After I left my ex-husband I wanted a new one. Immediately.
I had been craving intimacy with him for two years and I was finally free to find it…with anyone. I was so blinded by my own desperation that I would check every man’s left ring finger… no matter who they were. I just wanted someone. Pizza deliver drivers, mailmen, waiters, old men, young men – didn’t matter.
My friends, family and co-workers would patiently listen as I ran through play by plays of the words a crush had used in an e-mail or the phone tag we were playing. “He hasn’t called me back yet. Should I call him again anyway?” I was even annoying myself.
And then one of them, a single mom herself, gave me advice I didn’t want to hear.
“You’re not ready yet. Just listen to yourself. You need one year before you’ll actually be able to have a relationship.”
“No! No way! I am not crazy. And I am ready. I can’t wait that long!”
I rationalized it, made excuses for myself and kept dating anyway. But, she was right, none of my little flings or mini-relationships turned out. I would overreact or fall too deeply too quickly – unable to see things clearly. Remember the biker?
But every rebounder must rebound…so here are some post-divorce dating tips:
- You probably aren’t ready. Accept it and you may avoid hurting yourself or someone else.
- Be friends first. Take it as slow as you can.
- Focus on yourself and on the kids.
- Start a journal or a blog, don’t bore your friends to death with your dating stories.
And please don’t shoot the messenger. I remember exactly how you’re feeling and yes, that feeling of loneliness is so incredibly painful … but your year will be over before you know it.
More of my post-divorce dating posts you might like:
- You might have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
- Want men to start falling from the sky? Forget about them.
- Just when I thought I was safe.