 16, 2008 at 8:15 am

Ok… I’m liking Jim. Does he realize that just being that stern on his take of bad boys would make him attractive. “Holding down a job and raising my children and cleaning toilets does not make me a pussy”

Ok I’m attracted to men who look like bad boys, but I need a real man… do they exist?

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mssinglemama August 16, 2008 at 9:00 am

I think we need to come up with a clear definition of bad boy.

1. No direction in life, no cares, no worries.
2. Doesn’t want to commit (to anyone).
3. Tattoo (optional)
4. Prison record (optional – never encountered this personally, Thank God)
5. Attractive (not optional)
6. Never calls you… you’re always chasing him and YOU DON”T KNOW WHY.

That’s my definition of bad boy. What’s yours?

And Jim, I do not think Vanessa’s comment is nonsense at all. At some point in time, most women suffer a bad boy complex. I studied anthropology for a time in college and, even in tribal societies, women are attracted to the healthier, stronger men – the men who were the fiercest warriors and hunters.

It’s because they know these men can protect them and their children. So I think we all have some kind of primal instinct leading us to the more physically fit, alpha male. And that goes in BOTH directions by the way.

Should we follow it in this day and age?

Well, as mother – I do want a man who is passionate about his career so that he can “take care of us financially” if need be. That’s very attractive to me. But I also want a man who is physically fit – someone who can do the heavy lifting, someone who does NOT sit in front of the TV all day. Do I want a bad boy? No way. And finding what I just described, Single Mommy, isn’t impossible – I think they do exist.

It’s just SO hard for us to meet them because most of them – go figure- have already been snatched up by a very smart female.

And, Jim, all single fathers are obviously totally hot in my book. Also, don’t think that there aren’t bad boy single dads out there. This comment you made really ticks me off:

“The only problem comes when naive young women can’t distinguish between their own selfish expectations and REALITY.”

Another characteristic of a true bad boy – they prey on naive young women – and MANY single moms fell for their dog and pony show. Is that because of our own selfish expectations? Can we accept reality when we are living in an alternate universe filled by false promises from said bad boy?

Long answer… but loving this discussion. And Mama Llama – Kris was a bad boy in the fact that he can’t commit to much at all and is well, a bit reckless with his life. That’s when I put him into the bad boy category. The verdict is still out though b/c he’s a youngin’ – only 24 – there’s still hope that he’ll straighten up. : )

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Vanessa August 16, 2008 at 2:28 pm

WOW!! I am LOVING this discussion. I still totally believe it is some kind of evolutionary, attraction based fall-back that leads women to want the obviously “alpha males”.

The thing is though – are they really alpha males? THAT, I believe, is where we go wrong. The more I think about this, I think that these men LOOK like alpha males – they are strong, demonstrate leadership, fight, act tough, rut like bucks and generally take our breath away. :)

However – if you look at nature and see the example of TRUE alpha-males, like a wolf for instance, you will see that the alphas there TAKE CARE OF THE PACK. Bad boys are indeed bad BOYS, because they are …posers I guess! They appear to have all the characteristics, but then they leave when the wind ruffles their zipper in another direction. A real alpha male would stay and take care of his pack.

Does that make sense?

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Jim Everson August 16, 2008 at 3:43 pm

I like MsSingleMama’s definition. I might also add to that one more criteria…
- has no real intention of making a single sacrifice. -
Because I also understand the attraction of trying to get an oak to bend, even when you know it is impossible.

MsSingleMama also called me on this one and rightly so….

–”The only problem comes when naive young women can’t distinguish between their own selfish expectations and REALITY.”

I wrote it too quickly and need to qualify that statement.

What I meant was that there is trouble when a young woman somehow thinks that, while the bad boy is attractive now, she will be the one who could tame him, or somehow make him give up his bad boy ways, while still retain his bad boy charms. All I meant to say was that I think this is a naive hope, and one doomed to eventual heartbreak.

MsSingleMama also makes an excellent point that some of these guys are predators, and deceptive ones at that. To people who fall prey to them, (finding out their true bad boy nature too late) I have nothing but sympathy. It is not their fault. And they are certainly not guilty of anything except having the same hopes and dreams that so many of us have when it comes to meeting someone special. It is a state of mind that is easy for predators to exploit.

And believe me, I could write a textbook on having your sense of reality turned inside out by a deceptive partner. Not all predators are men after all.

Finally, I LOVE Vanessa’s follow up comment. And THAT makes total sense to me.

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mssinglemama August 16, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Vanessa- YES! That makes SO much sense. Perfect addition. Goes with what Jim said about sacrifice and the ability to sacrifice.

And yes, Jim, sometimes women are the predators. Definitely goes both ways. There are bad girls too!

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Lauren August 17, 2008 at 9:16 am

Anna’s dad almost fits your entire definition of a bad boy (a prison record is the only thing he doesn’t have). Fortunately, looking back on all my past relationships and flings, he’s the only bad boy I’ve ever fallen for.

I agree with Vanessa that they LOOK like alpha males — that is something that definitely attracted me to him in the first place. But I think the only reason I continued to chase after him for so long was because we were having a baby together (I had that “perfect little family” dream in my head). Before I found out I was pregnant, my attraction for him was already starting to wane — if it weren’t for getting pregnant, we might have never talked to each other again.

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frustrated! August 18, 2008 at 6:10 am

When considering a guy for a relationship I believe it would help a great deal if women would spend more time evaluating what a guy does and not what he says…

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bert sherbert August 18, 2008 at 6:15 am

it’s been my experience that women who date asshole do so because they don’t respect themselves…

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Mary August 19, 2008 at 7:38 am

“But I didn’t see that until it was too late.”

When is too late? Are you saying you were already married? Pregnant? Why was it too late? I see a theme that is represented by your description. When in a situation, we find ourselves committed to it when we really have choices.

When will we realize that our presence is not going to fundamentally change a man? or that past behavior is a great predictor of future behavior regardless of what he might say?

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AlLaf August 28, 2008 at 11:11 am

Most bad boys are alpha males only in appearance.

I understand why women find bad boys appealing superficially, like we are attracted to curvaceous women, but I don’t get how some stick to them when it’s obvious they are just idiots.

Most “bad boys” I know (most of my old friends) are simply stupid guys who can’t think ahead and who couldn’t use their drive to their advantage.

I’m a clean-cut fella with a very good job for my age. I have that “nice guy” label that sticks to me. Which is great because when I was younger, I was a total kleptomaniac and vandal, yet I could get away with everything. I still sometimes use heavy drugs, even at work, and nobody would ever think that of me. Some “bad boy” who thought he was a big shot at work and who assumed I was a defenseless loser, was a little surprised that after three months of giving me shit, that I had built a case against him that made him lose his job, completly ruined his reputation and I even had the oppoturnity to offer him a beating in complete impunity. Hilarious.

What I mean by all of that, is that in 2008, being an alpha male requires more than having tatoos and looking intimidating. You have to calculate.

So I don’t understand why women stick to a bad boy that know is no good in life (unpredictable behavior, shitty job, prison record, etc…). I understand the superficial desire, but not the long term relationships women have with these guys.

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Em October 15, 2008 at 7:26 pm

You people don’t get it…
You all sitting here judging “Bad Boys”, but you are actually wrong… You aren’t even talking about “Bad Boys”, you’re describing ass holes, criminals, low lives and losers…

The definition for Bad Boy has been changed over time, and now it doesn’t even resemble it’s original definition… It’s the same as people who talk shit about hackers… originaly, a hacker was someone who took a computer program apart, changed it, and put it back together, and after their work, the program was faster/more advanced/more reliable etc… And now people talk about hackers like they’re destroying the world… People who go around defacing web sites and stealing money and all that other shit aren’t hackers, they’re just vandals and criminals who are good at computers, and they use their knowledge destructively…

And the same thing has happened to “Bad Boys”

Here’s what a real bad boy is:

Strong (physically fit)

Tough image (tattoos, piercings, muscles, etc.)

Generally fearless – not scared of anyone, not scared of doing things that most people would consider dangerous (jumping out of an aeroplane, driving fast, ramping a motor bike 50 feet, etc)

Always ready to fight for what they believe in (and this isn’t limited to fighting for sex and drugs, because believe it or not, but alot of bad boys are very caring, alot are very religious – christian, etc.)

Bad boys don’t really care what people think of them… That doesn’t mean that they don’t care about anyone… It just means that if someone doesn’t like that they have tattoos etc, they won’t give a fuck…

Alot of bad boys are “Straight Edge” – which means no drugs, no sex, no alcohot, etc…

You don’t have to have a prison record to be a bad boy…

You don’t have to do drugs to be a bad boy…

You don’t have to be an alcoholic to be a bad boy…

You don’t have to be poor and un ambitious to be a bad boy…

You don’t have to be disrespectful to be a bad boy…

You don’t have to be a dick to women to be a bad boy…

In the beginning, when the first “bad boys” were given that label, they were what i have described… They weren’t bad people, they were just tough guys…

Being a bad boy doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means that you don’t take shit from people who claim superiority…

Thats probably why people think that bad boys are jobless bums, but they just tend to stay away from jobs that force them to work under someone who treats them with no respect… They do things like music, skate boarding, bikers (motor cross), etc…

Bad ‘boy’ doesn’t mean bad ‘person’, it just means that you’re not a conventional “good boy”…

A conventional “good boy” is the guy who has a 9 to 5 job where he wears a suit and tie and kisses his bosses ass for a living…
Now don’t get me wrong, i’m not mocking the “good boys”, coz they are doing a very honorable and responsible thing… It’s not a “pussy” thing to be like this, it’s just different from the bad boy… Some people will respect someone who works hard to impress people by doing the 9 to 5 suit job with a distant hope of a raise or promotion… But other people respect the guys who stand up for themselves and their beliefs aka “the bad boy”…

You know, it’s all personal preferance, some girls like rockers, others like jocks… but does that mean that the rockers are wrong? or the jocks are wrong? – No, it’s just a personal preferance…

And the same applies here, good guys, bad boys, 2 very different types of people, but that doesn’t mean that either of them should be thrown out and classified as “scum of the earth” you know…

So as i said earlier, the name “Bad Boy” has been twisted from the original meaning… I’m what i would call a Bad Boy, and i’ll tell you right now, that i treat women like queens… I don’t do drugs… I drink, but i don’t get drunk… I don’t sleep around… I don’t cheat on girls… If i got a girl pregnant, i would not want her to get an abortion, and i would stay and bring the kid up with everything i have… I’m not a useless drop out loses… I’m a musician – i play lead guitar and sing… I like extreme sports – sky diving, motor cross, fmx, flatland bmx, etc… I have tattoos… I stand up for myself… I’m not scared of a fight… I don’t fear much… I’m i hacker – not an immature computer nerd who fucks up web sites and so on, even though i could do all that shit, and i’ve been tempted to on occasion, but i’m constructive with my skills and knowledge… And most importantly, i’m extremely religious – i’m a christian…

So i can hardly put myself in the class of what you all have been calling a “bad boy”… But believe me, i’m a true bad boy, i fit the original description…

This thread shouldn’t be about girls liking bad boys, it should be about girls liking ass holes…
Coz if you think about this logically, there are shit loads of guys who are normal looking, have normal jobs, and are complete ass holes, and all the girls love them, and they break loads of hearts, and they get girls pregnant and leave the girl and child… So it’s got nothing to do with bad boy or business man or anything, it’s about guys who are dick heads and treat women like shit – thats what this thread is actually about, but for some reason, everyone seems to think that if a guys a dick and he treats girls like shit that he’s a “bad boy”…

So yea, thats what i’ve got to say… I know it hasn’t exactly got anything to do with the question, but i’m just clearing up that misconception…

And sorry if there’s any typing errors in my message, but it wrote the whole thing on a cell phone, so chances are that i hit a couple of wrong buttons…

So yea… Thanks for listening, and i hope everyone gets what i’m saying…

Cheers…

Em…

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mssinglemama October 15, 2008 at 7:35 pm

Yes Em!

The bad boys can disguise themselves…

And as Vanessa said, “You know what I think it is? Its all about attraction. We say we WANT the nice guy, but we are ATTRACTED to the bad boy. It like its evolution-based. Survival of the fittest, you know? the bad boy actually represents what we want our genetics to BE. He is the “alpha male”, the strong one, the survivor and the winner. The “nice guy” – who we want mentally, is not necessarily the strongest.””

Thanks for bringing us back on track. AMAZING comment. Come back!

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Em October 15, 2008 at 7:46 pm

ok, um, i’m not sure how i should take your comment…

Coz you say “amazing comment”, but then you say that bad boys disguise themselves, and you give that quote that doesn’t really seem to fit in with anything…

So i’m just i bit confused…

Could you elaborate?

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Em October 15, 2008 at 8:00 pm

ok, um, i’m not sure how i should take your comment…

Coz you say “amazing comment”, but then you say that bad boys disguise themselves, and you give that quote that doesn’t really fit in with anything…

Could you elaborate?

Em…

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mssinglemama October 15, 2008 at 8:10 pm

Just re-read my post.

So are you, or aren’t you a bad boy? This debate could go on and on and on… I just like your contribution to it. You raise a really good point. You say you are a bad boy yet you treat women “like queens.” And you’re right it’s about the women being attracted to assholes.

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mssinglemama October 15, 2008 at 8:10 pm

That’s the real issue – we can’t help it sometimes. And it sucks.

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mssinglemama October 15, 2008 at 8:12 pm

And as I said in my post… Kris was NOT your typical bad boy. You should read this post:

http://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/20/nerds-make-better-lovers/

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Em October 15, 2008 at 8:50 pm

ok, thanks for clearing that up…

You see, thats what i was trying to explain, i’m a bad boy…
What else would you call a guy who plays guitar, drums, sings, does extreme sports, has tattoos, rides a motor bike? I am a bad boy, but i’m like the original bad boys…. I’m like the guys who started the whole bad boy style…

But nobody remembers where it started, and now the name “bad boy” has been changed, and instead of bad boy, it now seems to be bad person…

i could never see myself fitting into the description of bad boy that everyone else here has stated…

All the descriptions of bad boy here are merely descriptions of bad people – druggies, criminals, ass holes, etc…

So my answer is yes and no, i’m a bad boy, but i’m not a bad person… If you get what i’m saying?

Em…

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Em October 15, 2008 at 9:04 pm

and yea, i just read that post, and it does make sence… And don’t get me wrong, it’s a valid point but it’s like this: say there’s a guy who’s 20 years old, and he’s 6 foot tall… You can say, “he’s 6 foot tall because he’s 20 years old”, but you can’t say, “he’s 20 years old because he’s 6 foot tall.”

And the same applies here…
You can say, “nerds are good lovers.”
But you can’t say, “good lovers are nerds.”

So yea, maybe nerds are good lovers, and i’m sure it’s true, but it doesn’t mean that not being a nerd makes you any less of a lover…

Em…

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Em October 17, 2008 at 5:53 pm

I don’t know if you’ve seen Wedding Crashers?

But if you have, then i can prove my point…

Sack Lodge (the cocky guy who is dating the rich guys daughter)… His real name is bradley cooper…

But in the movie, sack lodge is an arrogant ass-bag who is a complete dick head and treats women like shit – but he’s not a “bad-boy”

You see, women are for some unknown reason attracted to guys like that… It doesn’t matter if he’s a built guy with tattoos and rides bikes – aka the “bad boy”, or if he’s a ‘successful’, wealthy, business man, women are attracted to guys who treat them like sack lodge from wedding crashers…

So i’ve come up a with a good idea here, and i think it’s extremely accurate, and truthfull, and i think it’s the real answer to this thread…

And i would love to tell you, but i’m using my cell phone to type this, and i can’t use my computer right now coz the power is out… And i can’t use my cell phone, coz the message will be too long, and i don’t feel like typing out another novel on my phone… So i’ll say it tomorrow, or later when my power comes on…
But it is definately worth listening to, coz i really think it’s the truth…

So yea, untill next time…

Cheers…

Em…

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Em October 19, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Ok, I’m a bit late with it, but here’s my answer for this article…

Now, I’m gonna be using a couple ball-park figures for this, but just go with it…

To make this alot easier, lets just say that the world is divided in 2 equal parts – Men and Women…

Now lets say, that the men are divided into 2 equal parts – ‘Bad Boys’ and “Normal Guys’…

Ok, so 50% of the guys are Bad boys, and the other 50% are your ordinary okes who have the normal jobs and pretty much all the non-’Bad Boys’…

Now I’m gonna divide it even further:

Of the Bad Boys, Lets say that 50% of them are good people, and the other 50% are the assholes (bad people)…

Then, of the Normal guys, Lets say that 50% of them are good people, and the other 50% are the assholes (bad people)…

Ok, now that we have an extremely rough idea of how the male half of the world is divided up, lets continue…

So, as I said in my previous post, the women are attracted to the assholes who treats women like shit…
Hence, if we remove the tag of “Bad Boy” or “Normal Guy”, and the guys were judged on nothing more then personality, we can assume that the women will be attracted to 50% of the men (the assholes – and for those that don’t follow the math, the assholes are made up of 50% Bad Boy, and 50% Normal Guys… and the other 50% of each are good okes…)

Now, it’s pretty clear that the women are attracted to good looking guys, and as alot of the women have said in this article, in general, Bad Boys are better looking then the average man…
So, based on that, if we exclude the personality completely, and the women rate the guys on nothing more then their looks, I’m gonna assume that after the voting is complete, the group that was chosen as “Physically Attractive” will comprise of a majority of Bad Boys (due to the fact that women don’t deny being more physically attracted to Bad Boys and the Bad Boy image)

So don’t get me wrong, I’m just using figures that are easy to work with… So no offence to anyone who takes my numbers as fact, but as I said earlier, they are all just Ball-park figures…

So now lets say, the group that was chosen as “Physically Attractive” by the women is 75% Bad Boys, and 25% Normal Guys….

Ok, so i hope everyone follows everything I’ve said so far…

Now, I think it’s pretty much common knowledge that a person will be judged on theis looks before their personality, and this is mostly due to the fact that it takes only a second or two to decide if you think someone is physically attractive, but it can take hours, days, weeks, or even months to analyse someone’s personality… And because of this, when a guy approaches a girl, she’s pretty much made up her mind on the oke before he even spits out his first word to her, and she has decided whether or not she will give the guy a chance, based primarily on his looks…

Now, obviously there are exceptions to this, but if we run this whole thing based only on my figures, we can assume that 50% of the men that approach women will be turned down straight away (the 50% that were voted as physically un-attractive), and 50% of the guys will be given a chance (the 50% that were voted as physically attractive)

That leaves us to assume that, of the 50% of the men that were given a chance by the women, 75% of them were bad boys, and the other 25% were Normal Guys (for those that don’t follow the math, I’m saying that only the physically attractive men were given a chance by the women – because they judge the okes looks before his personality… Then as I said earlier, the physically attractive men are split into 75% bad boys, and 25% normal guys… So on those grounds, 75% of the men that are given a chance by the women are Bad Boys, and the other 25% are normal okes…)

Ok, so i think it’s been pretty easy to follow so far…

But now, once the guys are given a chance by the women, the females start to analyse the guys personality…
At this point, we can assume that 50% of the guys will be thrown out (the 50% of guys that are nice people, because the women are attracted to the assholes, so the 50% that remain is the asshole half.)

Ok, so where are we now?

I’ll break it down:

Of the initial 100% of the men, 50% were cut out immediately because they weren’t in the 50% of the physically attractive men…

That left us with only 50% of the men still in play…
Of that 50%, 75% of them were Bad Boys, and 25% of them were Normal Guys…

Then, based on personality, another 50% were cut out…
It was the 50% that were the “Nice Okes” who were cut out, and the 50% that stayed were the Assholes…

So now, were sitting with only 25% of the original men…
Of that 25%, 75% of them are “Bad Boy Assholes”, and the other 25% are “Normal Guy Assholes”…

And this brings us to the point where women get fed up with their men being assholes, and they dump all the assholes…

Now this is the important part, so I hope you’ve noticed what has happened?

Here is the reason that “Bad Boys” are given a bad name:
Once the final 25% of the men got dumped for being assholes, 75% of them were Bad boys, and only 25% of them were Normal guys…

So what happens?

The “Bad Boys” are given a bad name…
Because the final batch of “Assholes” was made up of 75% Bad Boys, and only 25% Normal Guys, everyone assumes that in the world, if you chose all the assholes, 75% of them would be Bad Boys, so Bad Boys are known as Assholes, and the 25% of normal Guys where were in the Asshole group are forgotten about because they were the minority…
But, if you remember my first calculations, 50% of the Assholes in the world are Bad Boys, and 50% of the assholes are Normal guys… But due to the selection process of the women, more men from the 50% of “bad boys” in the world make it to the final batch of “Assholes” then the 50% of “Normal Guys”…

I really hope everyone got that!
I explained it as clearly as I could, and I don’t think I could’ve made it much easier to understand…

So now, I’ve covered the reason for Bad Boys getting so much bad publicity, and such a bad reputation in spite of them having the same break down percentages as the Normal guys… Then only thing that seperates them is that Bad boys are generally more physically attractive in the eyes of the women, and That is what makes all the difference…

Now, onto why women are attracted to the Assholes…

I thought about this quite alot, and I’ve heard alot of things like:
“If the girl had a dad who abused her, then she’ll be attracted to men who treat her the same way as her father.”

or

“If a girl has a low self-esteem and she thinks of herself badly, then she’ll be attracted to guys who treat her like shit coz she thinks that’s all she deserves.”

In my opinion, all of those are complete bullshit…

I can’t buy any of those reasons, so I had to come up with my own…

And this is what I got:

If you look anywhere (schools, work places, businesses, clubs, anywhere), you can instantly pick out the Popular guys… You can see the guys who have alot of friends, and the guys who get alot of attention – aka “The Popular Guy”…

And you can ask any male you find, and everyone will have the same answer: “The popular guys are dicks!”
And thats the truth… The popular guys are always the ones who pick on the less popular okes in an effort to gain respect and popularity…

Now, you might ask, “what makes these Popular guys ‘Popular’ among the other okes if they treat their peers so shitty?”

The answer is simple: People would rather have 5% of something then 100% of nothing… And the same thing applies here… A man would rather just be the “popular guy’s” sidekick then be one of the people that the “popular guy” picks on..

So all the guys wanna be friends with the Popular guy (the asshole) because they think that they will be looked at as ‘Cool’ and ‘Popular’ as long as they aren’t being picked on by the “popular guy”…

And That, ladies and gentlemen, is why the popular guy (aka “The Dick / Asshole”) is popular…

Now, I think you’re starting to see why the women are attracted to the assholes? – because they are the popular guys…

And why is a women attracted to the “Popular Guy”?
- For pretty much the same reason that the guys wanna be friends with him – Becuase nothing makes a girl more popular than if she is dating the most popular oke!

Everyone wants to be liked, and the more liked you are, the more popular you are… And people will do almost anything for a taste of that popularity!

So all the guys wanna be friends with the “Popular Guy” because they want popularity…
And all the girls wanna date the “Popular Guy (aka “The Asshole”) because they want the popularity…

So there you have it!

I’ve told you why I think women are attracted to “Assholes”…

And I’ve told you how “Bad Boys” get a bad reputation due to the fact that women like “assholes”, and women like the look of “Bad Boys”…

I really hope that all of this makes sence and that I didn’t leave anything out…
And sorry for any spelling errors, I was typing fast, and I tend to make a couple of mistakes when I do…

So yea, let me know what you think of my findings…

Take Care People!

Cheers…

Em…

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Nina December 30, 2008 at 9:30 am

I do think there is some atavistic throw back going on with bad boys, its why men are attracted to women with large hips – but I think its also what we are comfortable with…growing up my father was a work aholic (a man who loves his job is incredibly sexy to me till I realize it means no sex! ;p), unreliable, put others before me, talked big but never followed through (much like unreliable but slightly different)etc etc…ALL the men I’ve fallen for are the same. so they might not look like him physically (well my son’s father does) but the way they treat me is what i’m comfortable with and what I’m working on not being comfortable with. and its hard HARD HARD HARD because when they are nice and put me first I think something is wrong with them, I feel smothered, I distrust, etcetc…part of me doesn’t believe I deserve that, part of me just doesn’t know how to deal with and accept good treatment. its a process…one I may never be done with but at least I see it now…it took me a long time to realize based on my family history that I’m most comfortable with drama and selfish people as friends…working on that too! ;P

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Signa August 1, 2009 at 6:19 am

Ok, stop all this nonsense for just one moment and consider THIS: “bad boys” are often “fun boys” because they do what they want, when they want, whether anyone else likes it or not. They may be nice guys (as Em has suggested) or assholes (as everyone else seems to suggest) but regardless of their personality they personify something women want — FREEDOM; freedom to be who you want to be, to do what you want to do, and freedom from the feeling of obligation and fear of judgement that often prevents us from doing either.

I’ve met “bad boys” who are assholes, and I’ve met “bad boys” who are absolutely good guys (and not in disguise…they really, truly ARE good guys) but they definitely had one thing in common — they did a lot of FUN stuff and they didn’t care what anyone thought about what they did. My current husband (of 5 years now) is one of the really good “bad boys” — pro-paintball player, street bike racer, firefighter, rock climber and more. He’s sexy (but not tattooed) and fun to be with BECAUSE he does everything that he loves to do — and he’s comfortable being who he is — but he’s definitely NOT an asshole….not to anyone. He’s a step-dad to my children (never had children of his own) and he’s a better father figure than many “real” fathers. He’s a good provider. He’s sweet, but is adamant about what he believes in (but he’s NEVER looking for a fight verbally or physically)…..he won’t argue with you if you want to argue….instead he discusses the difference in opinion without taking it or making it personal. He’s crazy — he’ll do just about any dangerous, adrenaline type sport he can find just for the thrill of it — but he’s definitely NOT a jock. He’s clean cut, but when you see him on his street bike you KNOW he’s a bad boy….popping wheelies and stoppies and driving too fast and hanging out with a pack of guys on bikes.

I think I have to go with Em here and say that “bad boy” does not automatically imply “asshole”. Don’t get me wrong — I had that whole “bad boy” syndrome through my younger years and ALL of those bad boys WERE assholes. But I’ve grown up and my priorities are much healthier now — I want that fun, exciting, crazy, sexy, no boundaries, no rules bad boy just as much now as I did then — but assholes and drug addicts are on my black list. Are good “bad boys” really out there? They definitely ARE — but YOU have to know what you’re really looking for and that you’ve only been getting it HALF right all this time. So look for those bad boy qualities that you like (and if you don’t know what they are then it’s no wonder you’re getting assholes) and walk away immediately from the guys with “asshole” and other undesirable qualities because that is not part and parcel of what a “bad boy” is.

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