Dear Single Men:

by mssinglemama on May 22, 2008

I would like to introduce you to a phone.

That thing with numbers. You push them. Then you talk to the person on the other end, and if it’s a girl you’re asking out for the very first time you make the call at a reasonable hour – ask her questions about herself, yada, yada – find a mutual meeting spot and set a date. You DO NOT SEND A TEXT MESSAGE.

If I were 15, it might be okay. But I’m 29! And I want to date a man, not a boy.

Remember the guy who kept texting me? I was so annoyed I texted him to call me the next time. Five days later, not phone call and then – another text. At this point the Dane had landed and the guy didn’t have shot in hell, but this is still funny.

Here’s how it ended.

Five days later … another text!

His Text: What are you doing this weekend?

My Text: Going to Athens.

His Text: Ha! See ya there.

My Text: Which festival are you going to?

No response.

And then late that night, while I’m falling asleep… my phone rings. It’s him! What??? I send it to voice mail. Then it rings again! And he leaves another voice mail. Two voice mails. The next morning I listen to them.

Message 1:

“Hi, Alaina, It’s Engineer. I – ughhh – hope you still remember me, I’m the guy you met at the bar the other night. Anyway, I really hope we get to hang out again. Later.”

Message 2:

“Hi, Alaina!” repeat first message but slightly altered and insert “So, if you ever need help with your fish, let me know.”


What is wrong with this guy? He’s calling two separate girls. He probably doesn’t even remember what I look like. The thing is, he seemed relatively sober when we met, was totally together, sexy and smart. Now I can clearly see that he’s an alcoholic or something. Or is he just a complete idiot?

The next morning I call him back.

“Hi, Engineer, it’s Alaina.”

We are actually talking. For the first time since the night we met at a bar three weeks beforehand.

“So…you called me twice last night.”

“Oh, I totally don’t remember.”

“You said you’d help me with my fish. I don’t have any fish.”

“Well, I totally don’t remember.”

Random chit chat ensues and I hang up the phone completely mystified as to why and how I could have ever thought this guy was dateable. He proceeds to text me that night and then call me on Monday, I sent it to voicemail and this time he didn’t leave a message. And I’m not calling him back.

Moral: Guys – if you’re asking us out for the first time – call us! (we think texting constantly is creepy and cowardly); Ladies, respect yourself enough not to let them get away with it.

Had to finish this story before I could write about the weekend with the Dane.

[Photo caption: Lamborghini iPhone]

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Dawn May 22, 2008 at 10:58 pm

Amen sistah!


jonathan May 23, 2008 at 12:30 am

a) Wow – what a story. Dude is either a weirdo or just has no actual “dudeness” about him. =)
b) Thanks for your encouraging note and for adding me to your blogroll. I’m going to do some clean-up this weekend and you’ll definitely be on mine. I think some people need to see it.
c) Stumbling onto your blog and the ones you connect to has been kind of a revelation for me. If you peruse my blog, you’ll see that I’ve stayed far away from personal topics. But reading your stuff and the others connecting here, it’s like “Oh damn. That’s my life.” I’ve never defined myself very much as a single dad, but I am, and in living the “unexamined” life, I think I’ve missed out on some growth. Anyway, long-winded….just thanks.


Lauren May 23, 2008 at 6:53 am

Texting might be very convenient sometimes, but it’s ruining the world! (Well, at least the world of men… and the English language)

I’ve never had a guy try to ask me out over text messages — yet — but Anna’s dad is HORRIBLE about calling. “I’ll call you tomorrow” turns into a text one week later!


Legal Editor Mom May 23, 2008 at 9:04 am

I’m with you on the texting. I had not a potential date or love interest, but a genuine close male friend who used to prefer to text me than call me. I’m the single parent of a four-year-old, for goodness sakes! I don’t have time to type messages, especially when he wants to catch up after weeks of no contact! (At least with the cordless or my cell I can walk and talk, while doing other things!)

I’m glad you’re standing your ground and not giving this guy a 2nd chance. Too often women settle or waste time expecting simple, reasonable things from men who just aren’t capable! So good for you!


Leslie May 23, 2008 at 9:40 am

Holy hell, what a moron! Drunk texting is even worse that regular texting. You should’ve told him he offered to buy you a fish tank too for those fish, got a little something out of the bother he cause you haha!


littlemansmom May 23, 2008 at 9:50 am

I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo agree!

I’ve been texted by this guy who wants to set up a ‘date’ but he NEVER calls! I went so far as to call him and leave him a message saying…”you have my # call and we’ll figure out when it’s good for us to meet up”….texting gets us no where! I’m not a big phone person ( I’m more of a face to face person) but for heavens sake, if you’ve got something to say/ask…then SAY it!


Red Wine Gums May 23, 2008 at 12:16 pm

I just don’t get why idiots do that…


Shannon May 23, 2008 at 2:40 pm

That’s so funny. I’m eating my lunch and laughing because I can see how baffled you must look when he says the whole thing about if you needed help with your fish. He probably remembered your face with someone else’s story. Nothing to do with dating, but I almost always text people, just because I don’t like to talk on the phone. But it is unacceptable for setting up dates!!!


Andy May 23, 2008 at 3:16 pm

It’s not just men, ladies. Not even close.


Keith May 24, 2008 at 11:44 pm

i agree, when asking a woman out a guy should do it over the phone. otherwise it’s so weak…

but texting in general can be fun. it gives you a chance to flirt during the day. in my case it’s always been the women who like to text. sometimes a lot. i just changed my phone plan to unlimited text msgs because of it! and i’m 31. ha.


Doug February 4, 2015 at 4:15 am

heywire app provides free dtimsoec and international texting without any costs. Textplus is also a good one for dtimsoec texts. All are free


John May 25, 2008 at 5:00 pm

I am a man and I love text messaging! You can write one time “Hello, what are you doing this weekend”… and with ONE click you can send it to all the women in your address book. Even a total jerk will get a date this way without a lot of effort. I am just joking, I would never do something like this, but I am sure there are man out there… 😉


Mae Buzen May 12, 2010 at 3:57 am

That’s one funny encounter hahhaha. Well, there are lots of things you can do with your phone besides texting that guy. I enjoyed my iphone too but have gotten the iPad just recently but I’ve only been playing puzzle games though. I’d like you to try out StarFaces. Certainly one of the best iPad app. I had played this game on my iphone for a while and now I have it for ipad and its great! Love the photos option


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