Comments on: Single Mom S.O.S.: Can she take the kids overseas? http://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Tue, 14 Feb 2012 00:59:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: roe1957http://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-10367 roe1957 Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:22:09 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-10367 i am asking tis for my daughter. she has bee divorced for over a year and has custody of 3 children. she wants to start dating and her ex says no. she also wants to take her children to disneyland. she lives in oregon. she is also battling kidney cancer and wants to have abd be with her kids at disneyland. i know i am just a 67 yr old grandma and see whather ex is doing. also he has guns and when the jkids visit on weekends he says he took the bullets out and gave tem the guns to play with. my daughter does not like guns but he does it for spite i am asking tis for my daughter. she has bee divorced for over a year and has custody of 3 children. she wants to start dating and her ex says no. she also wants to take her children to disneyland. she lives in oregon. she is also battling kidney cancer and wants to have abd be with her kids at disneyland. i know i am just a 67 yr old grandma and see whather ex is doing. also he has guns and when the jkids visit on weekends he says he took the bullets out and gave tem the guns to play with. my daughter does not like guns but he does it for spite

]]> By: rose andrushttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-10366 rose andrus Mon, 15 Jun 2009 00:19:48 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-10366 i am asking tis for my daughter. she has bee divorced for over a year and has custody of 3 children. she wants to start dating and her ex says no. she also wants to take her children to disneyland. she lives in oregon. she is also battling kidney cancer and wants to have abd be with her kids at disneyland. i know i am just a 67 yr old grandma and see whather ex is doing. also he has guns and when the jkids visit on weekends he says he took the bullets out and gave tem the guns to play with. my daughter does not like guns but he does it for spite i am asking tis for my daughter. she has bee divorced for over a year and has custody of 3 children. she wants to start dating and her ex says no. she also wants to take her children to disneyland. she lives in oregon. she is also battling kidney cancer and wants to have abd be with her kids at disneyland. i know i am just a 67 yr old grandma and see whather ex is doing. also he has guns and when the jkids visit on weekends he says he took the bullets out and gave tem the guns to play with. my daughter does not like guns but he does it for spite

]]> By: Lounahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-8831 Louna Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:35:58 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-8831 ***UPDATE*** After, talking to an international lawyer in my area (a bilingual attorney), here is what he advised me to do concerning my situation. 1. RUN! Go! RUN! 2. It is legal to travel with the children overseas. (As long as you stay with family members) 3. Request a divorce from overseas. 4. GO now! (The Int'l lawyer is currently handling a case where the abused victim did not leave on time and her husband filed for divorce before she could obtain her green card and leave the country with their children...). It was a relief talking with him... Why did I take so long! Louna (Me_Belle) lounacee.wordpress.com ***UPDATE***

After, talking to an international lawyer in my area (a bilingual attorney), here is what he advised me to do concerning my situation.

1. RUN! Go! RUN!
2. It is legal to travel with the children overseas. (As long as you stay with family members)
3. Request a divorce from overseas.
4. GO now! (The Int'l lawyer is currently handling a case where the abused victim did not leave on time and her husband filed for divorce before she could obtain her green card and leave the country with their children…).

It was a relief talking with him… Why did I take so long!
Louna (Me_Belle)
lounacee.wordpress.com

]]> By: Me_Bellehttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-8627 Me_Belle Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:00:03 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-8627 Hello, again, MSM! Thank you for your reply and once again, I truly enjoy reading your blog and the comments.. It is great!!! Here is my blog address... Keep enjoying life to its fullest!! Yeepee! =) Louna (Me_Belle) <a href="http://lounacee.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">http://lounacee.wordpress.com/</a> p.s.: you might receive this post twice as for some reason my child's pc is acting up..) Hello, again, MSM! Thank you for your reply and once again, I truly enjoy reading your blog and the comments.. It is great!!! Here is my blog address…

Keep enjoying life to its fullest!! Yeepee! =)

Louna (Me_Belle)
http://lounacee.wordpress.com/

p.s.: you might receive this post twice as for some reason my child's pc is acting up..)

]]> By: Me_Bellehttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-8605 Me_Belle Sun, 12 Apr 2009 13:58:26 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-8605 Thanks MSM! I appreciate your quick reply and your readers replies as well. Louna Cee <a href="http://lounacee.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">http://lounacee.wordpress.com/</a> Thanks MSM!

I appreciate your quick reply and your readers replies as well.

Louna Cee
http://lounacee.wordpress.com/

]]> By: mssinglemamahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-8591 mssinglemama Sun, 12 Apr 2009 03:27:47 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-8591 Thank you SO much for updating us Belle. I also got your e-mail and just didn't have time to respond. I'm so happy for you... come back and leave another comment with a link to your blog for us. Thank you SO much for updating us Belle. I also got your e-mail and just didn't have time to respond. I'm so happy for you… come back and leave another comment with a link to your blog for us.

]]> By: Bellehttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-8587 Belle Sun, 12 Apr 2009 02:39:22 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-8587 ME-BELLE. Hello, dear MSM and readers. i wanted to update you and at the same time inform others in similar cases... Being a foreigner and living in an abusive relationship. The following are the advices I have received from 2 attorneys, a therapist and a social worker. I truly hope it will help others... 1. Do not leave until the situation becomes unsafe. If so, safely go to a safehouse. 2. Do not leave! Even if he says it is okay for you to live with the kids. 3. Prepare an emergency exit plan. Practice your exit. 4. Prepare a bag with clothes and copies of birth certificate, utility bills, marriage license, s.s. cards, etc.... I have mailed a copy of every documents I could think of to my mother overseas. 5. keep a journal. Every time I wrote in my journal, I would immediately send the pages overseas. 6. Save as much money as you can. 7. Obtain your citizenship ($675) to have the same rights as your spouse and the children. 8. Get a support system or a therapist to help you if you do not feel ready to leave but you know you have to leave. 9. Know what to tell your children. They are smart and they can figure it out. Just don't say too much. 10. Take your birth control. 11. Talk with someone at your consulate. I was surprised at how often they handle these types of situations. That's all I could think of for now. Hopefully, I did not take too much space. These advices are based on living in an abusive marriage. Belle (i will obtain a copy of the book titled "the gift of fear"-- tk you) ME-BELLE.

Hello, dear MSM and readers.

i wanted to update you and at the same time inform others in similar cases… Being a foreigner and living in an abusive relationship. The following are the advices I have received from 2 attorneys, a therapist and a social worker. I truly hope it will help others…

1. Do not leave until the situation becomes unsafe. If so, safely go to a safehouse.
2. Do not leave! Even if he says it is okay for you to live with the kids.
3. Prepare an emergency exit plan. Practice your exit.
4. Prepare a bag with clothes and copies of birth certificate, utility bills, marriage license, s.s. cards, etc…. I have mailed a copy of every documents I could think of to my mother overseas.
5. keep a journal. Every time I wrote in my journal, I would immediately send the pages overseas.
6. Save as much money as you can.
7. Obtain your citizenship ($675) to have the same rights as your spouse and the children.
8. Get a support system or a therapist to help you if you do not feel ready to leave but you know you have to leave.
9. Know what to tell your children. They are smart and they can figure it out. Just don't say too much.
10. Take your birth control.
11. Talk with someone at your consulate. I was surprised at how often they handle these types of situations.

That's all I could think of for now. Hopefully, I did not take too much space. These advices are based on living in an abusive marriage.

Belle
(i will obtain a copy of the book titled "the gift of fear"– tk you)

]]> By: Single Mom S.O.S.: Should I leave my ex alone with my son? « Ms. Single Mamahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-2091 Single Mom S.O.S.: Should I leave my ex alone with my son? « Ms. Single Mama Sun, 10 Aug 2008 03:19:20 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-2091 [...] Can she take the kids overseas? [...] [...] Can she take the kids overseas? [...]

]]> By: Single Mom S.O.S.: Play-doh & Toddler-Goo « Ms. Single Mamahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-2090 Single Mom S.O.S.: Play-doh & Toddler-Goo « Ms. Single Mama Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:41:59 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-2090 [...] Can I take my kids overseas to escape the father and move home? [...] [...] Can I take my kids overseas to escape the father and move home? [...]

]]> By: Lhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/06/17/single-mom-sos-can-she-take-the-kids-overseas/#comment-2066 L Thu, 10 Jul 2008 09:44:49 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=540#comment-2066 The first six months after an abuser knows you are leaving for good are the most dangerous. You know what the safest actions are for you. Listen and trust your gut feeling. Sometimes the safest choice for one person (to leave immediately) might be different from another person's (to stay put and buy time). What helped me: Think about the specifics of your own situation - what patterns/clues do you have from the abuse that happened in the past? If needed call a crisis line for help - volunteers where I live are trained to help you assess the level of danger. Make a plan not just for leaving, but what to do if your safety is threatened later after you've left. I got a lot out of reading "the Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. It's useful in building your awareness and ability to make decisions in unsafe situations, rather than just reacting. L The first six months after an abuser knows you are leaving for good are the most dangerous.

You know what the safest actions are for you. Listen and trust your gut feeling. Sometimes the safest choice for one person (to leave immediately) might be different from another person’s (to stay put and buy time).

What helped me: Think about the specifics of your own situation – what patterns/clues do you have from the abuse that happened in the past? If needed call a crisis line for help – volunteers where I live are trained to help you assess the level of danger. Make a plan not just for leaving, but what to do if your safety is threatened later after you’ve left.

I got a lot out of reading “the Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. It’s useful in building your awareness and ability to make decisions in unsafe situations, rather than just reacting.

L

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