Your Turn…

by mssinglemama on June 10, 2008

The Best of the Single Parent Blogosphere

We’re all busy…too busy to read a million blogs every day. So, I thought it would be a great idea if all of us, bloggers or non-bloggers used this post once a week to copy and paste their favorite posts of the week. I’ll put it up every Tuesday night.

If you have a blog – leave a link to the best post you wrote all week, or the most popular post.

If you don’t have a blog – leave a link the best post you’ve read all week.

Try to keep them on the single parent theme, but if there’s something extra special out there, feel free to post it.

My personal favorites this week

Holy Crap. I Have News! – QT Mama

Two words: Vegas, baby. Two more words: Sexy Irishman! This woman puts me to shame. She’s the single mom dating queen. Her man sang her a song on a Vegas stage to get a visit out of her. And who says single moms aren’t the hotest single women out there?

Date From Another Dimension – Jim Everson (Depot Dad)

Jim discovered he and another single mom are living in parallel universes. Too crazy. They wanted to meet for a date, but they couldn’t because they have the exact opposite schedules.

R we d8ing? – Kat Wilder

In which, one of my favorite bloggers, unearths her friend’s trepidation about dating post-divorce. And wonders if, we can ever realistically do it all over again.

I love you, now leave me alone – Mommy Pie

Mommy PIe’s four year old daughter posts her first “Keep Out!” sign! Adorable and fricking hilarious.

This single mom wears a wedding ring! Why, oh why? – Rachel Sarah (Single Mom Seeking)

This one may astound you, I know I’m still shaking my head over it. Rachel showcased a single mom blogger who says she wears her wedding ring during corporate sales calls – why? Because her clients are more “at ease” if she has a ring on her finger. Puke.

Now, it’s your turn – please let me know what your favorite posts are … and if you wrote one – leave a link to your own fabulous post!

{ 1 trackback }

My Disclaimer & My Apologies. « Ms. Single Mama
June 12, 2008 at 11:42 pm

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristin June 10, 2008 at 11:08 pm

You know, when you use words like “puke” to describe the actions of a fellow single Mom — especially when you know so very little about her — you are exhibiting the very kind of judgment she’s trying to avoid.

You can disagree with my views vehemently (as I do with many of yours) — but you can play nice too, right?

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mssinglemama June 10, 2008 at 11:51 pm

I’m sorry for offending you Kristin, but you offended me with that post and yes, it made me puke a little.

Every time you wear a ring and hide the fact that you – a brilliant, beautiful and strong woman are a single mom – you’re missing out on a chance to correct a roomful of stereotypes about us.

It’s like you’re turning your back on us single moms who aren’t wearing one. Those of us who go to work every day facing those stereotypes and occasional stink eye stares.

And if you disagree with my viewpoints – please, by all means, let me have it. This is an open blog and I’m sure you’ll find there are plenty of others who have disagreed with a lot of what I’ve written.

Thanks for the link to your real blog … I am in awe. You are an amazing writer and an amazing single mom. Just get rid of that damn ring!

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Kat Wilder June 11, 2008 at 1:25 am

I am a bit pink-cheeked right now from your kind words. Thank you!

And, touching upon the “play nice” thing when it comes to blogs — i have never experienced such judgment and, well, meanness, I guess, as I have since I have been writing and reading blogs (and I am not talking about the differing views between you and Kristin, either, as being “mean”). I believe that putting all these issues out there — such as Kristin’s way of dealing with judgment and rudeness, and yours, which is different — is more important than finding out what’s “right’ or “wrong,” especially if there really is no right or wrong.

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mommypie June 11, 2008 at 3:29 am

Thanks for the shout-out MSM — great idea about a Tuesday Roundup. You’re so right — my blogroll has gotten WAY too hairy for me to get through everyone I love to read each day. This’ll help. 🙂

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dadshouse June 11, 2008 at 10:52 am

The puke comment does sort of come across as judgemental, but I just shrugged it off to MsSingleMama being passionate about her cause. Things can get heated around here.

That said, we’re not all the same. We face different struggles. No one has walked Kirsten’s shoes but Kirsten. I’d think it’s better to offer her compassion for an unaccepting corporate scene than outcast her for not always carrying the banner of a the single mom cause.

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SingleMomSeeking June 11, 2008 at 10:58 am

Thanks for the link-love Ms. Single Mama!

To you and Kristin: I was a little stunned, in a sad way, to read the exchange between you two just now.

If there’s one thing I learned by writing the above post, it’s that I can be judgmental. And this isn’t always the best — or healthiest — way to live or to change the world.

Just as I was trying to think about how to respond here (in between packing the school lunch, etc.) David from http://www.DadsHouseBlog.com posted a comment on my blog. I think he’s right on, so I’ll simply quote him:

“No one should judge Kirsten for her choices. No one has walked her shoes but her. I get the point some single moms are making here that you all need to walk the walk. That’s been a feminist cry for ages.

But putting Kirsten down for not being just like you isn’t exactly progress, either. As a single dad, I don’t put down other single dads who stay silent when the schools and their exes deny them communications – I simply point out the injustices I’ve faced, and keep trying to evolve.

We’re all in this together, and we all face different struggles.”

Thank you David!! Well said.

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mssinglemama June 11, 2008 at 11:17 am

Okay. Done.

Let’s move on, please. Shouldn’t have even linked back to your article Rachel b/c now it’s a distraction from the point of this post. And clearly Kristen and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

So … back to fantastic posts – give me some links people!

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shannon June 11, 2008 at 12:03 pm

I loved all these posts and don’t know what I did before I read all of you everyday!

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QTMama June 11, 2008 at 2:12 pm

MSM – Thank you. I do not put you to shame at ALL. But I will take the dating queen status. 😉 Hugs

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CJ June 11, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Actually I think “playing nice” is a more interesting topic… I too think your “puke” comment was uncalled for and rather juvenile. Surely there are better ways to disagree with someone else’s personal choices than resorting to 2nd-grade slang.

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jonathan June 11, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Pardon if this is a duplicate – weird screen stutter when I hit “submit” the first time.

The busiest recent post on my blog elicited memories from women of their time (or lack of) with their fathers when they were growing up. It started with a post about my upcoming date with my daughter:

http://theresolvenote.blogspot.com/2008/05/i-got-date.html

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mssinglemama June 11, 2008 at 2:55 pm

CJ – if you read my blog I think you know I usually play nice.

So, I have a slip up now and then… I’m allowed. This was particularly upsetting to me. I’m not sure why, but it is. I’m allowed to be pissed. Just as Kristen is allowed to wear a fake wedding ring.

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T June 11, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Ok, I’ll post the link to my hot topic from this past week on my blog (mostly because conflict makes me uncomfortable):

http://tsquest.blogspot.com/2008/06/pavlovian-conditioning.html

And its okay to disagree sometimes! Just trying to get back to the original theme of the post here!

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Cyrus Haskell June 11, 2008 at 6:32 pm

Just starting off with my blog, but I like this one.

http://breakfastfordinner.net/?p=9

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Jenny June 12, 2008 at 12:13 pm

MSM, I know you called “move on” about the “puke”rejoinder, but I have to wonder if you really understand what’s involved in professional sales.

I’m no salesperson and for good reason — I’m antisocial and don’t care what people think of me. But the very best salespeople (the ones who make the big money) are very social and do care, and for good reason. When they appeal to their customers, they make money. Plain and simple. Their business is all about making their customers feel good, safe, and respected. Kristin is merely describing what she does in order to do well in her job, and to make herself feel safe while she does it. Should she ditch her sales job and find another occupation that doesn’t make her hide a part of herself? You probably do; I don’t think she should; but that’s not our call to make. Indeed, if I were in her position, I’d do the same thing. But lucky for me, I don’t work in a field where people have to identify with me in some way in order for me to do well in my job. Kristin does, though, and I think she’s handling it exceptionally well.

Besides, there are far worse things to get so pissed about than wearing a stupid ring. If you want to get pissed, get pissed about women still feeling compelled to put out in order to “make the sale.” My ex used to work in manufacturing sales and has lots of creepy stories about the expectations put on some female sales reps to get the sale in an exceedingly male-dominated and misogynistic industry. Granted, this was back in the 90s, but still…not that long ago. Anyway, compared to that, wearing a ring is nothing.

So, as you said, it’s your blog and you can get pissed off when you want to. But instead of puking, favor us with an alternative that wouldn’t piss you off (or at least make you less pissed). It’s not that hard to imagine, being in her shoes, in her job with her clients. And if you can’t come up with an alternative then at least acknowledge that. It’s also not hard to say “I really hate that she does that, and I wish she didn’t have to do it in the first place.”

You could also do something really novel and accept with a whole heart the flaming you call down upon yourself when you say something stupid. It’s all part of the overarching conversation that you’re inviting when you turn comments on. And, frankly, treating your blog as your refuge (i.e., that happy place where you are always right and everyone agrees with you) is perhaps the best way to stunt that conversation. And if this blog really is your refuge, then treat it as such and turn off the comments. I guarantee you’ll feel a lot more peaceful when you’re not being taken to task on the random petulance you choose to document here.

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mssinglemama June 13, 2008 at 7:39 am

Jenny – it’s not so much the wearing of the ring that upset me, it’s the reasons why. And perhaps you’re right – I’m ticked that Kristen feels she even has to wear one to earn trust.

I guess I’m just naive to how board rooms feel about single moms. Maybe as my career advances I should take a lesson from Kristen and start popping a ring on before big meetings, right?

Would that help my career?

Perhaps I should defer to the elders on this one. I’m clearly living in a naive happy go lucky bubble. I had no idea professional, educated people thought single moms (in this day and age) were unstrustrworthy, or that they’d be less likely to buy something or do business with a single mom than a married woman (the reason Kristen puts it on in the first place).

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mssinglemama June 13, 2008 at 8:18 am

Hi Kristen’s readers! Wow. I’m moving this discussion to an entire post. Read and comment here please.

http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/06/13/on-fake-wedding-rings/

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debbie September 25, 2010 at 8:49 am

I am clueless as to leaving a link in the comment!:) but I am a single mom blogger! All of my posts reflect my journey from brokenness to wholeness! Glad to have found this site!!

http://singlemominacomplicatedworld.blogspot.com/2010/09/pushedpulled.html

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debbie September 25, 2010 at 8:49 am

ha ha! it worked I guess!! 😉

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