Single Mom S.O.S.: Should I leave my ex alone with my son?

by mssinglemama on August 9, 2008

I get a lot of e-mails. Some are encouraging, others are from admirers (too funny), some are hateful and then there are the e-mails too urgent to ignore – the e-mails I can’t answer solo. So, with their permission, I pose the question to you – my readers – in hopes that you can offer the advice I can’t. This time, it’s a doozy.

Krissy, 30, is a single mother to her 7-month-old son. Two weeks after she told her boyfriend she was pregnant, he dumped her for someone else. She’s been alone ever since. Her ex only visits his son once a month and when he does… well, just read what she wrote:

He (my ex) is so irresponable with him, he wont listen to me when I try to tell him things, like support him better when you hold him, (he has almost dropped him several times) he has fallen off the bed in his care, he got stuck under a chair in his care, he often ignores him.

I’m so concerned and worried because come September I need to finish college and my ex is offering to look after him while I’m in class. I can’t afford daycare right now. I’m so afraid something terrible is going to happen to my son out of neglect… he doesn’t really enjoy being a dad because it cramps his style. His parents talked him into helping me so I could finish college.

I think it’s clear this guy should not, under any circumstances, be left alone with his son. So what should she do? Finishing college is extremely important for Krissy. Are there any child care courses stupid, ass men like this one can take?

Any advice on finding quality, yet affordable child care? Are there any child care cost assistance programs out there? Krissy is reading this – so please… anything will help

Previous Single Mom S.O.S. posts:

Can she take the kids overseas?

Her Ex wants full-custody

Explaining the break-up to the kids

Should I leave my husband?

[Photo Credit: Daily Mail]

Related posts:

  1. Should I leave my husband?
  2. Single Mom S.O.S.: Her ex wants full custody!
  3. Single Mom S.O.S. – Explaining a Break Up
  4. Single Mom S.O.S.: Can she take the kids overseas?
  5. The test for any single working mother: the morning wake up.

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

spatulahandle August 10, 2008 at 2:17 am

If you are not comfortable leaving the baby with his dad then don’t. Where I live we can get help with childcare services through the Childcare Bureau , they go by income and will pay for childcare while you are going to school. I found out about it when I applied for food stamps and medical help…If you don’t know where to start go to or call the closest welfare office. Also another option is to look into the college you are going to and sometimes they offer childcare, I don’t know how much it is though. Parenting classes are also offered through Child Youth and Family services or whatever they may call it where you live, but honestly, if he is neglecting the baby I wouldn’t leave him with him.
Good luck.


Katie August 10, 2008 at 10:44 am

I think the advice Spatula gave was excellent and the same advice I was given. I know that most counties/states have pretty good Social Services that offer help with those types of situation and most realtively large universities/colleges offer on site daycare that is usually a lot less than you would pay for off site. But I would not leave him with his father, until he proves himself capable of taking care of the baby properly. Maybe it would be good if he took some baby care/parenting classes.


Jennifer August 10, 2008 at 2:26 pm

1. First and foremost, if she feels he’s neglectful or harming the child, she needs to call DCFS/CPS on him. If she doesn’t want him caring for the child bc he’s a danger to the child he needs help. Which leads to #2:

2. Technically his kid = visitation rights alone legally. So she would either have to suck it up and pray for the best if he forced the issue, or do #1 so he is required to take parenting classes before he gets the child alone.

3. Lastly, in answer to your actual question…what spatulahandle said. Check the local social services office like WIC, DHS, etc. Even a local daycare can tell you who does the subsidizing for low income clients. Look online for your state/county child care assistance program. Also try a local google search for emergency childcare programs. In IL we have one called Kids in Need that does free child child care until things get figured out. Good luck!


Anonymous August 12, 2008 at 11:18 pm

You said that “his parents talked him into helping me so I could finish college.” – maybe his mother can help him look after his son – he’s OBVIOUSLY Uninterested and you CANNOT put this child at risk – PERIOD!!

FUCK COLLEGE. YOUR Responsibility is to your child – FIRST. College will wait.


anon. #2 August 31, 2009 at 8:14 pm

Fuck college is right! Your child needs your presence more than anything for at least a few more years. Poverty sucks. But staying close to your son will have many rewards for both of you.


mssinglemama August 20, 2008 at 4:10 pm

FYI – Krissy just commented on the old blog – here’s her solution… Krissy – you are sooooo brave. Hugs to you and good luck.

Thanks so much you guys! you have all been so helpful, unfortunatly the grandparents on both sides live hours away and wont be able to help out. Im going to look into the day care, i know my school does not offer it,I already asked, its a private school.If day care does not wrok out then I am thinking of not going back until perhaps my son is in school, i may just stay in my present city and work full time for a few years, adn take up a different career, thats how much i dont want his father taking care of him, he was just complaining about it last night actually, how much he is sacricifcing having to have his son while im in school. His attitude towards all this is a making my descision easier.
thanks again for all your support!
S.O.S mom.


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Adam July 27, 2009 at 7:30 pm

The father of your son seems to be more of the child than anything.Social services or WIC can aid in child care and pursue the father for half the expense of the childcare.Contact an attorney and see what your legal rights may or may not be.The best of luck to you and everyone is right on target when they say that college can wait.Single moms and dads are the most selfless people in the world and I believe that one day our children will grow up and be better human beings because of it. Adam


Ruby August 27, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Perhaps there is someone that would look after your son while you are in school in exchange for free boarding. I see ads for that on pretty often, sometimes college students just want a free place to stay while attending school in a different state. It might be worth a shot. I hate to think of you putting of school if its something that you really want to do. Otherwise, there are always online classes, many schools offer complete degrees online. Hope it works out for you!


jessica February 7, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Krissy, Don’t leave your son with your ex. You know your gut is telling you he isn’t safe in his care. Can you take your classes online? Do you have friends, family, someone that can help you if you need to finish school? Leave your ex out of your son’s life and both of you will be much better off!


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Patricia Mmatch November 7, 2012 at 3:44 am

Of course, don’t ever leave your son with your ex specially when he’s irresponsible enough to take care with your son. Better bring your son wherever you go. At least you are secure that he’s in the good hand rather than leaving him to your ex and worrying those days you haven’t seen him.


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Jessie Italroz December 6, 2012 at 4:14 am

I think, if you’re not one hundred percent sure and felt secure with your son in the hand of your ex..then, better not to. It’s better to bring him up wherever you will go. In order to always keep him safe and in good hands together with you.

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