A bond no man can break. Sorry guys.

by mssinglemama on August 4, 2008

Last Thursday night Benjamin woke up screaming in pain.

I ran upstairs. His body was lurching forward and backward, legs kicking. Finally I calmed him down and said, “Is it your tooth, baby? Does your tooth hurt?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Okay. Listen. Tomorrow morning, first thing, we’ll go to the Sticker Doctor (the dentist) and he’ll take the tooth away. Alright?”

“Okay, Mommy.” Until then I gave him some Motrin and watched him drift off to sleep.

When we got to the hospital the next morning, the dentist looked at both of us – bracing himself – he remembered us from the last time when Benjamin fought the body wrap with so much strength that he nearly broke free.

Benjamin looked at that long chair and the board they were going to strap him into and then looked at me.

“You’re going to be fine baby,” I’m trying to choke back my own tears because I hate this shit, “You will. You’re going to be brave and strong. And it is going to hurt, but only for a little bit. And when you’re done they’ll give you Thomas stickers, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

And then an entire room of adults were completely humbled and awed by the strength of a little 2-year-old. Benjamin laid down on the chair, offered up his wrists so they could be tied and completely relaxed. He locked into my eyes and I started carressing his little feet – the only things sticking out of the body wrap.

First the laughing gas, which he breathed slowly, then the long numbing needle and then the actual tooth pulling. Not one of these phased him. He was completely calm the entire time. Stoic. Strong. Brave.

The dentists couldn’t believe it. Never before had they ever seen a “2-year-old extraction” go so well. Never. When we were walking out the dentist was telling the story to a group of residents and nurses, “There he is… completely still the entire time.” They were all shaking their heads in disbelief and giving Benjamin loud cheers.

Where does this come from? This strength? This tolerance for pain? From me or his father? Or maybe he just really loves Thomas stickers. We finally got into the car. Benjamin was clutching his stickers for dear life (all 15 of them – the nurses were very generous). And finally the tears came. Tears of pride. The first I’ve ever had in my life.

I turned my head and shouted, “Benjamin – you kicked ASS! You were AMAZING! Give me five!”

And he did. He slapped me a high five and nodded his head. His toothless grin all lop-sided thanks to the numbness. I love that kid. More than anything. Our bond, as he’s growing older, is becoming more and more apparent. He and I are officially soul mates, bound at the hip or connected to each other for the rest of our lives – because we are in this together.

I love it.

And when I read nasty YouTube comments from men who would never date a single mom because they’d always come second to her child, I think… “Yeah, you’re damn right you would because I’m second to him too. The kid comes first – always.” And if any man can’t understand that a child should come first – then he is a child himself.

As my mom told me the other night, “If someone can’t love a kid, than they can’t love anyone.”

Peace my single mamas.

This single mama is going to have a very relaxing Monday night – the one night of week of pure “Me” time.

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  3. The Best Break-up Song Ever
  4. Online Dating Etiquette: How to break up…virtually.
  5. My toothless child.

{ 3 trackbacks }

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Katie August 4, 2008 at 8:32 pm

Aww, I am always amazed by how strong they are and what little troopers they can be. Henry is in mommy’s bed right now watching Finding Nemo because he had such a rought day with running all over town trying to get his ear infection cleared up. And as my dad went wtih me through it all, and gave up his karate practice to get his grandson’s Rx filled, and got him special treats, and held him and kissed him after we had gotten all the medicine in, I realized his grandfather probably loves that kid more than his father does. Sad, huh???

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mikkelina August 4, 2008 at 8:51 pm

well, I am not single and I am not a mommy. But I have subscribed to your blog because I love your writing…it is real, it is raw, it is “right on” and it is touching. This post, yep, brought tears to my eyes. Congratulations on being soulmates with your boy…so refreshing to see healthy relationships, even if the parents are divorced.

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Heather August 4, 2008 at 9:04 pm

Love, love, LOVE this post. Motherhood is an amazing thing.

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Crazy Computer Dad August 4, 2008 at 9:46 pm

:-) three years ago my son needed to have blood drawn for some tests. He cried, he didn’t want it, but he did sit still for the whole thing while I simply held his hand.

Later one of the school administrators told me that when he got back to school she commented on how brave he must have been. He said “I was brave because my dad was holding my hand.”

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart, but it has its rewards.

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kellymac007 August 5, 2008 at 8:19 am

This made me tear up. Hope little man is doing well.

Note to self: buy some stickers for bribery later on. ;)

It must’ve been so hard for you to go through this. I’ve wished a million times that I could be in pain rather than my son.

I have a feeling that he’s getting a lot of his strength and courage just by watching you.

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T August 5, 2008 at 9:36 am

What a brave baby boy!! Aw!

I have to take my little one to get 3 crowns in a few weeks. I am NOT looking forward to it. But I will definitely be sharing this story with her!

That sweetie pie has stolen my heart too!

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singleparentdad August 5, 2008 at 10:44 am

You’ve got a brave little boy there! A body wrap in a dentist chair would have me shaking in my boots!

I’m a single daddy but reading your post really tugged at my heart strings, especially “we are in this together”.

We are the parents and they are our children but for my son and me, we give each other strength to get through whatever life throws our way. No matter how tired or stressed I am, whenever I see his smile and enthusiasm for life, I feel rejuvenized and am able to refocus on what’s really important.

My son who is now 4 had to have urine drawn using a catherer and blood drawn from both arms when he was just 2 yrs old…at 12am no less. I won’t get into to details of why except to say that it will be a long time before I am able to forgive the person who made this necessary.

As he was held down and screaming with fright and pain, all I could do was hold his hand and assure him I was there. Afterwards, as I was drying his eyes and telling him it’s over and that I was here with him, he gave me a hug and said “we’re the buddy team”. Despite what had just happened, everything seem alright at that moment.

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pisceshanna August 5, 2008 at 12:28 pm

Man that must have been so hard for both of you. Its amazing the strength you have on reserve when you become a parent. Its like WHERE did that come from?
Good job and I’m totally cheering for team Alaina and Benjamin!
:)

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Single mom in New England August 5, 2008 at 12:54 pm

That made my eyes well up, thanks for sharing. I have a 3 yr old son too and can only imagine what YOU were feeling seeing him go through that. Hats off to you too, for being so brave.

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spatulahandle August 5, 2008 at 12:58 pm

I remember when my son was sick, he was 3 years old, I took him to the doctor 10 times and the ER 3 time within a 5 week period and nothing was done for him. When we finally got him into a specialist he was admitted to the hospital and had to have exploratory surgery twice. He was in the hospital for 9 days and I stayed with him the entire time. He had to have a lot of blood work done and hates needles to this day…I remember having to hold him while they drew his blood, it was awful. He is a happy and healthy 11 year old now.
I wrote a little about it on my blog if you want to read it, here is a link:
http://spatulahandle.wordpress.com/2008/02/25/be-thankful-everyday/

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Jessee August 5, 2008 at 3:52 pm

You’ve just explained, much better than I ever could, how I feel about my little Kaden. I love him more than words could ever describe. I felt like my whole heart is living outside my body. He is most definitely my soulmate and best friend.

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solo mama August 5, 2008 at 4:40 pm

You allow me to feel proud of being a single mom. You kick ass! Thank you so much for this post and I just can’t wait to pick-up my little lady from day care today and give her a tight squeeze-they’re our soul mates.

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mb2456 August 5, 2008 at 5:34 pm

Great story about your son. He’ll be able to brave much more as he gets older.

I enjoyed your comment about dating single moms. When I divorced and started dating again (about 2 years later) I tried to date only women with children. Not easy because women my age tend to have grown kids. But I found the women I had more in common with were those who had kids about the same age as mine (at the time they were 10 and 14). The woman I married had a teenage daughter, hence why I have three teenage daughters.

Thanks for the writing. Mike

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Anna August 5, 2008 at 6:55 pm

You couldn’t have said that any better. No one in the entire world EVER should come before your child.

Way to go Benjamin…Lucas and I are slapping high fives for braveness over here! ;-) You’re a champ!

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Mr. Anonymous® August 5, 2008 at 9:05 pm

It reminds me of the movie sequel to “A Fish called Wanda” – some Zoo thing rather… when Jamie Lee Curtis finally “MAKES CONTACT” – you are JUST realizinf the incredible life you have had a hand in creating.

Strap yourself in sister – you ain’t seen nothing yet!

Raising that boy is going to be the most IMPORTANT, REWARDING, GRATIFYING AND FULFILLINF EVENT IN YOUR LIFE.

(But hell you already knew that :-)

I must agree that any maan (in my case “ain’t he so cute” chicks) CANNOT “get it” – they are already on the way out…

HOW BEAUTIFUL that you get to witness Ben’s simple PURENESS… I’m JEALOUS :-) turn back the clock…

You only get to see this ONCE! – Don’t miss it. (I sooo miss nap time :-)

SAVE A CHILD SAVE THE WORLD.

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Ellie Merritt August 5, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Ahhh…I love Benjamin! What a perfect littl guy. Man I love our kids.
xoxo
ellie

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Alexis August 5, 2008 at 9:55 pm

Peace to you and brave Benjamin too!!!! I’ve been noticeing our bond as he gets older…what a magical thing! These little boys are truly amazing…what a beautiful entry!

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mssinglemama August 5, 2008 at 11:47 pm

: )

Thank you everyone… so much. It’s actually all of you and comments like these that make me feel stronger.

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littlemansmom August 6, 2008 at 2:08 pm

That is absolutly adorable! WTG little-B !!!!!! Not only your mama proud, but all of your mama’s cyber friends! WOOHOO!!!!

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Livingalmostlarge August 8, 2008 at 11:19 pm

Date men who also have children. They understand the love, the strength, the patience involved with being a parent. Stop looking at younger men who need to grow up. Find a MAN who made the commitment and tried to make it work.

My dad (stepfather) had 3 children from a previous marriage. The marriage was doomed, but they tried. They split and he knew he came “second” to me, but my mom came second as well. It was a common understanding of marriage, children, compromise, and being an adult and how to behave in a marriage that has made it work for 20+ years now.

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Megan December 28, 2008 at 12:08 pm

it is amazing. you have that one moment where you realize you are in it together, and even if things go sour he has you and you have him. period.

Wonderful.

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micocmom January 31, 2009 at 2:29 pm

You said ass to your 2-year-old? you have some learning and growing up to do.

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Dawn February 1, 2009 at 9:53 pm

With micocmom in the world maybe we’ll all fly right. Maybe we should be tuned into your station. Do you play something for humans?

Do you like to throw rocks? Kind of shows.

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mssinglemama February 1, 2009 at 10:15 pm

Dawn. I love you.

xoxo

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Colleen March 24, 2009 at 11:56 pm

I believe all the credit for Benjamin's strength and courage goes to you, my dear. You respect him as a small person, not treat him like "just" a child, and he knows it. You told him straight out what to expect and were honest with him that it would hurt — he trusts you implicitly and knows that you would never let anything bad happen to him. You've connected with him in a way most parents don't bother to.

So if you don't mind me plagiarizing your quote: "you kicked ASS! You were AMAZING! Give me five!” :-)

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