Single Mom S.O.S.: Should I leave my ex alone with my son?
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I get a lot of e-mails. Some are encouraging, others are from admirers (too funny), some are hateful and then there are the e-mails too urgent to ignore - the e-mails I can’t answer solo. So, with their permission, I pose the question to you - my readers - in hopes that you can offer the advice I can’t. This time, it’s a doozy.
Krissy, 30, is a single mother to her 7-month-old son. Two weeks after she told her boyfriend she was pregnant, he dumped her for someone else. She’s been alone ever since. Her ex only visits his son once a month and when he does… well, just read what she wrote:
He (my ex) is so irresponable with him, he wont listen to me when I try to tell him things, like support him better when you hold him, (he has almost dropped him several times) he has fallen off the bed in his care, he got stuck under a chair in his care, he often ignores him.
I’m so concerned and worried because come September I need to finish college and my ex is offering to look after him while I’m in class. I can’t afford daycare right now. I’m so afraid something terrible is going to happen to my son out of neglect… he doesn’t really enjoy being a dad because it cramps his style. His parents talked him into helping me so I could finish college.
I think it’s clear this guy should not, under any circumstances, be left alone with his son. So what should she do? Finishing college is extremely important for Krissy. Are there any child care courses stupid, ass men like this one can take?
Any advice on finding quality, yet affordable child care? Are there any child care cost assistance programs out there? Krissy is reading this - so please… anything will help
Previous Single Mom S.O.S. posts:
Can she take the kids overseas?
Explaining the break-up to the kids
[Photo Credit: Daily Mail]
Filed under: Single Mom S.O.S.
Hello,
If you are not comfortable leaving the baby with his dad then don’t. Where I live we can get help with childcare services through the Childcare Bureau , they go by income and will pay for childcare while you are going to school. I found out about it when I applied for food stamps and medical help…If you don’t know where to start go to or call the closest welfare office. Also another option is to look into the college you are going to and sometimes they offer childcare, I don’t know how much it is though. Parenting classes are also offered through Child Youth and Family services or whatever they may call it where you live, but honestly, if he is neglecting the baby I wouldn’t leave him with him.
Good luck.
I think the advice Spatula gave was excellent and the same advice I was given. I know that most counties/states have pretty good Social Services that offer help with those types of situation and most realtively large universities/colleges offer on site daycare that is usually a lot less than you would pay for off site. But I would not leave him with his father, until he proves himself capable of taking care of the baby properly. Maybe it would be good if he took some baby care/parenting classes.
1. First and foremost, if she feels he’s neglectful or harming the child, she needs to call DCFS/CPS on him. If she doesn’t want him caring for the child bc he’s a danger to the child he needs help. Which leads to #2:
2. Technically his kid = visitation rights alone legally. So she would either have to suck it up and pray for the best if he forced the issue, or do #1 so he is required to take parenting classes before he gets the child alone.
3. Lastly, in answer to your actual question…what spatulahandle said. Check the local social services office like WIC, DHS, etc. Even a local daycare can tell you who does the subsidizing for low income clients. Look online for your state/county child care assistance program. Also try a local google search for emergency childcare programs. In IL we have one called Kids in Need that does free child child care until things get figured out. Good luck!
You said that “his parents talked him into helping me so I could finish college.” - maybe his mother can help him look after his son - he’s OBVIOUSLY Uninterested and you CANNOT put this child at risk - PERIOD!!
FUCK COLLEGE. YOUR Responsibility is to your child - FIRST. College will wait.
FYI - Krissy just commented on the old blog - here’s her solution… Krissy - you are sooooo brave. Hugs to you and good luck.
Thanks so much you guys! you have all been so helpful, unfortunatly the grandparents on both sides live hours away and wont be able to help out. Im going to look into the day care, i know my school does not offer it,I already asked, its a private school.If day care does not wrok out then I am thinking of not going back until perhaps my son is in school, i may just stay in my present city and work full time for a few years, adn take up a different career, thats how much i dont want his father taking care of him, he was just complaining about it last night actually, how much he is sacricifcing having to have his son while im in school. His attitude towards all this is a making my descision easier.
thanks again for all your support!
S.O.S mom.