http://singlemominacomplicatedworld.blogspot.com/2010/09/pushedpulled.html

http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/06/13/on-fake-wedding-rings/

I guess I’m just naive to how board rooms feel about single moms. Maybe as my career advances I should take a lesson from Kristen and start popping a ring on before big meetings, right?

Would that help my career?

Perhaps I should defer to the elders on this one. I’m clearly living in a naive happy go lucky bubble. I had no idea professional, educated people thought single moms (in this day and age) were unstrustrworthy, or that they’d be less likely to buy something or do business with a single mom than a married woman (the reason Kristen puts it on in the first place).

I’m no salesperson and for good reason — I’m antisocial and don’t care what people think of me. But the very best salespeople (the ones who make the big money) are very social and do care, and for good reason. When they appeal to their customers, they make money. Plain and simple. Their business is all about making their customers feel good, safe, and respected. Kristin is merely describing what she does in order to do well in her job, and to make herself feel safe while she does it. Should she ditch her sales job and find another occupation that doesn’t make her hide a part of herself? You probably do; I don’t think she should; but that’s not our call to make. Indeed, if I were in her position, I’d do the same thing. But lucky for me, I don’t work in a field where people have to identify with me in some way in order for me to do well in my job. Kristin does, though, and I think she’s handling it exceptionally well.

Besides, there are far worse things to get so pissed about than wearing a stupid ring. If you want to get pissed, get pissed about women still feeling compelled to put out in order to “make the sale.” My ex used to work in manufacturing sales and has lots of creepy stories about the expectations put on some female sales reps to get the sale in an exceedingly male-dominated and misogynistic industry. Granted, this was back in the 90s, but still…not that long ago. Anyway, compared to that, wearing a ring is nothing.

So, as you said, it’s your blog and you can get pissed off when you want to. But instead of puking, favor us with an alternative that wouldn’t piss you off (or at least make you less pissed). It’s not that hard to imagine, being in her shoes, in her job with her clients. And if you can’t come up with an alternative then at least acknowledge that. It’s also not hard to say “I really hate that she does that, and I wish she didn’t have to do it in the first place.”

You could also do something really novel and accept with a whole heart the flaming you call down upon yourself when you say something stupid. It’s all part of the overarching conversation that you’re inviting when you turn comments on. And, frankly, treating your blog as your refuge (i.e., that happy place where you are always right and everyone agrees with you) is perhaps the best way to stunt that conversation. And if this blog really is your refuge, then treat it as such and turn off the comments. I guarantee you’ll feel a lot more peaceful when you’re not being taken to task on the random petulance you choose to document here.

http://breakfastfordinner.net/?p=9

http://tsquest.blogspot.com/2008/06/pavlovian-conditioning.html

And its okay to disagree sometimes! Just trying to get back to the original theme of the post here!

So, I have a slip up now and then… I’m allowed. This was particularly upsetting to me. I’m not sure why, but it is. I’m allowed to be pissed. Just as Kristen is allowed to wear a fake wedding ring.

The busiest recent post on my blog elicited memories from women of their time (or lack of) with their fathers when they were growing up. It started with a post about my upcoming date with my daughter:

http://theresolvenote.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-got-date.html