Comments on: The Rebound Year http://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Tue, 22 May 2012 16:28:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: PerfectDateNow.info - A gift for you.http://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-54598 PerfectDateNow.info - A gift for you. Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:09:15 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-54598 [...] The Rebound Year [...] [...] The Rebound Year [...]

]]> By: Single Moms Dating Fearhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-17027 Single Moms Dating Fear Fri, 30 Apr 2010 14:06:48 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-17027 [...] fears, unfortunately, tend to control our dating lives for the first year as we regain our footing. But then, if you’re like me, we slowly gain control – [...] [...] fears, unfortunately, tend to control our dating lives for the first year as we regain our footing. But then, if you’re like me, we slowly gain control – [...]

]]> By: PT-LawMomhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-3893 PT-LawMom Fri, 17 Oct 2008 02:38:26 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-3893 UGH, I am so with Jim on this. But I hear what you're saying. UGH, I am so with Jim on this. But I hear what you’re saying.

]]> By: How Do I Get Over My Ex?http://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-3866 How Do I Get Over My Ex? Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:12:29 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-3866 [...] The Rebound Year [...] [...] The Rebound Year [...]

]]> By: davidrochesterhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-2531 davidrochester Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:18:32 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-2531 Even without divorce, a 1-year dating moratorium is a good idea after getting out of a significant relationship. I have to say ... it baffles me as to why people find this so difficult to do. I suppose this is one of the only benefits of being naturally introverted; I have no problem at all with being alone. I do have a problem with being celibate, but ... that's a different issue. However, I do tend to think that people who are desperate for intimacy after a relationship simply haven't spent enough time getting to know themselves, and/or they're buying into society's perception that single people are somehow lacking or defective ... whereas my perception is that putting a lot of emotional energy into a dead end is defective. :-) Even without divorce, a 1-year dating moratorium is a good idea after getting out of a significant relationship. I have to say … it baffles me as to why people find this so difficult to do. I suppose this is one of the only benefits of being naturally introverted; I have no problem at all with being alone. I do have a problem with being celibate, but … that’s a different issue.

However, I do tend to think that people who are desperate for intimacy after a relationship simply haven’t spent enough time getting to know themselves, and/or they’re buying into society’s perception that single people are somehow lacking or defective … whereas my perception is that putting a lot of emotional energy into a dead end is defective. :-)

]]> By: Jhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-2530 J Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:15:06 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-2530 Rebound relationships hurt both yourself and the person you 'take it out on.. I was married 23 years and most of the years I wished for a reconnection with my High School Sweetheart, searched the world over for him and found him at the end of my marriage. I moved swiftly into this relationship with my HS Sweety only to discover I once again settled for someone because of my fantasy ideal, not the real deal of what I wanted or needed. I do love him deeply but he himself has more problems then you can shake a stick at and I.. well I just wanted more, finally after 2.5 years of struggling through this relationship we broke it off. Very painful, as not only the death of yet another relationship took place, but I spent a lot of time wasting both of our time. I feel, if i was in a better place in my mind, heart, and soul I may have never took one step in his direction (he has major problems with addictions) but I put blinders on because I WANTED, NEEDED someone in my life right away to fill up that space, to take away the pain.. WRONG.. We are recently broken up and I miss him.. because I am scared of being alone.. but I promised myself that I WILL not settle for anything less then I deserve, or anyone less then my children deserve. A new person came into my life, a single Dad who spent the last few years getting to know himself and he has been interested in me for a long time.. but, I will not move forward on this because I don't want to go from man, to man.. etc.. just to not be alone.. if he is really interested in me, I say.. he will be patient for 6 months or more until I can figure out that I don't NEED a man. I also don't want to drag someone into my web of emotions at this point.. as I never took the time to grieve the loss of my first marriage. Rebound relationships hurt both yourself and the person you ‘take it out on.. I was married 23 years and most of the years I wished for a reconnection with my High School Sweetheart, searched the world over for him and found him at the end of my marriage. I moved swiftly into this relationship with my HS Sweety only to discover I once again settled for someone because of my fantasy ideal, not the real deal of what I wanted or needed. I do love him deeply but he himself has more problems then you can shake a stick at and I.. well I just wanted more, finally after 2.5 years of struggling through this relationship we broke it off. Very painful, as not only the death of yet another relationship took place, but I spent a lot of time wasting both of our time. I feel, if i was in a better place in my mind, heart, and soul I may have never took one step in his direction (he has major problems with addictions) but I put blinders on because I WANTED, NEEDED someone in my life right away to fill up that space, to take away the pain.. WRONG.. We are recently broken up and I miss him.. because I am scared of being alone.. but I promised myself that I WILL not settle for anything less then I deserve, or anyone less then my children deserve. A new person came into my life, a single Dad who spent the last few years getting to know himself and he has been interested in me for a long time.. but, I will not move forward on this because I don’t want to go from man, to man.. etc.. just to not be alone.. if he is really interested in me, I say.. he will be patient for 6 months or more until I can figure out that I don’t NEED a man. I also don’t want to drag someone into my web of emotions at this point.. as I never took the time to grieve the loss of my first marriage.

]]> By: Thttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-2529 T Sun, 27 Jul 2008 15:39:04 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-2529 Wow. I love this post and the comments that followed. I craved intimacy for so long during the final part of my marriage. I was desperate to feel it again after we split. I did try the friends with benefits thing too and realized I was falling for my friend. I nearly lost the friendship in the meantime. It wasn't until I realized that I was trying to force a relationship to appear in my life, when I decided that I just needed to focus on myself and my children, when I decided to enjoy being single, that's when my soldier appeared in my life. I did fall hard and fast and then he was deployed. I've spent this entire deployment learning more about myself. I'm still learning! I've always said the best way to learn WHO YOU ARE is in relation with someone else. So, my someone else is 6000 miles away. I am learning to be independent and enjoy that feeling of wanting someone in my life instead of needing someone in my life. Maybe that's what that first year post-marriage is all about? Thanks again, MSM for your wonderful insights! Wow. I love this post and the comments that followed.

I craved intimacy for so long during the final part of my marriage. I was desperate to feel it again after we split. I did try the friends with benefits thing too and realized I was falling for my friend. I nearly lost the friendship in the meantime.

It wasn’t until I realized that I was trying to force a relationship to appear in my life, when I decided that I just needed to focus on myself and my children, when I decided to enjoy being single, that’s when my soldier appeared in my life. I did fall hard and fast and then he was deployed.

I’ve spent this entire deployment learning more about myself. I’m still learning! I’ve always said the best way to learn WHO YOU ARE is in relation with someone else. So, my someone else is 6000 miles away. I am learning to be independent and enjoy that feeling of wanting someone in my life instead of needing someone in my life. Maybe that’s what that first year post-marriage is all about?

Thanks again, MSM for your wonderful insights!

]]> By: Single Minded Women » Blog Archive » Single Moms you can get Your Boyfriend’s Kids to Tolerate you…maybe even like you!http://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-2528 Single Minded Women » Blog Archive » Single Moms you can get Your Boyfriend’s Kids to Tolerate you…maybe even like you! Sun, 27 Jul 2008 13:29:47 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-2528 [...] Single Mama offers her tips to single moms about why it’s so importnat to take some time off before jumping back ino [...] [...] Single Mama offers her tips to single moms about why it’s so importnat to take some time off before jumping back ino [...]

]]> By: laurakim123http://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-2527 laurakim123 Sat, 26 Jul 2008 18:01:54 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-2527 WOW I can SOOOO relate to this post!!! I did ALL of this - I actually launched into a year long r/ship the day after I left my ex! It was STUPID and I hurt him! But your friend was right - it took me a year to heal and be ready! LOL the problem is now I am ready but noone else is! WOW I can SOOOO relate to this post!!!

I did ALL of this – I actually launched into a year long r/ship the day after I left my ex! It was STUPID and I hurt him! But your friend was right – it took me a year to heal and be ready! LOL the problem is now I am ready but noone else is!

]]> By: J-Fohttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/07/25/the-rebound-year/#comment-2526 J-Fo Sat, 26 Jul 2008 17:18:03 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=658#comment-2526 I'm going to chime in, mostly because I love to chatter...and I love this blog! My ex left me about 2 seconds into the pregnancy, so I had pretty much 9 months to let the whole "you've been left" thing set in. And then, once my daughter was born, the first few months were just craziness of learning how in the H to be a mom. When my daughter was about 3 1/2 months old, I met someone. We dated for about two years, and just broke up about a month ago. We had quite a lot of ups and downs during that timeframe, some of which was his stuff...but I'm sure lots of which was, perhaps, because I really wasn't ready to plunge into a big relationship at that point. Now, a month since the breakup...I can honestly tell you that I've not felt happier with MYSELF and my parenting and my life in general in a long time, probably in forever. I think I've just gone from guy to guy to guy for so long. This is really the first time I've got the time and energy to, well, just love me for a while. And my daughter, of course. I've never felt more enthusiastic about the future, which is funny since it really is so up in the air. I guess my point is...I've done the whole racing off to find the one who's going to save me thing, and what I'm finding is that, for me, doing the opposite is actually what's saving me! And I'm thinking more and more that, when the right guy does come along...I'm really going to be ready! I’m going to chime in, mostly because I love to chatter…and I love this blog! My ex left me about 2 seconds into the pregnancy, so I had pretty much 9 months to let the whole “you’ve been left” thing set in. And then, once my daughter was born, the first few months were just craziness of learning how in the H to be a mom.

When my daughter was about 3 1/2 months old, I met someone. We dated for about two years, and just broke up about a month ago.

We had quite a lot of ups and downs during that timeframe, some of which was his stuff…but I’m sure lots of which was, perhaps, because I really wasn’t ready to plunge into a big relationship at that point.

Now, a month since the breakup…I can honestly tell you that I’ve not felt happier with MYSELF and my parenting and my life in general in a long time, probably in forever. I think I’ve just gone from guy to guy to guy for so long. This is really the first time I’ve got the time and energy to, well, just love me for a while. And my daughter, of course. I’ve never felt more enthusiastic about the future, which is funny since it really is so up in the air.

I guess my point is…I’ve done the whole racing off to find the one who’s going to save me thing, and what I’m finding is that, for me, doing the opposite is actually what’s saving me!

And I’m thinking more and more that, when the right guy does come along…I’m really going to be ready!

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