How to Date a Single Mom, Part 4

by mssinglemama on July 15, 2008

On Saturday night Kris came over. Yes, I’m weak. Damn it.

We met at a bar. I called him after writing my baggage post which stirred up all kinds of Kris memories. But by the time he got there my sickness, which had started creeping up on me earlier in the evening, was now a full blown stomach cramp. I could hardly stand up let alone swallow my drink.

“We have to go home, I feel sick.”

“No…,” he takes a step back, “No way. I can not get sick right now.”

This actually made me laugh because the look of fear on his face, he has a very charismatic face, and it looked like I was pointing a gun at his head. I couldn’t blame him. Benjamin’s day care bugs are the worst illnesses I’ve ever had, each one with it’s own unique set of vicious symptoms – pounding headaches, severe stomach cramps or violent coughs. It always surprises me that the little guy handles them with such grace. But not us adults. And Kris, having dated me for six months, has had his fair share of them.

I live just a few blocks from the bar so he walks me home anyway and I promise not to kiss him. After thanking the sitter we curl up on the couch. No kissing, just cuddling. So nice. I told him about the post I’d just published.

“I wrote about my baggage tonight.”

“Baggage? You don’t have any baggage. You just can’t ever hang out.”

Nothing like the clarity of a 24-year-old’s mind to make you feel like a goof for psycho-analyzing yourself. So I have two more tips to add to my list on How to Date a Single Mom:

1. Single moms can’t hang out all of the time. Take me for example, I am only available on Monday nights, which I’ve already got booked solid for the next two weeks. So to squeeze you in I’d have to find a sitter. Usually after a few dates and if I really like the guy, I invite them over for wine on my front porch (after Benjamin’s asleep). Once a guy’s in – like Kris was – I can be very spontaneous as long as Benjamin is invited. But, to a younger man, I’m sure a single mom’s inability to go out on the fly (without the kids) is a big negative. But that’s okay because young guys aren’t ready to settle anyway…

2. Pack your vitamins. If you’re dating a single mom with little ones in day care or school. And if they do get you sick you may experiences sicknesses the likes of which you could never have imagined – don’t make a big deal out of it, just take it like a man – because if you’re dating a single mom, chances are she’ll be too busy to bring you chicken noodle soup.

P.S. Kris left me a bucket by the bed and tucked me in … no drama, no crazy romp in the hay, just a good friend. And Benjamin’s illness had me on my ass for two days. Fun. One of the only times I daydream about having a sweet husband or boyfriend to take care of little me.

Related Kris posts you might like:

One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Did I lose my Mr. Good Enough?

And my other How to Date a Single Mom posts:

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 1

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2

How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3 (Thomas‘s perspective)

[Photo Credit: Spring Love, find it here]

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Loovya » Blog Archive » How to Date a Single Mom
August 12, 2008 at 6:15 pm
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3 | Ms. Single Mama
August 12, 2008 at 6:55 pm
How to date a single mom, Part 1 « Ms. Single Mama
September 4, 2008 at 9:29 am

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

jonathan July 15, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Well put.

From a single dad’s perspective, I can say it works the other way around too, especially on your #1, about availability.

I briefly dated a really nice girl and my friends thought that I, a 37 year-old father of three, had scored the ultimate girlfriend: 28, single, never-married, loved kids but didn’t want any of her own, and drumroll please….she was hot.

In spite of all that “looks good on paper” stuff, she really had a hard time with the time I spent with my kids. Soccer practise (I’m the coach), recitals, dates with my kids, whatever…she had a really hard time with it and her response to it was a big reason we didn’t work out.

Dating other single moms has seemed to go much smoother. The pace of the relationship, time spent, etc….it’s almost like a language that you only get if you have kids.

So anyway, nice post and keep on truckin’.

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osolomama July 15, 2008 at 11:08 pm

As far as I’m concerned, they know this going in (point #1–availability). They can also hang out at home, in which case there may be a few more occasions–I count cooking as one of the great neutral territories–neither “kiddie” nor strictly adult, and a lot of fun.

I’ll be interested to see how the show handles the availability issue.

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osolomama July 15, 2008 at 11:12 pm

Who wrote you hate mail? Vixen. Do you believe people? I’ve got to get on Twitter. Was just reading your Tweet.

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mssinglemama July 15, 2008 at 11:36 pm

Tks Jonathan, I definitely get the language it’s why single moms and dads are the best company to keep.

O Solo Mama, cutest name btw. Yes, get on Twitter and it was some psycho guy. Super, super crazy – actually, kind of freaking out in this very moment. He was so nuts all of the vicious stuff he wrote just sounded scary.

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Dan July 16, 2008 at 1:52 am

sickness? enough of those caught from the little ones, and sooner or later, immunity from kiddie-borne diseases builds up. these childlesses got nothin’ on us.

on another front, haven’t seen her over a month now. she left two sweet-sounding i-miss-you-voicemails while I was on vacation in some third-world country. my voice mails not returned, i get the hint. oh well, life goes on..

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Katherine July 16, 2008 at 12:12 pm

Great blog. I can so relate… and isn’t it funny his first thought was, “I cannot get sick” instead of – “you gonna be ok, honey?”

I didn’t say it wasn’t typical, just funny.

Oh, the dating game…. nice to be taking a break from this for awhile. (Although I do miss the simple tucking you in bed because you are sick that comes with the sweetness of the relationship – must admit that one here.)

🙂

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jonb July 20, 2008 at 4:00 pm

As a man dating a mother(she’s not single anymore lol) I can say that availability is a challenge at first. I think in order to get over that hurdle you have to love/want kids and see not only the attractive woman you are after but also the caring mom she is. You have to park your desires and work in to her schedule. For me, after about nine months, we are talking about moving in(i may need yall’s help on this) and marriage in the near future. Spontaneous changes, at leats I think, from catching a concert or late night martinis to showing up with steaks for grilling or an Elmo Sprinkler. A single mom is also a mirror for yourself and your actions. Seeing someone selflessly caring for a child and devoting themselves to him/her, makes your desires to go go out or party seem trivial. I think, even still, I am a total a$$ at times, luckily she loves me and we talk through everything. I think dating a single mom is the easiest, and hardest relationship to have, if that makes any sense, but if it works out, the most rewarding.

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mssinglemama July 20, 2008 at 7:08 pm

Dan – that’s too bad – but, oh well – more fish out there.

Katherine – yes, Kris is young and not yet trained in the “Oh, no – how can I make you feel better?” knee-jerk reaction thing. But he did do a great job at tucking me in, making sure I was okay – all of the stuff that counts. That boy has been through it all with Benjamin and I so he gets major props.

Jon B. – what’s this you say? Engagement on the horizon??? OMG. I am so happy for you – scared too. But I’m a marriage phobe. But from everything you’ve written about her on this blog and about your own feelings – I think it’s clear that you two should be together. You are awesome! And keep us posted.

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Dan 2 January 12, 2010 at 10:50 pm

All of this sounds fine and well. But the kind of man I am I dont put up with A. Other males. and B. “I just want to be friends” BS…. Kids screaming, illnesses, vomit, shit, puke, being 2nd priority, as long as when he have intimate time, it’s the best, a man will deal with a lot of obstacles.

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Patroller24 August 26, 2010 at 10:06 pm

last sentence in #1- “…young guys aren’t ready to settle anyway….”
I have been dating an amazing single mother for almost three years, and by no means did I settle. She is the best thing ever. Yes instant family has been a learning curve but earning her trust and the trust of the little one continues to pay wonderful benefits. I might have settled down, but not settled!
Great blog, keep up the helpful information…….wish I would have found it three years ago! 😉

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CanIcallHimDaddy82044 September 27, 2011 at 11:47 pm

very helpful article. I foresee myself dating a single mom in the not so distant future and having seen plenty of ‘Brady Bunch’ dynamics in my extended family, I am willing to take on the challenge. I sometimes think of my late father who became a stepfather not long after I was a toddler. His third/final wife had 3 children from a previous marriage gone bad and they all developed a great respect for my father.

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Abdurahman February 4, 2015 at 7:20 am

In my personal eripxeence, it didn’t work out because we were already best friends we knew everything about each other and we are so a like that we were awesome as best friends but just clashed as a couple (of course it took us a year to figure that out).But since you’re already hooking up with him, it shows you can handle being more than friends with him. So i think you should give the two of you a shot. Maybe something great will happen.

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TheSoldire'sgirl May 12, 2012 at 1:11 am

Nice post, I am currently dating a 24yr old, he is in the army, I have a 6yr old daughter, sometimes I feel like he is to young, but most of the time (like almost all of the time) he is so perfect, its like we can take our time without rushing things, but we still daydream about when we get old, (as if we can predict the future), well tonight he told me about his sister comment: “She is a single mom, Are you seriously gonna commit?”. It made me sick to my stomach, but I faked to be ok and change the subject, however after a couple of minutes, I had to ask: What did you told your sister? his answer was: “I told her of course I will commit, I cannot imagine a better person in my life, she is just so perfect”. Oh it made me feel so good, but I still have the insecurity that his sister might just be saving the : I told you so!
So I decided to google out about man dating single moms, a lot of people outthere have very different experiences with girls in different situations as mine, so I can see that they are upset at goldigin’ single mom, but then I came across your page, and I realized, hey we are a great deal! I am an amazing person who happend to find an amazing man to help me on my sick days and be there for daughter and I, as we will be there for him.

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xfit_guy33 February 13, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Thank you for your blog. I stumbled on to it while researching dating a single mom. I met an intriguing woman and she has a 6 yr old daughter. We have only been on 2 dates and she has agreed to a 3rd. This might seem like I am jumping the guy, but I have never dating a woman with kids, so I wanted to see what I am getting into without asking her (don’t want to spook her).

The information you have provided has been helpful and the fact she has a kid is not a reason to not pursue her.

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Xiriz February 4, 2015 at 5:25 am

Aquarius isn’t really rctvpeiee to emotions, they’re more rctvpeiee to thoughts and ideas. Aquarius isn’t the emotional type they’re more interested in what a person thinks and what they have to say rather than what they feel and how it affects them. You don’t have a hard time dating, you have a hard time connecting and getting close to someone and staying that way. Aquarius wants freedom and liberty. The only other sign you’ll really get that freedom from is Gemini. Leo is your opposite but sometimes Leo requires a little more stability and consistency. Aquarius is sometimes not interested in that. How can you make it easier on yourself? Try meeting new people. Instead of talking, listen. Listen to what they’re saying and observe their emotional state and try to empathize with them.

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