He texted me again! WTF?

by mssinglemama on May 13, 2008

No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)

For my readers:

I always love to hear from you, so please e-mail me with any questions you may have about being a dating single mother. But remember, I’m just a single mom, all of my advice is based on my personal experience and the experiences I read about on other single mom blogs and from the readers who comment on this blog. E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For my haters:

Before you send me a hate mail, you may want to look what happened to the last person who did. And I think she about covered everything you probably want to tell me anyway.

For the press:

If you have a media inquiry, I’ll be happy to entertain any story ideas or serve as a source on single motherhood, divorce or dating.

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Please e-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For advertisers:

For rates on display advertising or a product review request please E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com with the subject line: Advertising.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)

For my readers:

I always love to hear from you, so please e-mail me with any questions you may have about being a dating single mother. But remember, I’m just a single mom, all of my advice is based on my personal experience and the experiences I read about on other single mom blogs and from the readers who comment on this blog. E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For my haters:

Before you send me a hate mail, you may want to look what happened to the last person who did. And I think she about covered everything you probably want to tell me anyway.

For the press:

If you have a media inquiry, I’ll be happy to entertain any story ideas or serve as a source on single motherhood, divorce or dating.

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Please e-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For advertisers:

For rates on display advertising or a product review request please E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com with the subject line: Advertising.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)

For my readers:

I always love to hear from you, so please e-mail me with any questions you may have about being a dating single mother. But remember, I’m just a single mom, all of my advice is based on my personal experience and the experiences I read about on other single mom blogs and from the readers who comment on this blog. E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For my haters:

Before you send me a hate mail, you may want to look what happened to the last person who did. And I think she about covered everything you probably want to tell me anyway.

For the press:

If you have a media inquiry, I’ll be happy to entertain any story ideas or serve as a source on single motherhood, divorce or dating.

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Please e-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For advertisers:

For rates on display advertising or a product review request please E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com with the subject line: Advertising.
UPDATE:

Still under construction – wear your helmets until tomorrow afternoon. Moving over a WordPress blog is no easy feat.

*********

Over the next 24-48 hours virtual cranes, bull dozers and sweaty hot men will be working on giving my website a little make over. Wear your helmets and watch for falling debris.

Don’t get mad at me if something falls out of the sky and hits your face. This is a construction zone. Be careful and patient. Thanks!

Has anything hit you yet?

Okay. You’re fine. Now listen up people…

There are a lot of you out there. Back in September when I started this blog there were two of you. Let’s just say, I don’t feel so alone anymore. And I’m SO glad you’re here. But because you are, I feel compelled to clean up a bit.

I’ll be dusting every corner, washing the sheets and painting.

Thankfully I’m not working alone. There are two men helping me. Yay! Men. They’re so productive when they want to be … (they’re my friends so I can say that).

Both landed in my life thanks to fate and dumb luck. Without them this website wouldn’t be able to fly.

Everybody – meet Brad and Dale.

Bradley Spencer – The SEO Wizard

A WordPress consultant, Web architect and SEO Wizard, Brad gives your blog a steering wheel and some major horsepower. And he has room for more clients. Visit Brad’s website.

Dale Beato – The Designer

A digital and print graphic designer, Dale designed my new look. I think you’ll be impressed. Find Dale here.

Brad and Dale – be nice to my website, or I’ll kill you.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)

For my readers:

I always love to hear from you, so please e-mail me with any questions you may have about being a dating single mother. But remember, I’m just a single mom, all of my advice is based on my personal experience and the experiences I read about on other single mom blogs and from the readers who comment on this blog. E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For my haters:

Before you send me a hate mail, you may want to look what happened to the last person who did. And I think she about covered everything you probably want to tell me anyway.

For the press:

If you have a media inquiry, I’ll be happy to entertain any story ideas or serve as a source on single motherhood, divorce or dating.

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Please e-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For advertisers:

For rates on display advertising or a product review request please E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com with the subject line: Advertising.
No husband to pamper me + one adorable two year old son who has no concept of holidays = me, treating myself to a new ring, a new super cute hat and an even cuter new dress! (I know, I splurged. Oh well)

If you haven’t already – go treat yourself. Even if it’s just some new nail polish or a magazine!

And HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY my single mamas!

Did you pamper yourself today too? Were the kids good? So far Benjamin has been especially pleasant, minus dumping an entire bucket of toy dinosaurs out at the store and locking himself in the dressing room. That was fun.
Monday night is my one free night of the week. It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for mommy to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least. I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me. Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is Ex.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal
The adventure continues.

My single mama friend has already been on date #1 from Yahoo Personals. The man in question had so many things in common with her. They both love reading, writing, the same bar scene, etc. She followed my advice, met for coffee, and had a wonderful time. But there was no spark. Alas, just like old-fashioned blind dates the odds of catching a spark are tough. Her first question – so how do I tell him? The answer:

How to Break Up, Virtually (with an e-mail, of course).

Dear Mr. Online Dater

I had so much fun chatting with you over coffee, but I just didn’t feel that spark I was looking for. You are such an amazing person and I really hope you find your special someone. Thanks again and good luck!

Sincerely, Ms Single Mama
brokenheart.jpgMy best friend and fellow single mom, Abby, is still reeling from her break up. And so is her 5 year old daughter, Penny. She’s a beautiful, happy little girl who also fell in love with mommy’s boyfriend. How couldn’t she? He was over at their house at least three to four nights a week. They’d been together for nearly one year and had been talking about moving in together, starting a family – the whole kit and caboodle. And now – poof – he’s gone and Penny is broken hearted. If you’ve never seen a 5 year old with a little broken heart – lucky you – because I saw my first one tonight and it was unbearable.

Abby and I were sipping wine in the kitchen when Penny walked up with tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong sweetie, are you feeling sick?” Abby asked.

“No, I’m sad…about John. I love him, he’s my friend and I’ll never get to see him again.”

Abby and I looked at each other. The two single moms who always have the answers. And there was nothing. Neither of us knew what to say. What could we say? How can you explain a break up to a 5 year old?

My son is just a few months shy of two. This is something I’ve never faced. I would imagine that for a five year old something like this is extremely heavy and intense. Something that could have a lasting impact. And what Abby is going through right now is without a doubt, my worst fear and is why us single moms can get a little “crazy” when it comes to relationships and dating. This is it. This is what we all want to avoid.

But we also want to meet someone, be with someone and find out if they are a fit for our family. I call it the single mom dating conundrum. How do we do it without hurting our kids? The answers aren’t clear and they never will be, but there must be some child psychology experts out there who would know what we should say. How we should say it.

Abby would have read up had she known John was going to walk in – break up with her and then leave without so much as a good bye to Penny.

So what should she do? Any advice? Please, please pass on some insights if you have them. I tried to do a Google search for “single mom break up how do you tell the kids” and there was nothing useful.

(Photo source – http://www.irishhealth.com)

For my readers:

I always love to hear from you, so please e-mail me with any questions you may have about being a dating single mother. But remember, I’m just a single mom, all of my advice is based on my personal experience and the experiences I read about on other single mom blogs and from the readers who comment on this blog. E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For my haters:

Before you send me a hate mail, you may want to look what happened to the last person who did. And I think she about covered everything you probably want to tell me anyway.

For the press:

If you have a media inquiry, I’ll be happy to entertain any story ideas or serve as a source on single motherhood, divorce or dating.

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Please e-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

For advertisers:

For rates on display advertising or a product review request please E-mail me at mssinglemama@gmail.com with the subject line: Advertising.
UPDATE:

Still under construction – wear your helmets until tomorrow afternoon. Moving over a WordPress blog is no easy feat.

*********

Over the next 24-48 hours virtual cranes, bull dozers and sweaty hot men will be working on giving my website a little make over. Wear your helmets and watch for falling debris.

Don’t get mad at me if something falls out of the sky and hits your face. This is a construction zone. Be careful and patient. Thanks!

Has anything hit you yet?

Okay. You’re fine. Now listen up people…

There are a lot of you out there. Back in September when I started this blog there were two of you. Let’s just say, I don’t feel so alone anymore. And I’m SO glad you’re here. But because you are, I feel compelled to clean up a bit.

I’ll be dusting every corner, washing the sheets and painting.

Thankfully I’m not working alone. There are two men helping me. Yay! Men. They’re so productive when they want to be … (they’re my friends so I can say that).

Both landed in my life thanks to fate and dumb luck. Without them this website wouldn’t be able to fly.

Everybody – meet Brad and Dale.

Bradley Spencer – The SEO Wizard

A WordPress consultant, Web architect and SEO Wizard, Brad gives your blog a steering wheel and some major horsepower. And he has room for more clients. Visit Brad’s website.

Dale Beato – The Designer

A digital and print graphic designer, Dale designed my new look. I think you’ll be impressed. Find Dale here.

Brad and Dale – be nice to my website, or I’ll kill you.
Last night I was running around cleaning like crazy. (I have a house guest coming, a very handsome house guest from Denmark and also one of the sweetest men I’ve ever known). So I’m bustling around cleaning as much as I can because Benjamin was at his father’s.

Then I hear it. Beeeupp.

The text beep.

Hmmm…could it be the bar guy texting me again?

Yep. I have completely written him off twice now. The first time for just letting my last text go unanswered and the second time when he asked me out a few days later via text…

And tonight the poor guy tried again:

Text Case #3

His Text: How was your weekend?

My Text: Lovely. Yours?

No response. And then three hours later.

His Text: Lovely also. I’m bad at text messages. My response time is about two days.

Yes, I’m thinking – you’re really bad at texting and even worse at asking a girl out.

My Text: I hate texting too. Next time call me.

If and when he does call I can’t help but think it will be incredibly awkward. We met over a week ago, just a fun encounter at a bar. You know the drill. Not even interested. (Purple Octopuses). To get me, albeit that he’s an adorable engineer, he’d have to knock my front door down or something.

For Text Case #1 and #2 click here.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

debra May 13, 2008 at 12:31 pm

Maybe it’s an engineer thing? My Mr ‘long…um…lunch’ texter is like this too. We talked on the phone before we went out, have been out three times, but he just prefers texting…no idea why. He is incredibly intelligent, articulate, good looking, but I sense he is just a little shy and he is more comfortable flirting this way?! Everyone has their own style I guess.

But, yeah, don’t text me, then put your phone down and not respond for 2 hours….c’mon!

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SingleMomSeeking May 13, 2008 at 1:15 pm

Hold the phone. A “handsome house guest” from Denmark? Who is this guy?… It’s like watching the trailer of a new romance movie, and it gets cut in the middle. Who is this fellow? How do you know him?

Inquiring minds want to know! Oooooh.

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mssinglemama May 13, 2008 at 1:20 pm

Oooooh….saving that for another day … stay tuned. : )

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Raihana February 4, 2015 at 3:15 am

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dadshouse May 13, 2008 at 2:24 pm

You texted him back? WTF! I thought you’d written him off.

I think it’s totally lame that this guy is moving so slow with you. I’d knock your door down if I was 10 years younger and knew where you lived! Well, I might try ringing the doorbell first.

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QTMama May 13, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Damn. Wish someone would knock my door down. 😉

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Avinash February 5, 2015 at 5:18 am

d0a3d1₮d0bed0ba 2 d0a9d0be d1‚d0b0d0bad0b5 HTML d1‚d0b5d0b3d0b8??? Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your wobleg and wanted to say that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

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Jaclyn May 13, 2008 at 8:07 pm

Well, asking a woman out via text message is lame, but its the technology age. I’ve had nieces get broken up with via text message.

Yes, sometimes there is just something quick you want to say that doesn’t require a phone call, or you aren’t in a place that you can talk on the phone…but how lame and disconnected are we becoming.

I once chatted with a guy online. I type 100 WPM, but I don’t expect others to type that fast…but I’d reply and 10 minutes would go by before he’d reply back. Either he’s really slow, talking to other people at the same time and got distracted…either way, if the online chatting was that bad (his dialogue was even worse, btw) then he’s not going to get my phone number, much less a date.

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larak May 13, 2008 at 10:40 pm

Hey! I hope it’s okay that I found your blog. I’m also following you on Twitter. Hope that doesn’t make me a stalker, LOL. Awesome blog! I am so envious — mine is really lame and noob-ish by comparison. But I’d love your thoughts and feedback, it’s only the start and I can only get better. 🙂

Can’t wait to hear more about the Denmark dude and again, loving your blog!

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Lance May 13, 2008 at 11:07 pm

I use texting primarily as a flirting tool…it works best if you’ve established a good connection and you want to do a bit of flirting during the week. Like say if you meet someone on a Saturday, you can text/flirt during the week and set something up for next Friday. This maintains the connection and keeps the other person thinking about you. Beyond that, texting sucks. Make calls.

For your text guy, it sounds like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s should know his connection with you is tenuous and he needs to do a bit more work (via phone) to establish his cred if he’s looking for a date.

Reply

mssinglemama May 14, 2008 at 12:11 am

Lance – I think you’re dead on. Poor guy doesn’t know what he’s doing. Normally, I have just helped him out and called … but like you said, the connection is tenuous.

Lara – you are such a stalker! Kidding. Of course, it’s okay – just don’t pass it on to anyone else in the office or I’ll dump hot coffee on your head. : )

DH – I texted him back b/c this is actually kind of funny at this point – or some kind of sick experiment.

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Leslie May 14, 2008 at 4:01 pm

I’d text back that you’re busy cleaning for a hot houseguest haha get on with it guy!

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mssinglemama May 14, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Still no phone call. The guy is a chicken shit. So funny.

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Tevin February 3, 2015 at 7:32 am

, after the first measurement the wave fuiocntn collapses into a delta fuiocntn in the position basis. If you wait for some period of time the wave fuiocntn will evolve according to the Schrodinger’s equation which has causality built into it. Hence, the result of second measurement would be causally related to the first, in the wave fuiocntn sense. However, there are other thought experiments in quantum mechanics such as the well known EPR paradox that raise serious concerns about the causal relationships in our world

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