Oh me, oh my. The sparks are flying.

by mssinglemama on June 18, 2008

Remember what crush butterflies feel like?

Sparking all over the place, in the flesh or online – in your head, in your heart or in your throat. They’re palpable and you feel as if you could reach down into your soul and touch them. But what happens when those sparks are one sided? Or when someone feels sparks for two people at the same time?

Lately I can’t seem to get this idea of sparks out of my head. What are they? And how can you tell if you’re both feeling them?

My case in point.

Last weekend Benjamin and I found a Brio train table, complete with the tracks and the trains at a garage sale. The price? $75.00. I had to buy it. But how would I move it? I looked at my tiny Ford Focus, my tiny and grumpy little man and then at the two nice guys at the sale. Bingo.

“I’ll take it if you can deliver it. I just live right around the corner.”

They were more than happy to help and during the moving process one of them was being particularly attentive. He had blond hair, big blue eyes, a fantastic smile and a bare left finger. Before they left he invited Benjamin and I to stop by anytime, “You know where I live!” He seemed interested… but I wasn’t.

Which led me to wonder, can sparks – true sparks – be one sided? And if they are, can a one sided spark spark another spark?

I was curious. So five days later Benjamin and I popped by his place on one of our afternoon walks. He showed us the house he had renovated solo, asked tons of questions about Benjamin and about being a single mom. I also found out that he’s a very successful architect. But, alas, no spark.

I left with his number in my hand and no desire to call him.

Two days later I met one of you – one of my readers! Julie is a single mom who has a breath-takingly beautiful 17-month-old daughter, Zoe. When we met the sparks were flying everywhere. We talked and talked and talked while the kids played. And then it hit me – Julie and the architect! They would be perfect …

I briefed her on the situation, told her I had no spark but that he might have one for me … but she, like me, is a big girl with a strong head on her shoulders and she completely understood, “I get it. It’s the spark thing. You never know.” So we set out to find out if the sparks would fly between the two of them.

When we showed up at his house for drinks the architect was immediately drawn to Julie. In fact, he was so zoned in on her that I felt like I had to make myself scarce. “You guys cool if I run and get take and bake?”

“Yes!” They both chimed.

For the rest of the night when I would try to talk he actually stopped me and said, “Wait, Julie, what were you saying?” So I just sat there and twiddled my thumbs careful not to interrupt. As soon as we left, Julie and I immediately started assesing the sparks.

“So, did you feel one?” I asked her.

“Yes! Definitely, but did he have one? I couldn’t tell.” She had a point – what if he was just being incredibly sweet and courteous, because he’s like that – maybe he’s just a nice guy. There’s one truth about sparks, you can’t see them.

“Well,” I said, “There’s only one way to find out. Ask him.”

So she did. Tonight Julie called the Architect and asked him out on a date. Yep. She did it. And I’m SO proud of her. His answer – he had a very, very busy weekend filled with mundane things he had to do but that Sunday might work out and that he’d call her this weekend to firm it up. So now we wait to see if the sparks were mutual.

And even if he never calls, which I highly doubt, at least there’s a solid spark between Julie and I – the friendship spark – the best one of them all.

Other posts you might like:

Go pick up a man, I dare you!

Will he call? On asking men out – flat out.

Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 1

Single mom dating tips, Part 2

[Photo Credit: Kate Winslet in Romance & Cigarrettes]

{ 4 trackbacks }

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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Bzzy - Grandview June 18, 2008 at 11:40 pm

Hey Ms. Single Mama!

Finally checked out your blog and I fell across your “sparks” story. True dat! Great content and good true-to-life story-telling.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks for checking it out!!


McSwain June 19, 2008 at 2:13 am

It’s been a long time since crush butterflies for me–would be fun to feel them again. 🙂 Friend sparks are pretty cool too, though.


Jonathan February 3, 2015 at 5:10 am

Melanie Watson : Thanks Star and Gwen… you guys are the best! 🙂 Thanks Kathryn & Megan Beth… but I can’t take all the credit a lot of those are Brad’s imgaes too. He is such an incredible photographer. You’ll be hearing his voice on the blog very soon. 😉 I know Cory… she is stunning. Shes got a fantastic personality too that just makes her that much more beautiful. Briana you crack me up!!! I have to agree with you… those are two of my favorites for sure. I’m pretty sure the composite shot would check yes on your note. 😉


marchmommy June 19, 2008 at 6:06 am

Oh I wish I knew if sparks were mutual…I’m kinda sparking on someone at the moment, the first since my daughter’s father and I just don’t know what he thinks…and we’ve been friends for years so I’m scared to death to make any moves in case it ruins our friendship. AAAAAHHHH!! Love is so complicated!!
It would be cool if you brought these two together.


larak June 19, 2008 at 9:33 am

I love sparks! What a great story – I love that you got those two together and I hope it turns into something fun for them both. As for you, we’re going to have to start calling you Ms. Spark Central! 🙂


Sparkling Mama June 19, 2008 at 9:36 am

Can you send some sparks in this direction? I need all the help I can get! 😉


T June 19, 2008 at 10:59 am

What a great story! He’d better call her!

Yeah, though I’m stuck on my soldier, I’ve been feeling sparks with other people lately as well. (Did you read my Pickle Power post from Monday?)

Maybe its because what the soldier and I have is really difficult right now? I mean, I have to wait it out and see what happens. There were freakin’ fireworks when we were in each other’s physical presence last fall. And lots of good stuff over email and phone. Long distance is hard. (isn’t it?) I guess we’ll see.

In the meantime, am I creating the sparks because I’m carrying myself with confidence that I don’t really need a man? And do I have to follow up on the sparks? Nah. It’s just good to know that you still have the tools to make sparks, right?


shannon June 19, 2008 at 11:53 am

Friend spark rocks. I’m so jealous that Julie lives close enough to meet you! Does she have a blog?


littlemansmom June 19, 2008 at 4:12 pm

I hate trying to figure out the spark thing…I always get it wrong! If I think he ha a spark, he doesn’t, if I don’t want him to have the spark…yep, there it is! grrrrr….maybe one day I’ll get it right! LOL

But as for Julie and the Architect……I sure hope the spark lights up the room for both of them! 😉


Single mom in New England June 19, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Omigosh, the grass is always greener!! If I walked down my street, met a hot architect that invited me in to talk all about my son, you could be sure I’d bring a box of matches next time JUST TO MAKE SURE that those sparks couldn’t be ignited somehow! Those opportunities to meet a hot single man are just too rare, at least in my life. Huge kudos to you for your selflessness in punting your man to your new friend. I may be jumping to assumptions, but I think your sparks are smoldering for that man overseas!! 🙂


America June 19, 2008 at 11:04 pm

I’ve got a guy, I swear there is a spark, but we have a close mutual friend. We’ve been dancing around each other in circles (even since he quit dancing on the dance floor) for freaking 2 months. But neither of us makes a move. Trapped in the friend zone…

So sometimes even mutual spark isn’t enough…

But I also have to applaud you for your matchmaking skills. My friends are starting to try to match me up too and it scares the bejeezus out of me!


Kat Wilder June 20, 2008 at 2:40 am

What a cool thing to do for a friend! Many women wouldn’t do that because even if they didn’t want a man, they might not want anyone else to have him, either (as if they could “control” that!)

And who knows; maybe one day someone will send sparks your way.


mssinglemama June 20, 2008 at 8:02 am

Loving the spark talk … keep it coming!

Yes, share sparks when possible to improve your dating karma!


modernsinglemomma June 21, 2008 at 12:34 am

Sparks are what life is all about! My sister calls that feeling you get with the butterflies swirling “enchantment.” And when we tell each other we are “enchanted, ” we both know we are giving the highest compliment one can give– whether we are talking about a man, a friend, or a killer pair of shoes. Right now, sparks in my life are flying for new friends and frogs =)


davidrochester June 21, 2008 at 12:31 pm

I really liked this post, and it made me feel a lot better about the fact that I’ve met several women who were perfect for me “on paper,” but with whom there was absolutely no magnetic chemistry.

I think this kind of thing is a lot easier to figure out — the mutuality of the sparks, I mean — if we take the male/femaleness out of it. If you think about it, we feel sparks all the time with people … I can tell right away whether I’m going to really bond with my clients, for example, and whether they’re “getting” me. I have no hesitation in saying that my male friends and I have “sparks” for each other, or else we wouldn’t hang around. Obviously the sparks have a different probable consequence when it’s two people who are potentially dating, but interpersonal chemistry exists, and isn’t hard to figure out, in every single human relationship we have.

But for some reason, because the stakes are higher with dating, we lose our ability to assess whether sparks are felt on both sides. We also feel guilty when someone appealing feels it, and we don’t, because most of us are so kind of beaten down by life that we feel we shouldn’t turn down a good thing, otherwise another one might never come along.


jonathan June 23, 2008 at 6:11 pm

Sparks is sparks is sparks. I have had some amazing, beautiful, intelligent women who felt them for me and I strangely didn’t feel them in return. And I have fallen on my face plenty of times with flurries of sparks for women who had no interest in return.

I look forward to when the timing syncs and my life dovetails with the girl who also can’t believe what amazing sparks we have. And over time the sparks will morph into something different, maybe something more like embers which seem less spectacular at first glance but with work are constant and actually much hotter than any spark.

And then we’ll be old and ashy to everyone else, but we’ll still be glowing inside for each other, and hopefully we’ll show something right to our kids and they can start that fire all over again with their own awesome love story.


Greg Lisa August 2, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Lovely pose as always, Ms single Mama!! I love your wonderful writing styles. You post everything seems to me very meaningful as always. I love this kind of short sharing as well. 🙂 Looking forward more! 😉


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