Comments on: Dating Karma

By: Heather

Heather — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:00:57 +0000

oops I just posted on the wrong blog…I’m new.:)

By: Heather

Heather — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:29:29 +0000

I have been dating a man for 6 months, everything was going so good…up till last night, I noticed he is real nice to my 7 year old daughter and not so nice to my 4 year old son.
My 7 year old came up and gave him a hug, he hugged her back…right after my son came up and “tried” giving him a hug he pulled away and made an aggravated grumble at him…so I made the statement “he just wanted a hug”
Wow he started raising his voice at me in deffence, I told him I would be more than happy to talk about this outside, not in front of my kids…Then things just got worse, it upset me and the kids.
Does anyone have any advice for me?

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:11:55 +0000

David … yes, we can all take hints but sometimes a call is appropriate if the other person gets their hopes up … and I never say I just want to be friends, I always give them a solid reason (if I can).

UPDATE too … I did call him and explain. He still wants to hang out but I don’t think I will, only if Julie is around.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 19:44:31 +0000

Teri – I just re-read this post – and then edited the heck out of it. Hope it makes more sense now. I’m sorry about that….crazy weekend.

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 11:46:55 +0000

I went back and re-read your post and I think I may be confused about this. Is this a current guy you are avoiding? If it is, of course you should just tell him. I may have thought you meant someone from the past. There were sort of two stories implied? Perhaps those who are not new on the scene knew what you meant. Sorry about the misunderstanding.

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 11:33:27 +0000

Indeed, I do think it’s terrible to just leave someone hanging. I’m just saying that to try to go back and tell him, “Oh I’m sorry I did that,” would serve no purpose but to make you feel better. I am assuming it did not devastate him and he moved on. If that little thing made a difference in his life, I’d be seriously concerned about his mental and emotional health! Funny thing is, when people go back and say to those they’ve offended, they often say, “What the hell? I don’t even remember that! Jeez! How egotistical are you that you think I’ve been consumed with the likes of you?”

So, in this situation, you could only make him feel worse (for a number of reasons) and you feel better (karma debt paid).

My understanding of karma is that it rewards selflessness. This, to me, is not a selfless act you are pondering.

By: David

David — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 03:13:40 +0000

Hmmm, interesting. I think there’s a bit of a difference between lying to someone, and just kind of dropping the situation. Lying is never good. But I actually think that sometimes dropping the ball can be kinder than up front saying “Hey, I’m not interested.” The “just friends” thing never works, and it’s actually more of a slap in the face, IMO, than a simple “I don’t think we have potential,” because it feels (at least to me, and to many guys I know) manipulative … sort of a “have cake and eat it” scenario.

I guess I kind of feel that as adults, we should figure out that if someone doesn’t call, he or she isn’t interested. Simple as that. If they’re playing some kind of weird “I call after five days” game, then they’re game players, and who needs that? If a woman doesn’t return my call or email after an initial date, I take the hint. I think most adults are capable of doing the same. And honestly, I’d rather take the hint myself than have it forcibly given to me.

By: Shiona

Shiona — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 01:14:43 +0000

I agree with your thinking Ms. Single Mama. You are putting yourself in their place. i think you should be honest with The Architect. Don’t leave him hanging.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 23:57:48 +0000

Teri – But when you just leave someone hanging and never, ever call them back when they’ve never wronged you – that to me, is just cowardly.

It’s always better to be honest don’t you think? It’s sooo hard to hear but for me in the past, when a guy doesn’t ever call me back I feel hurt and offended. In my experience every time I’ve called a guy or e-mailed him if I didn’t want a second date they’ve reacted positively and thanked me for my honesty. It lets them move on.

By: Cathouse Teri

Cathouse Teri — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 23:32:10 +0000

I think calling someone back to clean your own messy slate is based in selfishness. Hence, perpetuating the bad karma. It couldn’t do any good for them. Only for you. Let the past be the past and move forward in honesty. The Universe will appreciate it.

Then again, what do I know? *shrug*