Comments on: Did I lose my Mr. Good Enough?

By: Chris's Mom

Chris's Mom — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:44:11 +0000

I almost settled for a 2nd time and just the thought of how miserable I would’ve been had I not broken it off makes me cringe. Yes, being lonely/dating again is frustrating, but being in a relationship ‘just because’ is just not worth it.

By: Chantelle

Chantelle — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:14:43 +0000

Went back and found this blog after listening to you on your show. You rock, you really do.

By: Jennifer Vierstraete

Jennifer Vierstraete — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:09:05 +0000

I have embraced being a single mom and do not feel that its a disease. Never in my life have I learned so much about love, life and who I really am. It helps to keep my priorites in check. I would not take this experience back for the world and everyday is an adventure. I refuse to settle on just someone… better to be alone and face the loneliness then with someone and miserable is what I truly feel. I am even more selective on the people as friends that I let in to my life.. I have spent so much investing in my son and I and our home for just anyone to come along … we are worth it!! So if you are in my life right now, you've been hand picked because you are a wonderful person!! and we will shower you with so much love your world will ROCK!

By: Jennifer Vierstraete

Jennifer Vierstraete — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:03:44 +0000

I know that men are imperfect.. but lets face it ladies… if we pulled half of their stunts they would of moved on too!!! I'm exhausted right now and had to tell my boyfriend to be there for me when I had an emergency with my son… NOT okay… Men open your eyes and see what your lady is going through… don't make her ask … it sucks the heart right out of it…. men.. study your ladies become their students and don't be afraid to surprise her… if your afraid then its about YOU and it leaves her unable to open her heart and pour out on you.. YOUR MISSING OUT THEN!! i know I need a man who isn't afraid to take a second place to my son.. and take a lead on our relationship….I don't have the energy to pursue you but once I am I'm sure I would have no problems with breaking out a little love from my side too…. I don;t want a dinner … I want an apology when you know you have hurt me, for you to take initiative on the conversations we have and to be a little more attentive to me… is this harsh? yes. am I worth it? absolutely.

By: jennifer vierstraete

jennifer vierstraete — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:02:39 +0000

We as single moms cannot afford NOT to be picky!! Settling is like saying you are not worth the pursuit and thats not fair!! Just as men have needs … so do we and what we need is just as important. For Goodness sakes guys!! Does she have to take you by the hand and tell you everything she wants? She already is raising a child (or children) DON"T make her raise you too!!

By: PT-LawMom

PT-LawMom — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 04:51:02 +0000

I love this post! Mr. V isn't perfect, but he is definitely perfect for me!!! And he's not my "type" so I'm glad I took a leap of faith and tried something different or I never would have known this kind of love.

By: K

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 18:06:45 +0000

that article made me mad too! I’ve had a few family members who are old and asked what I did to ‘ruin’ that relationship etc. I don’t need that, nor do I need to hear about how I let a ‘good one go.’
The thing is, timing plays a huge part and if both sides are not willing to put the time or effort in to move the relationship, it WILL NOT work!
I mean, I think we all know ourselves well enough to know what’s good for us.
I’m in a great relationship with someone who is younger and wonderful and starting out school in the fall… I’m going to have to wait through years of school to have my ‘perfect’ man… but both of us are willing to put in the effort to make those years easy and memorable for our relationship in anticipation of a future together. most guys wouldn’t want that… nor are most girls willing to wait, but sometimes you just know.
And that’s what I spent so long waiting for (keeping fingers crossed too, LOL), so why settle?

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:35:52 +0000

Very wise words David, thank you for contributing!!!

By: davidrochester

davidrochester — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:23:42 +0000

I think the controversy over all of this probably comes from people’s definition of perfect. For example, there’s no question that I’m waiting for the perfect woman, and I have a list of non-negotiables, a couple of which strike some people as highly unrealistic or unreasonable … but they strike them that way because the things I need aren’t the things they need. However, it’s absolutely compatible with my idea of perfection if the woman I’m with is 40 pounds overweight, if she has a history of depression, if she has children of her own from another relationship, etc. Some of my “that’s OK”s are dealbreakers for other men, just as some of the things I need make no sense to other men.

Now, if my idea of the pefect woman were a twentysomething Victoria’s Secret model with a Ph.D in physics who happened to give incredible blow jobs despite being a virgin … yeah, I’d probably need a pretty big smack with a clue-by-four.

I don’t think anyone should settle, unless their idea of perfection points to immaturity or narcissism to begin with. If a woman’s idea of the perfect guy is a Brad Pitt-lookalike CEO who cage wrestles terrorists in his spare time when he’s not waxing his Jaguar convertible and taking orphans for rides in it, well yeah, she probably has issues.

But if your idea of perfection encompasses the things you know you need in order to live and grow emotionally with someone, then — don’t settle. And for Heaven’s sake … marriage has nothing to do with commitment. There are guys in their 30s and 40s out there who are capable of committing, but who don’t want the legal entanglement of marriage again. It doesn’t mean they’re bad guys; it means they don’t want to repeat a Hell they’ve already been through. I’m sometimes surprised that any single mom regards marriage as a good goal … especially after so many of you have worked so hard to achieve independence.

The other thing is … it’s our friends who last, our friends we can call at 3 AM, our friends who provide the best support and most reliable affection. My current theory is that the best thing I can do is invest my emotional energy in them, rather than dating, and seek to make more friends. My closest friend has been an angel, a savior, a soulmate … for almost twenty years. Whereas my longest relationship lasted six years, and now, as much as I would like to be friends with my ex, we can’t, because her new BF is jealous of me, and she has made the (wrong, IMO) choice to allow that in their relationship.

My point, and I do actually have one, is that a community of loving friends might be a better thing, in the long run, than settling. No, it’s not as close and intimate, and no, it doesn’t solve the frustrations of celibacy. But … at least in my case, if I look at what I think of as my “budget” of available time and emotional energy, I see that the payoffs are truer and deeper when I invest in the friends I have, and when I invest in pursuing people who have friend-potential.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Sun, 25 May 2008 00:50:06 +0000

ForeverTogether?

I’m not sure … that is a tough one. I think everyone gets wanderlust? You know … did you read my entry on the diff b/n love and lust? Have you tried taking a vacation without him?

Maybe do that first. Take a week to yourself – to think – and if you find that you’re actually attracted to other men, then there’s your answer. Often we daydream but when it comes down to it – we just want to be with the one we are trying to leave.

Good luck!