I know in my case, all of the pleading for my ex to show some regard for our son’s well-being, his happiness, his sense of security in life, has been in vain. My first-hand experience made clear that if you are dealing with a cruel person, mother or father, your best attempts to help that parent see that he or she must consider the needs of the child may not yield success. My son’s father is a Russian citizen and a wealthy investment banker with RBS in London. He frequently taunted me with threats to take my son to Russia, laughing as he told me I would never again see my son. The threat nearly seemed to become a reality for me when he refused to reveal my son’s whereabouts over the course of two days during the one and only time my son was ever left in his care. (Fortunately, one call to Scotland Yard resulted in a speedy resolution as my ex was persuaded by City of London police who arrived at his workplace requesting to be brought to my son’s location immediately.) Quite a disturbing example of a child being “put in the middle of [a] power play” and used as a “pawn” – at the very heart of what motivates the abuser who seeks to wield power over his or her ex using parental rights, resulting in deep trauma for the innocent child who should be shielded from such abuse.

If your ex is NOT one of those abusive types, and I hope this is the case, perhaps through family counseling she can be helped to see that no matter her feelings about your divorce, you love your children, want to be there for them, and that this is in their best interests. If she loves your children, as I again hope is the case, and you truly want to play a positive role in your children’s lives as a loving father, then I firmly believe that you can find a good family therapist who can work with you and your ex to seek a resolution that will best serve the interests of your children. Given your description of her as a “malicious mom,” I can only imagine there is a great deal of mistrust between the two of you, but if you find a concerned and professional therapist who can explain to you both that he or she is acting objectively to find a resolution that will be best for your children, perhaps your wife would be willing to participate. I really do feel that this is the best approach for parents and, more importantly, in my opinion, for the children they have brought into the world. The family court system all too often promotes conflict with no professional insight whatsoever into the psychological repercussions of such conflict on children. And, if it isn’t obvious enough, conflict can result in MANY lucrative billable hours for divorce attorneys. Family therapists make their careers seeking to heal wounds and to bring peace where there is conflict.

My ex refused to attend family therapy (no surprise!), but because of the painful trauma my son and I both endured, we have been very much helped by the counseling we’ve had. Even if your wife refuses to participate, family counseling might help you to deal with her more successfully, to get some support from someone who understands, and to find solutions to the obstacles you face in being close to your children.

Finally, as a mother who has been put through far too much by a terribly malicious ex, and, more significantly, who has seen her son endure more pain than a child ever should, I can easily see how this matter can be turned into a gender issue. A quick Google search will make plain that there is certainly a VERY active “fathers’ rights” movement that has gained significant momentum in the U.S. However, my hope is that parents who love their children and want the best for them fight not for fathers’ rights or mothers’ rights, but first and foremost for children’s rights. All children deserve the right to be raised in peace and security with support and love from their parents. Any parent who is committed to treating his or her child with respect, dignity and love should be supported (and parents who are abusive and neglectful with their children should face the consequences). In the end, no child asks to be born into the conflict of his or her parents, and, if AT ALL possible (sometimes it just is not), parents should work together to seek peaceful resolutions to raise their children to be healthy and happy, to feel safe and secure.

The system is so old and out dated, I know people who pay child support and one in particular pays double the amount for one child as I get for my 2 boys – now explain to me that one? Oh yeah right my ex is a woman, kk gotcha.

I know what your going through, well on the other end of the spectrum anyhow. I never deny my ex the right to see our boys, I have given her chance after chance to be a mom – spend time with the boys..but she doesn’t She doesn’t buy them clothes, shoes or any school suppplies – heck she never shows up for teachers conference.

Women like this have been alllowed to get away with this behavior and it’s about d_mn time they pay the piper!!!!

Oh and before anyone says a lot of B.S. I have tried many times for assistance and have been denied, you know what I tell everyone” I make enough to stay broke”. If I quit my job tomorrow they’d probably trip over themselves to give me EVERYTHING!!! Guess I am bitter at the system, 6 years now as a single father and very little help from my ex and Domestic Relations is a joke – suppose if I walked in there with a dress and double d they’d also trip over themselves to help.

It is unfortunate that all we hear about is the dead beat dads because the situation I am in is more detrimental then a dead beat dad, in my opinion. The kids are put in the middle of this power play and used as pawns. The mother is allowed to continue this behavior, denying the kids the opportunity to see their father and the kids have to witness all of the negative behavior that goes with it.

The father’s that want to be in their children’s lives and pay child support get no support from the judicial system or our society as a whole. They have to spend thousands of dollars, as I have, and get nothing for it. It is ridiculous and I hope and pray that as a nation we wake up, get our heads out of the sand and start to demand some justice for the fathers that want to be fathers.

We can certainly create a movement and a lot of high-fiving against the dead beat dads, can we do something positive and give the good fathers a hand and help them carry on with their desired roll in their kids lives.

Well, needless to say, my son is not living the lavish lifestyle my ex gives himself, particularly since he stopped sending me ANY money for his child without a word to me one year ago. Perhaps all of his money is going to “Give Life,” the charitable organization he very publicly supports, climbing a mountain to raise funds for sick children in Russia when he doesn’t give ONE PENNY for his son’s care, never visited his son when he was sick and hospitalized. But anyone can read all about his admirable charity work for children in the many articles written about him and published online, with the many photos he posed for smiling and not at all looking like a man who hasn’t laid eyes on his son in 4 years! Charity begins at home. Don’t publicly feign concern for other men’s children when you so grossly neglect your own! It makes a mockery of what you have put your little boy through, a child who is now a complete and total stranger to you as you spend your time and money taking holidays to Italy and Paris and climbing mountains in the Arctic. What a dad!

Though his family shows ABSOLUTELY NO CONCERN for where my son might be getting his food, shelter, clothing, medical care (but not one member of the family has ever met my son despite countless invitations which will no longer be extended), my son’s Russian grandmother does seem to share my admiration for Barack Obama. I see our president as an excellent role model for my son. My son will always know he can accomplish anything he chooses in life, just as Barack Obama was surely taught by his single mother, because his sense of security and confidence will not be undermined by the narcissistic choices of a man who should have been there for him. My son will always know he is unconditionally loved and that his father’s actions have NOTHING to do with him, but are a reflection of his’s character alone.

My son may not be wearing designer clothing and may not eat at overpriced restaurants. He may not be living the life of a banker’s son. But my son has all the love in his life that he could ever need and he knows that his mother will always and forever be there for him, will never abandon him no matter what. No amount of money can buy the security that this brings and my ex can keep stockpiling his RBS income because my little boy will always be just fine without one cent from him.

Barack Obama’s Father’s Day speech is a beautiful one, but when he says, “[t]heir children need another parent in the home,” I have to disagree that this is always the case. A person can’t be made to feel love or made to care or made to bond with a child. And when that person is a parent and that parent doesn’t care about his or her child, that child KNOWS it. It is better for such a parent NOT to be in the home. Children need security and a sense of peace and unconditional life in order to thrive. Sometimes the best thing for a child is NOT to have another parent in the home, especially when that parent is abusive or neglectful. If I could have a man life Barack Obama be a father to my son, it might be a different story. But not all men love their kids like Barack Obama loves his. Still, those children who don’t have such a father in their lives should look to Barack Obama as a role model, no matter one’s political views. He may have had a father who walked out of his life, but he went on to achieve quite notable academic and career success, and, most importantly, he went on to create a beautiful family, making sure his daughters know their dad loves them.