Copenhagen or Bust!

by mssinglemama on May 25, 2008

I bought a ticket to Denmark.

I know what you’re thinking. She’s lost her mind! She’s wrapped up in a torrid love affair with the Dane!

My little brother called me when he found out, “Alaina? You’re flying to Denmark? So you’re really serious with this guy, huh?”

There was an obvious hint of concern in his voice, rightly so. I have a reputation for “losing it” over men. I did marry Benjamin’s father just because he needed a Green Card, we were in love – hence the child – but still, it was “crazy.” I did have a tendency to go crazy over men, but now as a single mom, falling in love just isn’t the same. And I’m not falling in love with Thomas…I can’t! He lives an ocean away… but I can visit him. Besides, it’s been years since I’ve had the chance to go to Europe.

So here’s the skinny on the Dane and why he’s worthy of a visit.

Aside from my friend Mia and her daughter Sydney (who calls herself Benjamin’s sister) we have no one in our lives on a regular basis. I have quite a few amazing friends and a very supportive mother, but when it comes to the daily grind – Benjamin and I are completely alone.

Thomas and I had reconnected through Facebook recently and when he told me he was coming through to visit our college town – where we’d met and dated 8 years ago – I offered up my guest bedroom and my services as hostess.

I remembered Thomas as being completely open, honest, fun and of course, incredibly attractive … but how would he handle five days with a single mom and her two year old? I was a bit nervous as his arrival loomed. Personally, I think Benjamin and I are a blast, but not all men see it that way. What if it would be awkward? What if he didn’t like kids?

But it wasn’t awkward at all. It was amazing.

  • He immediately bonded with Benjamin, the two loved each other
  • He woke up with Benjamin every morning he was here, giving me a chance to sleep in! A miracle!
  • He ran grocery errands.
  • Cooked dinner for me (the first time a man’s made me dinner in oh – at least two years).
  • I had mentioned that I loved European chocolates, so he found some and surprised me with them later.
  • He gave me compliments – lots of compliments.
  • He asked me questions and waited for the answers
  • And above all, he understood that Benjamin comes first.

These weren’t cheesy attempts at winning my heart, they were just natural gestures of affection and consideration. I didn’t have to ask him for help – he just did it.

So for five days, Benjamin and his mommy were spoiled rotten.

There’s this little thing about being a single mom though – after you get used to doing it all on your own 99.9% of the time, help can be a mixed blessing. Once it’s gone, you have to adapt all over again. Fortunately, in this case, the spoilage only lasted five days. Keep in mind, the guy was trapped with us, all of my ex-boyfriends have had limited face time with Benjamin, which meant limited chances for me to “get used to help.” I do this for a few reasons, the first to protect Benjamin and the second to protect myself. But in the case of a house guest – what are you going to do? Hide him in the closet?

The night Thomas left Benjamin and I were cleaning the car. The traces of our marvelous weekend were tucked in pockets and under the car seats. The New York Times from the bookstore, Benjamin’s soccer ball we’d brought on our hike and the sunscreen lotion from the music festival.

Then, with my hands clutching memories that I knew would fade too quickly, the tears started to fall. He was just so fantastic, such great company and such a supportive friend. And there we were – my little Benjamin and I – completely alone again.

And now you know why it took me so long to write about all of this.

Thomas reminded me that truly compassionate, considerate and affectionate men do exist. And there was romance - but it the kind of romance two people have when there is a profound and mutual respect for each other, not a ripping each other’s clothes off romance. Like Kate Hudson (my hero single mom) has said, “When you’re a single mom, dating becomes very adult.”

You didn’t think this single mama would give up her fabulous singleness that easily, did you?

Now, if Thomas lived in my zip code – might be a different story.

UPDATE: A few days after writing this post, Thomas wrote about the experience through his eyes, read it here.

UPDATE II: See how the trip went.

[Photo Credit:]

Related posts:

  1. The Great Dane
  2. Does romance really exist?
  3. Thomas would kick Mickey Mouse’s ass. Elmo would watch.
  4. Date night.

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

guccigirl99 May 26, 2008 at 12:18 am


You’re a big girl. Go. Enjoy! Be happy!

BTW, and completely off-topic, I tagged you in my blog: Go to the “Tag, You’re It!” entry!


boyo May 26, 2008 at 2:23 am

You will hardly regret it. Have a great time!


Rebs May 26, 2008 at 9:28 am

So well said.

I’m feeling especially jaded about letting people – dates or otherwise – in our lives because I am all too aware that THEY DON’T GET IT. They see the fun times: toys and the playground and cuddles and book-reading. They don’t see (and don’t consider) the tantrums and refusal to eat veggies and picking up a kid at the end of an 8-hour workday who then says ‘I don’t want you. I want daddy’…three days in a row.

Sorry. That’s my own rant. But likely one that most (single) mums can relate to. Especially, if like me, your friend-base is full of non-mums who just don’t get it.


debra May 26, 2008 at 9:43 am

I got a little flutter in my stomach when I read “after you get used to doing it all on your own 99.9% of the time, help can be a mixed blessing”…..we do such a fabulous job of making our lives work, most of the time, really well, all by ourselves. It is SO DIFFICULT to let someone in enough to allow them to help, feeling like you can’t trust the helper. How wonderful to have the Dane dropped back into your life, at a time that you were open to letting someone in just enough to see….what, I’m not sure….that finding a perfect-for-you partner is possible for a single Mom? Maybe? Congratulations to you for making the decision to go visit, and for making the decision to enjoy your connection with the Dane, whatever that may end up being. Enjoy! And thank you for sharing this story!


littlemansmom May 26, 2008 at 9:45 am

I say GO!!!! ENJOY!!!! Any excuse to travel is a great one! Besides…sounds like ‘the Dane’ is a wonderful friend to have… :)


sparklingmama May 26, 2008 at 11:38 am

ooh how exciting! I’d use any excuse to go to Europe… does he have a brother? ;)


krystalmaried May 26, 2008 at 3:37 pm

I’m new to Webpress and came across your blog yesterday afternoon, and I must say it is the best blog that I have ever read. I would say you deserve to go and have some fun. It sounds very exciting.


Jim Everson May 26, 2008 at 5:27 pm

You are insane! Your Europe plan sounds totally reckless, impulsive, irresponsible, and is clear evidence that you have not considered the consequences of your actions. In other words, it sounds like love.
I wish you every happiness there. Good luck!


Dawn May 26, 2008 at 7:44 pm

Wow a trip around the world! Sounds like a wonderful time! Enjoy…but keep your feet on the ground hon…if you cant committ that distance, remember that. If you can…the jump in with both feet! But there is no reason you can’t go and have a blast….I’ll live vicariously through you.


Valerie May 26, 2008 at 7:56 pm

This gives me hope for the future. I am currently working on myself and haven’t dated since I broke up with my son’s father 5 months ago. I couldn’t imagine having someone like that. Go and have fun!! You deserve it!


Lori May 26, 2008 at 11:03 pm

I am glad that this time with your friend went so well and I am very happy for you to be taking this trip to see him. My heart ached for you as I read about your time with him because I can relate so well to where your heart is.


mssinglemama May 27, 2008 at 7:56 am

You guys are all so awesome, thanks for the support – feel less crazy and I hope my brother is reading. : )

I want to respond to each of your comments individually but, alas, I’m running late for work. Thank you though! I read each and every one of them – and as usual, you guys all make me feel much, much more sane.

And as always, MY READERS ROCK! Seriously, I love your comments and so glad you took something away from this story – that’s the whole point, right?


shannon May 27, 2008 at 11:05 am

I completely empathize with your mixed emotions, as I’m still adapting to having “help” myself. I’m still horribly independent and I credit being a single mom for so long for that trait.
I think you will have a blast on your trip! I can’t wait to hear about it!!!


mommypie May 27, 2008 at 1:00 pm

How AWESOME! I’m so excited for you and can’t wait to hear all about it!

Hmm. Why can’t I get the image of a Harlequin Romance Novel cover out of my head? It’s gotta be the name. The Dane. In my head he will always look like Fabio. (sorry.)


Alexis May 27, 2008 at 1:16 pm

You go mama! How exciting, magical, and carefree! All things I haven’t been sure could happen as a single mama…but you just reminded me again- it can!!!! Thank you.


QTMama May 27, 2008 at 1:22 pm

I just got back from the same kind of trip MSM, as you very well know. ;)

And I wouldn’t have changed ONE DAMN MINUTE – not ONE. And my wish for you my friend, is that you won’t either.



SingleMomSeeking May 27, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Go, mama, go! Proud of you!

Wait: is Benjamin coming with you on your International adventure?

Is is this one for mama only?


dadshouse May 27, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Ms Single Mama – how great! Have fun in Denmark. I loved this that you wrote: Thomas reminded me that truly compassionate, considerate and affectionate men do exist. Yes, they do. Glad you found one in person. Repeat that mantra every morning until Thomas or his equivalent is part of your life.


Tonya May 28, 2008 at 11:23 am

Wow. You go girl.

I have a friend (who is also a nanny) visiting from Florida. She is SO helpful. I don’t know what I’m going to do when she leaves on Saturday.

And the Dane. Damn girl. Never say never because you never know…


larak May 31, 2008 at 8:33 am

Holy cow! This is so exciting. I can’t wait to hear all about the trip to Denmark! :)


Heather J. June 6, 2008 at 11:59 pm

I’m all teary eyed. I hope to meet a man like that, especially one that can bond with your kid(s). Enjoy!


Anna June 11, 2008 at 8:28 pm

OMG that totally made me tear up. Live it up! Who cares about crazy- have a good time.


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