Need to save your marriage? Talk to Mort.

by mssinglemama on May 18, 2008

This post was inspired by Google searches to my blog for “working harder than my husband.”

I used to be there. When your man isn’t acting like a man, and you’re taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, cooking and bringing home the bacon – you start to wonder why in the hell you need him?

If your husband is a lazy sack of you know what …

Consider this your private venting session. Leave a comment.

And if you want help just call Mort Fertel. He’s the creator of the Marriage Fitness program as seen on Fox News and every other cheesy, fake news outlet you can think of. Anyway…

Here’s his advice: “The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person: it’s learning to love the person you’ve found.”

Okay. I’m with you. I can see that. After all, prince charming doesn’t really exist. We shouldn’t hold men up to such unrealistic standards. But what if you are working harder than your husband? Meaning … actually working harder than he is? And is Mort’s advice basically telling every miserable married woman to compromise herself into oblivion? Maybe Mort and Lori Gottlieb should write a book together.

Mort? You there? Help these ladies out …

Ms. Single Mama is not responsible for any side effects that may occur after reading this blog post. Symptoms may include serious urges to leave your husband with side effects of feeling incredibly relieved after venting by leaving a comment. Warning – DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND UNTIL YOU’VE TRIED MARRIAGE COUNSELLING OR CALLED MORT. Ms. Single Mama does not promote and has not actually tried Mort’s program. She actually thinks it’s a crock. If you’ve tried Mort’s Marriage Fitness program – and he’s saved your marriage – by all means, leave a comment.

P.S. Mort, I’m sure you’re a swell guy, but you need to hire someone else to write your website copy.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

sparklingmama May 19, 2008 at 7:56 am

“learning to love the person you’ve found” can often equal living a miserable life. Is it really worth it?

I honestly don’t know anyone who has benefited from marriage counseling…


QTMama May 19, 2008 at 10:29 am

Hmm .. I did marriage counseling. I think it helped me to understand that I did want to leave my husband moreso than I realized. 🙂


singleworkingmommy May 19, 2008 at 12:54 pm

I’m considering marriage counseling–although we were never married. So maybe “couples counseling” is more the word. But not from Mort, sorry Mort.

We have issues communicating. We love each other, but our lack of communication skillz causes problems.

I need to learn how to better communicate with the father of my child, even if it’s just so we have a peaceful next 16+ years. So, I think it will help in that regard.


Jaclyn May 19, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Learning to love the person you’ve found…what if you found them under a rock? What if they are a terrible person that treats you badly — just find the bright side of a terrible marriage and work on compromising yourself so that you can be proud of the “marriage” you have. BS.

I think Mort must mean something more like, “So he leaves the toilet seat up…cut him a little slack and focus more on something else”.

I made excuse after excuse for my ex-husband’s behavior and constantly came up with half-arsed reasons why it (and my marriage) were okay.

Example: Husband spends nearly $100 at the strip club while I stay at home with the baby and no car and no money…well, he works hard and deserves a night out. Oh crap, he overdrafted us…we’ll have to pay $300 because of that $100 he spent on naked girls…oh, well uh he goes out to work and earns it so its not really my place to get upset. I mean, I’m not financialy contributing, I only take care of our daughter 24-seven with barely any help from him and clean the house and do the dishes and mow the law…but he’s stressed out and the last thing he needs is me “nagging” at him for overdrafting the bank account again.

I honestly don’t know any guy that was willing to go to marriage counseling (my ex-husband included) other than my current boyfriend, whose idea it actually was and his ex-wife was the one refusing it. Its hard to get BOTH parties to recognize there is a problem and be willing to (in some cases) “swallow their pride” and see a counselor.

If I had worked even harder at “learning to love the person I found”…my spirit would have been completely annihilated. Its one thing to say, “He’s not the best looking guy I’ve ever dated, but he’s got a great personality” and another thing to say “Well, he treats me horribly…but he’s also a really good liar. That’s a good quality, right?”


mssinglemama May 19, 2008 at 6:04 pm

Funny b/c with Mort’s program you can actually sign up solo. You don’t need to get your husband in on it …

I just find it so comical that there’s a program called Marriage Fitness with special programs like Marriage Flex. Sheesh.


OneManThreeKids May 19, 2008 at 6:14 pm

I think the counseling should be on the front end…not the back end. There are always things we can learn about ourselves and about others that will help us be successful in relationships. If you want to be good at something you need to invest it in it. Marriage is no different…to bad I made this revelation months after she filed. Counselors are supposed to know “how people work”…I know technology…we all have something we are good at…I know I needed some work on knowing me…he helped.

I would recommend the book Boundaries in Marriage. I use the principles I gained from this book in all relationships. Boundaries protect my sanity…

Communication and Respect…those two things have to be there and continue to be there otherwise all the counseling in the world won’t matter. IMHO

Next go round…”the right one for me” will desire counseling as much or more than I before we marry…if not…she may not be the one.


polisny May 19, 2008 at 11:08 pm

To start, I think people have their own reasons for doing things. I agree that a great many people wont at all even think of seeking ‘professional’ advice, and numerous for very different reasons. It’s a hard thing to generalize counselling; quite like any profession. I think if we look at the service with the frame of mind “what function does it serve people?”, that it remains to be a service for reasons that, while perhaps not obvious, are at least on some level, reasonably and widely helpful.

I agree that this particular American hybrid of help is definitely so sounded as to stink of the numerous advertising devices found through television and media undone. His combination of the two simple words “fitness and marriage” is actually genius, if you think about how broad a group of people the phrase affects!. –Only in America will you find this combination of notions so well-worded.

A positive note for those seeking psychologists; I do think that if two people were morally based on an equally just cause, patient and honestly wanting of the same relation, if the same two people were in a relation that asked to be objectively sorted out and, only then were able to understand any variety of inaccuracies; that possibly they could untangle the creased and crinkled past.

I think that if two people are both willing to try counselling, that this is a pretty good sign, regardless of how generalized or pointless it may be considered to be.

Unfortunately though, I think a lot of relations die on account of very simple things, vs mere communicative problems–as most of us are too socially adept to lose our hearts because our tongues. Things like carelessness, sex, beauty, money, selfishness, foolishness, dishonesty, the changes of age, growth or time, and any of these intertwined with people who are not part of the relation. I think that in this way, yes… counselling is dump truck load of shit.


whatmenthink May 20, 2008 at 1:53 am

I think couples counseling can help you communicate, but it can’t help you fall in love. I think the key to a successful relationship is falling in love, and not stopping.


Save Your Marriage August 6, 2008 at 4:25 pm

Let’s face it, you loved the person you’ve found… you married them, right?! The key is to fall in love again. In Mr. Fertel’s office, we get calls and emails all day from people who’ve been told by their spouse, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you…” Mort’s Marriage Fitness Program teaches you how to be IN LOVE again. For more information, visit Don’t give up!


strugling October 28, 2008 at 6:15 pm

I just stared the program i mean JUST started. My husband left and filed for divorce, we have two young boys. He agreed to do the program with me even though I did sign up for the Lone Ranger program because I didn’t think h would do it with me.
I don’t know if it’ll work, it is a bit pricey but right now i have a $5000 bill from an attorney so $400 it’s a whole lot cheaper than $500.
I would really like to meet people who have done the program other than the ones who are on the website.

Anyone out there??


Mizuki February 4, 2015 at 6:53 am

Josh in the grand scheme of thngis that seems to minor that you’re keeping a vice away from you wife but of course she’s looking at it in a much different way. I’ve definitely been down the road you’re on right now and the feeling of keeping thngis from your wife actually sucks. Why doesn’t she just understand that it’s just a silly thing I enjoy doing? are probably the thoughts going through your mind all the time. If you’re physically addicted to tobacco I can see the issue and hopefully she can understand but bottom line it’s not about the tobacco it’s about the lies. The FREE emails will even do an amazing job for you because it explains about trust and building it and how it only takes 1 incident of breaking trust and you have to start all the way from the bottom again. I presume she’s been wanting you to quick tobacco for a while and you’ve told her you quit but you haven’t really. Here’s a quick suggestion? ASK her for her help? Simply see if she can take 20 minutes and sit down and listen to you and you have to be honest with her and say something like look I messed up and I need your help? I’m not sure why I feel it’s more important to use tobacco than to keep our marriage in good health? Can you help me. Why do you think I do this? Will you help me quit? It’s going to be strange asking her this and I don’t know the exact words but one thing I’ve learned is she’s your partner in life and as such deserves to be included in your easy and tough decisions and then most importantly you have to actually take some of her advice. Even if you think it’s silly, you have to try. She may bitch at you at first but you better sit there and take it and just listen. Let her tell you what’s on her mind. Don’t talk back. Just listen. Women love to be heard and respected and the one person they most expect that from is their husband. I hope this helps man. It’s tough but once you become one life becomes amazing.


working it out 3 years later December 13, 2008 at 4:21 pm


I am a living testimony that Mort’s concepts work and make a difference. Hang in there!

3 or so years ago I found Mort online, read his book and took a DEEP look at myself, my habits, my faults and started to take actions to change our “dance”.

Everyone gets in patterns. Recognize the negative ones and your world can change.
We have made huge progress following Morts advice.

I hope you have made progress by now but it definitely requires time and deep processing. If you follow Morts ideas and keep reveiwing your materials, you will be WAY better off than filing for divorce!!

Best of luck


Juli March 21, 2014 at 12:17 am

I have an emotionally abusive husband, who always remind me that I am good nothing. He is 44 and me 30. He used to be very nice to me. But after having baby everything has been changed..Always use “f” word in front of my baby. Feel insecure. May be tomorrow my son will not respect me..what to do?


Leave a Comment