Who needs a husband anyway?

by mssinglemama on June 7, 2008

The Census Bureau reports that half of the 60 million American women who are 45 and older are single.

In his News Day article, Peter Jackson writes that while many of the women are divorced or widowed others are “single by design.” He cites The New Single Woman, a book by E. Kay Trimberger, a professor emeritus of Women’s and Gender Studies at Sonoma State University in California.

Here’s a snippet from the article I found on SingleEdition.com:

She interviewed dozens of single women between the ages of 30 and 60 and found that most of them were leading happy and fulfilled lives. In many cases, they had been building a strong foundation that was not based on someday finding a partner.

“These women were doing all the things that were setting themselves up for a satisfying life,” Trimberger says. She says the older women seemed especially content. Some of the younger women were still wrestling with concerns about whether to have children.

No mention of single moms, but I’m sure the book addresses us …

We’ve already got the kids…so, if we are able to financially support ourselves and our kids – why should we bother getting married again? I know there are so many of us single moms struggling financially but there are more and more women who are able to provide for their families solo. Historically speaking, it’s a first.

And as part of this, living it on the front lines, I find it fascinating.

In the past single moms have been cast aside, forgotten or ignored … but now there are more of us than ever and we are creating warm, nurturing, stable homes for our little ones – all on our own. And, yes, while the ideal “family unit” includes a mother and a father who love and respect each other – I do not believe that, if I stay single forever, Benjamin will be at a disadvantage or as some have put it, “messed up”.

Read this comment left by Chem under my post, Want Men to Start Falling From the Sky?:

My parents were married for a few years. Most of my childhood was myself and three other siblings being raised by a single mother.

For years I drew my strength from my single mother, who put us four girls through college and graduate school. I saw myself as invincible, if she could do it alone with the four of us….I could do anything.

P.S. If you do need tips on becoming financially independent visit Fabulous Financials, an amazing blog by a single mom.

If you like this post here are some more on this topic:

Will our kids be worse off?

I love being a single mom

Married people are weird

[Photo Credit: Bangkok Counseling]

{ 4 trackbacks }

Single Parents are Missing Out on Intimacy « Dad’s House
June 11, 2008 at 3:07 am
My Disclaimer & My Apologies. « Ms. Single Mama
June 12, 2008 at 7:46 am
Heart for sale. « Ms. Single Mama
June 30, 2008 at 7:53 pm
A new frontier.
November 12, 2008 at 6:56 pm

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Dan June 8, 2008 at 10:46 am

It seems like raising children with other nurturing people around, not necessarily the other biological parent, can also be a way of doing it- the “it takes a village to raise a child” concept. If people who are around children share the same values as the parent or parents, then they grow up maybe less isolated, be more accepting a more diverse definition of family. The nuclear family- dad, mom, kids in a single family home, is such the traditional American model that it’s hard to see alternatives. But societies are dynamic, adapting to changes- like, how much longer can we afford a spread in the suburbs with the long commute as the price of oil keep going up? How about co-housing? Or a parent away for periods of time due to work demands because of globalization? How about having extended family or close friends, nearby for support?

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shannon June 9, 2008 at 9:35 am

I agree with Dan above. Having other nurturing people around, whether they be friends, your parents, or whatever, makes all the difference. I have always made sure my little girl had lots of positive forces around her in her life. Why do people forget about all those parents that work all the time and don’t partake in their kids upbringing? Or all the parents who are physically there, but not interacting with their children? I’m sure that a devoted single mom is a way better influence on a child.

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littlemansmom June 9, 2008 at 10:41 pm

I’m 26, never married, and lending me a helping hand in molding and shaping my littleman is my mom, my dad, my 2 sisters, a handful of wonderful friends and 3 delightful and rambunctous dogs…..I couldn’t do it without them! (well…ok….maybe I could, but it just wouldn’t be the same.)

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littlemansmom June 9, 2008 at 10:42 pm

Ooops..Only in my dreams…let’s try 36!!!!!!! LOL….I swear it was an honest slip! LOL!

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mssinglemama June 11, 2008 at 10:40 am

I don’t know … depends on my mood but at the end of the day, after working my full-time job and spending another toddler packed afternoon and evening with Benjamin, I can’t even pet my cats – let alone a man.

DH, you’re also alone 50% of the time. I have Benjamin 90% of the time. I am rarely, if ever, alone. I’m also younger and have only been in the single parent boat for 2 years – you’ve been there for 8. I could be singing a different tune after another few years of being alone.

But I really appreciate you passing that key point on. We all need adult intimacy – it’s definitely very important and I do wish I can find that with a man some day … just not sure if it will be any time soon.

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dadshouse June 11, 2008 at 10:51 am

That’s a softer tone than saying single moms don’t need men, period. Which was kind of the point of your post, no?

Also, parent-child intimacy is not the same as adult relationships. Parent-child doesn’t involve equals. An adult relationship involving equals is where spiritual evolvement kicks in at a different level than merely parent helping child survive and grow. (Equals implies respect and reverence, not lazy-ass ex’s who deep down are baby-men! lol)

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mssinglemama June 11, 2008 at 11:00 am

I was citing the report by the Census Bureau. I found it very surprising that so many women are single … many by choice.

I’m one of them. I was just point out that women – technically and financially – don’t need husbands anymore. That fascinates me.

Now whether or not we want one is a different story.

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dadshouse June 11, 2008 at 3:09 pm

Regarding me having my kids 50% of the time – yep, I definitely sense the alone time more than you do. I’ve had to cope with it. Relationships are a good thing, and I’m sad to not be in one right now. That doesn’t make me weaker, or less of a single parent. I don’t need a woman to take care of me or my kids. I just remember how nice it is to love another adult with all your heart. I think you felt that when the Dane was visiting you. You sounded really happy and content about his stay.

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mssinglemama June 11, 2008 at 3:18 pm

Stop the presses. I never said you were weaker or any less of as single parent.

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chijioke joshua chukwu July 7, 2008 at 1:01 pm

i will like you to reply this, i need a woman that i will gat marri to from anyway thanks.

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GECH November 15, 2010 at 11:32 am

any one b/n the age of18 and 23 can meet me or email me for long marraige.

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mido April 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

im single 28 male from Egypt and i wanna marry my e mail mido_tito25@yahoo.com

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Juls May 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Wanna have relationship with guys 34-40 email me Im a Papua New Guinean lady Single mum.

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Juls May 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm
Dauda sodiq October 12, 2012 at 2:12 am

I need wife

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