Should I leave my husband?

by mssinglemama on May 2, 2008

Troubled couple December 2001
Troubled couple December 2001
Troubled couple December 2001

Take a breath and try to imagine yourself in a thankless marriage.

Now try to imagine having a little one watching and witnessing – the fights, the anger, the unhappiness or depression.

When marriage counseling fails (it did for me) and you have exhausted all of your options, emotionally and physically to make it work – when do you know if you should leave?

There were a few moments, split seconds of time when I knew I had to give up – that my ex-husband and I were impossibly different – and that he was impossibly uncommitted to truly being the best father and husband he could be. These moments were spread out over two years. And then one of them broke the camel’s back: he told me, didn’t even ask, told me – that he would not be working but staying at home until our (my) savings ran out. Then, he said, he would find a new job.

And that was it. I left – packed up our apartment – moved in with my mom (took little 4-month-old Benjamin of course) and got on with my life.

It wasn’t easy.

It isn’t easy.

But being in that marriage, with someone who gave me no respect, no affection, no empathy or even friendship was harder than being a single mother.

I received an e-mail this week that moved me to write this post.

I’m sure you hear it all the time, but your blog really touched me. I’m sitting here at work with a lump in my throat trying really hard not to cry.

I’m married with a ten month old (who is IT, and by it, I mean the absolute greatest love in existence, which you know all about). My husband is, as I’ve heard you describe your ex, USELESS. I read one of your first posts about him not moving the boxes, and that same exact situation has happened to me. Your ex sounds like he’s a good turner-arounder (is that even a word)—he can make something his fault or your fault in a matter of seconds, and takes responsibility for nothing.

Anyway, my husband has been out of town this week, and it’s given me a lot of time to think. Part of me (like a teeny tiny part) is scared to “be alone.”

Do you have any suggestions as far as finances go? Was the legal aspect of divorce and custody a difficult thing for you in that aspect (or others)?

What emotional or financial advice would you give to women who are on the fence? Most divorced parents know the decision does not come easy. It’s not something you just snap into … you think, think, try and try again to make it work and then one day – that’s it – you’re done.

What tipped you? What was the deciding factor in your decision to get a divorce?

If you feel like a married single mom, click here.

Thinking of becoming a single mom? Everything you need is here in my free eBook.

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan to download your copy. Details are here. I hope it helps and wrote it just for you. I’ve been there and believe me, it will get better!

[Photo credit: Every Day Better]

{ 619 comments… read them below or add one }

legalprison May 2, 2008 at 10:36 am

What tipped me?

Well it could have been the steak knife between the floating ribs on the right side but it really was me – realizing this situation would never change and I could never change it (it did take 14 years). The yelling and screaming would continue, if I stayed there would be nothing left of me. Yes, it did take months to come to this decision.


moncia August 11, 2013 at 6:12 am

I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Dr, Kim for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Dr, Kim a spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in three days after the spell has been cast. three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for long, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to devote the rest of his life with me. Dr, Kim released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have to share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the cheeriest girl on earth and me and my fiancé is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.

All thanks goes to Dr, Kim for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is his email address in any situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. you can also contact him on this email:


Susanne August 11, 2013 at 6:13 am

My name is Susanne from Florida. My husband left me for no reason on 24th of February 2012. He moved in with another woman, I felt like killing myself. My life was very bitter and sorrowful. Then one day, a friend of mine told me about a doctor that is very good and does not even charge for his services, I didn’t believe it because I’ve worked with so many of them and it didn’t work. so I decided to try this great doctor called DR, Kim. I contacted him and I gave him the necessary information. He didn’t ask for anything but he said after the spell works before i can pay for the service, the next two days which was on the 29th of July, 2012 I received a call and it was my darling husband Thomas. He apologized and came back to me. Thank you Dr, Kim. I will forever be grateful to you. You can reach him on his email: , Try him today and thank me later.


Tracy May 2, 2008 at 10:45 am

Well, I was never married…BUT…I was with my ex for 8 years. I left him when my little man was 15 months old. It was not a healthy relationship for quite sometime (it was a verbally and emotionally unstable one and was leading towards more) but I always managed to convice myself that it would get better, or made excuses for his behaviour.

My tipping point? When I was holding my little man in my arms and he was crying (tired pumpkin) and my ex pushed my backwards and told me to take the “kid” into another room and make him be quiet. Of course if my ex was sober, things probably would be different, but he rarely was. At that very moment I knew that this was not going to get better , in fact I knew it could only get worse and that I could NOT let my little guy grow up in that environment. I packed my stuff and in hand.

My decision to leave was scary, but I had to do what was best for my son. It’s been almost 8 years and I am proud to say I and debt free, I have a roof over my head, have re built an excellent credit rating, have re-discovered myself , re-built my self-esteem and have a happy and healthy son. By taking baby steps and staying strong, I firmly believe that anything can be done. Believe in yourself……


Jill April 5, 2009 at 7:22 pm

My moment came when I met a guy at work, I realized I had not been having fun in my marrige. We had a flexible job so we would go out during the day and just do fun things. My husnband found out on day that I had been going out with this guy and got really controlling. That just made it worse I new that I didn't want to live my life where someone was telling me what to do. We have been mariied 21 years with 4 kids and now I realize how controlling he is.


Michelle June 29, 2012 at 2:52 am

I am so scared but know what needs to be done but am so scared! I have been married for 21 years and have 2 beautiful daughters. We are all 3 done with our husband/father. He is unemployeed, again and doesn’t seem to want to do anything to change the situation. He wastes our money on beer and cigarettes. We finally told him to get out today but I don’t think he takes us seriously. I can’t take much more of this. I want him to get help but don’t think he will but on the other hand I am scared. I feel so bad for our girls that they don’t have a positive male role model. I see friends and other family members that have good family relationships and feel so bad for my girls that they don’t have that. I have cried so many tears over this and just feel tired. My therapist told me today it was ok if I was sad and I had to tell her I was more tired than sad. Does that make me a bad person? I feel like I am loosing my mind! I just want peace for my girls and I, but how do I find it?


Sara September 7, 2013 at 4:52 pm

Neither wrongly or rightly maybe but I think you are justifying your actions by retrospectively blaming your ex husband for your actions.
Is it his fault he became controlling when he saw the inevitable happening? That his family was going to be ripped apart? That the woman he loved clearly no longer loved him the same way? Sorry but I think everyone would act the same in his position. Was he just meant to sit back and enjoy the emotional rollarcoaster your change in behaviour was likely causing him?
Basically you met a guy you fancied and found every fault you could think of to justify why your husband wasn’t good enough. This is classic emotional infidelity.
Except your own faults before you find faults with others. You were unfaithful to him (mentally and emotionally, if not physically), not he to you.
However, sometimes we do need the excitement of a new relationship, and the death of an old one to feel fulfilled in our lives, it’s natural for partners to move apart and somebody has to be the one to end it (usually when a fresher alternative enters the scene). I hope you have found happiness with your new partner.
There is an important lesson in this that maybe people should accept that for most people serial monogamy is the norm and that nobody should ever go into a relationship thinking it is forever, but instead just enjoying it for today, because eventually one or other partner is probably going to walk away, including this new partner of yours.


michael July 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm

who ever is reading this testimony today should please celebrate with me and my family because it all started like a joke to some people and others said it was impossible. my name is Michael i live in Chicago i am happily married with two kids and a lovely wife something terrible happen to my family along the line, i lost my job and my wife packed out of my house because i was unable to take care of her and my kids at that particular time. i manage all through five years, no wife to support me to take care of the children and there come a faithful day that i will never forget in my life i met an old friend who i explain all my difficulties to, and he took me to a spell caster and and the name of the temple is called, okundonorgreatspell, i was assure that everything will be fine and my wife will come back to me after the wonderful work of dr okundonorgreatspell, my wife came back to me and today i am one of the richest man in my country. i advice you if you have any problem email him with this email: and you will have the best result. take things for granted and it will be take from you.


Hanna May 2, 2008 at 11:05 am

When my daughter was 9 months old, her dad and I got into a fight. A bad fight. A fight that had been building up for 2 years, and I had been swallowing every day, to save face. Lets just say what came out that night could have jeopordized the safety of everyone involved, and I’m glad it didn’t get as bad as it could have been. I left for Miami a few days after that fight, and was on my own for a week. I made all the decisions, took care of everything, and realized that I COULD do it alone. Why was I staying with someone who shoved me out of bed when he was angry at me?
When I got back, I never even unpacked. I left that same day.


kevin May 2, 2008 at 11:28 am

I think the important thing is that nobody changes. If you think youve done everything to make the relationship work and YOU are still not happy, then leaving may be the best thing because HE/SHE aint changing. But of course its hard when there are kids and a long marriage and financial considerations. So everyday, you have to keep reminding yourself that you should get out of the relationship, or that you did the right thing in getting out. From the time I decided I should leave my spouse to the time I left her, it took me three years of counseling and looking at myself in the mirror, and even after I left, it was still hard. And its gonna be hard. Just know that. Its gonna be. But people shouldnt confuse the fact that its hard with the fact of whether or not they should leave. (Sorry for the long comment. I think your posts are really helpful to a lot of people and just wanted to chip in.)


Renee June 11, 2011 at 2:21 am

Thank you for this posting. Just hearing someone else say just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not the right decision really resignates with me. blessings.


T5t5 July 10, 2011 at 1:38 am

yes, thanks for the post. It’s good to hear


T5t5 July 10, 2011 at 1:39 am

Thank you


Tina July 2, 2013 at 2:10 pm

Thank you so much. This hit home. It has been ongoing, good and then CRASH always bad, then I think it will be good, and again, it happens. My son, now 15 has lived with it his entire life and is so bitter and hurt inside and I can see it so clearly and know it is due to my relationship with his step-dad. I now have a 3 year old and don’t want the same for her. I dont know how I could ever afford it. But I am determined now to figure it out. I have hit bottom. Thank you for your post. I know I need to leave, I’m just afraid I can’t affford to care for meand both of my children. Time to re-assess.


Jennifer May 2, 2008 at 11:55 am

I’m sorry in advance this is so long! I can’t say my reason was physical abuse or even screaming fights. He just makes everything my fault and doesn’t follow through on his promises. Um, that’s a little simplified. I really tried to make it work even though we separated before the baby came. I only recently decided it was okay to let go of my ‘ideal’ and what I thought a marriage should be when you have kids. Sometimes it’s better for a child to have a single parent who is happy than to be teaching them how to have toxic relationships as an adults in therapy! My turning point was when I realized I was protecting my son from toxic people but then was trying to force a relationship with a toxic person just bc he was his father!

Here’s my advice for the person in the email: You are not alone if you leave. You have family, and if not, build your friend network now. There are groups like that can help you socialize with other single moms near you.

The financial part is the hardest about being a single mom. The cost of daycare is killer. Take advantage of any services you can and don’t be embarrassed. It can be humiliating at first but it’s only temporary! If you’ve been out of the job market a while, try temp agencies or go back to school! Open an account in just your name and make sure when you leave, you put half of what’s in a joint account in it! Otherwise you might not have access to your money later. Do not assume he will keep you on credit card accounts, etc. My ex took the car from me after I moved out. I came home from the store and it was gone 15 mins later! Absolutely go talk to a lawyer to find out what you can and can’t do.

Getting my divorce started wasn’t the hard part after he took the car and stopped giving me child support, finalizing it has been hardest! I had second, third, and fourth thoughts about it and that’s normal. There’s no guarantee your ex will follow the court orders to help financially, but it’s honestly better to know the court decided everything rather than hoping and begging for help! I hope that helps a little bit. Good luck!


chatanika May 2, 2008 at 12:10 pm

The deciding factor for me was when I realized that if I heard the back door open and shut, I would automatically jump up and make like I was doing something constructive. If I was reading a book on the sofa, I would hide it under the cushions and pretend to be cleaning. Just to avoid the inevitable fight that comes with “what have you been doing all day”.

Life’s too short.


mom09 October 21, 2009 at 7:00 am

That is exactly was I do and I can’t take it anymore.


Brandy October 29, 2009 at 8:54 am

Foe me its been going on for 4 years and we have kids together he doesnt hit me but the shoves and the grabbing and yelling i cant take it anymore i dont know what to do or go i really need help im at my ends. help please?


Anonymous July 11, 2010 at 1:56 pm

go with your gut, be true to your self


Binzer November 9, 2009 at 3:18 pm

I can’t believe that I am even here right now.

I have been married to who was my best friend for 3 years. After finding out that I have a genetic disorder that causes miss carriage and having 6 miscarriages we have an 8 month old son and I am 3 months pregnant.

My husband is an electrical worker and 2 years ago his friend was electrocuted and killed while standing in the bucket with my husband.

Before I had my son we were asked to adopt twin boys that were born to a mother that knew she was dying of breast cancer. We had all the paper work in line had been visiting the boys and then my husband changed his mind.

I feel like this chain of stressful events has contributed to our demise as a married couple.

We have both needed so much support and I feel like I have done all that I can to be loving and supportive to my husband and he has not does not and will not return the favor.

I have asked him to see a counselor I have made threat after threat to leave but he doesn’t take me seriously and he has no intention of getting help.

My husband has what I think is obsessive compulsive disorder. I’m not a Dr. So I don’t know for sure but he is obsessive about everything. Our cars, the house, the bills, our animals, the laundry, his hunting. He can never relax and he can’t understand why I want him to. He will not make time for me and our son unless I have a mental breakdown and by that time its no fun for me and is meaningless because I know he has other places he would rather be.

I work 25 hours per week outside the home and the 3 days I’m home I babysit- which is work, hard work. I am sick of being treated like I have the easy life.

My husband hunts morning and night every weekend, every hunting season. Before our baby I hunted frequently with him so I’m not anti hunting but we have a baby, a life, a family now that needs to trump hobbies at times, he just will not except that and he thinks I’m cruel for expecting him to slow down.

He will not wake up with our son at night either. I have been seriously sleep deprived and sick. I have laid in bed beside him sobbing because I’m so tired and he has literally purchased ear plugs and left our bedroom.

I was so in love with my husband. He has and is breaking my heart with his refusal to seek help or counseling I just don’t know what to do. He is also verbally abusive at times. Just saying things like you’re stupid. I have aloud myself to drop to that level at times too but I don’t want to fight anymore and I especially do not want my precious babies growing up in an unhappy home.

Advise please I feel so alone.


Stone February 11, 2010 at 8:01 pm

I have a very simuliar problem with my husband. I too work but full time, and have a 13 month old. My husband blames his job for many things. But he puts hunting first. Enough about me. I am just wondering how you are doing three months later?


TJ May 4, 2010 at 8:54 am

You are not alone, I got married at 22 young niave and in love and we have been married for 8 years 3 kids, hes always gone to school and worked, had “the hard life” while I always had it “easy” working and taking care of myself him and 3 kids. Ive been called names, Ive been spit on, Ive been pushed, Ive been choked. My 6 year old (the oldest) asked me when I was going to leave and find a new Daddy and that was my breaking point. I am now living with my mom taking baby steps. But Im leaving finally.


Julie May 2, 2008 at 1:23 pm

It is so hard to make the decision to be alone. Making the decision is the hardest part. You will second guess your decision a hundred times. The tipping point for me came when I really he was never going to make me a priority in his life, and he was never going to change. This came after finding out that he was cheating on me and lying to me for three months while I was at home with our nine-month old daughter. He wouldn’t stop communicating with the other woman, he wouldn’t quit the job he was working where she worked too (he is a bartender in a restaurant, and could easily found another job) and he refused to stop partying. It was a heartbreaking decision to make. I wanted to make the best decision for my daughter. I wanted a family and a husband. I had to give up my dream of a life with this person who I thought loved me. I finally asked him to leave. I didn’t want my daughter to see me being treated that way by her father. I also want a life with a person who loves me and will make me a priority in his life. You have a right to be happy. Children should see their parents in healthy relationships with people who make them happy. I know it is really hard. But I also know that you are stronger than you think you are. You don’t really know what you can do until you have to do it. I look back over the last six months, and I am amazed at what I have done for myself and my daughter. You will surprise yourself with how strong you are.


pregnant and fustrated November 4, 2009 at 1:59 pm

im so tired of working and coming home to a husband who will just ignore me. i work, cook, clean, wash help my boy with his homework that my other son a bath while all he does is play is stupid x-box games. and remember in 6 months pregnant. he had back surgery last 2 months but i try so hard to make it work, i understand that he is still in pain but come on he doesnt seem to mind when he gets up and plays until i get ready to go to sleep at night to stop playing its atleast more than 6 hrs. i have put up with alot from him cheating to his surgery to his additude after surgery, he is very depresed and takes it out on me and my boys. i hate it his not suppose to make me cry i can hurt my baby like that. im just not going to put up with it any more.


Shelby May 1, 2010 at 7:45 am

It will be tough but you should definatly leave him. I had been married to my ex-husband for just over 6 1/2 years. I had a four year old son and a two month old daughter at the time when he would “disappear”. Over the years he had cheated on me at least 4 times that I had confirmed. Every time he said he was “so sorry” and that he loved only me and we would “work things out”. He never kept a job for more than a few months. Stating the reason was that some one else at work was to blame or that he was having knee problems. Knee problems ment that he was smoking pot and either going to work late or not going at all and got fired. I worked my butt off our whole marriage just to scrape by. I even went back to work just one month after I had our daughter to help ease the stress off him. Two days after our son’s fourth birthday, I confronted him about his disapperences, including not comming home the night before our son’s birthday and showing up around 11 the morning of. He tells me he loves someone else and we should “seperate for a little while”. That was it. I filed for divorce. He blamed all our problems on me wanting too much from him. He cheated, ( once a cheater, always a cheater) repeatedly. Put his video games before our children. And treaded me like a pariah when I wanted some attention. It was hard but I eventually found someone who cares about me and my two little ones. I am happy finally after almost 7 years. And my children are happy too.


caroline December 21, 2011 at 4:22 am

I feel so identified with your story.. I’ve been married for 16 years and my husband cheated on me with my own sister on the night of our first son’s birth.. how I found out it’s a long story.. and he has cheated a couple other times that I know of.. He hasn’t been working for a year and we lost our home a year ago because of his lack of responsbility to keep a job.. he’s gotten more verbally abusive in the last couple of years.. he also sits down for hrs playing PS3 while I do everything around the house,he sleeps until 1 pm and then gets up to get ready to go pick up kids from school,I also cought him watching pornography in his cell phone and the PC several times too.. and to make things even worse four months ago on the night of my birthday I went to check my FB and he forgot to log out of this email that I didn’t even know about and saw that he and my sister have been screwing around for a while.. I confronted my sister about it and she denied it all and called him a lier,but she sent him a text later thinking that he wasn’t going to show me with a plan to how to convince me about this quote on quote girl that had a similar name to hers and that the reason she wrote in the mail that she wants to see him is because she never met him in person before..I don’t know what to do anymore? I feel so betrayed..I have no self steem anymore.. he tells me that I can go live with my parents or that i need to forget and forgive!but this is what he told me every time after I caught him cheating on me.. like I’m supposed to trust him right away everytime! what can I do? I’m so scared to live on my own.. I stopped working 15 years ago when I was expecting our first son after having a miscarriage and stayed home since then taking care of my three boys… i just feel so overwhelmed with no help around the house and with our children..but overall I feel so disrespected and misunderstood!


Shannon May 2, 2008 at 1:52 pm

It is so hard to make that decision, but for me I suddenly had a sense of peace about it, that I would rather face a lot of hard work alone as a single parent to 3 kids, than have that bad feeling in my gut every time my husband came home and disrupted our peace and happiness.
When I told the kids we were leaving because I didn’t like how daddy yells so much, my middle kid (7 years old at the time) said “I thought you didn’t mind when he yells at us”. That sealed it for me. Like another poster said above, what are you teaching your kids by supporting the toxic relationship between them and your spouse?


christine June 11, 2010 at 7:56 am

i am in the same place as you were 3 kids all my husband does is shout all everyone i want to leave but havent worked up the balls to do it my kids are 9 6 and 2 every one is unhappy but my husband keeps telling me he will change he will try i dont know what to do or where to get help i told him last night that i couldnt take any more and the debt is too much to take how did you find the strenght to leave i have wanted to leave from just after my daughter was born she the youngest it feels like i dont even register with my husband until i try to talk to him telling him that i want to leave theres always some form of sport or game hes playing thats more important than the kids and me


dadshouse May 2, 2008 at 1:57 pm

I wanted to quit a lucrative engineering career to become a writer with no assurance of income. My wife didn’t want me to. After a history of her controlling me, I realized I could no longer allow her to dictate how I spent the rest of my life. And that was it.

Don’t get me wrong – I wasn’t about to put my family in financial strain. I worked my butt off to make sure we’d be well off before I made this career switch. And I spent years in counseling contemplating this decision. (btw – marriage counseling can only help two people communicate. It doesn’t help if one or the other has personal issues that need dealing with.)

Some books: “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay”, “Should You Leave?”, “Mom’s House, Dad’s House” (hence the title of my blog)

Divorce with kids involved is very hard. I usually advise people not to do it because if both parents stay inolved in raising the kids, any problems you had will still be there, and you’ll still be forced to deal with them. But if divorce is the only option, know that it’s possible, with a lot of work, to be happier in the end.


Shannon May 2, 2008 at 2:23 pm

DadsHouse is so right. It’s very hard. I usually advise people not to do it as well. It’s heartbreaking and you are still in very close communication anyway. It adds financial strain, even to the best situations. I had a great job and house, but it still was stressful to be paying for and taking care of it all by myself. I deliberated my leaving for three years, because he was not trustworthy-and I still don’t trust him with much. But my daughter loves her father and I encourage their relationship as much as I can.
Good luck to the writer of that email…and we are out here.-people to talk to. Also, with age I’ve learned that gender differences are just so great-no matter who we are with, we will always have some level of conflict. It just depends how you deal with it.


fatboyslimmed May 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm

Reading these posts I feel for all of you. Yes, I’m a guy. Yes I have feelings. I’m so sorry.
However, I have to ask: Didn’t you see this coming? You actually married these guys?
Now I know I’m stereotyping and please forgive me but I find that many, many women out there are more interested in the stud. The good looking guy. The guy who could be a model. The cute one. You name it. And, hey guys want the trophy. Why? After watching my two daughters date – now happily and I mean happily married, I watch them date these assholes that were good looking, but had absolutely no clue of life, how to be nice, how to treat a lady. But, knowing they had common sense I kept my mouth shut (most of the time) and it all worked out.

I married a model. Talk about arm candy. I met her in 1976 at a fashion show in NYC where I went because I was dating one of her friends. So happens we were introduced, this was on December 18th 1976. And we married on March 18th of 77. Exactly three months later. And we are still married today. It’s been 31 years now and still happy. How can that be? I wasn’t looking for anything other than a good time. I was home on vacation from the service, and just hanging with my friends. She wasn’t looking for anything either, just doing her job at a meet and greet after the show. we hit it off and we instantly new this was it.
I am not one of the aforementioned “model” type of men. I was in the Air Force, broke as a single guy can be and a little overweight. But I guess she saw through all the crap and saw ME.
Anyway, that’s my story. Sorry it’s so long. I guess my point is that sometimes, men and women just are attracted for all the WRONG reasons and everyone is surprised when things don’t work out.


Tracy May 2, 2008 at 3:23 pm

Fatboyslimmed……nope…I didn’t see it coming…When we first began to date, all was well. He was not the arm candy…I was.

It wasn’t until we moved in together (after 3 yrs dating) that things began to slide. It was gradual, almost invisible..then it slowly increased but by then I was used to it, ‘numbed’ to it if you will. Then one day BAM…it was staring me in the face. But it was such a regular part of my life I began to believe what I was being told, how I was being treated, what I was being called. Things aren’t always black and white, there or gone. Sometimes, it creeps up on you when your defenses are down until something makes you look at it square in the face and find the strength to meet with it head on.


kelly007 May 2, 2008 at 3:34 pm

fatboyslimmed, I feel compelled to reply…for many reasons.

Thank you for being a guy and having feelings. Us women truly appreciate that combination.

Let’s say I can relate VERY WELL to this blog, and your reply struck a chord in me.

Since I’m probably pretty sensitive as far as this topic goes, I’ll apologize for sounding abrupt in advance.

I HATE when people ask questions like, “Didn’t you see this coming,” or, “How can you have married someone like that?” I’ve heard them both, generally after I’ve confided in someone about my unfavorable situation. Not only does this make me feel absolutely ridiculous, I feel like the blame is being put on me AGAIN (since generally, that’s how it goes around my house) for someone else’s behavior.

Let me start by saying this. Unfortunately, there are TONS of women who have a great relationship with a man that immediately changes, either right after they get married (my case) or right after they have children with the person. In can be a cultural thing, a total out of the blue thing, but it’s definitely a totally sucks thing.

Especially when there is evidence of abuse in a relationship (emotional or physical) it may not show up until much later on, and in the case of emotional abuse (something I’ve experienced) it often creeps up slowly, unnoticed, until the person feels like they’re going crazy.

I happened to meet my husband after getting out of a crappy relationship, going through counseling, and at a time where I wasn’t looking for anything. I was getting my masters, had a great life, and felt very good about myself. Our relationship progressed fairly quickly, and was very easy. Little to no fighting, we enjoyed each others company, and were very deep in love. Although I was intensely attracted to him, it was not based on looks. I’ve dated “bad guys” and was SO over it at the point I met him. Did I miss teeny warning signs here and there? Possibly, but going back to evaluate the past will drive me crazy. I’m a fairly intelligent and intuitive person, and feel like I can read people very well. In fact, that’s basically what I do for a living.

All this nonsense just to say this….

When women have an experience like this, the last thing we need is more judgement or blame. Not sure if you meant to come across like this, but you did. I’ve had my family and some of my (now former) friends do this, so I guess I can understand it to a certain degree, but please….choose your words carefully.

mssinglemama, THANK YOU for this post. a million times.


TJ May 4, 2010 at 9:04 am

I agree NOONE GETS MARRIED TO get a divorce, If I would have seen whats coming I would have ran like hell but then I would not have my 3 beautiful children that keep me going strong!


whatmenthink May 2, 2008 at 4:34 pm

“What emotional or financial advice would you give to women who are on the fence?”

It’s better to eat rice and beans, than to suffer emotionally for the rest of your life. Financially, its very difficult for single parents. There’s no getting around that fact. However, I think having an emotionally distraught marriage/parenting team is far worse for your children than not being able to afford the luxuries.

Love > Food for me.


Gayle May 2, 2008 at 5:38 pm

I had been thinking about leaving about a month before my daughter was born.

I was pretty sure I was leaving when my daughter was 2 months old.

I started actually planning ahead officially to leave when DD was 6 months old. The day my ex told me I was worthless, I was not okay, and I wouldn’t be able to survive without him.

I filed when DD was 18 months.

I can’t vouch for anyone else’s financial situation, but I gave up a good job and support system to “work on the marriage”. It was all right there waiting for me the moment I made a couple phone calls. I got lucky. I’m better off financially and emotionally without the ex.

To me, it’s easier and less stress doing this by myself than it ever was with the ex around, being married, having to follow his rules, and try to keep up his image.


Alex May 2, 2008 at 7:32 pm

strangely I know exactly how you feel. I was in a long term relationship with a turner-arounder. Though she worked her ass off at the office the house was always a mess. And a non-existant social life matched with constant depression.


Iranian Ajax May 2, 2008 at 7:39 pm

I am so sorry for your situation….i hope you find in life what is best for you.


sauer kraut May 2, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Man oh man… after reading a number of these comments, I’m feeling pretty guilty for having survived the ups and downs of married life thus far. It’s not always easy, but we do respect each other. That seems to be missing in a number of the marrianges/relationships written about above.

I don’t get dadshouse, tho. Maybe I don’t have enough info from the dude to form an informed opinion.


eatingthrough May 2, 2008 at 10:37 pm

I came to believe that the risk being on my own, with no guarantees but the possibility of something better, was more appealing than staying in a predictably flat-lined marriage.


Gabesmom May 2, 2008 at 11:07 pm

I left my baby’s father after living with him for almost two years. I can relate about turning things around. He always turns things around on me. He has turned it around to make the break up my fault. He told me that he wasn’t happy with me since before my baby was born and gave me all the reasons why it was my fault. I told him to leave. I agree with mssinglemama that “being in that relationship with someone who gave me no respect, no affection, no empathy or even friendship was harder than being a single mother”. I left him when my son was 6 months old. My son is now 11 months old. I couldn’t imagine being with him now. He was charming and did so much for me in the beginning, and then when I became pregnant, he started becoming emotionally abusive. He would call me names and yell at me for no reason. I am a feminist and I have my master’s in psychology. I thought I would never be in a situation like this. I was very ill during my pregnancy and almost died. He was minimally helpful at that time and then became more interested in his own interests when our baby was born. I had to do everything myself. I worked about 50 hours a week and I did everything around the house too. I would nurse the baby then beg him to watch him while I shoveled snow, mowed the lawn, cleaned house, or took a shower. He helped if he felt like it. If he didn’t feel like helping, I would just have to deal with it. It is SO MUCH BETTER knowing that I will have do everything that needs to be done but I don’t have to deal with him! I have an advanced degree, but I make $33,000 a year, which is better than some, but still hard. I am taking him to court for child support which in Illinois is 20% and medical insurance. He is trying to get out of it. I can’t stress this enough… It is rough, but it is so much better than having to deal with him every day. People in my life help me more because I am a single mom.


dadshouse May 2, 2008 at 11:12 pm

sauer kraut – what did you not get about what I wrote? Happy to explain more. Sorry if I wasn’t clear. Basically at some point I wanted to follow heart and do work I was passionate about, rather than do what was logical. I think a lot of writers/artists/musicians might relate to that.

fatboyslimmed – you asked “Didn’t you see this coming? You actually married these guys?” I think when people fall in love, a lot of times there are subconscious triggers firing that they don’t see. So, the answer is no, they didn’t see it coming. These triggers later become hot buttons getting pressed like crazy. A lot of times people come together as a couple just so they can work on stuff that needs to be subconsciously worked on. Divorce without facing those issues means you have to work on them later with someone else. What you resist will persist.


Larry Bilotta May 3, 2008 at 10:21 pm

A Message To Single Mom’s: Be clear on the goal.

I work with people who marry, have a child, then find out the person they shopped for did a bait and switch it seems. They fall “out” of love, “drift apart”, “grow apart” whatever they call it. What eventually happens is the mom feels lonely after the divorce or incomplete and she starts the search for a new man. I’ve spent time with these moms who don’t want to be single moms. I’ve found they are not clear on their mission. The pain of raising their small kids alone is more than they can endure.

It’s suffocating they tell me. They need relief. A dad, a man, provides that relief. Problem is, mom’s need to find a guy who will love a child who is not his. In my professional opinion of working with bad and dying marriages for years, single mom’s need to get clear on the goal. The goal then is to find a “nice guy”. In their twenties, girls usually don’t go for nice guys.

Nice guys don’t excite, they don’t provide “sparks”, they don’t play games very well, they don’t “turn girls on”. In fact, if you ask some women – they’re boring.

But after a divorce and living with their biological children and no helper, the new search for a man begins. Should the old rules apply in the dating scene where sex appeal, romance and a knight in shining armor is the goal?

Lori Gottlieb, author of the March Atlantic Monthly article “Marry Him” says no. She kept turning men down till she got impatient for a child and had a sperm donor make her baby possible. Now she regrets it. Her advice is “settle” for a nice guy. If you care to, read more about Lori’s opinion at my blog…


Amanda June 10, 2009 at 10:31 am

DON'T SETTLE FOR THE 'NICE GUY'. My husband is the nice, loyal christian that would always take care of his family. There's a lot more behind the 'nice guy' that isn't so nice.


Binzer November 9, 2009 at 3:43 pm

My husband was “the nice guy”. The guy that I went to school with my entire life and ignored while I dated the jocks.

After having my heartbroken by the “popular” guys time and time again I fell in love with my husband- a farmer. A soft spoken jokster. A hard worker. My husband is a lot of good things just not a very good husband. I suppose I didn’t see it coming because how can you know exactly what kind of husband a guy will be. Its a leap and sometimes we fall!


Pray for Me January 5, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I agree with Amanda that dating or in my case marrying the nice guy is overrated because he truly isn’t so nice. I’ve been married for almost 8 years to a man who I thought was extremely nice. He’s a minister and everyone (work, family, strangers who meet him) love him. I can understand why because he is very friendly and charming. But behind closed doors he screams at me, cussed me out, says things like why did I ever marry you, and erupts like a volcano over very small matters. He is easily irritated by a simple question or request. He can be so nasty and you never know when it’s going to happen. For years I just thought that he was temperamental but for the first time I have come to the conclusion that it’s emotional abuse. We have an 8 month old son. Should I leave? I feel trapped because he frequently apologizes and says he’ll work on it until we encounter the next blow up. As a Christian woman I strongly believe in the covenant of marriage and really want things to work out. But will he ever change? I believe we should do everything that’s possible to fight for our marriages but I don’t want to stick around and continue to expose my son to these unhealthy patterns. Am I experiencing abuse? It’s so difficult because there are no physical bruises for me to see when I look in the mirror. But my heart is aching. I thought I had married a nice guy… He’s super nice to everyone else but me. Why does he treat me this way when I show my genuine love for him everyday.


mssinglemama May 3, 2008 at 11:26 pm


I don’t think any one of us (other than Lori Gottlieb) ever sought out to become a single mom. It’s not easy. But these marriages, including mine, were harder.

I didn’t divorce a Mr. Good Enough. I wouldn’t have divorced a Mr. Good Enough. As Gottlieb writes, her definition of a “good enough” man is a decent guy who takes out the garbage, and brings home a salary.

And yes, it’s hard and often “suffocating” to be a single mother. And yes, finding someone to love my biological child like his own would be a welcome relief – but I’m not sitting around waiting for it to happen. What if it doesn’t? What if I marry a Mr. Good Enough who actually makes my life worse?

And it’s funny because Lori Gottlieb herself, acknowledges that “settling” isn’t so easy after you’ve had a child:

“And while I have a much higher tolerance for settling than I did back then, now I have my son to consider. It’s one thing to settle for a subpar mate; it’s quite another to settle for a subpar father figure for my child. So while there’s more incentive to settle now, there’s less willingness to settle too much, because that would be a disservice to my son.”

I just think it’s funny that you’re referencing a single mom who still hasn’t even found Mr. Right, let alone Mr. Good Enough…and one who has never been married.

What should our goal be then? I’m quite confused and a bit dumbfounded by your comment. Should our goal then be to find a man?

Perhaps you should counsel your single moms that maybe the relief they seek is not in a man at all – but within themselves.


question August 4, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Most recently though didn’t you say we have too high of standards and we have to find a Mr. Good Enough?


Jaclyn May 4, 2008 at 9:16 am

I don’t think the ‘goal’ of a single mom should be to find a daddy for her kid. First of all, they already have one (even if the dad is not so great). I believe they should have strong male figures to look up to, but not a replacement parent. Its wrong to try and replace the father, even if you hate the father’s guts and he doesn’t parent like you would or seem to have much interest. When the child is old enough, they will see the difference between a parent who loves them and works their butt off for them and a parent who doesn’t put forth any effort into being a parent. Besides, I know that NO ONE can replace me as my daughter’s mother and I would be furious if my ex even tried to. I don’t have any respect for my ex-husband, but he is the father and you just don’t do that. If you could just pick and choose who is your family, I think a lot of people would have voted off quite a few relatives long ago. Your family is your family. Period.

As for the main concern of the post…I never would have been able to do it financially or emotionally without my family. I can never pay them back for the support they gave me (and I don’t mean money). The most important thing, I think, to have is someone who’s got your back, someone who is not emotionally invested in the situation, who is only looking out for YOU. You feel like you are in a whirlwind of emotion and you’ll want to do stupid things (like try to get through them “one more time” that you are serious about divorce, but its not too late, if only they’d really HEAR what you are saying and whats wrong with the relationship).

The man I married was NOT the man I divorced. We’d known each other at 14 years old and dated for a year and half. We stayed friends all those years. We got together again and married at 21. So, I’d known my husband for 7 years prior to marrying him and I knew him well, especially in those formative times. He respected me as a person, a woman, a friend. Our marriage was great. We never fought, always got along, laughed at each other’s jokes, etc.

We planned to have a child when I was 22. I mean PLANNED. I got off birth control for over a year and we were very careful. We talked about what we would do in various parenting situations, what our roles would be (he’s good at math, I’m good at science and English, so I’d help kiddo with the subjects I’m good at; I’m not good at ‘bossing people around’, so he’d be ‘bad cop’).

When I was 23 we started trying and right out of the gate, we got pregnant. He was so happy and excited…until my belly, according to him, “was looking kind of gross”. I was already an insecure person about my looks, so getting vivid purple stretch marks on a ever-growing belly freaked me out…without having him confirm my insecurities. As the pregnancy went on, the more disconnected he became from me. I didn’t have cravings, mood swings, etc. My pregnancy was very easy, other than having myself and my husband make me feel like a disgusting blob incubator for our baby.

And then BAM…just like so many other people, my husband became VERY selfish and all about himself. Constantly wanted to go out and party and leave me and the baby home. He wouldn’t come home at night. He’d barely play with her after work, then leave 5 minutes after he came home and go back out and “hand out with his friends”. This guy was SO EXCITED to become a dad, he seemed so family oriented. He left us without a car, took any money I had made, left us stranded while he went out and partied…and, I didn’t know it at the time, but go cheat on me with some girl he had met on his route.

From the start of the pregnancy, he began to change gradually, and also gradually changed how he treated me. I have a personality that is “I try to make everyone happy, even at my own expense”. Little by little he brainwashed me to accept more behavior that no one else would have stood for (going to the strip club right after work, then not coming home until 3 am). He worked on my self-esteem (especially after baby came and I didn’t immediately bounce back to my 120 pound self). It really was so gradual that it was invisible. He turned my into a doormat with his manipulations.

If I had an insecurity that I wouldn’t be a good mom, he would feed into that and encourage my insecure thoughts. If I asked him if I was still attractive to him, he’d find a way to make me feel bad about my appearance, especially those stretch marks (I really wasn’t too bad, stretch marks and all).

When did I finally stand up for myself? Never, actually. I finally stood up for my daughter. I think I was too brainwashed to do that. When I confronted him on various things, such as “I don’t have a car and you are never here. What if something happens to our daughter” and his response was “Call an ambulance”. When he spent all of our money on going to the bar every night and at strip clubs, yet we can’t afford new clothes for our daughter. When I realized that me and my daughter were living in poverty, yet his $900 a week check was all going toward him and his party lifestyle and we had no food in the house, no car.

He was never home. He BEGGED me to have a child this early (I had wanted to wait until we were more financially stable; we lived with his parents throughout the pregnancy and for 4 months after baby was born). THEN, he turns around and wants the Single Man Lifestyle…but he wants us waiting for him at home if he ‘feels like’ playing with the baby, or if his family is coming by, he’ll pretend he spends all this quality time with her, that he’s actually home sometimes. He was gone 5 out of 7 days a week…and here he was playing it up for photo ops and family that he’s a ‘family man’. His family, when I divorced him, were absolutely floored and had no idea what me and my daughter had been going through for 17 months. They had no idea he was cheating on me, spending all of our money on himself and partying and not providing for me or his daughter whatsoever.

I finally demanded he stay home at least 4 days a week with his family, fix the car so I would have one, and stop taking the money I’d make online for his overdraft fees and partying. He basically denied he was gone as much as he was, said it’d only been a month that the car had been broken (it was SIX MONTHS) and got defensive and said that I can’t have any of HIS paycheck if I was going to get all pissy about him taking MY money. I told him he was financially irresponsible, constantly overdrafting our account, not getting the bills paid on time, etc., he denied. He denied there being any problems with him as a father, a husband, a provider and said that all the problems lay with me, essentially a single mom even though I technically had a husband. I did all the raising, feeding, getting up in the night, the parenting, the cleaning. I mean EVERYTHING…while he was gone for 5-6 days a week partying and cheating on me while I raised the child he has so desperately claimed to want to have and be a father to.

I realized it would be hard to break off my relationship with HIM…but not so much break off financially from him. I was pretty much already a single parent (he only played with our daughter for a few minutes when he was home; usually, he slept the whole time he was home, then ran out again). My mother was willing to let us stay with her. My sister and her husband came over and fixed my van (my sister had given it to me). Once a had a vehicle, I had my mom watch my daughter while I a) opened a checking account he didn’t know about at another bank in only my name and b) filed for aid from the state and b) filed for divorce. Throughout taking all those big first steps, I would call someone and tell them, “Remind me again that I can do this, why I’m doing it, keep me and my car going in the direction of the courthouse” and they did. They could see how he was treating me and wanted to get me and my daughter out of a bad situation.

I flip-flopped on my decision many times (only in my head though, I would not allow myself to get emotional and drop the divorce; he wasn’t getting better or changing). I still loved him deeply, did not want to believe he was cheating or that he could be a man that would treat his wife and daughter this way. I wanted the family I had created to stay together, to make it work. But…I knew I had tried like hell and tried EVERYTHING to make it work. But, its like rowing a boat. If only one oar is dipping in the water, you aren’t going to go in any direction except a circle.

Sorry so long winded, but my point was that this new spouse sneaks up on you. This is not the kid I knew when I was 14, this is not the man I married at 21, and this is not the person who’d been my friend and ally for all those years. So no, I didn’t have a clue, especially because of his brainwashing (and I really do mean that – if someone said something bad about how he treated me, I was conditioned to defend him and find a reason/excuse for why he would treat me that way).

And once I filed the divorce papers, he became a complete MONSTER. Even I never would have guessed the viciousness inside of him. He would do things that in the long run would hurt our daughter, just to get back at me. He never imagined the dog he kicked would finally just up and leave instead of continuing to take it. He was /insulted/ that his doormat would just say “You know what, enough is enough. Stop treating me like crap. I’m leaving”. And so he attacked and attacked, and maintained a “I’m a mature adult who only had a friendship with this woman and my ex-wife was just the ‘jealous type'”. No, I wasn’t the jealous type, and I didn’t know who the woman he was cheating with me was until he told me he was moving in with her once I filed for divorce.

My sister gave me this advice: “If you can’t picture yourself old on the porch with him 20 years from now…heck, if you can’t picture a good relationship with him sitting on the porch a YEAR from now…you need to leave, even if it will be hard on you”.

My ex-husband’s mother gave me this advice (though she probably never imagined I’d apply it to this): DON’T PUT UP WITH SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T THINK YOU CAN PUT UP WITH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I just couldn’t put up with any more crap. I became the type of person that would take A LOT of emotional and psychological abuse and lived with it….but honestly, ex-husband just pushed his boundaries too far, pushed me to far. I hope this helps someone who was in a situation like I was. I swear to you, it is scary and hard (mostly at first) but I LOVE my life. I don’t just tolerate it – I LOVE MY LIFE and it is MINE now! No one controls me anyone. I do what I want and I feel my daughter is way happier now (she doesn’t have to have an absent dad, since he’s required to take her and it would look bad to his family if he didn’t take the time with her the court gave him; she doesn’t have to see Mommy sobbing every single day and upset — she used to hug me a lot to comfort ME, her mother – that’s not the way its supposed to be!).

The first 3 months were the hardest, but nothing could have been more worth it. I’m extremely proud of myself for leaving a horrible marriage and doing the right thing by my daughter. We are conditioned to think that “staying for the kids” is the right thing. It’s not. Holding a baby while having a screaming match at your spouse is NOT the right thing. We are conditioned to think that a family is “Mom, Dad, kids” but it doesn’t HAVE TO BE. My daughter and I think of our family as “Two against the world”. Its just me and my kiddo. She senses her dad’s lack of interest in her, she knows that Mommy would do anything for her and tries her best FOR HER. Being a mom is the biggest thing defining me and I love it.

I know she senses the changes in me. Instead of a weak, crying doormat mother…she’s sees my real personality. She’s seeing that Mommy can be funny and goofy, that’s she’s good at Buzz Lightyear impersonations, that Mommy is happy and confident and fun and capable. She’s is seeing the me I wished I could’ve been when I was married, but her dad was crushing the spirit right out of me.

I get huge hugs and lots of affection (I’m an affectionate person and taught her to be one). She knows she can count on me, even if she can’t count on her dad. She sees a strong, capable, and even fun woman who happens to be her Mommy.

If you are seriously unhappy and seriously considering divorce, and you’ve tried everything to keep your marriage and NOT throw in the towel, and you are the only one trying…yeah, its time. It will be worth it. Hard, but VERY worth it.


Brooke September 9, 2010 at 11:59 pm

Your post is very inspirational and helpful. I have a new baby and a husband who puts drinking and time with friends before his family almost all the time. A lot of days, he works long hours and instead of coming home to have dinner with his family, he will go to the bar, then come home tipsy or completely drunk and go to sleep. I ask him why I even have a husband. He also doesn’t shower or shave for days, and often doesn’t brush his teeth. I somehow thought he would mature and be a good Dad when the baby came (he was out getting drunk frequently while I was home pregnant with blood pressure problems, bed rest, etc.) but he has probably gotten worse. I do all of the housework, pay the bills, do EVERYTHING for the baby, work part-time, and bring home just as much as he does working full time. When he hasn’t been drinking and actually spends time at home, we actually have some really happy times, but these aren’t often enough. I’m in that place where I’m not sure what to do, if I’m to my breaking point yet. I might suggest we go to counselling. I’ve asked him to drink less or stop drinking, but that will never happen.
It is very therapeutic reading these posts! I’m happy for you, Jaclyn, that you moved on to a much better life! Maybe I will too, someday.


Cathy October 18, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Brooke, your story sounds so much like my life. I trusted my husband to change- as I had, from a partying twenty-something, to a mother (or father in his case). He was old enough and seemed to understand how he needed to change. He didn’t. It took me moving out and really meaning it (I am an immigrant, so not so easy to just leave for New Zealand) for him to finally get it. That’s what it takes. You need to feel it though, to say “I’m NOT going to take this anymore- leaving is better than staying in this” for him to really get the message- that enough is enough. It’s been abut 4 months now that he hasn’t drunk at all, and things are better. Not perfect, but without the commitment to really change- to quit that lifestyle- we wouldn’t have a chance. You will sooner or later need to face this. Find the courage.


LarryBilotta May 4, 2008 at 12:40 pm

Question now is: What man?
misssinglemama, I was responding, I think, to women who think of themselves, their own feelings, their own loneliness and then think of their children next or second.

I sometimes weary trying to get through to these ladies and that’s why my comment about being clear on the goal sounded the way it did. You obviously are not one of those women. Your goal is to consider what KIND of man your son will be influenced by. I love it! I wish more single mothers believed the way you do. Best of all I liked your comment about seeking something within themselves. You’re exactly right.

That’s where you attract who you attract. I teach a course called Becoming An Environment Changer and 80% of my students are men whose wives are threatening to divorce them. The minority of my students are women whose husbands are acting immorally yet these women still want to hold on to their marriages. These are very determined women. Not like the single moms I first referred to.

Per your suggestion, I cannot counsel every single mom that “the relief they seek is not a man but is within themselves”. My experience verifies to me that the majority of women are not ready to hear your message or even to apply it to themselves. They are what I think of as “non-students”.


Hanna May 5, 2008 at 12:44 am

OMG when my mother (of course) being the feminist matriarch that she is, brought me that “Marry him” article, she was outraged and shocked at the notion of “settling” just for the sake of having a partner in life. I thought the article was honest and there were some parts that rang so true in my ears.

My philosophy is that we, as Americans, are so used to having our needs met, at the exact time we want them met, WHEN we want them met, with WHOEVER we want them met with…that we have set up an impossible situation when it comes to being a partner with someone. NO ONE is gonna have thier wishes fufilled ALL the time in a relationship, but we are so….dare I say,,,,selfish….in the “Its MY right” and “I’m entitlled to” way of thinking.

Its hard to sacrifice much of yourself when you are so used to instant gratification.

Stream of conciousness for ya.


chris May 5, 2008 at 9:58 am

looking back on things i’ll admit there were warning signs, but i was in love and hopeful and i guess pretty stupid. hey, at least i can admit it. i over looked a lot of things in the 12 years of my marriage. i just wanted things to work out and i thought i’d be a failure if they didn’t. then i realized that my real failure was staying in an unhappy marriage and seeing it effect my children.

final straw: 2 months after the stillbirth of my son (well, sons. it was an undetected acardiac pregancy) i changed. the death of my baby was a huge slap in the face and i realized that life is short – way too short to stay in a marriage where no one is happy. when i told him he agreed and we decided to get divorced. we’re in the process now and we get along so much better. it’s really weird. financially i’m better off – he was a spender and very impulsive.


LarryBilotta May 5, 2008 at 5:48 pm

2 Groups
Hanna, you are one of those people who are aware of the problem of selfishness. You are keenly tuned into the idea that demanding what you want and focusing on yourself not only disappoints, but instant gratification is also a mistake in human relations 101.

I was amazed at how you divided your belief from your mother’s reaction to Lori Gottlieb’s article. She, being the feminist and matriarch, was outraged at the idea of accepting something less for some greater good. You on the other hand see a greater good and are willing to put off getting your way. You must take after your dad.

Misssinglemama of this blog is cut from your same cloth because she mentioned above, what I think is a profound and wise statement about another single mom when she said “the relief they seek Is not a man, but is within themselves.” It’s almost like you can divide the world between those who are not aware of their own selfishness and how dominant it is in their life, and those who are highly aware of being self centered and how much they don’t want to live that way. Group 1 could be called “What About Me Now?!”, and Group 2 could be called “Consider At All Sides”.


Hanna May 6, 2008 at 10:44 am

Even if I’m keenly tuned to our society’s problem of self-centeredness, I still don’t know what to do with it. I’m still conflicted by it.

I was raised in a feminist home, where I was taught to value myself, and that my needs and wants shouldn’t be brushed aside for the sake of someone else’s. I was taught to stand up for my rights, and claim my independence.

This philosophy, of course, was met with open hostility when I entered the dating world, because who wants to be competing with their partner about who’s needs get met first? Why should it have to be a debate on who is more important, or who isn’t being respected enough? Can’t it just be about two people who love each other? And was it ever like that?

I put my needs aside 9 out of 10 times with my daughter’s father, and it failed miserably. Would things have been different if I had followed my mother’s philosophy? I guess I’ll never know.


mssinglemama May 6, 2008 at 1:45 pm

Larry –

I think more women are open to hearing that they don’t need a man than you may think, or that society thinks.

All we hear (movies, tv, books) is that we all need a man to feel fulfilled, that we need romance…a husband. What if there were several voices, not just mine, telling women that they first have to be one with themselves and that men are actually quite a pain in the ass!

: )

Anyway, thanks for your comments – appreciate you weighing in on this and that goes for everyone! Love this discussion.

And Hanna – you’re mom sounds awesome. And yes – I think there can be genderless relationships, just depends on how we look at them. Feel like that a lot b/c I’m such a darn alpha-female.


LarryBilotta May 7, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Missinglemamma, you ID’d yourself as a “darn alpha-female” so from that I’ll conclude that you’re quite a strong woman, know what ought to be and should be and you make sure that the people in your life know your opinion and the way things should be done. I’m married to your sister. I call my Marsha the strongest willed woman in the world.

You mentioned that you feel like it would be good to have genderless relationships and I can see why you’d feel that way. Most women are not “alpha-female” strong women. Instead, they are like Hana.

Hana nurtures naturally, she’s sensitive, warm, compassionate and hurt when others hurt. She feels what other people are feeling, cares what people close to her think and she wants to be accepted by everyone that matters. She’s uncomfortable with conflict, puts the needs of others ahead of her own and cares a lot because she can’t help but care. That’s why Hana explained her strong mother’s belief system and contrasted it with her softhearted ways. I know Hana is softhearted and fits this description because I’m the same way and I married a woman like her mom. It was a massive shock to me 33 years ago when I realized who I married.

It would be great if strong women didn’t have to deal with the attitude and push back they get simply because they are strong willed. Like you, missinglemamma, they know what they want, they know what’s right and what’s wrong and they will fight back for what they believe in. When they marry a guy who does not fit what they believe a man should be, most of the time I’ve found, these strong women, with less patience, weigh their options and choose divorce rather than dive into a reclamation project to transform their troubled man. My strong wife, on the other hand, choose a reclamation project and saved me (troubled man) from certain death…which was the sad lives of my brother and sister. I would have ended up that way if she gave up on me. It was highly painful for both of us, took 27 years but she got the job done. Now we’re best friends and actually happy together. I married her the year Nixon was impeached and fell in love with her when the second Bush was elected.

I have lots more to say on this but I do tend to ramble so I’ll cap it right here.


mssinglemama May 8, 2008 at 10:21 am

Wow Larry – that’s really amazing! I am so glad you shared that story. I do think I will need someone who compliments my strong will … you know?

But as you probably know from your wife by now – us strong alpha-females also have a very, very tender inside (at least I do). And I choose to share that with men who take the time to understand and know me … and those are usually the best kind of men because they aren’t intimidated or insecure.

On the strong women usually leaving their marriage, rather than buckling down and working on it … this was not the case. In fact, being married opened my eyes … I surprised myself in that I was incredibly flexible, bending, molding…trying so hard to make it work.

The language barrier didn’t help. Not sure if you read up but my Ex and I married after only 3 months (he needed a green card and we were in love.) Sigh.


HelpPlease May 8, 2008 at 7:50 pm

I can relate with so many of these posts. My husband is selfish, inconsiderate, and very disrespectful. It first started with emotional abuse; name calling, telling me I was nothing. After a couple of years it turned into physical abuse; although, I can say he has only hit me a few times. I have a two year old son and he is the only reason I stay. I do not want my sons life to be any less than what it could be just because I could not handle my circumstances. I’m so unhappy and wish for more; but, honestly is the grass any greener on the other side? Is it really worth uprooting your family and setting new roots?


mssinglemama May 8, 2008 at 8:59 pm

Is the grass greener?

I too had an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive husband – and yes, it’s definitely greener. With that said – we are each different. And every circumstance is different.

Have you tried marriage counseling? Have you exhausted all options? There is always hope, I think, for any marriage if both sides are willing to make it work …

I asked myself a few questions when deciding whether to leave my ex.

1. Do I want my son to grow up and treat women this way?
2. Am I really happy?
3. Do I want him to witness a divorce when he’s older?

I always say – and so do a lot of single moms who read this blog – being a single mom is hard, but being in a miserable marriage is harder. But you have to be strong … don’t expect a prince charming to pop out of the sky.

Good luck! Please keep us posted.


Larry Bilotta May 9, 2008 at 7:17 pm

I’ve been working with couples for many years and I’ve seen something very simple. In virtually every husband’s situation, he treated his wife the exact way his father treated his mother. He discovers this when I ask the husband this specific question “How did your father show you to treat a woman by the way he treated your mother?” This question produced what I call the Mother Lode of Marriage. This is the master program in his brain that guides every action and decision he makes regarding his wife. It’s right on target every time.

Take a look at some of the Mother Lode of Marriage programs, summed up in a single sentence by each guy himself. By the way, in each of these marriages, the husband was a big part of the marriage misery. Here’s some of the Mother Lode master programs I’ve found in real men raised by fathers who didn’t know how to be.

-Be self absorbed and unaware of her needs. -Do what I want and be submissive to me. -Women are dangerous so keep them at a distance. -Control her every move and then have power and security. -Attack her if you feel attacked and run from trouble.

You can see that by asking a man the question “How did your father show you to treat a woman by the way he treated your mother?” you will eventually come up with a single summary statement that sums up how that guy’s father lived regarding his wife. Men are completely and totally unaware of this, and certainly, they cannot see it clearly. You should be aware of it and ask your husband the question, but do it when he’s calm. His answer will tell you about your future with him.

From your missinglemamma email, it’s easy to see your husband’s father had a temper. Your husband has a temper. He can’t control it and that’s why you’re suffering today. There is an answer, but not all men are interested in it. They’d rather be a slave to their childhood programs.


PleaseHelp May 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm

You are right, my husbands father is extremely mean to his wife. However, my husband wasn’t always this way to me. He didn’t start until after returning home from the military. I keep telling him he needs to get help; but he won’t. Anyways, I think the reason I am so unhappy is becaue he is so selfish. Whenever I give charity or say I feel sorry for someone he gets mad at me. We married when I was only 18 and I don’t think I really knew who I was. Now I have changed so much and I just can’t see where he fits.


mssinglemama May 9, 2008 at 9:28 pm

PleaseHelp – will he go to marriage counseling???


The Last Spartan May 18, 2008 at 7:48 pm

The hard part is knowing when to decide that the work has been put in to save the marriage but it won’t work. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage and was in danger of being both victim and perpetrator of actions like you describe. It’s been a big source of blog therapy 😉

I put my foot down and said that I was leaving because I couldn’t stand the anger and abuse that was being unleashed on me for reasons that were nothing to do with me. I was a good dad and husband.

Somehow, as if awakened from a spell, my wife came to and realized that she had her fair share of blame to take in all of it. That was five years ago and inexplicably, we got back together and have survived without any of the previous ups and downs.

All marriages will have them,…but the question is what lies beneath them.

I love your blog and I will be back.


Valerie May 18, 2008 at 11:46 pm

PleaseHelp- My son’s father acts like his father too. He is controlling, emotionally abusive, and thinks he is always right. I kicked him out 5 months ago, and the stress level is so much more manageable now. I struggle with daily stuff that goes along with raising a 12 month old son and working full time with an 1 1/2 hour commute every day. The job barely pays the bills, but I have so much peace at home. It is impossible to express how much happier I am. Guys are NEVER that way in the beginning. No one would marry them if they were! You cannot have your son growing up thinking this is how you treat women. That is how we ended up in this situation. Because my son’s paternal grandmother and your mother in law put up with it and our children’s fathers learned how to treat women from that. BREAK THE CYCLE! Also… you are minimizing the physical abuse. If it happened a couple times, it will happen again, and it will get worse. If he won’t get help, you have to leave.


AlLaf May 29, 2008 at 2:30 pm

Reading the comments here, it sounds like all the men were terrible and women helpless victims. It takes two to dance, eh?


99ppp May 30, 2008 at 12:28 pm

In MY experience, I found that it can be easy to get caught up in the whole “romance model” pushed by popular culture, especially when it comes to marriage and having children. I make a distinction between romance (at least what it’s called nowadays) and passion. “Romance” is often empty gestures pushed by the greeting card and wedding industry, while passion (lovers) tempered by mutual respect (friends)is the fertile soil where a long term relationship can be nurtured.

Marriage as an institution has failed many, and often couples see having children as a way to have a closer bond and then are dismayed by how it can create distance between them.

More on this in my blog:

A Case Against Marriage:

A Case Against Having Any or More Children:


pisceshanna June 5, 2008 at 6:43 pm

hmmm…..Softhearted…I’m a Pisces, what can I say? I hope one day I can find my assertive counterpart that doesn’t rip that softheartedness to shreds. I’ll be damned if I let that happen again. I guess my softheartedness is more of a soft underbelly now, I’ve grown a few scales since then.


AlLaf June 5, 2008 at 7:14 pm

After reading all these stories, it seems that most women here dumped their baby’s father during pregnancy or relatively soon after it.

I wonder how much of these can be attributed to the emotional roller coaster that comes with a pregnancy, for both parties. Due to my gf’s line of work, I’ve become quite knowledgable on that subject. For many men, a pregnancy (during and after) can make their partner lose sexual appeal. Some are even left lightly traumatized after watching their woman give birth. I’m not saying it’s right or not, but it is frequent. This might cause the man to withdraw. A man may withdraw even more after the child is born as it requires a lot of attention. Some will do it by hiding…staying longer hours at work for example. Others will start being needy to get attention. Others will simply sit around, clueless and helpless. Remember that us men do not carry the child. Being a father becomes a tangible reality pretty much overnight and the shock and transition does not go smoothly for all men. Going from irresponsable teenager to father can make some guys short circuit temporarily.

Add to that a very exhausted mother who’s constantly busy with a newborn. Throw in some post-partum (which is more frequent – to different levels – than people think) and you got the perfect combinations for a break up.

I’m not judging anyone here but all those divorce stories are alike, here or elsewhere. A child arrives. The man withdraws. The woman dumps him. Fin.

I wonder how many of those marriages would’ve been saved had those couples given it more time to adjust and had they been supported by qualified people.

I’m defenitly not implying anyone here should second-guess their decisions. That’s just stupid. I just wonder, from a sociological point of view if you will, if people were more prepared for that specific adaptation period, would more of them work it out rather than dump each others?


Valerie June 5, 2008 at 8:34 pm

I don’t know AlLaf. I think a lot of what you described about what the man goes through makes sense. My ex said he saw my insides all taken out. That can’t be very sexy. I also had to nurse all the time because our child was premature so he didn’t get a lot of attention. I tried to explain to him it was temporary and we would get through it. He went out all the time and had people over at the house constantly. He ended up telling me on my baby’s 6 month birthday that he hadn’t been happy since before I was pregnant. That we had different religious backgrounds (he is Catholic and I am Pagan), and that he couldn’t stand to be around me. He said that the sound of my voice made him sick and that he didn’t feel he could leave because his parents would kill him. So I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I had to kick him out. He said he wanted to stay out of convenience because all of his stuff was here and it would be a hassle to move. This was such a kick in the teeth because I was so busy working 50 hours a week, taking care of the house (by myself.. even stuff like shoveling snow in between nursing. I never got sleep because he woke every couple hours for feedings until he was 10 months old. He also turned emotionally abusive after I got pregnant, but I still stayed with him until he gave me the break up talk. Then I did what I felt I had to do.


Michelle June 10, 2008 at 9:41 pm

Hi, I am glad to have found this site. I have gotten to the point where I cannot put up with my husband any more. I believe that he has slowly changed in the five years that we have been married. First of all, he blames me for everything, and he is never at fault even when it is blatantly obvious that he is! We have five children in our home, three of them ours and two from my first marriage. My marriage was “arranged” in that we did not date before marriage. Over the years, he has become more and more argumentative, self righteous, and condescending. He constantly makes fun of my weight, saying hurtful things like “Wanna burger?” everytime we pass a fast food joint. I have told him to stop doing this, but when I do, he insists that he is joking and that I should lighten up. He also makes a point to tell me how the women that he works with flirt with him. Maybe he wants me to know that he is “marketable” and I am not.

What has me most disturbed now is that he actually seems to enjoy going to work and working more that spending time with his family. He says he does not, but even I notice that he oftern mopes around the house, dozing off and then seems to pep back up when it comes time to get ready for work.

We cannot carry on a productive conversation anymore, especially when I have a problem with something that he has done. If I try to talk with him about it, he manages to turn every conversation back around to placing blame with me.

I can’t live with this kind of indifference and emotional abuse any longer. At first I was concerned about the kids but someone brought up a good point about forcing the kids to witness daily a bad relationship or see mom happy even if she is single.

My kids are all young too, and I don’t really know how I am going to financially make it on my own, but I am ready to try.


mssinglemama June 10, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Michelle – I am sending you big virtual hugs and hoping things get better. A single mom of five! Now that would be tough … but yes, you can do it. First … exhaust all options, have you tried marriage counseling? Have you told him how you feel?

There are a few sites, like Larry’s that offer marriage counseling for just one spouse – meaning you could try it alone. You never know, there might be things you can do to actually change his behavior. Here is Larry’s website:

Good luck!


tidemon June 12, 2008 at 8:12 pm

Thank you to all of you!! I found your blog searching the internet, as after 12 years of marriage, i am ready to leave, but i was not quite sure where to start with my 2 children, no job and not being a US citizen!
Basically, my husband is verbally abusive and childish and all he cares about is getting in between my legs even after knowing that i have not been sexually attracted to him for almost 5 years. Whenever I say no, he gets upset by throwing tantrums and mentally it scares me.. I don’t like yelling and arguing.
Since i have no family in the US, i am planning on going back home, in Europe but i do not want to be arrested for kidnapping.. so scary!!!! i am so scared and worried of hurting my children by leaving the household/ breaking the family.

But thank you to all of you for the posts as they help me see clearly about my future endeavors …


davidrochester June 21, 2008 at 3:34 pm

I think that surely a crucial deciding factor must be the future emotional welfare of the children involved. The model of an adult relationship they are shown will influence them for the rest of their lives. You can’t hide from your kids. They see and hear things that their parents don’t realize they see and hear, and they construct their own lives based on what they learn. Children of a dysfunctional and unloving relationship are unlikely to develop genuine capacity for healthy intimacy as adults, and they are also likely to mimic the parent with whom they have the stronger emotional bond.

This is why we see patterns of codependency and emotional/physical abuse in families, generation after generation. Children learn from their parents. As hard as it might be for a child to change a living situation, it’s a better option than having that child exposed to an unloving or abusive relationship.

All of this presupposes, of course, that the parent who gets custody will then make the child a priority, rather than immediately seeking to enter into another relationship that might be just as bad or worse. I see an awful lot of single parents who don’t seem to realize that they have their entire lives to date, and only one chance to be fully available to a child during that child’s most vulnerable and formative years. But that’s a different topic.


Poppy August 16, 2010 at 3:20 am

Your comment about how my children will internalize the relationship I have with their dad and see it as the ideal is frightening. My husband is a workaholic and has been away for at least half of my children’s lives. He retires in 6 years, just in time for them all to be slamming the door shut and moving on to their own lives.

I am not happy. Yes, I have all the precious money he makes to spend (his addiction has nothing to do about money but making more) but would I rather have a loving, caring and affectionate husband around daily? You bet your ass I would.

Sitting on the fence and giving it one more year…


Shanel Yang July 1, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Wow! I just got through reading all of the above, and I’m overwhelmed by all the heartaches as well as deeply impressed by all the courage expressed in them.

As a survivor from a seriously dysfunctional family myself, I am torn on the issue of whether my parents should have split up before my dad finally died, making their marriage a “successful” one till death did they part.

On the one hand, my mom often says she used to be a nice, sweet person till all all her fighting with Dad for so many years ruined her and turned her into the hateful, abusive, nagging, borderline psychotic woman that she became. On the other hand, she never really meant to leave him, although she put up a good show about every month or so, ever since I can remember until a few months before he died of liver cancer (due in part to his alcoholism and raging temper). One of her biggest regrets when he died is that she wished she hadn’t nagged him so much during his life. She quickly jumped into another mutually-abusive relationship with another man and has been threatening periodically to leave him ever since — since 1992!

I’ll never know if I and my 3 younger sisters could have had a better life or had a chance to not end up bulimic, anorexic, compulsive overeater, workaholic, depressed, codependent, and suicidal if my parents had actually split up. I worried for years that, if they did, I and my sisters would end up at the mercy of the foster care system.

But, I know that all 4 of us girls put up with the worst relationships of our own for too long, and I am sure part of that was b/c we kept telling ourselves, “Well, at least this guy isn’t as bad as our Dad.” Jeez! You’d think we could aim a bit higher! I write about mine at

This topic is so near and dear to my heart, that I wrote my first ebook about how to stop letting others take advantage of you called Cuckoo in Your Nest! If you want a free copy, just contact me from the contact form on my website.

Thanks, Ms. Single Mama for an excellent post!


reallywanttostaymarried July 10, 2008 at 7:26 pm

After our child was born, my husband lost interest in me. It has been nearly 1.5 years since we have had sex despite my many requests. I am going to counseling to work on my anger but want to know how long I should wait it out before I leave. I am exercising and trying to get in shape but I am resentful of husband’s behavior. Dont ask me if I saw this coming because I can assure you I never would have gotten married.


Sharon July 22, 2008 at 3:01 pm

Just wanted to add real quick the book To Good to Leave to Bad to Stay was an excellent read. I read it after I had decided to leave and it just made me more sure and also more aware of the dynamic so that hopefully I don’t get into a mess like that again.


What should I expect? July 31, 2008 at 2:43 pm

I can relate to so much of this.

First, in response to AlLaf, yes, the birth of a child adds stress, which can be detrimental to an already over-stressed marriage. Yes, men need “attention”. But, women need partners. I think this period really singles out those men who can be partners from those who can’t handle it (i.e. who turn to childish selfish behavior that puts the health and safety of their families at risk.)

For example, in my case it all really got bad when I become pregnant. It was a difficult (and unexpected )pregnancy that required bedrest. At one point my husband actually said: “You’ve got to get through this on your own. I can’t help you.” OK. I understood that. It hurt but I knew I could do it, especially becuase I was the one who was the income-earner while my husband is in school. (My job provides benefits and income that I can do from home). Fast-forward to after the baby was born – my husband was terrified by the responsibility. I understood that too. But the problem was in how he handled it. He withdrew, refused to be alone with the baby, even if it was just so that I could shower or run to our condo’s gym for a 30 min. workout. He was also terrified about the financial situation we were in. (He had take an extended period of voluntary unemployment during which he racked up credit card debt just prior to my getting pregnant). How do he handle that stress? He started smoking pot again and spending money from my paycheck on his chronic habit and ordering takeout meals. He said he was just too stressed to cook and was angry when I wasn’t able to put together a formal meal when I had been home working/being with baby all day.

I guess what I am saying is: yes, it’s stressful for everyone but there are very different ways to respond to that stress. Some people thrive and get creative. Some people flounder. And some people just engage in escapist behaviors that dig them (and their families) deeper.

You’ve heard a bit of my story. The upside is that my husband does love me very much and expresses that love verbally everyday (even if his actions tell a different story). We have much in common (likes, activities, religion, family background, etc.) and I do recall the good early days of our marriage and look forward to the future. In addition, we are in marriage counseling. He also sees a separate counselor. He knows that he needs to change. Had admitted it and is making efforts to to do. So, how do I know when to end this relationship? I mean, just because he is motiviated to change doesn’t mean he actually is capable of doing so?

Also, he’s never physically attacked me but he is verbally abuse when angry and recently (in the last 6 months) his anger has started to express itself in a more physicall way (e.g. punching the air, kicking his legs as if having a tantrum, stomping, etc.)


Jolene October 14, 2008 at 9:19 am

When did I know that enough was enough…. I had been thinking about leaving my ex for a couple years but the minute I would get up the strength it seemed like it was no longer then a week and I would find out I was prego…again…. once I got the “not getting prego” under control it took a week long work trip out of town to really show me my way. I went out of state for a work trip for an entire week and by the end of night one I was so shook up with fear that my kids were not getting the care they needed that I could barely function. I was not there to be the buffer between the kids and my ex’s anger. I called about a million times a day just to make sure that things were ok, asking my 4 year old how her day was and trying to analize her responces in hopes to figure out if the kids were alright. On the drive home from my week of hell my co-worker and great friend asked me what I wanted out of life…. I broke down and told him that I just wanted to be happy. It was the realasation that I was no where near happy. My ex always seen me and the kids as the “nothing betters” to do. He would search for things to take him away from the house and when he was home we were nothing but an anoyance to him. That week away really opened my eyes to the fear I had for my kids and to the fact that I could not be there to be the buffer all the time… and shouldn’t have to be. There was moments of physical abuse but the emotional abuse was the killer. A punch in the face does not hurt near as bad as being told that you are worthless and a bad mother. Your website is amazing. To know that there are other mothers out there doing it on their own and doing it well is great. I am a new single mother of 3…. 26 year old single mother of 3 under the age of 4…. but I know I can do it…. when all else fails… I know out there somewhere there are other single mothers that have my back…. thank you


Almost Single December 2, 2008 at 12:15 pm

I’m still not sure, but my husband is. So how do you move on, become a single mama, when you’re not ready to let go? I admire your strength, and I know I’ve been strong enough thus far. But I wonder if what’s keeping me going is my nerves? Waiting for the other shoe to drop is definitely a means of keeping me on my toes. What happens when that energy wears out? Or, worse, what happens when that other shoe does drop, and it breaks me? I wonder if it’d be easier to just let go, but so far it’s been easier to just close my eyes to those moments you speak of and keep telling myself there’s hope. How pathetic, right? What a woman will do? Thank you so much for sharing so intimately, and for letting so many of us share back.


Megan December 27, 2008 at 7:18 am

I have been having a very hard time with this question myself: to leave or to stay? We have a daughter, and i know that he really does love her. But he spends such little time with her! I can count the number of diapers he has changed on one hand; he is sorta helpful around the house, but one thing he is really good at is making me feel insignificant and worthless. But it comes in spurts; I don’t understand. I have talked to my mom about leaving him and moving back to my hometown; right now we live in the same city as his family and get very little help from his parents. My parents provided us with free daycare, and were there whenever my little one needed anything at all. I am just having such a hard time with the pros and cons list; I know I can do it, that’s never been an issue. I’ve always been very self-sufficient, having grown up in a large family. i just have such a hard time knowing that I would be responsible for my daughter not getting to see her dad everyday; I’m just not so sure I can do that right now. I just feel like I am the the only responsible one in the house; When the rent is late i have to call the landlady; same for all the bills–they are my responsibilty. Up until about six months ago I could really see myself married to him with a couple of kids–but now, its so different.


Unsure December 31, 2008 at 11:54 am

My situation is not horrible. I married someone as a rebound from my previous marriage and I was afraid to be alone. I have had this epiphany and now dont know what to do about it. He has agreed to counseling. I do not think he can change even though he wants to. It took me over 10 years in therapy to change. I do not think I was ever in love with him and is it fair to ask him to change?? I have 2 lovely children with this man, who is an excellent father but I am just not in love. I am finally being honest with myself. I settled and now am regretting it. I am feeling confused because there is no anger and no fighting… really no communicating at all. Never has been. It was ok cause I just needed somewhere there and to not be alone. Now I am realizing I need more. I dont want to wake up in 20 years and realize I could have lived more passionately.


Littllemel October 25, 2009 at 2:39 pm

What have you done since this post? I’m in a similar situation.


Hopeful December 31, 2009 at 6:40 am



Poppy August 16, 2010 at 3:26 am

I so hear you…


louise January 5, 2009 at 7:54 pm

How do I begin? I am 56 years old and have two children. Two boys. My oldest is 26 and my youngest is 16. I have been married 27 years to a man who cheated on me when our first son was 5. I over looked that affair because of my son. My husband has cheated again with a woman who is married and has an 11 year old and 17 year old. Most of you have had short term marriages. Imagine the pain when someone you thought loved you decided you were nothing after 27 years of marriage. He changed. He started cursing at me calling me horrible names. He is someone that I no longer know. His family has been destroyed. His youngest son has not spoke to him or seen his father in about 3 months. He has the option to see him whenever he wants but the saw things before I did and he is filled with pain , hurt and anger. I found out about this in June of 2008 and have been on an emotional roller coaster. I still can’t believe that he has crucified his family with his selfish thoughts. No marriage is perfect. His youngest son told him that he would not have anything to do with him as long as he had contact with this other women. I his dad that he had a choice.. He had to break all ties with this woman or he would lose his son. He is so blind that he doesn’t realize what he has lost. I could go on and on. He does not want to give me what I need to survive. I feel sorry because he has lost 3 people who love him and need him. His mother divorced his father after 28 years of marriage. His 2 sisters have each been married 3 times. His brother I think 3 times. I guess he felt that it was his time. My parents were married 50 years and I thank God that I was raised in a stable family life. I suppose that is why this has emotionally destroyed me. Thanks for your time.


KLeigh May 1, 2010 at 7:11 pm

OMG finally someone who has been in a long-term marriage! I am married to my second husband now for going on 22 years. I will be 50 on Mother’s Day. I have two older children from a previous marriage who are one their own, daughter getting divorced with my first grandchild and a son who is newly married. With my current husband, I have 2 boys; one 17 and one 14. My 17 yr old is like the child most parents dream of having; honor student, football player, in the chorus, boy scout, always helpful and almost always respectful although once in a while he mouthes off a bit. My husband said after a recent vacation where the 17 yr old told him what he was feeling in his heart about not being able to share anything with him that both my son and I are free to do whatever the hell we want, that he will simply go to work and come home. He works at a power plant and has a screwy schedule, 12 hour shifts either 6-6 am or pm. He works 2 out of 4 weekends and holidays if they fall on his day to work. He started working there 9 years ago as it was a substantial increase in pay and it would afford me the ability to stay home and take care of the house/kids, which was fine with me, and he would take care of making the $. He’s not very good at being motivated to do things around the house. We aren’t flowerbed people or gardening people, he mows, that’s it. We were in a modular home with no basement and our place got cluttered but it was manageable. In 2002 his mother died at 65 within 3 days of the doctor telling us she had 3 months to live. His grandmother died 6 months later. His dad died 6 months after that, at age 66. He was 38 and 39 years old when these deaths occurred. He has never come to terms with this grief. His father and grandmother were chronically depressed sometimes even suicidal. He now, between this issue and having a schedule that is aging him ten times faster than it should, has become someone that can turn his personality on a dime. And btw the reason its like this is because we bought his parents home and had 2 mortgages for 15 months cuz our modular wouldn’t sell. It financially destroyed us. We filed for bankruptcy. I now have to work full time, he is working OT and makes really good money but its never enough, we are always behind in our bills. Plus, he will be 45 next week and feels his “T” levels are too low. We are both Taurus and our tempers and passion are volatile, never physical but always very very passionate but so was our sex life. We could always agree that our sex life (even if to him wasn’t quite as often as he liked) was great. Well, I injured my back in February of this year and have been on medication and have PT each week. We haven’t had relations since before then. We tried going on a vacation last week and it was ok until one day he was placed in a stressful situation, and pretty much just shut down on the rest of us for the day. He wouldn’t drive, he wuoldn’t talk to us. When at home he will do this and just go back to bed. Then things were ok until our drive home from vacation. And he likes to turn the tables and blame things on everyone else but himself. Takes no responsibility at all at possibly being wrong. This is something I have been dealing with for 20+ years and have encouraged him to go to counseling. He won’t. I have encouarged him to do something for the depression, he won’t go on any medication. And within the past 6 months to a year, after watching some TV, I’ve realized that he’s a hoarder. My living area is generally cluttered somewhat but never clean. BUT his areas, the basement, the gararge, breezeway, backporch are ALWAYS CLUTTERED. There is a mere path between the junk on all sides. And if I try to throw anything out he accuses me of throwing out good stuff and his stuff and will dumpster dive to get it back out. I think that recently that the resentment of always having to throw out my stuff whenever I wanted to declutter is finally taking its toll. My eldest son is looking at a private college that is mucho bucks but he will get a scholarship due to his grades and class rank and SAT scores. I don’t know how the hell to go off on our own with 2 teenage boys. I have spent the last few days just crying all the time (I’m on disability for my back till June) realizing that he seems to want out but won’t commit to it. My 14 yr old has been consoling me, isn’t that sad? The 17 yr old is off with the gf as much as he can cuz he can’t stand being home. I will be 50 on Mother’s Day and was looking forward to something big on my bday. Its not happening he already told me that because my older kids didn’t get back to him about birthday plans for me so I shouldn’t expect anything. I checked with my mom. He isn’t trying to divert me. He has nothing planned. He is also involved as an elected public official. He was always complaining he never had time to get work done around the house or spend time with his boys and then ran for election. He now has meetings almost once a week and takes vacation time for them when they fall on his nightshift schedule. He has no friends and just recently got back together with his 2 younger brothers. I have family although none who could help put us up. My youngest son is somewhat special needs and is in a private school as the public school district let him down when he moved to middle school. The oldest graduates in 2011 and needs to stay in this district. However, I live in a college town and rents are OFF THE CHARTS! I just don’t know what to do. Worst thing is, both of my very close friends, one my daughter and the other a dear friend, have recently fallen in love and are in heaven with their new beaus. As happy as I am for them it really hurts because they just aren’t available for me when I need help. I am one of those people who are always there for everyone else but find there’s no one available when I need it.

Sorry to ramble but I find the blogging thing someone cathartic…


Angie January 6, 2009 at 12:03 pm

I need someone to talk too! Anyone!! I am in a horrible marriage and I just don’t know what to do. He has made it so I have no job and no friends!!! Please email me at……PLEASE I have 3 children to consider.


Boyd Head January 9, 2009 at 8:31 pm

good luck


Last minute of hope January 14, 2009 at 4:19 am

My wife wrote on here as unsure said recently. I found this e-mail of hers on Jan 1’st 2009. She does know that I read it. It dropped me to my knees when I read it. I thought our marriage was great and never saw this coming. We have been to 2 meetings with the marriage counselor and tonight she gave up. In addition I have seen my separate counselar 2 times also. What she said she wanted from me was to be more emmotional towards her. Besides the fact she married me as is, I have made great strides in giving her what I thought she wanted in the past month. And I know a month is not a long time but I was feeling better with myself and loving her even more. We have 2 fantastic children with our youngest about to turn 1 this month. While telling my friends the situation, they all agree that she is going thru a mid life crisis. And I feel the same way to but feel she is just to far gone to accept it. She also come from a family where her mother abandened them a few times to live a more exciting life. Her mother and brother are also bipolar. She grew up with her alchoholic father which was absent since he was drunk all the time. I feel that since she is going thru this midlife crisis, she is also acting like her mother but not abandoning her kids but her husband to find the excitment. She said she wrote the letter when she was feeling down. I can’t say that I feel some truth to it but I do feel that she did really love me. She has been on Facebook alot getting in touch with alot of old friends and boyfriends. I can’t help to think that this helped trigger the crisis. She had addmitted to me that she was flirting with some because she couldn’t get it from me. In the past month she has gone from going great to hitting rock bottom and feeling better to rock bottom again with our relationship. I love her more than anything and I love my children so much. I can’t sit here and be abused by her anymore with this emotional rollercoaster. I am not able to work or sleep or eat thinking about her. I love her very much and don’t want this to happen to us and our kids. Please offer some last minute advice. For a man that doesn’t cry, I’m sure going through those tissues for the past few days.


Dawn January 14, 2009 at 7:30 am

Last minute of hope. Reminds me of how ineffective mere wishing can be. I like pondering solutions. I like seeing communication barriers. I even like what you wrote, here. I’m glad you feel a sense of safety here at this site.

You know the language of love sweetheart. Think of the last time that someone really consoled you in a moment of despair.

And sweetheart, I’m wondering if you see her as the mental labels you speak of. You may be treating her in kind. What you choose to think of her may be getting in the way of feeling love for her. Set aside the notion you need her to be different somehow.

Think of what you admire and honor and respect. Look at her character traits. What I read is she is being honest. Unquestionably so. You know where she goes for consoling (here) but won’t mention that you know. You may meet a whole new woman in this one simple process of really getting to know her for the first time.

Try it here first by rewriting your last post. Introduce us to your wife, the love of your life. Tell us who she is sweetheart.


Dawn January 14, 2009 at 7:39 am

On the other hand, you could just as well use indirectness to tell your spouse that you feel like keeping her at arms length and you’ll be just fine on your own.


last minute of hope January 14, 2009 at 12:27 pm

I admit I don’t call her sweethart, or babe. And yes she did ask for this. However, I have told her recently how much she means to me and I think the world of her. I want to be able to have the chance to call her sweeheart. Even after reading what she wrote I am still able to say and have said that she is the love of my life and always will be. I will do ANYTHING for her but she just won’t let me back in. I am heartsick knowing that she is almost out that door. Not just for the kids sake which is a big deal. But the fact that I won’t be able to ever feel her love again or be able to really give her my love the way I want to. I can’t say enough good things about her or how beautiful she really is to me. I don’t need her to be different at all. In December she was everything I always wanted. But she is just not mentaly with me anymore. Alot of things have happened in her life in the past 2 months and I believe this is taking a hard toll on her. I am not trying to get out of taking blame cause I know now what she was feeling and I will never let that happen again. But she has been up and down alot with her mood swings. I have done a great deal of research and possibly she could have postpartum depression, a mid life crisis, or possibly, bipolar. I think there is something else there that she is not aware of. Her therapist has moved after 10 years and now she has to start all over. I do feel bad for her to have to go back in her past cause there are many extremely bad memories she will have to face again. I just want to make sure that I will always be there to help her get thru them. I feel a bit of a pansey here for trying over and over again but she is worth everything to me. 2 weks in marriage counseling and she is giving up is not very rational. Not when you have kids and a husband that still think the world of her.


Dawn January 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Yes, your wife has her own life to live. Tell us what you adore about her as a human. That was the question.


Jen January 26, 2009 at 6:49 pm

I am desperately finding the strength you need to actually LEAVE. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years. We’ve been married for 10, but have lived together nearly all of the 12 years.

We met in a tiny little coastal town. Neither of us belonged there, so we decided to leave and get married. We moved to a new city where he started Flight School. I had high hopes for him. It seemed to me he was a go-getter. His father was paying for his flight school and some of the bills, and I covered the rent and the rest of the bills. I worked different odd-jobs and finally landed a pretty good one. I was just a secretary, so I didn’t get paid much. But we survived on what I made.

He went to school, yes. But he would sluff off quite a bit and it made everything take LONGER. That’s when I discovered he has a sleeping disorder where he has trouble sleeping through the night. So he’d come to bed at 4-5am and sleep the morning away and wake up after lunch. I never have adjusted to his weird sleeping pattern, but have tried to help him find a way to deal with it himself. He never tried hard and to this day it’s still an issue. He refuses to do anything to help himself fix this problem.

After several years of him shuffling his feet through Flight School (and finally holding ONE job down for about 9 months), we moved to a larger city where the Flight School could offer him training on multi-engine airplanes. We moved to a larger home and my husband started school again. I had hope because he seem very interested in getting his schooling completed.

I looked for work and found some odd-jobs, but then was marked as DISABLED from the VA from an injury I substained while in the military where I rescued a child from drowning. My back pain was so out of hand that I was unable to work. The VA awarded me some disability pay, but it didn’t cover our expenses. Aaron didn’t look for work (even if I asked and begged), so I had to ask his father to help me with bills. He gave me a few hundred dollars a month to help me. Still, it never phased my husband that I was struggling with chronic pain, working at all hours to survive and his father was pulling $ out of his savings – just so he could finish his schooling.

Fast Foward 10 years. Here we are still. He’s STILL not finished with Flight School – and here’s the new fun problem: we have sex about 3 times a year (if I’m lucky). I CRAVE his attention and his physical body near me. But instead he turns to online porn. I think he has a problem with depression (which there’s nothing he can do about it because pilots aren’t allowed to be on anti-depressants), he never exercises, eats right, takes care of himself, has sex with me, takes care of bills NOTHING. It’s 100% all me carrying this house, bills, pets/vets, gas, groceries E V E R Y T H I N G.

Finally, desperate to make some extra $, I started my own home-business. It’s not REALLY successful, but I was making a little money to cover bills. It was hard because I still have chronic pain – and it can be debilitating. Well, I had to borrow some $ to help my business take off, so I had some debt to pay off. I’m still not able to cover my bills and THERE HE SITS AT HIS COMPUTER PLAYING VIDEO GAMES UNTIL 4am in the morning. Looking at women on the computer, playing video games and ignoring me – lonely and broke – taking care of him.

So I’ve turned to taking some drugs – it’s my escape from my miserable life. I started smoking Pot as an escape. Since I have chronic pain, it was an easy thing to get. I have always been an excellent student, highly artistic, very motivated and a real go-getter. But with the weight of his burdon and this house (rental) and bills on my back, I feel like I’m slipping deep down into a place I don’t know.

I don’t recognize myself. How could I let another person take such advantage of me? Because I love him so much. And I know he loves me, but how much can he love me if he refuses to help me when he sees me on my knees, crying over the bills we have and he asks if I wanna go get a CHEESEBURGER????

The worst part, my husband is a great guy in a lot of ways. Everyone likes him. He never calls me names, he never hits me, cheats on me, or lies to me. He doesn’t spend a LOT of money, but he does accue plenty of bills. And I was a social butterfly and he’s a hermit and NEVER EVER leaves the house. I found myself never leaving the house either now. Almost like I’m afraid. I’m not afraid to be alone – in fact, I crave it. It’s almost like having a man in my life nearly destroyed it. I think I need to escape. He STILL isn’t working and I am STILL drowning.

I want to run run run away. Should I?


Lexi Carmichael February 4, 2009 at 2:24 am

We seem to get somewhere with our theropy sessions but as soon as we walk out of there he is a different person. I have not felt a moment of comfort while I was with him. I know you all are saying "why did you marry him?" and I often ask that of myself. I guess I was blinded by the idea of what we could be. And he had provided me with confidence when I had none. I guess you could say he swept me off my feet and I am now seeing his hudeenie act for what it is. I now know I am not as strong as I'd like to think I was. I am finding it hard to move beyond him. Maybe it is because I don't want to have a second failed marriage before I am forty, maybe I fear I will only find myself with him again down the road as we have had on and off spurts with him before we got married. But I have to think I deserve better then someone how wants to play with my insecurities like a puppet master, or who belittles my every word as though he were so much better then me. I hate my life right now and I have to think that there is a better life out ther waiting for me.


mssinglemama February 4, 2009 at 3:37 am

I can completely relate to this… lots of bad memories sparked with your comment. If you've exhausted all options – ie therapy and support from family and friends and of course, self-introspection – then yes, you have a very serious question ahead.

Another thing would be to try a trial seperation before going so far as a divorce.

Good luck to you Lexi.


Jordan February 21, 2009 at 11:53 pm

Thanks to everyone for this amazing blog. I saw that is began some 42 weeks ago.

I found this blog after searching on line just now for some answers. As I post this, my heart is still completely raw from the fight we just had because it has become crystal clear to me that my husband is NEVER going to care about the things I need in our relationship. This afternoon, I came to realize that I can no longer bear the emotional abuse I suffer at the whim of my cruel and emotionally cold husband.

After years of being treated like a second class citizen, I am at that crazy point right now, just torn to shreds with frustration and anger at the insane way he argues with me and berates me when I try to get my needs met in our relationship. AND – HE ALWAYS HAS AN EXCUSE FOR HIS LYING, INSENSITIVITY, INCONSIDERATE and DISRESPECTFUL TREATMENT OF ME!!! Grrrr!!!! I am so over it!!!

I have allowed myself to get fairly isolated in this marriage of 16 years. I have very few friends and no family to speak of, so my work is cut out for me to now face the world pretty close to alone. I am lucky that I am not a single mom. I don't have the added challenge most of you have of a youngster depending on me. I admire you women who are bearing that burden.

I am almost 40 and have pretty much given up any hope of ever finding love. I don't think I have ever even had love in my life, as I came from a very abusive childhood, and met my husband when I was just 22. I have settled for this relationship and resigned myself to it for years, now, but no more. My self-esteem is pretty much crushed, and I have very little confidence in anything.

Well, anyway, thank you all so very much for reminding me that I am not alone and that there are others going through what I am going through, and with a much larger burden to bear, in some cases. You have given me hope that I can see the other side of this someday. I may even look back on this painful decision with some relief.


Shari February 26, 2009 at 5:26 am

Wow – I could have written your email yesterday. I found this blog after a horrific fight with my husband. He unleashed so much verbal venom on me that I actually collapsed from emotional pain.
I too am nearly 40 without kids and 14 years of marriage. I've felt uneasy in my marriage since the beginning and have feared bringing kids into it.
I'm glad to read the experiences of other women – finding the courage to step out of the emotional prison and move ahead. It must take incredible strength to do that with children. Thanks for sharing your hearts and stories.


Jordan February 26, 2009 at 9:09 pm

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's abusive behavior toward you, Shari. I can relate to you about not wanting to bring children into it. And yes, for women who do have children in this situation – incredibly brave.

Once I decided it was over on Sunday, I have been taking steps each day to move forward. It is a little hard, but knowing I have made the decision already makes me feel better about it. I have not actually told him that it is over yet. I just cannot bring myself to speak to him about it right now. I honestly believe that the only circumstance I would tell him right away like this would be if I had some shred of hope that we could work it out, but that boat has long sailed by now. No hope = me telling him later, when I am actually moved out and moved on.

While I am making arrangements to move, I am still living in the home we share, but sleeping in a separate bedroom. He is perfectly fine with that (very weird, but telling), so there are no problems there. He really thinks this was just a fight and that things should be back to normal, but in separate bedrooms. Strange….

He has been acting like nothing ever happened on Sunday. I have completely shut down emotionally toward him, and he is either refusing to acknowledge it or genuinely does not care. He won't admit that he has ever hurt me and he won't ever apologize, but I'm sure he senses my withdrawal this time. I don't laugh at his pathetic attempts at humor anymore. I don't participate in everyday conversation with him, no matter how often he tries to engage me. I basically treat him like someone I have to get along and nothing more.

The good news is that I'm not really devastated by this. I was crushed the other day, but I have known for the longest time that this was coming. Now that this time is here, I am strangely fine with it. I'm not grieving or anxious (I've probably done all of that already), I am just ready. I think I may have had so much hatred toward him for so long, that I have reached my indifference stage.

Anyway, I wish you well, Shari, and hope things improve for you. Thanks again, misssinglemama for this forum for us to give and receive support. For once in this mess I have called my marriage, I do not feel so alone. God Bless.


mssinglemama February 22, 2009 at 7:47 pm

So you don't have any children?

You will see the other side… definitely, but only if you break free. Keep us posted okay?


Kelly February 26, 2009 at 10:58 pm

I just discovered you…..and have been reading most of the afternoon. It is so wonderful to realize I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. Okay, I don't have any children but I've been agonizing over whether to stay or go on and off for a few years now. I tried to leave twice but came back. In retrospect, I didn't have my ducks in order….but this time, I do! I just emailed an acceptance of an apartment I viewed yesterday!! The tipping point? Oh, it's been a slow buildup over 7 years together and 3 1/2 of marriage, and there are so many reasons….but the one that really changed the way I saw things was asking him to pick me up in an airport (he is chronically late) after a week of work (I'm a flight attendant) and because he was visiting his family, he was one hour late. I sat there as everyone else collected their luggage and caught their rides, and I thought, "What the hell am I putting up with this crap for? I'm with someone who can't even respect me enough to be on time?" And we had a HUGE fight when he finally arrived during which he told me I was selfish!!
Okay…'s too short for the bull$#@t.


jethro October 30, 2010 at 9:16 am

i read your blog and i saw that ur turning point is his late in the airport… coz it also happens to me coz i work abroad and after 2 yrs i finally went back home for vacation and my husband is late for 2 hours! the reason, his friend invited him to drink that night so his drunk and i have to call him when i arrived that hey,im here!!!but you know, im still cool though im disappointed but my turning point is.. when i ask him to help me support our son… his answer to me is that “he dont have to give support for our son (7y/o) coz im the one supporting”… im soooo dissappointed. BTW, since our marriage for almost 10 yrs, im the head of the family in terms of finances coz i knew he has small income. 6 mos. ago he asked me to buy him a cab for business which i did from my hard earned money but he refused to learn how to drive instead he gave the cab to his relative and just wait for the daily income without supporting my son even i argued and fight with him. Also, i think he is a gay, like to clean the house,cooking,dont want to learn driving,have gay friends, dancing with male friends while drinking and even joke with me that he is DUAL personallity, i thought its a joke but now its sinking in, that’s why her aunt sometime call his name on a lady sound(after almost 10yrs)… moreover, i just catched his facebook – he put his status as widowed (he made on 2008 i think coz now i cant open already), i saw also his friendster (he made on 2009)- status: it’s complicated! whaahhh.. i never knew he is already thinking like this.. im so innocent!!! actually our relationship is so cool and not much argument since im patient with him, thougth everything ok, in love with him until i went abroad and physcally separated with him..Even my mom told me they observed.. he dont visit my son often, only during public holidays, son birthday christmas or vacation, like every 3 months..i cannot say he is a good father in that way, not a good spouse either coz never bother to call me oversea or text me in 4 yrs ( he also did not call me in our weeding anniv on my 1st yr abroad/i waited until i called him already night in his place).. im the one alwys calling him and surely not a provider instead his piggy bank.
Yesterday(2010), I suddenly told him that its over..then he told me a lot of lies like, he wanted to end his life, he loves me so much…i’ve changed a lot.. he dont want to leave me…( i told him if u get married, the house is for our son) and because of that he said to me that he will sell our house!!! Hayyy….Please advise..
I m happy to share you my expirience and hope that you are happy now…rgds


pyjoe_mom March 27, 2009 at 6:55 pm

Please HELP….I am 23 with two baby boys and have been with my husband for almost 9 years..He is 35 and I just turned 23.When I meet him I felt that life was better with him then at my moms!I have left afew times before when he was at work but he alway talks me back.I tried to leave last month but he took my keys and keep hitting himself and told me if I did unpack my truck I would go to jail.I want to try to leave again why he is at work up dont know if I should because not everyday is day just most of them are.Please help I dont know what to do?


Jordan March 28, 2009 at 3:22 pm

You need to get out as soon as possible. Going to be with a man just because you think it is "better than at your mom's" is not a good enough reason to be with a man.

A person hitting himself (regardless of the reason) is also very unhealthy, and now you have two boys to think about, too. How do you think your husband's behavior will affect your kids in the future? You are in the cycle of abuse. The cycle is that there will be a build up of tension, an explosion of abusive behavior, then comes the honeymoon phase, where he "talks you back." This cycle occurs over and over throughout the years or months until the abusive behavior escalates and can become dangerous to your life, as well as the lives of your children.

When he took your keys, and prevented you from leaving, he broke the law. That is called false imprisonment and there are legal consequences for that. You have to be strong, my dear, and figure out how you are going to get yourself and your children out of that situation immediately, if not sooner.

You say that you have been with him for 9 years. That means when you began your relationship, he was 26 and you were 14. You were legally a child and he was an adult when you began your relationship. There are also some very strong laws against that, as well. Laws aside, can you not see how inappropriate it is for a man that age to be in an intimate relationship with a 14 year old child?

I recommend you get out immediately and seek some professional help. There are counselors available to you on a sliding fee scale, if money is a problem. But you need to talk to someone soon. A professional can help you through this. Good luck to you….


vannah March 28, 2009 at 5:13 pm

Thank you for caring! I am going to leave tuesday while he at…I told him my kids have a doctors app..So, where he move me way when I was 15 and had a intimate relationship wit me can I doanything about now that I can see how wrong it was…I dont wont him around my babies!he has lost my three special needs child twice,he does drugs and he meds his doctor give him he takes more than he sould! please tell how to keep him away from my babies! Is it normal for at times to think I am going tomake the wrong move by leaving?I just want one day without him tripping out over somethingand turn it around on me!Is there a better life out there?


Robin March 6, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Hey sweetie. It is not going to be easy if you have no family to back you. I was in a bad relationship when I was very young. The abuse never ends.
A person that is abusive will always be abusive. That is how it is. YOU are better than that. But you need to not jump into another relationship right away. Females that tend to get into these kind of relationships wind up getting into them again due to what type of men you pick. Or how your family was growing up. Or if you would do anything to find love because you don’t get it with your first family.
You need to get away from anyone on drugs and live drug free. Men that are on drugs always become violent. It just is what it is. You can never change a man in that situation. They have to do it themselves.
I left my first husband due to abuse. It was very difficult. I was pregnant and almost lost my baby. I also had a 4 year old son we played tug a war with.
You need counciling and help when you leave. You need to have backbone and always stay one step ahead in court of your X.
First you move to a Havenhouse. Now is the time to start using bus’s or take your car if you can. If it is your name and you can afford payments on your own.
If you have a house. Next fight call the police and get it on record. If he hits you get it recorded. He will be arrested. you get a court order for him to stay away. A stay away order. If you can do the house payments and you have his children you can stay in the home. The things in the home are community property. He can have a police escort later to get HIS personal things.
OR you can at that point pack your things, put money on an apartment, and move out. Keep your court order current at all times. They always try to sweet talk you. They usually do love you that is the problem.
And deep down you will always love them.. YoU need to love yourself and your life and your children more. LOVE YOURSELF!! Do not go back because it just never ends!! I went back. It was the same thing all over again. Forget it it is not worth ever going back…YOU NEED TO SAY I AM NEVER GOING BACKWARDS AND ALWAYS MOVING FORWARD. IT IS LESS PAINFUL LATER BABYGIRL!!
MOVE ON AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL. Get your GED at home if you can.
Then take some college on the internet. OR go to a community college for a two year training program and forget about men for a long while. Learn to love you first and your babies. The community colleges have daycare in the schools.
Make sure you give them your court order for the children’s safety.
Take something for two years that is going to get you a job you love. If you find a job you like you’ll never work a day in your life. Make a plan and follow through with it. It will make you proud of yourself and happy to be alive!!
It will be a great example for your babies.. You will on the right road for you babygirl!! It will bring happiness and joy into you and your babies life. It will be a lot of work but you are young and strong and you can do it. Write to me if you would like. I would love to see you happy.

YOU need to get into a church on sundays with your babies in Sunday school.
This will put love back into your hearts and help you heal from all that you have been through at such a young age.



Vannah March 28, 2009 at 5:33 pm

Hey what kinda help do I get and are there ways I can keep him from us…how do I get a divorce.Thanks I just wont want to talk to my friends.


mssinglemama March 28, 2009 at 5:40 pm

You'll also need to find a lawyer… Check the yellow pages for one who offers free consultations.

If you have written or photographic evidence of his abuse and drug use that would be good.

Sent from my iPhone


ilovemyson May 7, 2009 at 6:36 pm

*Please Help Me!*

I am 23, I have been married to my husband for 2 years in June, and together with him for 3. We have a 13 mo old son together who is by far the greatest gift of all, and the most precious human being I know. I have been unhappy for 7 months now with my husband. To sum it up: my husband believes because he works full time and I stay home to raise our son, I should do everything around the house and he shouldn't have to do anything. He does not think he has anger issues (which he absolutely does and I can name several people who agree with me)…he does not believe he is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive (again..totally is) …he is constantly telling me I am the one with the problem, I am a liar, I constantly push his buttons and cause fights which results in him blowing up at me, etc etc..
I love my husband, but I am terrified of him. I just want to be happy, and most importantly I want my son to be happy. I have been debating on the big D word for some time now, and I am aware of the fact that I do not have a job at the moment, but I have a huge incredible support system to back me up.
Please tell me what to do!


Candace May 9, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Some help is apreciated!

I am a mother of 2 and one n the way at 20. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. when we were first married it was a dream world. He i a great father and he tried everything to make us financially stable. We have moved in an out of family members houses and out of our own places because he cant seem to keep a job. We now live in Canada. This is our third time of living here. We move constantly because he cant keep a job this time though things are different. He normally would keep a job for a month and now he hasn't kept one or even tried to get one for 9 months. I am fed up he says he brings in income because he is living off welfare. I am living in a country to where I have no status and nothing that benefits me. My children and him are safe and sound but I am not. I have no insurance no nothing. He has dual citizenship and I would love nothing more than for him to go home with me until I get my status. Yet I cant stop feeling like I have done everything. I am a medical assistant and have my dreams on being a nurse. Every time I mention abut going back to school I get told it is not good enough I need to work because school isn't bringing in money or paying bills. Yet I try to tell him that in the future it will. He is set on today and what he wants to do. My kicker today is the fact that he tried to lie to me about smoking wed. He thought I was asleep. Someone help me figure out where to go or what to do I am so confused I love him but I cant do it no more!


Grace October 31, 2009 at 9:43 am

Hi Candace,

I know the majority of the bloggers are American but your story stuck out because you are an American currently living in Canada. I am a Canadian law school student and I thought I would give you some advice on how to making your nursing dream come true without the expense that comes with it. If you can apply for status and/ or get a job in Canada (being a medical assistant, it should not be too hard to find a fair paying job in this country) their is a government funded program called Second Career. It is available in almost every town or city. The government looks for people who would like to change their career and they pay for you to go to school and become a nurse. Nursing is one of the main careers they do sponsor. The government does this to reduce the number of people on welfare or poverty by paying for school so these people can get themselves a new start. You would get a free education and be able to start over. There is also so many aid programs to new immigrants or non Canadians living in Canada. You can find these on Canadian government sites, and it varies depending on what province you live in. I feel for you being a new comer and having a difficult time in your marriage. I just wanted you to know that Canada has ALOT of options for you even though you are not a citizen. There are also American Embassies and consulates across the country you can visit and get some advice on what facilities are in your city to help you. I am really sorry on what you are going through, only being 20 years old and being virtually alone in a strange country. I wish you the best of luck and I really hope you explore all those options, it would be great to see another success story on this forum and have someones career aspirations come true.

Much love!


ilovemyson May 17, 2009 at 5:44 pm

I did it.

I fill out my paper work, I faxed it to my lawyer…I now have 2 weeks until I sign my papers and my husband gets served. I feel excited for a fresh new start..and terrified that I am making the wrong decision..but this has been weighing heavy on my heart for over 7 months HAS to be the right thing to do…right? I just want to do whats best for my son. If anyone has any advice on the best way to go about this, especially telling my husband, please tell me! I need all the support and encouragement I can get! Thank you.


JESSIE May 29, 2009 at 8:20 pm



Jordan June 12, 2009 at 10:05 am

I agree w/Amanda. Sometimes the nice guy can be a wolf in sheep's clothing. And, since they are usually known as the "nice guy" in their social circle, they feel a sense of entitlement when it comes to abusing you. "Oh, I'm justified in hurting you because I am just the 'nice guy' defending myself from you!!" Pathetic and manipulative, my friend.


Theffwife July 16, 2009 at 10:14 am

Wow, this has been great to read- we’re not alone in our decision to stay or go.
I’ve been married for 16 years, we lived toghether for 5 before we married, so we’re at 21 years together now. We have 2 kids, 9 and 13.

I’m really struggling, as my husband, for the most part, is a nice guy, helps around the house and with the kids. I work part-time in computers and just passed a test to become Microsoft Certified. The issue for me is that he is a firefighter, and the department and “the guys” ALWAYS come first. I had 2 chances to pass this test, but had a very limited time frame to study and pass. I went to the first try, knowing I probably was not completely prepared, but also knowing I had 2 chances, and thought taking the test the first time would be excellent practice to prepare me for the “real” thest- the second shot. I’m in jeporady of getting laid off, and am working to gain more credentials in case I need to look for a new job. Well, hubby comes home , I ask about his day, and he starts telling me about the recruits he’s training and how awful they did on their finals that day, and if they don’t greatly improve on their second try, they have 1 more chance to be absolutely perfect in from of the Chief. I was saying how that parallels what I just did- and he says- “It’s nothing like that! These guys have been working hard!” I have been taking classes for the last 2 years in computers, on my own time with my own funds (meaning not supported by my company), which gave me the background to be able to get my certification. He says, “These guys have been working for over a year, this is their career!” So I say, “And I haven’t? And my career is so much less important?!?!”
This has been a pattern- once I saw Circe De Soleil was in town, I started to say we should go, and he says “Hell, no, I’m not going to any dumb circus!” and that was the end of the conversation for him. Next year, they came back, and he says “The guys are all telling me about this really cool Circe De Soleil show- we really need to check it out!”
I’ve been struggling since last year, when these friends encouraged him to look at Craigslist for “Missed Connections” – and the message was about a guy on a blue bike waving to a girl- and she wanted to get together – and he looked at it MANY times. Yup, he has a blue bike and the area is his route home.
I understand friends are important, he does go on yearly guys weekends, has lost of guy night poker parties, etc., and I’ve never minded that. But anyone who is encouraging my husband to look at singles sites is no longer a friend of mine, and I am now uncomfortable with him hanging out with these so-called “friends”. I am losing my self-esteem, and myself. From the outside, our marriage looks perfect to everyone else. Do I stay with a basically good guy knowing I am ALWAYS going to come in a distant second, or do I protect my mental health and try the other side of the fence? I need to feel improtant and respected to feel good about myself, and he just can’t give that to me.


marlene August 7, 2009 at 10:32 am

I am so confused as to stay or go. On the one hand, we have almost 16 years of marriage and a beautiful 5-year old daughter. I do love him, he sometimes make me laugh and he can make me feel good about himself if he is in the right frame of mind. On the other hand, there is the drinking (which he says he is cutting back on – I’ve heard that before), the mood swings, refusing to get a job, not cleaning up after himself, spending money recklessly, cruising dating websites. I make up my mind to end it, have a knot in my stomach, feel like crying, then he will say something to make me change my mind. I feel like I am going crazy! How to decide?


whats right whats not August 14, 2009 at 10:47 pm

I love my husband so much but he and my 14 year old son are not getting along at all. My son will do stupid sh@@ just to make him mad. My husband is a work aholic with our business and farms. I work full time and go to school full time. we have been married for 7 years and discipline is a problem with the children . He has 2 step daughters( 17 adn 21) that do not live with us and then i have the 14 y/o. My son helps out a lot but 4 weeks ago he started complaining to his dad and our other friends that we dont pay him for any work so he has to get a job to pay for his truck. We bought the truck when he was 13 then he wreck it when he was almost 14 on the farm. He has been driving since he was 7 (tractors 4 wheelers trucks etc.. get the picture). My husband was raised very strictly and he is not as strict as his dad but expects more then probably most men would of the boy.
I left 3 weeks ago because I could not handle the “being in the middle”. I love my son but he too is playing this and my spouse and i usually only argue over him While i was gone with my son for 2 weeks i tried to prove to my son thaT life is not always handed to you. My husband is our security blanket but I dont care about the money. My son disrespected even me when we were gone and i dont think i should lose my marriage because of teenage discipline problems/.


Deborah August 20, 2009 at 10:42 am

I’m starting today.

It’s a long story. It always is, though, isn’t it? I’ve known a long time. More strongly every day. But there is lots of good too, that makes it so very hard. And the fact that I am a homeschooling mother of 3 children, with no money, no job for 9 years, ruined credit now thanks to hubby’s poor management during these difficult economic times …. all that makes it so much harder. I’m smart. I’m educated. I’m an alpha female too. I’m full of compassion and understanding. I’m an excellent communicator and that makes it sooooooo clear to me that I’ve done everything I can. Really, I have. I love, I give, I compromise, I don’t want my way, I want OUR way. I’ve realized many times over the years that our values are simply way too different for us to be happy together. But acting on it ….. that scares the heck out of me. Before kids I wouldn’t have batted an eye at the financial difficulty, but I was committed to relationship. I got pregnant 2 months after getting married. I didn’t want to divorce then, I had big dreams of a happy family life. I have been a stay at home mom for the love of my children. It kills me to imagine how difficult it is going to be for them. My 4yo will be okay. He’s very social and will adapt to preschool well, but my 9yo and my 2yo are both very strongly attached to me still. My 9yo will adapt too, I suppose, but I expect it will be devastating and will leave lasting damamge to her. Transitioning to school will be hugely stressful for her. I’ve homeschooled her for a reason… School and a new home and the loss of her father, despite the fact that she hates him for the way he treats her…. That’s a lot for her to take on at such a formative age. You know, I sooooo wish I had left when she was newborn when he was such a jerk, or when he showed his true colors when she was 12 months, or when he was a tiny bit violent when my 4yo was 2, or when we had all the terrible fights in between, or right before I got pregnant each and every time. I LOVE my children so much but with the birth of each child I have recognized the extension of the time that I will have to stay here …. My youngest is 2 now and he is almost as attached to me as his sister was. I cry giant hot tears for the pain it will cause my children for me to move them to a new home, to explain to them that Daddy and I aren’t going to live together anymore, to try to explain to them their Daddy’s irrational emotional behavior that will most assuredly come when I finally put my Exit Plan into action, to put them in school and day care… And I cry and pray for strength in parenting because just as I love them so intensely I am also incredibly overwhelmed by them. I never wanted three kids. (I figure since I’m being honest I might as well go all the way.) Because I love them so much that it hurts…. too much. My kids are needy. And at their current ages their needs are almost more than I can keep up with. They fight with each other and it breaks my heart to see them hurting or needing me when I’m tending to something else or someone else. At the end of the day I feel totally overwhelmed and exhausted and depressed because it is too much for me. And I just pray that I can manage to keep myself together. Maybe it will be better than it is now, I don’t know. I get no breaks right now as my husband is not really connected with our kids, though he does parent a little bit. I don’t want to say he does nothing, because he does. But I certainly don’t get emotional breaks or me time. Maybe having a job will improve my coping skills. But I do feel terrible knowing that this will be at the expense of my children and the additional stress they will experience by me going to work.

I am going to look now into applying for assistance from the state. I don’t really know how this works but I wonder if I will be able to qualify for anything while I’m still living with my husband. But I have no family to go to and I’m not willing to become homeless to do this. This financial part is my biggest obstacle. And of course it is all about my children. I have no fear for myself. I’m a boot strap girl. But I need some sense of safety net for my children. I haven’t found it yet.

And so, it is hard. The fear for my children both financially and emotionally is like a fortress wall in front of me. But I will find a way. And my Exit Plan is not really formed yet. But I do know that at the end of it I will be free from the misery… and it will be a blessing to my children too. So today is the first day of the rest of our lives. Today is the day that I start.


Linda June 21, 2010 at 8:25 am

Deborah, I am in the SAME boat. Homeschooling mother of 3, ages 7, 5 and 1. People think I am crazy wanting to give up what I have. A secure home, $, homeschooling… but is it worth the $? no. I have 3 kids listening to him blowing up over stupid crap. Sure we have not hit physical more than a few times in our marriage of shoving… But chairs have been broken, tables over turned. The question still looms over me, should I put up with it for the sake of my kids? To throw them into school when all they have known is homeschool? I LOVE homeschooling them! LOVE IT! We are the kind who do field trips, groups, lots of involvement. It has kept us through my sons Leukemia and just works for us.
But I am seeing that my husband and I are just too different. He tried to change who he was even when I warned him not to change FOR ME. It never lasts. I am one person, he is another.
How he used to condemn his father, he has become his father. And the thought of my two boys becoming him scares the crap out of me.

But here I am – quit my job to raise the kids. used to have a full time one, got HIM out of debt which he is dragging us back into… collectors.

What do I do? Where do I go? If it was easy, getting from point A to Point B, Like just walking into my new life, I would do it. But I do not know how! I have so many friends who have left but never with kids attatched.

Having an anger problem man, and emotionally and verbally abusive one, the thought of him finding out before I am completely ready scares me. He has told me in fights he would ruin me. I would never see a cent from him, sometimes he tries to tell me I will never get the kids… the threat of my kids is too hard on me. They are my world and he knows it. But a man who does anything to hurt you… knows how to call you fat and lazy and cut to your core… why would I want to live with that???

But I stand at the same place as you. homeschooling mother to 3 great kids wondering how, what, where and when. Too many questions, Should I rush it to get the kids into school, drag my feet to homeschool them another year, is it worth staying just for what I have some days?

I have a husband who works nights so 5 days a week are good. weekends are our trouble. When we actually have to be together…

Deborah, if you want to email me I would love to hear how you are doing. I feel needy to all my friends who think I am just kidding. I have a good guy to the world who does not show his true self but at home and at his families house. they see but he is theirs and they live with his dad like that. I would love to know how you are doing and what steps you are taking because I stand at the same place – clueless on what to do.

when people say – see a lawyer – it is not that easy when you have 3 kids at home that do not “go to school” .

I also have been contemplating this for a few years so pretty much all my friends think I will just keep on keeping on and do not have any ideas. I think everyone thinks I will just keep taking it…


Linda June 21, 2010 at 8:29 am

And if anyone knows this answer – I also have most of the debt currently in my name as I was the one with good credit to get it. even though I have not had an outside job for over 4 years, the credit is in my name. We also own a home. who do you get out when all the utilities, credit cards, loans are in your name???

I do not want to “screw” him. He can have the house. he can see his kids every other weekend. But how can I go anywhere if all bills are in my name?


schweiger August 21, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Reading these just made me realize I should go home and clean the house and get some remodeling projects done.

I’m no saint. Like many men and women, I handled a growing sexual and intellectual incompatibility by using proxies — as well as the ever popular alternatives of workaholic escapism and theology. And… If you can’t understand that paragraph, you’re just not my type… even if you’re smoking hot, fit and happening.

My clever tests of compatibility failed, as they often do for people regardless of how smart or dumb they are. largely because young love has NOTHING to do with reason.

But you know what? I lucked out. I stayed in even when she cheated and handed me a get out of jail free card, and even though I’ve thrown away many opportunities to be here.

There are still benefits to be had by staying with the one you married, no matter how bored you are, or lonely, or even if the mere thought of sex with your spouse makes you throw up a little. If he or she has good qualities and doesn’t try to torture or hurt you, or perhaps belittle you in front of others, it might be worth staying.

Don’t get me wrong – if you have to bail out, bail right away.

But in the long run, if you’ve gone through a couple long relationships, or many short ones, you’ll learn that everyone has drawbacks. Even prince/princess charming.

but it’s true – you have to give something in return.

It cuts both ways –


Far Away and Needs Help August 27, 2009 at 10:06 am

Ok wow i have just spent about a hour reading your guys story, I am a mother of 3 my husband and i share 1 daughter together and my other children are from a previous. I am a VERY young mother but very intelligent even tho i had my first child when i was 15 i still graduated college. (yes i am very proud of that haha). My husband and i New each other for 2 yrs dated for a year and now been married for 2 yrs. about a year ago he got transfered to another state for his job and we moved our family. Away from everyone i have ever known. It has went down hill from there i gave up my dream job to come to this new state to allow him to prosue his. He doesn’t appreciate me he’s a traveling sales man so he is always gone.. he told me he doens’t want me to get a job because he doesn’t want me to meet people. I have no friends down here. i feel traped. I have tryed to leave 2 times now packed up the Truck and headed north but he always starts crying and telling me how much he loves me (something he only says when we are fighting) I just can’t take it anymore he goes back and forth telling me he is going to change and never does The last time i went to leave my poor 6yr old daughter seen him cry and he told her its not her fault its mine because he doesn’t want us to leave.. COME ON how do i deal with that… SOME ONE PLEASE HELP ME I need some courage to get over that bump. I just want to go home to my family and away from someone who is keeping me hostage.


Hopeful December 30, 2009 at 6:35 am

Oh my god – my life is mirroring your life. I just want to leave and be with my kids. Its the “bump” that is stopping me. Im scared, Im excited, Im nervous…. I dont think I have ever felt so many emotions all at the same time. He is a good man and a good father, but I just dont love him anymore. I have done everything over the past 20 years, painting, gardening, cleaning, changing my jobs so as not to have child care. He has spent 90% of his time watching soccer and drinking beer. I told him 6 months ago I wanted to leave and he has now turned into father of the year, so attentive, loving and generous to all of us! He also tells me that he will fight me to the end if I leave!!! I CANT STAY- I DONT LOVE HIM ANYMORE – I cant turn around when Im 70 and my kids are all grown up and say “well thats it then, Ill just make the best of the rest…..) This aint no dress-rehearsal and I need to be able to look myself in the mirror and be honest with my kids. Would I want my kids to stay in a relationship with someone they didnt love – hell no. Anyway…… this is the hardest time of my life but I WILL get there, Im sure I will x


Louna Cee September 18, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Financially, I work 2 jobs (full time in an office and part time in retail). The difficult time is the children spending more time with neighbor on weeknights and week ends.

Emotionally– Therapist and a few good friends/Mom.

~~ Women support Women ~~
(p.s.: i still follow your blog for comfort and motivation…)


Pamela September 21, 2009 at 8:02 pm

I want to leave but I don’t want a divorce I think I can leave with out all of that and I don’t plan on ever marrying again. I have four kids and my oldest is 13, and he is picking up his bad habits. I do everything now anyways I am just scared and I need to find a job. My kids will have this huge shock of not having me here all the time it will be a large adjustment. My energy level has been sucked dry I really wonder how that will change.


Yesenia September 23, 2009 at 4:32 am

ur story feels life if i were the one who wrote it. i wish i could get a divorce but its tough.


Awe-so-mama October 19, 2009 at 4:42 pm

I feel so much empathy for the women brave enough to share their stories on this post.

My partner and I are not married, but we have a 10 month old daughter and a mortgage, so I feel in the same boat with many of posters here. I’m very much in love with my SO, and still am holding on to this fantasy of our life in the future, but I just don’t know how things will get better. He blames me for EVERYTHING. What do you do with someone like that? I was laid off during my 3rd trimester and have been grateful to be able to collect max unemployment and stay home with our daughter until the job market improves a bit. Now, he hates that I’m here everyday (he works from home). I give everything I can. I take full responsibility for our daughter needs. I try to stay completely out of his way for 12 hours a day and he STILL invents ways to blame me for anything going wrong with him. It’s exhausting! He’s way too old to be acting like such a child (he’s 33, I just turned 30), and he never deflected blame like this before I had the baby.

I feel like the only thing left for me to do is pack up, take our baby and leave! But I really do love him (when he’s not being an ass), and he spends quality time with our daughter everyday. If someone could please tell me (ahem, men, I would love to hear from ya) how to get him to take ownership of his own life I’d really appreciate it. The daily stress I go through trying to tiptoe around his mood swings is making me wonder if my (and my daughter’s) life would be happier/healthier without him.


Linda October 19, 2009 at 6:59 pm

I don’t know WHAT to do. I have married a man who was married before and has two children. Looking back, I have to admit that I did see warning signs that maybe he wasn’t the one for me. But, I loved him very much and wanted things to work out for us. The problem? He is not affectionate and does not initiate sex. When we first got together, he was extremely affectionate. We waited 9 months before we ever had sex and for several months, he was still affectionate and initiated sex. But, then he started to back off. We talked about it some, but it wasn’t so bad that I thought it would be an issue. Eight years later, I’m miserable and depressed. I really want things to work out, but I can tell you that in all the years we’ve been married, he has initiated sex about 3 times.

I never thought I would cheat, and even said “no” to a couple of men. That is, until I started a new job and began a very passionate affair with a co-worker. (We are no longer together because we started to develop feelings for each other). It was wonderful to feel desirable and attractive. I know it was wrong, but I still don’t feel guilty about it.

My husband’s first wife was verbally abusive to him. I have always felt that what he endured during that marriage and some things from his childhood have caused him to be so emotionally withdrawn. However, he chooses to do nothing about it. I have asked that he see a doctor and/or go to counseling, but he refuses both. About three weeks ago, I packed my bags, ready to leave, but he asked me to stay. So I did. Today was the 14th day in a row that we have not had sex. I have decided to quit initiating it because to be honest, I’m humiliated to have to ask my husband for sex.

I do love him and want things to work. But, he is who he is and no amount of tears or arguing is going to change him. I have done everything I know to do, but nothing has worked. I CONSTANTLY think about the other guy and what I need to do about my marriage. (Me and the other guy would never work. I live in a small town where people haven’t accepted interracial relationships. I am white and the other guy is black. It would be hard on both of us, especially with our families. But, I’m rambling). Anyway, the affair made me realize that there are men out there who find me desirable and who would treat me the way I want to be treated. I don’t want to make a hasty decision. So, I stay. I don’t want to hurt my husband anymore than I have (although he doesn’t know about my affair). So, I stay. We are dependent on each other financially. So, I stay. And while I’m here, my husband sleeps on the couch and I sleep in the bed.

Any advice?


Patty October 28, 2009 at 5:34 pm

we’ll i’been reading and sounds like my situation ,,,i’ve been for 10 years with my husband i have 2 kids and he finally moved out this weekend i feel relieved, free , happy and stress-free a little bit scared i won’t lie but WHY AM I FEELING SO GUILTY for him why ??? if he gave me no respect no love he is rude acts like a child so why in the world i’m feeling like the bad one ?? help please i could use some advises


megan November 2, 2009 at 11:30 pm

Hi i was reading through all your guy’s stories and i am sort of going through the same thing except i have not left yet. I love him alot but he is one who puts himself before me or my 1 year old girl he has anger issues and somehow turns things around on me. i have caught him talking to many of girls behind my back and the truth is right there and he still lies. all i hear is its going to be ok i promise this i promise that i dont see anything he cant support us at all he cant jeep a job for no longer than a couple weeks to a couple months. i found out from one of his friends his last job he was just at he tried to get fired on purpose but he told me he was getting written up for no reason and it really hurt me because we need money bad and he wanted to get fired for no reason. i have a job and i take care of my daughter he never does that i have done everything around here not complaining but it is very tiring after a while. but i just dont think i can live like this anymore he seems like he will never grow up or take care of this family. every time i think about leavin and say i will i just cant im so scared to leave i thinki will be ok on my own but its so scary i dunno what to do. if anyone has advice let me know please you can email me


just_me November 11, 2009 at 11:08 pm

I’m sorry this is such a long comment, but I have no one else to talk to. Please help.

I am currently married and have been for a little more than 3 years. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was abusive and lasted 12 years before I finally got out. Right now, I am so confused I don’t know what to do with myself. I can feel that I keep getting more and more depressed. I have a 15 year old daughter (who lives with us) and a 12 year old son (who lives with his dad), and my husband has an 8 year old son (who lives with his mom) and a 5 year old son (who live with us). Having 4 kids is stressful enough, especially when it comes to dealing with all the ex’s involved, plus other step-siblings, but my husband and I argue a lot about what seems like everything. One of us is always hurting the other one’s feelings or making them mad. There is no physical abuse here, but definitely emotional. Everything he does gets on my nerves. Plus, he lies. I’m sure everyone lies about something, but sometimes its like he lives in his own little world. Before we got married, he told me he owned his home, free and clear with no mortgage, etc, then about 6 months after we were married I found out that his dad owns the house where we live! I left the home of my dreams (which I was leasing) to move into his home which needed a tremendous amount of repair. I have spent at least $12,000 of my own money on repairs to a house that isnt even ours. He talked me into moving in with him because “why pay rent when we have a house thats paid for”. Made sense at the time, til I found out it wasn’t even his. He has lied about other things, too, like hiding a bank account that ended up severely over-drawn, and him telling me he had paid for things – like the new furnace – that in fact still had to be paid for. Of course, there have been many other more minor incidents.

Aside from his lying, there is his never-ending condescending tone. He has this way of making me feel stupid and incompetant quite often. I am a well educated woman, and I had never felt so stupid until I spent some time with this husband.

Besides all that, we have many issues with the kids. We have very different views about parenting. Up until a few months ago, my son also lived with us. He did not get along well with my husband at all. He decided to go live with his dad, and he said it was because “he missed him”. I strongly believe that if I were single he may still be living with me. My daughther and son are very close, and he has told her things that makes her also feel that part of the reason he left was because of my husband. Now, my daughter – who is also my best friend – is telling me that she plans to move to her dads also as soon as she turns 16. She cannot stand my husband, and that is her sole reason for wanting to move out. I cannot live without my children. They are my life. My husband is not physically abusive to them, but he is a very assertive person, and very set in his ways. He is 6 ft 4 in tall, and has a deep voice, so when he is upset he can be very frightening to the kids.

My 5 year old step son loves me very much, and I feel as if he is my own. His mother has not had any contact with him in over 7 months. She was not an ideal parent before that either. One day she just decided to tell us to come and get him, and so we did. He has lived with us for more than a year now. I am afraid for what would happen to him if I were to leave.

My husband does not cheat on me, he does not beat me, he works a good job, and he does not run around. I tell myself often how much worse it could be (like my first marriage was, or worse), and I think that maybe it’s my own fault that I am unhappy. On the other hand, I AM UNHAPPY, and I have been for a very long time. The constant cycle of getting along well for a few days, then arguing for a few, is emotionally tiring.

I am currently unemployed, so my husband is the financial support in our family. My car is not paid off, and it is in his name. I’m scared to move because I fear the unknown. I have no friends or family with whom I can stay.

I feel like I have been “trying” and “working on” our marriage every since we got married. I think I was unhappy even before we were married. I’m not sure why I went through with it, and now I’m not sure if I should stay or go.

ANY advice would be much appreciated.


abyss of sadness looking for hope November 18, 2009 at 11:53 am

Hi Just Me,

I totally get where you are coming from I have been there and suffered through much of what you have and are currently experiencing. The only thing I can say is you have to watch out for you and your kids. It is not a good environment for you or your children. You will regret being in the situation you are in if you stay and so will your kids. You can also reassure you stepson that you will always be there for him. The harm that is being done to your children’s self-esteem because they are feeling rejected by you when you choose this unfortunate man over them will have a life long effect.

You need to show your kids how you can be strong and succeed through adversity. Through this you will teach them how to survive in difficult times.
Remember there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow – nothing is easy ever!

I am suffering now in my 3rd marriage in a whole new way from any of my previous marriages. I married one man who was mean, one that was abusive & controlling – physically, mentally and every other kind of way and now one who is unloving, oblivious, unaffectionate and probably a cheater.

My current husband is a good man who takes his committments seriously and tries very hard to be a good person to all that he meets. We have been together 6 years and married for 3 1/2. We used to have fun, enjoy our time together, laugh until we lost our breath and genuinely cared for eachother. Now – he is oblivous and I am turning numb from the pain – I would do just about anything to escape it.

In the last year my husband has stopped being affectionate, we rarely are intimate unless I initiate and he often rejects me. I am hopelessly depressed, sad and often cry. It is not just about sex, but more about affection and human touch. the only time he wants me to touch him is to rub his feet or scratch his back. I am not someone who cheats and I have no interest in doing so. I have vowed to myself to find something I really enjoy and just do that while also spending more time with my kids and trying to prepare myself for what may come.

He knows something is not right but will not try to address or face it. I have worked hard to look good and take good care of myself. I am not overweight and am told I am very attractive by most everyone I meet. I am also told I look 15 -20 years younger than my age.

I work hard, am a successful business women, and make a very good salary. I bring just as much to the table as he does in every way.

I have brought up his lack of affection in the past, and he tells me not to and it just hurts me more. In anger I made a few snide remarks about how we hardly sleep in the same bed anymore and he just said that those remarks do not help. I honestly don’t know what does help as I have tried everything? I am not going to try to initiate anything and am not going to bring it up again. Though it is ripping me apart to not share my feelings I just can’t do it again.

I don’t even want to be around him anymore because his inattention pains me so much. I feel that our life is fake and that people think we are this great couple and have so much going for us but it is just a lie. He thinks I am mad at him and does not understand where I am coming from or why I feel the way I do.

In his previous two marriages he cheated so I have that in the back of my head that his dis-interest lies in cheating. I think that would kill me. I am trying to pull away emotionally for me and my kids/grandkids because I fear I will not be able to handle it if he surpirses me with his departure.

I am trying very hard to find the hope and strength to weather the storm and do what I must to survive. I am totally in despair.


just_me November 28, 2009 at 8:44 am

I did it! I finally got the courage to leave, and I am about 99% sure it was the right thing to do. I found an apartment for myself and my daughter that I can afford with my unemployment payments. I just hope to be able to find a job before I exhaust all my benefits. I have not felt so free in a very long time. It has been almost 2 weeks now since I moved out. I thought I would miss my husband and step son much more than I do – is that terrible?

I let him keep my car and he is responsible for the payments, and I took the truck which is paid for. I now live closer to my son, and I get to see him much more often. I am now only 15 minutes away from him instead of an hour, so instead of him visiting every other weekend only, he visits whenever he wants, which is often. I feel closer to both my children already. They both seem happier, especially my daughter.

This is going to be a long road, and it isn’t easy, but I feel it will be worth it in the long run. Never feel it is impossible, because there is always a way even if it is difficult.


Jaan December 8, 2009 at 11:09 am

I am stuck in a verbal and physically abusive marriage and I am only 21 years old?Now the problem is I don’t know what is physical abuse.I know it sounds dumb but is ….fish being thrown in your face, being shoved, mats being thrown on my shoulder..physical abuse. He always says that it’s not because he never ever hit me on the face and I never ended up in the hospital…so I guess I have not been physically abused? Other then his violent anger (which stems from simple things like getting a parking ticket)…….our marriage is perfect. He buys me gifts, he helps around the house, constantly compliments me and asks if I want to go to movies or dinners etc…So I am really confused…I need some one’s help. On one side he is really nice but when his anger takes over..all hell breaks loose…I mean then he makes me feel like nothing.I don’t get it? Is it my fault? I was going to leave but now his sister is getting married and he promises he will change so I’m staying again for another month…I’m so scared…what if he blows up again how do I know he’s changed..I’m tired of being called names…I need advice please help me?
bebojaan at hotmail. com


Anonymous December 13, 2009 at 6:15 am

Unfortunately, I’ve been in your situation before. First of all, NEVER allow him to make you feel like it is your fault for how he treats you. He is responsible for his own actions. And yes, it is physical abuse. He does not have to punch you in the face for it to be physical. The longer you stay in the relationship, the harder it will be to walk away. I know how scary it is to leave. I’m 34 years old now, and I’ve had two failed marriages. I lived in fear of my first husband for almost 12 years. My second husband was emotionally abusive, and that marriage lasted less than 3 years. As scary as it seems to leave, for fear of what he may do, or how you will be able to take care of yourself, etc, trust me, you will figure it out and it will be ok. Once you’re out of an abusive relationship and look back, you can see how clearly you did the right thing.


walkbyfaith December 10, 2009 at 7:34 pm

So here it’s amazing how much all of our stories sound alike. I am 25 years old, and I have been with my husband for 3 years. We have only been married 1 and 4 months. We have a daughter that will be two in January. This past summer, we split up because he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore. This came after a big blowout because he had been coming home drunk at 2 in the morning after claiming to be at work. He was supposed to wake up that morning to watch our daughter, and I couldn’t get him to budge. It all went downhill from there.
I moved in with my parents, and moved on. I went back to college, kept working, and was a single mom (thankfully I had the help of my family). My husband is a good father, when he is actually home and sober, and he would get our daughter often. I hated being without her. After the first three months of being split up, we started working on things because he told me how much he loved me and that he was stupid for letting me go. That he was only himself around me, and he would do whatever it took to get me back. We worked on things for the last two months, and three weeks ago I moved back in with him because I love him and I felt like I owed myself and my daugther one more chance.
The first week was great. He cleaned the house, made the bed, took out the trash without me asking him to. I really thought, “WOW! I guess he has changed!” Yeah, that only lasted the first week. Last night he came home drunk out of his mind, not to mention he smokes weed too, and I am supposed to be okay with that. He doesn’t do it around our daugther, but when I came home from work today, I swear I smelled it in the bathroom like he had been smoking it in there. He always denies things like that. He doesn’t ever beat me, abuse me, call me names, or anything like that. But, I still feel as though I deserve better. I feel like I deserve a husband and father to my child to want to be home with his family. To not want to hang out with his friends all the time. I came home to a dirty house, the trash that I had specifically asked for him to take out twice was still sitting in the kitchen. I will be graduating from college in May, and I feel like I am trying to do things with my life, and he doesn’t care about anything but his friends, drinking, partying, playing the ps3. What do I do??


anonymous February 2, 2010 at 8:49 am

i desperately need some help..

My husband andi hae been having problems. we fight over the smallest things. We werent together long before i got pregnant with my firs son. My husband is in the military so weve mved away from m family and friends. Im pregnant again and we just cant seem to get along.

We went to our first couseling session and it went okay. I have given up a couple times of course for the moment and we have decided that maybe if i got back to school in my hometown that would be a nice time apart to see if that works for us because we are so young. he has been supportive when it comes to school but im scared that me leaving will drive him to cheat.

Hes a good father and itwill kill me to see my son apart from his daddy but is this the right thing to do?….its not for long…9 months and of course my husband and i will see eachother alot between that time.



Stone February 11, 2010 at 8:58 pm

Thank you so much for writing all the posts. Here’s my story.
My husband and I have been together 3 1/2 years. We definately have nothing in commonm and on top of that he is very OCD. I don’t think our relationship is bad enough that I should leave, but I think about it all the time. Now we have a son who’s a year and I don’t live in my home state. So If I leave I don’t know if legally I can ake my son. And not having full custody would not be an option. I think about “if I leave” and couldn’t bare taking my son away from my husband, because he’s a good father and it’s not fair to him. My husband makes me feel like a little pea sometimes. He’s always right, and usually is unfotunately. He is a neat freak, which is fine excpet he wants me to be too. He refuses to get joined accounts, and even bought me my own laptop so we wouldn’t have to share one. After many arguments about showing effection, besides sex, his view is that he shows his love by supporting us. Now I work full time, but don’t make even half what he makes so I cannot afford the big items in the house. And he claims that I just can’t save. Now there’s two to three things that replay in my mind and I don’t know if these are red flags or just me being unreasonable.
1. I moved with him to his home state, before we were married. He bought my wedding rings because I was to be quiting a jewlery store job and it was a great deal. I found out I was pregnant right after he bought our house. He still didn’t propose. We decided to elope for insurance reasons a week after the prego test. And he didn’t really ask me to marry him, he said well I guess I should give you these. p.s. no honeymoon “for financial reasons either”
2. He’s always got something to say about the house being out of order. Now mind you our house is middle class type and we keep it quite clean. ” I’ve compared!”
Now my dad was also a neat freak, so when you heard dad pulling in from work you jumped to clean. I find myself cleaning for ” my husband” to make him happy. He doesn’t really yell I just don’t want the argument or comments that I did nothing all day.
3. My husband will NOT cook, I mean, at all. His two days off, I work he won’t even pull something out of the freezer. This drives me nuts. It’s not that he;s lazy cause he’s not he’ll be doing yard work or what ever, but I feel so mad when he won’t cook.
4. We have nothing in common, than maybe a couple tv shows.
I’ve found myself liking what he likes cause” you are what you eat” sort of thing, but I remember liking to play board games, and rollerblading, and such. None of which he will tollerate. I even go to the shooting range with him.
Please help! I’m exhausted and don’t know what to do. I don’t think counceling will work cause we just don’t connect.


elisia February 14, 2010 at 2:45 pm

thank you for your story im only 26 and i have been married for 2 years now but i have had it. i never do anything right and nothing is ever good enough he never shows me he loves me he just ignores me im always crying i think im going to leave


bb February 27, 2010 at 2:38 am

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. Deep down I want to leave but don’t know what I would do. We just moved to a new state and I still haven’t been able to find a job. Even if I could afford to leave I couldn’t bear not being able to see my kids (3 yr old girl and 5 month old boy) every single day but I couldn’t file for full custody either because he is a good father and my girl loves him so much. She would hate me if I did that to her. Anyway he is not a good husband. He drinks a lot.. not everyday but nearly. Over a two day period this past week he drank a 1.75 of bourbon by himself. He always has to drink to get drunk. Everyday..and I mean everyday he tells me I am fat and worthless. He tells me he hates me and I am ugly. He always has something to b*tch about. If I’m having a bad day and try and talk to him or try and talk to him about something I am interested in he tells me to shut up and that he doesn’t care. I am so used to the emotional abuse that I find myself believing the stuff he says. I don’t have any family close and being in a new town and state I don’t have any friends around either. The thing that kills me is that my family loves him. I haven’t told a soul about any of this.. his drinking or the way he talks to me. I wonder what they would think if they knew. yet, there is something inside me that wont let me tell them. All of this has been going on for at least 2 years of our marriage. Just recently though he has started shoving me or the occasionally swatting on the head in the car followed by him telling me I’m stupid. Last night though, we were talking about something.. and I took it as just talking and he started to raise his voice. I got defensive saying I wasn’t trying to argue but just trying to explain. He started storming off and I followed and he turned around and slapped me across the face (while I was holding our 5 month old, who thankfully was asleep) He then went into a bedroom and slammed the door. I set our son down and opened the door and he punched me, knocking me to the floor and knocking the wind out of me. Now I really want to leave but still have all these things holding me back. I don’t know what to do.


Poppy August 16, 2010 at 4:00 am

I sincerely hope you have left him by now… You deserve so much better, even if it means being on your own with the kids.


same situation different person March 13, 2010 at 3:49 pm

wow… how sad is it that we are all feeling the same way? could it really be that we are the ones to blame? Is he right is it really my fault? My husband and i have been married for 12 years, i was 16 when i left with him, he was 17, we are hispanic, and as you know cultural background has a lot to do with his way of being and my way of just taking it… we have been together since i was 14 years old, i am turning 28 this year, we have a 10 yr old and a 5 yr old, girl and boy respectively… being that we were married so young, we have been through our ups and downs… he’s cheated many times, he’s hit me before, he used to drink, sell drugs, he was extremely controlling, i cheated on him once and he knew, and we forgave eachother,,,, shortly after we began going to church and it kinda worked… gosh it’s a very long i will try to sum it up a little… i feel we have both forgiven each other for our past mistakes, and we were good for a while, but then i started growing up, i started to become the woman that i was meant to be, i have given up many things to make him happy, singing, living, time with family…..i feel i have done everything i could to try transform myself to please him, asking for nothing i nreturn until jsut recently… and now that i realize how unhappy i am, i can’t seem to want to make it work anymore, i am exhausted…
he’s never been affectionate, and he’s always looked down his nose at me and my family… i never voiced my concerns or issues because i didn’t want to cause problems and feared he’s be mad at me…. for the past two years i have been cheating again, inorder to fill the void that he leaves… i know it is wrong, and that i am a dispicable person for doing it, but i am selfish….. I know i have to leave, but i am scared… although i have tried to end it with my husband twice in the past 2 years, because i know that i am so unhappy, he keeps convincing me to try it one more time… and me being the hopeful romantic keep coming back only to feel like crap again…

this morning he asked if i was comfortable with him..his way of asking if i am happy..u have to remember english is his second language…

that’s when i let him have it… i told him i didn’t know what i felt, i said i try everyday to make it work like i told him i would last time when i came back…i told him this time it would be forever that i would stop seeing our marriage as soemthing that i could jsut walk out on at any moment that i wanted to…and i have… i think…. we weren’t arguing or yelling or even talking roughly, it was calm and quiet and sincere…

i let him know that i feel tired of trying and that i think that our personalities clash so much…and I asked him to remember the first time (in along time) i left him almost 2 yrs ago after he totally dissed me after i broke my toe, and he said that he hated “the way i am , they way my family is and the way our son will be” (he was referring to my outgoing boisterous personality that my family and i share…which yes my son has) i told him that i was not going to change who i am, because that’s a part of me..and he said that he was sorry that he would change the way he is, and that he would accept me as i am… I asked him to remember what i told him “that i didn’t feel it was fair for me to ask him to change who he is, because I am asking him to accept me as i am…and that i knew that we can only change for a while because it’s all a charade…we eventually return to our original state”…i knew this because i have tried for so many years to be the kind of woman he wants me to be..quiet reserved, respectful, shy, the one that doesn’t care to relax or unwind after along day at work and only cares about having a clean house and pleasing her husband by keeping it clean at all times …. but come on….that’s not me…i am a strong willed woman, and yes i need to be able to rest when i get home…my house is not a pig stye(sp) it’s clean and i mop everyday? do i sweep every day, no i know i should but i dont…but hey i’m not a hoarder there isn’t junk all over the house…it’s clean…just not like he would like it i guess…

he said he thinks that we are both tired of eachother, because any little thing about me makes him mad at me… and inturn he says he takes it out in the bedroom, that’s to say that’s why he holds out on me… he said that when he is mad at me , all he can thin kabout is every sinlge little bad thing about me and that he doesn’t feel like he wants to have sex with me, he said that feeling that way makes him not want me… i told him i understand where he’s coming from becasue i’ve felt that way before too…

i told him i think that he is starting to resent me and that’s why he gets mad at me so easily for the smallest things… i told i think it’s because for the past 14 years i had never voiced my opinions or feelings or emotions, because i didn’t want to cause problems or fight with him, and ididn’t want him to get mad at me… and now that i have begun expressing myself and actually asking for what i feel i need to be happy in out marriage, he probably feels like i am attacking him…and because he feels he has tried to give me what i need emotionally, and that it’s not enough for me…but truth is, when he’s actually doing the things that i ask of him… It’s perfect! i am happy, but like i said before that only lasts for a few weeks, maybe months because that’s not who he is…..

I told him maybe i have to many expectations for him, that maybe i should forget some of them and not push it, so that he can feel better, but then i would be in this situation again in the future feeling like something is missing not only from my marriage but also my life…. I feel unhappy alot of the times… and maybe the doctor is right, i may be depressed, and i truly believe that if I am,,,it’s because of my marriage… I don’t even know if my expectaions and needs that i ask of him are even plausable… the things I ask of him are that He is more affectionate, that he tells me that i am pretty, that he intiate sex, that he intiate a hug or a kiss…that he have that desire towards me and that he shows it… i ask that he makes an effort to be apart of my parents brothers, aunts uncles, cousins etc. just as i have become a part of his… I ask him to take me on dates everyonce in awhile and make me feel special, by doing the above… for him to pretend that i am the most amazing woman that he has ever seen… and believe me I do these things for him I promise… I see him and i compliment him all the time… Itell him he’s hot, I praise him for accomplishments at work, He knows that he is wanted and desired… I go to all his family functions… like i said i have tried to change myself for him…but i always revert to being myself… there are times when he gives me a look or makes a comment about how i’m dumb or embarrasaing him for letting the hairdresser know that my son gets his thick hair from his daddy! i mean WTF! really!?

tell me the truth is what i ask of him too much?

i let him know that he has many good points and that if we ever split i would probably be alone for a while, becasue i know that i wouldn’t want to bring just anyone into my life… that I also know that his good points are very good points that I am thank ful for…and that I doubt i will find anyone else who will measure up to his good points…

his good points are the following:

he works very hard, makes good money, he has ambition to have nice things in life, nice house, nice cars. Work comes first!

He is a good provider (even though i pay for some of the bills and end up with very little money from every pay check, this in part is due to some credit cards i owe that he’s not aware

He is responsible, he knows the importance of me paying bills on time, he saves money(but he’s really hard with it, if i want to get take out on the weekend i have to pay for it, so i am left with even less money)

He loves the kids, duh huh? he cares enough to try to be a good dad… he trys to be affectionate…(that’s what gets me, he has to TRY to be affectionate even with them..his own flesh and blood…he says that i make him be nicer to them, but that it takes a lot for him to be able to be that way with them)

He doesn’t drink, smoke, party, but i would like it if he wouldn’t make me feel so bad for wanting to have a mixed drink everyonce in a while…he makes me feel like I look like a hoe, or a slut, or a bad person or an alcoholic if i even joke that i want a maragrita…or that i have a little wine everyonce in a while…

he takes care of himself he looks good, he works out…

He trys…

so why is that all not enough for me, why can’t i jsut be happy with his good points and forget the rest? why can’t i just settle for him trying everyonce in a while? why am i so unhappy if i have it all? what’s wrong with me ?… Am i being a spoiled brat to want to have it all?

is it wrong for me to want my parents or my brothers to come visit me at my house with out feeling un welcomed? My hubby literally hides in the bathroom or rushes in says a quick hello, and leaves as soon as he can… My oldest brother has never ever been to my new house… i’ve been here for almost 2 years… my parents have probably been here a total of 4 times, only once when my hubby was present… but how can i ask him to be more apart of my family if that’s just his personality??? one time his parents visited us and before they arrived he talked down at me and said that when they arrived we better go outside, that he didn’t want everyone inside… i was like whatever it’s your family… but i felt horrible… idk why he’s like that? but that’ who he is…

Who considers it a hassle to have sex with his wife? shouldn’t he wantto tell her how much he wants her, or that she’s sexy? why not make her feel wanted and desired? why would he physically push her away if she comes up to him for a hug or a kiss, or to grab his package because she wants him Right Now?

Am I really asking for too much?

I feel these things are important to me, but then i start to thing that I am being selfish, or silly or unrealistic…

I constantly feel like I have to readjust my personality to please him, I feel like there is something wrong with my personality, like I am a bad person… I feel like I have to be perfect in his eyes, but even then I can’t make him happy, I am never enough for him…
Like i am always watching my back, and what i say, what i do for fear that he may misinterpret it.

but i stay because, I am afraid to make the biggest mistake of my life, to lose the man that was meant for me… only because i couldn’t compromise, to be alone and never find anyone else to love me or put up with me, or that i will find nothing but bad men that don’t measure up to any of my standards… I am so scared of feeling hurt and sad…of feeling that pain in my chest.. I am scared of being hurt and hurting him and hurting my children,,,, although i know they are already hurting…they make comments about how daddy is mean to mommy and they like it when we break up and come back because he’s nice… they see more than i would imagine, and that kills me!!!!

Am i being unreasonable with my requests? should i jsut accept it and continue?

but he’s said that all he can see is the bad, he’s not sure what he wants either at this point, i think we are both afraid to be alone…so we stay together even though we aren’t truly happy…we are content, but not happy… we are used to our situation and would rather be in our comfort zone than go through the hassle of finding someone new, a divorce, and being so heartbroken….

he has no friends, his family isn’t the greatest support group, so it would be harder on him emotionally… and i take that into consideration…

but how much longer can i continue to live like this?

am i being dumb? am I living in a fairytale state of mind….

i know that there is no perfect man, so should i settle for what i have?

i’m sorry for writing a book, but typing this helps me put things into perspective…

i am just really scared of being without him, afraid of losing him, of being alone…but i don’t know if it’s becasue i am in love with him, or because he’s what i am used to… or like i said becasue i am scared of being alone and making the biggest mistake of my life and ruining it for me and my children and my husband… the thing is , i really don’t want to live like this, and really if i am cheating on him… how can i want to stay with him?

it’s becasue i am a selfish spoiled brat… and I deserve to be treated this way by him… idk…i know i sound stupid saying that and that i should say it, but sometimes that’s how i feel…

i will appreciate ur feed back…

he called me this morning after he left for work and asked if he should come back home after work, or leave to his mom’s house,,,i told him that he should come home so that we could continue talking about what we feel is the best decision, but really I know that He will never fully change, so he will never really give me what i need, and that i will never fully be happy, and inturn resent him and continue to feel and do as i have been up until now…

i asked him to make 2 lists…one lsiting the characteristics of his ideal woman, and one listing why he continues to be with me…i asked him to be totally honest and not write what he thinks i want to hear…

but what to do if i don’t see it ever getting better, he won’t change so i’ll end up miserable, and if i settle, i will still be miserable eventually…

but based on the above points… would you say i should jsut be grateful for the good in him and oversee my other wants and needs?

i am not asking you to amake a decision for me, but i would like to know your opinion, … is this a case of a woman overeaccting and being spoiled or a brat? If so, i need to really change my way of thinking…


Stormy March 16, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Wow. I can’t believe I just now found this site. I have been married for 15 years have 2 boy 12 and 13. My husband has always been very controlling. I have no idea why but I just learned how to live by the rules. When the rules were followed life was good. He can be very kind. Then BOOM when a rule isn’t followed or his leadership is challenged I suddenly become a worthless wh*re. I hang pictures and he comes home to tell me they look stupid there.

I quit work shortly after we were married to work for him. He calls me his partner but it’s really because he didn’t trust me not being with him. I have no freedom. If I want to go to the store he comes with me no matter what. My free time is when I stay with my kids.

He left us in a new home for 4 years while he worked out of town. During this time he would call constantly to remind me of where I could or couldn’t go. I would get yelled at for visiting my parents. I cried constantly. I was not allowed to have a job.

I finally met a man who enjoyed my company. I kept it hidden for 2 years. In this 2 years this man and I had a very strong relationship. We were always there for one another. He never really pressured me to leave, just suggested if I were so unhappy then leave.

My husband finally found out I cheated. That night he beat me in front of my kids. My youngest called the cops. Yet I would not press charges against my husband. My husband told me to leave. So I did with my kids. We didn’t get very far. My husband called begging us to come back. My kids were crying please go back. So I did. Since returning they get to listen to my husband tell them what an immoral person I am. And how worthless I really am. He took my phone. I have only hidden communication with friends, even less with my parents.

Yet I am soo afraid to leave that I just grow more and more tolerant to his actions. Once again I have learned to follow the rules and things are good. I wish I could just walk out and be free. I have no job, and nothing really. He has brioken me down so far I’m beginning to believe him. I worry as he says who would hire a 40 year old woman who has never had a real job? I can hear him now saying I told you so.

What’s wrong with me? Where do you all get the strength to walk away?


Chantel Buffalo March 18, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Hello. My name is Chantel. I am 25, a mother of four awesome children and I have been married for almost 3 years. Me and my husband have been together for nearly 11 years. But as of this day, I don’t know if I want to be with him anymore. He has hurt me in many ways that I feel I just ignore the fact he is even doing it. As recently as 2 months ago, I have had to call the police on him because he beat me up while he was drunk. Charges were layed. 2 weeks after the incident, he said he would quit drinking and he wanted to make things right between us, because he didn’t want to lose his family to drinking. Like the fool i am, i said ok, i wanted him to get well because i didn’t want our family to fall apart. For a while, things seem to go well. But it’s almost like he isn’t making an effort to change. Yes he is not drinking, but his attitude and verbal abuse remain the same. Everyday, morning to night, he asks me ridiculous questions like ” who did you have sex with” or ” are you having sex with your bosses at work” or ” who did you have sex with last year” or ” who did you have sex with 5 years ago” etc….. it just never ends. I always tell him everyday I’m not, because as a mother and wife I feel infedelity will only make you lose your dignity and change your family forever, which is why I never cheat. Yet he doesn’t believe me one bit. I have to put up with this bs everyday of my life and i just want to know when is it enough to just leave? I am depressed, I feel alone, I have no one to talk to because he doesn’t want me to see my friends. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only way out of this misery is if I just end my life, but I can’t because I love my kids too much.


B March 21, 2010 at 9:48 pm

Ive been married 5yrs now and we havent been having a very good couple of yrs. When he got hurt at his ex-job is when everything went down hill. He wants to be in High School again and wishes he was. He hangs with his friends when he can, he has already cheated on me (i only know of one time cuz i found the video) and searched for others to met up with. I know he loves me and our 2grls, but he is not who i married. We just found out he is Bipolar. and for the past 3yrs i have been putting up with verbal and emoitional abuse, the same for the grls. the littliest thing makes him crack.He cant work so im the only one. He gives away our money and right now im tryin to find out and we are staying with his mom and step dad. I want to live him becuase i believe in my heart it wld be the best thing for me and the grls, but i also feel so stuck. Because i have no where to go with my grls if i leave him and he as threatend me to take the grls away from me, and has threaten to hit me a number of times before. I am scared and not really happy ne more, i feel like i have lost myself. So i bing a search and this site was on top. I was wondering if ne one had ne advise. Now i will right i am not perfect and i know i dont help the situation when he calls it nagging or B***ing, but i have been there and forgiven for the cheating, takeing all our money, for disappearing for weeks on end with our car and all our money. but i guess im scared cuz i dont want to end up like my dad who is divorced-drunk-lonely….I know i have my grls and im pretty much already a single mom cuz he wont really help with the grls. I love him with all my heart but i feel so lost. its not that the love is gone, but that im drained from all the stress please send me some advise


aisha April 22, 2010 at 4:04 pm

I am ready to leave my marriage but do not have the means or way to do it unless someone sends me $5000 dollars or so to do it. My children are the most important part of my life. A bad marriage cannot compare. I am still praying my way out.
By the way I use to pray for my marriage to be better but it has gotten worse so now I am praying the opposite.I AM DONE! FOR REAL!


Tola April 23, 2010 at 10:41 am

I’m really saddened by the large number of stories of abuse, I feel ashamed of myself. I have the kindest, husband, who loves his kids so much… and yet I want to leave him NOW. We’ve been married 15 year and for 13 out of these years I have been the family breadwinner. He lost his job and just never got back on track again. At first I did’nt mind because I thought it would be tmporary, he kept talking about all his great plans. I tried nudginghim toward opportunities but he was always so resistant so I felt that I should lay off and not be pushy. Since he was such a good father – and everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am I thought I should count my blessings. The problem is that I still carry most of the responsibility for running the household: preparing meals, cleaning, etc. He will help out once in a while but just as a fvaor. I feel that this imbalance is killing me slowly. I’m often too tired or cranky to spend time with the kids, I am to tired for any kind of intimacy, and my work is also suffering because I’m always running home to cook, pick up the kids from school… I just can’t talk to him and I feel like his having a nice ride – kids are happy with him and he does not have to worry about finances. He keeps telling me: “you’re always good with the budget so I’ll let you worry about that.” I sometimes try to hint that we are getting low on cash but he does not get it, he knows that I’ll always figure out a way to find the money we need. I feel like I don’t like him anymore, he is not affectionate – except when he reaches out his hand to grab me the moment I plonk into bed exhausted! I often cry alone, I just want to leave, but I feel so selfish. I’m I too selfish to see things from his perspective?


how many chances? April 29, 2010 at 7:16 pm

I just spent an hour reading all these comments. It made me sad, strong, determined and forgiving.
Just what I needed, more input!
I have been married for almost 9 years, have two kids, ages 6 & 8. I take care of everything. I home school, I grocery shop, I pay all the bills, I clean, I babysit other kids for income, & my income I currently get is allowing us to survive. I am also building on other ideas, as my income is not a permanent situation and could be cut dramatically or gone in a months notice.
My husband has been unemployed for 2 years now. Due to the job I have, I have provided him with work over the past two years, as has most of my family. He collected unemployment until it finally dried up this past week. He has overdrawn our bank account so many times, I closed it and opened up my own. He continued to overdraw his own account & finally closed it. He spends easily 5 days a week fishing at some point in the day. He is gone anywhere from 6-10 hours every day anyhow. He stopped looking for work, except through craigslist.
He smokes weed like its going out of style- don’t get me wrong, I indulge as well, but I don’t spend money we don’t have on it. I don’t yell & freak out because there is none. I don’t use it as an excuse for treating people badly.
He does. He actually uses ANY excuse for his behavior, rather than take the responsibility. Too much coffee, the place we live, his dad…etc.
When I asked him to not smoke weed around my mom, because it always causes tension, he either acts like a complete ass to me the rest of the day, takes off and gets stoned anyway, or he calls me a “Buzzkill Bitch”
He yells EVERY MORNING at the computer, the dogs, the cats. He constatntly is muttering under his breath in frustration, ” I swear” being his fave. He screams and yells at other drivers, even tailgating them with his family in the car to “teach them a lesson”. He screams & yelled once in the parking lot of a big store because the windshield wipers he bought we not the right size. He rants about how nothing ever works out for him in this life. He IS that person who acts so irrationally at the everyday things that everyone has to deal with.
He shows me no affection at all, until its night and he asks if he should “lock the door”. Or inappropriatly grabs me , which i HATE and have stated that fact MANY MANY MANY times.
He started counseling for ADD, a few years back after he lost it totally. I found him ranting and raving for over ten minutes under our house, all because a form he tried to fill out online didn’t work. Screaming, yelling, cursing ranting. Self bashing, society bashing- it was crazy. The counseling lasted a few months, then he decided not to go. I’ve told him he needs to go to anger management or he can’t live here with us. Of course, we have no money for any sort of counseling. I love the mornings when he is gone and we can spend the morning in peace. I hate the tension that walks in with him through the door. He thinks he is the happiest person he knows, yet everyone around us asks me why he’s so angry.
So, I asked my kids how they felt when Daddy was yelling at the computer/dog/other drivers, etc. One told me “Bad.” the other told me, “Scared.”
Thats enough for me. I am going to ask for a 30 day separation, with him able to live at my family’s house nearby. I actually told him I wanted him to leave a week ago. Obviously he didn’t understand, because he came home that night.
I have been ignoring for a few weeks now. I answer when I have to, but I no longer make any concessions for him. His laundry got done today by accident. I woke up to a note this morning that said that he wanted me to forgive him, that he loves and needs me. Funny thing is…. He DOES need me. To pay his bills, raise our children, keep him fed & with cash flow.


question August 4, 2010 at 4:29 pm

I hear you on that one. Mine works with his own business but it’s spinning wheels. One day an awesome client and $, the next day the client leaves and all the $ is gone. How can one live like that with a child? But never fear, the “old lady’ is here to pay the mortgage, bills, food, doctors, benefits, using her car even thoug she begged him not to because high miles and no money = no other car if it breaks, spend, spend, spend on useless crap and then the ultimate whining of “I never get to do X”.

I’ve seen lawyers and they said the new trend with men are ones who let their women do EVERYTHING while they coast and bring the family down. Addictions, tempers, controlling, whining, etc. We marry these bratty teenagers who get no reprocutions for their actions. What are we going to do? Kick them out? Its’ called marriage–courts say you can’t kick him out unless he beats the crap out of you. So he gets power and 50% of your stuff and drags out the divorce process. And in the end, you get 20% of child support. But you know, when he makes SQUAT, 20% winds up to be $200 a month. Hmm childcare is $1,200 a month.

We need to give people strength to drop these losers from the get go. I can’t say I regret the relationship 100% because I have a wonderful, beautiful, amazing child, which will probably be my only child thanks to me wasting time with the loser for this long. I saw the problems from the get go. I was never taught about MY priorities and MY wants for a stable future. I was taught grab any guy who loves you before you’re too old to have children. Well, it’s been 10 years of getting screamed at, broke, debt, no help around the house, barely help with the child, half ass help with the child, and contstant unhappiness and stress. Now I’m pushing 40. What man out there is going to be a non-baggage, no addictions, no debt, no temper, no controlling, and love me and my son above the world? I dont’ have much hope but then again, I would like some stability and less stress in my life. So if I’m alone, so be it. At least I know I did everything possible to get our son what he needs instead of getting myself a PS3 over his braces.


Anonymous May 8, 2010 at 11:46 pm

I found this blog and comments very interesting . I have been married for almost 10 years now to a man that everyone loves. Seriously, he is just the nicest guy on the surface to everyone else, totally emotionally cold and distant with me. Someone mentioned the way your husband saw his father treat his mother is the way he learned how to treat women.. and oh my gosh, that could not be more truthful. My father in law is also a very “nice” person, married to a totally crazy, manipulative, personality-disordered woman. My husband learned at a young age that women cannot be trusted, that you have to put up with them, but emotionally just completely check out. He watched his parents (who are VERY religious, very showy with their religion) act like everything was wonderful, then sleep in separate rooms, barely talk, and for years he was convinced his mother was having an affair. His father, though, refused to even listen (it was with the pastor, it has basically been confirmed, though my in laws still act like they have no idea what anyone is talking about). So, my husband learned to completely emotionally check out at the first sign of conflict. I am NOT crazy, like his mother, have never had an affair or anything remotely resembling an affiar, yet he acts like and treats me like I cannot be trusted. If I cry, he barely noticed or tunes in. He says just enough to placate me when we disagree, but does nothing to change. I compltely think he can’t stand me, there is this resentment that simmers in him, but again, due to the upbringing he will never bring it up. We have two children, one with severe special needs. I quit my job and devoted my entire life to her. Nothing I did was ever good enough. He actually told me that if you could “hire” wives then he would fire me since the house wasnt clean enough to his liking. Things became abundantly clear that, even though I was running myself ragged taking care of the house, the kids, and coordinating the full time care my daughter needs, he would never respect me if I didnt get a job again (he is very into money, and with the economy and our daughters medical bills, money has been tighter than before). I got a job recently, which has been very rough on me as I have been out of work for 8 years now and was rough on our 2 year old since he goes to full time daycare now. When I got it, we had a very long talk about him helping out more, even a little, as I have doen EVERYTHING with the house previously. I took the job and NOTHING has changed. He complains about the house, doesn’t lift a finger to help with the kids. He tells me he is unhappy with his life so on the weekends he is horrible. Constantly wanting to go out and do things to the insane point where we are all run ragged. Again, our daughter has severe needs, there are certain things we just can’t do sometimes. He will be furious over it and always ends up leaving to be with his friends because “its’ his weekend and he never gets a break” Of course, I never get a weekend or a break at all, but if I bring that up he acts like I don’t exist and he can’t hear me. He comments that our daughter has “ruined his life”. I try to tell him, she can’t help the way she is, we just need to adjust our life, it’s ok, but he just…can’t. or won’t. I have realized that he is horribly self centered. He is so much this way, that I almost wonder if there is something wrong with him or if he just hates me . I can be exhausted, crying, overwhelmed and he will literally roll his eyes and ignore me. My grandmother died and I was crying and upset and he said to me “seriously? I mean, you didn’t even like her that much sometimes” good god, she was my grandmother!! Of course I loved her. She was difficult sometimes, but she is my family and now she is gone. I honestly can’t figure out if he is just compltely clueless or honestly just can’t stand me. I am so sick of feeling like and getting the message that the kids and I are “ruining his life” Oddly enough, his ssister is going through the exact same thing, saying she’s sick of being married and that her 4 year old (who is an angel child, ridiculously well behaved) “ruined her life” and if it werent for him she would be a photographer in Paris (yeah right, she was a nurse in Tulsa before she had her son). I had a back problem (severe sprain from lifting and carrying my daughter who was hospitalized earlier in the month and is 55 pounds) over Christmas and had to go to an urgent care center on Christmas Day as the pain was so bad. He actually said to me “Oh my god, you completely ruined Christmas, I cannot believe this!” I had a kidney infection one time earlier in our marriage and we had to cancel plans as I had to go to the hospital. Then again, he siad the same thing “you ruined our night, I cannot believe you!” I am not a hypochondriac, I am a tough person 99.9% of the time, but these were two big time medical issues , but NO, I RUINED HIS day with it.
Here is my thing: I am very worried about leaving him. I am wiling to try counseling but he is totally against it and makes me feel guilty because its expensive. He is an attorney and has basically told me if I try to leave him, he will destroy me. (he denies saying this now). I am afraid he will take everything, including the kids, even though he has NO idea how to care for our kids, especially our daughter (and zero initiative to learn). I am so tired of feeling like a burden to him and getting ZERO emotional response. He also never initiates sex anymore, then gets completely frustrated and says “you never want to have sex!” I point out, that he never tries to, is always emotinoally cold and detached, and distant all the time and he seems to make zero connection to how that would affect our sex life. Sadly, I realize that he was somewhat like this when we were dating, but I married pretty young and was very indepedent. I expected very little from him in the responsibility department, but obviously with our daughter’s needs, and with getting older, building a life and home, our life has gotten more complicated and he still acts like a freaking child. Honestly, I am miserable. I cannot understand how someone who claims to still love their wife can sit there completely stone faced while she cries and begs for him to talk about his feelings or respond in any way and he just feels nothing. I am so sad that he treats me like I am just his little wife who should be home cleaning and catering to his whims, but who is also a mooch (the way he treated me before I got a job). Everyone I know comments that I am the busiest person with all I do for the kids, working, I am back in school now part time, yet nothing is good enough for him. He also does weird stuff like gets mad at me for not wanting to run to the store late at night because its 11 pm and there is crime in our area. We also had a string of home invasions and even a serial killer in the area for a while targeting women and he was completely unconcerned, telling me I was being stupid, refusing to get an alarm system. to me, this safety stuff equals just not caring. I want him to worry about me and the kids and want to “protect” us, even though I consider myself an independent woman, sadly woman are targeted for crimes. He just totally doesn’t care. like at all. I honestly think if I died he would be sad because he was “supposed” to be or something.

ugh. I have not made the decision to leave him, as truthfully, I am very worried about the logistics and that he would truly take everything. I really really don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling this way though 🙁


gm July 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Wow, didn’t expect the spell would work so fast. it has only been 4 days since cast a love spell and my lover has been with me, we have been together, our love is now strong again
G. M.


Sandi S. May 17, 2010 at 3:33 pm

I’ve been reading all the posts and can see myself so often. This is my 2nd marriage and we’ve been together 40 years so I’m no kid. I have wanted to leave for years and did 8 years ago but he followed and begged to be taken back and I did. He is an alcoholic who’s been in rehab twice but refuses to believe he’s not in control of it. He smokes heavily and my DR told him he can’t smoke around me because of my health. He says that’s too bad because he won’t stop and won’t let me have an air purifier going because they’re too noisy. He was hurt on the job years ago but refused to take worker’s comp because he could bounce back. By the time he admitted he couldn’t it was too late. All he wants to do is sit, watch tv, fix things for anyone who asks but me because I only buy junk, and have 8-14 cats in the house. They all won’t use the litter box and I am sick of cleaning up so the grandkids can come over and even then the 2 yr old still finds piles I missed. I can’t have company so the computer is my lifeline. He won’t go anywhere either and thinks buying me anything but candy bars at the gas station is excessive because 20 years ago I returned a gift he gave me.
If I don’t leave I will do something drastic and that scares me. But, I have such a tiny social security check I can’t afford to. Was mostly a stay at home Mom so my check is based on his income and he filed as soon as he turned 62 so I get hardly nothing and he expects me to pay for my prescriptions and anything else I need out of it since we have no insurance coverage till we’re 65.
I want out, I don’t have anyone to help me get out, I have a place to go but it’s in another state. So, don’t wait for things to change like I did. DH 2 keeps telling me I am a failure in life because my 1st left me and now I just want to sit and cry all the time. We tried counseling and he quit when the counselor told him that he was the one who needed to change because of his bad habits and the way he treated me. He is never wrong he says. I can find all kinds of advice on why I should stay or leave, why marriage is important but even my pastor says I am too old to leave now so just be quiet and compliant and in my room. That way I won’t have to talk to him. Why should I be a prisoner? I want out!!


LostInTexas July 12, 2010 at 9:35 am

I am a 26yr old mother of 2. A 3yr old and a 15mth old. I have been in my relationship for 6 and a half years now and im at my wits end. I moved from the city to live with him. I left my friends and family and everything ive even grown to know and love behind. He says he loves me and would die without me but when we are together, he makes me feel like a paid whore. He is never home. He blames it on work. He always has excuses to hang out with the guys. I had my suspicions about him since the beginning of the relationship and I always thought that if i caught him cheating that I would leave. But i didnt. I stayed and it kept going on. I knew his every move. I started to check his phone bills and called on the numbers that i didnt know and as i suspected…they were numbers of other women. I somehow let him manipulate me into thinking that it was ok what he was doing. That he only loved me but that he just needed a snack on the side he would say. It even got to a point where i just let him be with other women while me knowing about it. This isnt who I am. Ive let him tare me down to a point where i just dont feel like fighting with him anymore. I dont see my family much because im tired of fighting with him when i get home from my hour and a half drive and hes going to sit there and accuse me of being with other men because im too tired to have relations with him. He never has time for us. The kids and I. He always has something more important to do. He has never changed a pamper, never made a bottle, never taken either of our children to their drs appts. Never made it a point to attend family functions with my family. He never does anything for anyone unless he gets something out of it. Not one gift for a birthday. Not one gift for a mothers day. Not one gift for xmas….for the kids of course, but not for me. He says that they are just another day gone by. I cant live like this anymore. I was never this person. I was intense about every thing I did, and this intensity inspired people around me. It use to b clear that I cared deeply about others. I use to make everyone feel like they’re my best friend. And now, i dont even feel like even going to the store for some milk. Please help me. What should I do?


AngryInATL July 14, 2010 at 9:34 am

LostInTexas reminded me of myself! I came across this site by accident, i think, but what a wake up call for me! I am in an ambivelent relationship, where I am just waiting for him to mess up one more time so I can leave! He is a wonderful man and a great father to our 2 boys, but like so many of you have said before- not a great husband! He works out of town for 4 days, then is at home for 4 days! this may sound great, when in reality, this has totally been the downfall of our relationship! Every time he leaves I feel abandoned, every time he returns I feel angry that he left! (maybe it’s just me and my issues or the infidelity issues). I managed the household and the children when he’s here and when he’s away and now I feel like I could do this without having all the emotions involved.
In many ways I have blamed myself for his non chalant attitude about life and about doing the things that most men would do and not allow their wife to do, because I am a strong woman and if something needs to be done- I just do it! But honestly, I’m tired of doing everything when there is another partner involved! Don’t get me wrong- I know if there was no one else to depend on, I would just do what needed to be done, but there is an expectation that if there is a partnership one person should NOT be doing all the work!
So here I sit, pondering, waiting on the fence, trying to make this decision and it eats me up inside! I’ve lost my respect for him, I’ve lost my desire to want to be with him and most importantly in all of this, I feel like I’ve lost MYSELF! I can’t go on like this for another 15 years…waiting…wanting more….putting my needs last on the list! I just need the will and encouragement to step out, move on, get off the fence, with my boys! Please help!


Sam August 7, 2010 at 3:46 pm

hello…I just found your blog. right now i sit here in this apartment, which certainly is not a home. I’m 23 and have been with “J” for 5 1/2 years; we have 2 kids (twins, 3 y/o). He recently told me he thinks he cheated on me but isn’t sure. He told me this because he didn’t want to have caught something from this girl; he said he was drunk and doesn’t really remember. After he told me this, I was embarrassed…sad…felt betrayed. He thinks I should just get over and that it would have been better if he had not told me at all. I’ve always loved him…and I keep thinking things will get better but they only get worse. Then he lies…to me a lie is a lie…to him a lie, or what he calls a white lie…is a joke. If i bust him in a lie he says ” I was joking, can’t you take a joke?” Then he turns things around and makes it seem as if though i did something bad. He too is an amazing dad and he helps me out around this place, cleans, sweeps, mops. But he’s pretty cold to me; he treats his friends better than he does me. I’m addicted to him. This is not a healthy relationship and I don’t know how to get out. My mom has told me that if im not happy i can go back home. But the thing is, things between my parents aren’t that great either. I don’t want to take my kids from here and then for them to see my parents arguing as well. I have a job but I certainly can’t make it on my own.


joy&pain August 12, 2010 at 4:24 am

I understand what your goin thru far as being so attached to a person u don’t know how to leave I will pray for you please pray for me we will get the strength and courage to leave the one who don’t love us back


joy&pain August 12, 2010 at 4:08 am

My husband and I been married 2 years we been together five years he call me names and make fun of my infertility on top of all that he once stabbed me and hits me when he feel like it he is always cheating when I try to leave he threaten me and my love ones then he tell me if I leave I’m not a Christian can some1 please tell me how to handle this animal I hurt so bad I’m tired of crying


joy&pain August 12, 2010 at 4:13 am

U can email me at prayers and advice will be appreciated


Kris August 23, 2010 at 12:52 pm

My son’s father and I were never married. We were a couple on and off for about ten years. During one of our “offs” he got married. I found out three years later, when he didn’t come home one night. I laid in bed with our six-month-old son and mustered up all the anger and strength necessary to leave.
I went back to work, got a daycare subsidy, and made ends meet with credit cards.
Another three years later, I’m almost debt-free ($6500 to go) and I have a fantastic sweetheart who adores me and treats me right. My baby is four and starts kindergarten in Sept. He sees his dad every weekend. Life is good.


Keratosis August 28, 2010 at 5:48 am

I was wondering if anyone could please tell me any experiences they’ve had with divorce?How stressful is a divorce for both parties?What is involved? and how do you help a friend who is just beginning the divorce process???


chatterbox37 September 13, 2010 at 8:19 am

“o here I sit, pondering, waiting on the fence, trying to make this decision and it eats me up inside! I’ve lost my respect for him, I’ve lost my desire to want to be with him and most importantly in all of this, I feel like I’ve lost MYSELF!” — I wrote almost these exact words about a week ago. I did leave, more to the point, I kicked him out — it took me 5 years to make the decision – don’t wait that long. I live overseas so have a very large ocean between us. When you lose yourself and respect for yourself, it reflects in how your children treat you — the watch, they see how Daddy (or Mummy) treat the other parent and no matter what age, they know. My daughter started treating and speaking to me in the same way. That was the turning point. No matter how bad things get ‘on my own’ (it certainly isn’t beer and skittles) – I remember how difficult they were. My self respect is worth more than that.


nikki October 9, 2010 at 5:54 pm

ive been married 13 years and together nearly 18, more than half my life, have 3 kids and he loves them. he was principled, faithful loving and caring. He now has no hobbies, doesnt meet up with his old friends, is away at work most of the week, and we last had sex more than 2 years ago and about 3 years before that. CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND THE KIDS CAN SEE IT AND i CANT STOP CRYING OR LOSING MY TEMPER. i DREAD HIM COMING HOME i LOVE IT WHEN HES AWAY, BUT THE THREE KIDS ARE ONLY 9 6 AND 4 AND THEY LOVE THEIR DADDY weve done therapy when it got to sex he cancelled the appts. I dont know what to do


DD November 3, 2010 at 2:20 pm

I have been married for 3 yrs. & together for 14 yrs altogether. We 1 child together but I others from previous relationship. Financial issues are a great deal of our problems then there is infidelity on both parts now. I left once before only to come back for our son who missed his dad. I felt terrible because it hurt him so much. We tried counseling but that didn’t work. I am not able to trust him any longer. The same things are still occurring that made me leave the first time. I began to see someone outside of our marriage that make me feel like a person again. They are very encouraging and even has me following my faith in God again. My husband on the other is constantly dipping into the illegal lifestyle I thought he left behind before we were married. I refuse to stay and keep my son in this but, what can I do? I don’t currently have a job due to some health issues, however I am in school working towards a career. Can anyone give me some advise?


k November 14, 2010 at 5:34 pm

I am a little bit older than most of these woman on this site that in itself
is scarry to think at 62 I am still in my situation after 41 years of marriage
My husband is ex-drinker althou he still has the same personality as he
had while he drank heavy for 26years and he is a bully. We cannot have
a disagreement without him yelling and screaming and calling me foul names
If I challange on anything he says he goes ballistic and gets completely
out of control over something that most people would blow off I should
have known what my life would like when a few months into the marriage
he tried to choke me because Iwanted to go someplace with him and he
did not want to take me. HE convinced me I asked for it because I asked
to go Went on to have 2 children they are grown and out of house When
youngest one left husband begged me to sign papers I would never leave
I refused he was afraid I would leave after the youngest left I had a low
paying job and all my money was spent on the extras so I had no means
to leave nowhere to go no family to help
I am sure I willbe here until I die sometimes I ask God to give me a few more extra years than my husband so I can know what happiness is


kelly January 25, 2011 at 11:25 pm

I have been with my partner for about 11 years, we have a 10yo and a 6 yo, I dont know what to do. I dont want to make it sound like I get physically abused but when I try to explain it that is how it comes out. He has never punched me but has at times pushed me and throws things at me. It only happens rarely but I am constantly getting called names. We always argue, I dont think I am happy, I dont know. I dont want to have sex with him, when I have gone away with the kids and he hasnt come Im happy cause I know there will be no problems. the last fight was we were out, at 11pm I said i wanted to go and he could stay if he wanted, he decided to come. as soon as we get in the car he is cracking it calling me all sorts of names, when we get home I put the kids into bed with me and he comes in and throws all the stuff on the dressing table across the room, is yelling abuse at me in front of the kids, I think he threw a few things at me I cant remember. This went on for about 20 mins before he left the room. the next day he apologised for what he did and said but said I provoke him, I know it will happen again cause it has happened before, but I dont know what to do, is this normal, does everyone fight like this. I dont know if I am over exagiting or if is not normal, he says everyone fights and I want to live in a wonderland, can someone please give me soome advice. Thanks


Maya February 2, 2011 at 5:26 am

Here it goes. After reading this website I decided that I need to get ready for the day when I can not take it anymore. I am still studying for my degree, ineed to finish it so i can get a job, i need to save some money for airplane tickets for me and my 7 month baby , and some money in case i need to pay a lawyer , i know my husband wold do anything to take my baby away. Many times a thought about leaving him, even before we had our baby, but now i can not take it anymore
, he harasses me everyday, insulting me, treating me worse that nothing , controlling everything I do, deciding even what i should wear, nothing i do is enough for him, calling me stupid for anything, he always says he is doing all the hard work and that me i get to stay all day at home in pyjamas( he does not realize i stay in pyjamas because i dont even have time to take a shower, let alone eating or changing my clothes), didn’t let me get a driving license( we live in a remote place so you ca not do anything without a car) telling me not to talk to people, and that “friends are bad”. man, thank God he was out of the country for a week and had time to clear my mind, i was like brainwashed. What tipped me off is that i realized that i can not stand him treating me like that in front of my son. We had so many fights, many of them i had my son in my arms,me crying, while he was pushing me and insulting me. I now discovered that he is hiding things from me, like how much he is getting paid, that he has savings he never told me about. he always says that when i will work he will take all my money. But now i know what to do, he doean;t know what’s waiting for him. But i need to plan everything without him knowing. I want my son to live in a clean environment without fights, screaming and insults. I was so happy these few days I could do what i want when i want and just for once sitting on the couch watching a movie, becasue me too i experienced what one of the prevoius posters said: everytime i hear him coming when i hear the keys in the lock i get up if iam relaxing on the sofa, hiding the book i have or closing down the messenger in case i talk to my friend from my country.


Maya February 2, 2011 at 5:55 am

Dear Just me

What are you waiting for? just leve him!!1 For God sakes you let a completely stranger set you apart from your children who are yoyr flesh and blood. Please do something , it’s time to say goodbye.

I wish u luck


undecided February 8, 2011 at 6:06 am

Do any of you find yourself excusing his behaviour, feeling guilty that you think of leaving him?after a fight for example, i think ‘oh he;s not that bad, he’s a good guy really’, even though he spat in my face. i cant escape the fact that i always argue back when he picks a fight, or that the things i say are really awful sometimes when im really upset. does this make me fair, or does it mean i have no self respect?


undecided February 8, 2011 at 6:08 am

ps my five year old girl has to ask us not to fight…for christmas she asked santa that her mummy and daddy would be nice to each other.what a mess.


Robin March 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

I always said it you didn’t have an opion you don’t have a brain. There always be arguments. It depends on how you both handle it. It sounds like you love your husband and want to keep your family together. I don’t blame you.. me too..
It is our dream our whole life. The princess and prince fairytale you know what I mean.
Money has been difficult for all of us. Men get upset when we spend money at christmas time. After all they are the ones reality speaking, paying the horrific bills. We just want to see the little ones have the best christmas ever. We want them to have those wonderful memories. The fairytale christmas that we
all dreamed of having. REALITY
Our babies just want us all to be happy. One of there favorite presents is more than likely all they want. A nice dinner on the table and a family together is worth more than suffering with those large bills.
What has happened in our society is horrible. Love should be what lifts us.
A christmas movie with popcorn in our living room. A popcorn ball if you want to do it up. Some gingerbread cookies and a smile of love.
No stress on daddy. Only love and hope for a great year with less to worry about. After all isn’t it worry that can kill us. What good is that.

A family that stays together and works on being in love all over again is where you need to go. If you out way leaving or trying to compromise differences and look at there side of things maybe we would have marriages instead of so many unhappy divorces.
You got married for a reason. It is not to be taken lightly. YOU need to face the problems not run away from them. YOU promised for better for worse sickness and in health till death do you part.

Find him and find you and start over. Let love lead you .
Light a candle and bake a cake. Bring your family together and don’t walk away.


Robin March 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

K ONE more thing. If you change men you change problems. So fix what you have not what your going to find will be the same problems later. A father you have is better for your family than a step father that is not daddy. Daddy on weekends
is not what this world needs. It is taking marriage lightly. It should not be taken lightly. It has to be worked on. After all nothing great comes easy!!
A family that prays together stays together. Another words get love back into your relationship. God is love.

Set up a date night with your husband. Just the two of you for a date.
If the money is tight. Give him time to save up some money. Give him a month or so. Our send kids to Aunts and light a candle and put on soft music. Make a candle light dinner and put satan sheets on your bed. Have some of your special wine . Don’t give up you will see that he married you too. He doesn’t want to loose you or let life get in the way of what you too had from the very beginning…Let love lead you. love love love Robin


confused June 8, 2011 at 2:16 am

just stumbled on this do not believe in accidents like this. I have prayed for 7 years this month for God to restore some passion or love in my marriage, change me if he won’t change, stop allowing him to rip our spirit apart, degrade our 10 year old grandson we have had since birth, take no responsibility. Since he left the Lord 7 years ago, he has crippled hands, smokes 2 packs a day with only 1 1/2 for lungs, doesn’t shower regularly, won’t put his teeth in. Spits anger and hateful things out of his mouth, controlling spirit runs him, makes good money so what. God is the onewho gave him the job. i don’t understand how the Lord lets him treat us like this, my son passed away at 14 5 years ago, i got yelled at beacuse i stayed at the viewing to long, showing the love of jesus as my son layed in a coffin in front. i do believe in forgiveness, Godhas broughtme out of depression and drug abuse, but i struggle every day and my walk has struggled because what I have allowed him to do to me, i do take responsibility. I pray all day long, I cry to the Lord, I donot think i can handle much more, he never gives us more than we can handle, but our we really suppose to stay in a relationship that is breaking the spirit of a christian schooled,a nd raised (every other week when he is not home) child Confusionisn ot of God, but I don’t think thismarriage is either, he says it might take 10 more years for him to comeback. There isno communication, we can’t even agree to disagree anymore. He was on Paxil when i met him, than Jesus andnow just him, I have seen the pattern, Only God knows if change is sincere or not,


Fence Sitter March 9, 2011 at 9:01 am

It’s the fence-sitting that is making me CRAZY. Every single day, I decide to leave, then the next day, I decide to stay. I’m 43 with 3 kids. I don’t want to be alone. I love my husband. He doesn’t love me very much. He’s angry all the time and avoids me.
I am a strong ‘alpha-female’. So how did I get so pathetic? Making excuses, hoping for a little crumb…
I’m so terrified for our children – will I be able to manage on my own? If we split up, their father will be very far away.
I just want things to be ‘normal’. But I can’t control how he behaves. I’m so lonely, and so exhausted from trying on my own…
-Married to a ‘turn-arounder’


Crumb catcher April 24, 2011 at 8:58 am

Hi there,
Your fence sitter entry,was what made me reply. I know how you feel, my husband decided to sell our home last year and decided solely that he deserved a break… As he had worked sooo hard, (which I never disputed, as he was a harder worker …. as the same as every other person!!) But he is only 40 and where was our money going to come from to support us and our children.
So we sold our dream home of 5 bedroom 3 bathroom that he built with hes own hands paid all our debts which left us with nothing but a small holiday… And moved into my mothers with husband, 2 kids and 2 dogs in tow.
that only lasted 1 week…. Because my mother could see how he treated me.
Controlling, no emotional support or help with so called womans work!!!
And he moved out, we have lived separate and seen each other for 7 months now, me thinking it was just a mother inlaw and husband argument…
But now I have secured a rental, little kids in care and now a casual job… He still wont move in with me… And feeds me crumbs… gives me a kiss hello and goodbye… small things like that just keep me hanging in there. I was brought up in a loving family where my father would do everything possible to make my life better….
My husband has been diagnosed with depression for several months now, so this is the reason for my tolerance…
So why do we stay in relationships where we are given no respect, no affection, no empathy or even friendship …. Who knows… But I live like a single mum… And fed crumbs… I wont lie, its bloody hard.. My kids are 4 and 2.. they love their dad very much, but they adapt very quickly if mum is happy

If I can do it… Anyone can do it..
My decision is do i need to stay with a man , who doesnt live with me, support me.. Or is it hes depression and wait for him to find hes way back.
Goodluck with the future and surround yourself with people who love you then you wont have time to be lonely xx


Amy March 14, 2011 at 11:45 pm

Been married 43 years, and I should have left my husband about 35 years ago. But I didn’t because I suppose I was young and scared. The reason I should have left him is he just decided not to sex with me. So he just stopped and I was told that he didn’t want kids either. Since that day 30 or so years ago have been terrible. I’ve been depressed, lonely, and upset. I’ve gained weight and now not attractive to any other men. Some days I just cry all day and my husband won’t deal with my emotions.


UnprettyMarie March 29, 2011 at 2:50 am

Im 25 yrs old Filipina.I got married last feb 24. now im 4 months pregnant and my husband left me here in UAE for “vacation” back in the Philippines. I thought just a vacation. I found out he and her long time gf are together again with their 6 yr old son. He left me here with no one. he told me he love them more than me and my baby. I went here in Uae because of him..because we planned for a family..good family together. 🙁 but definitely it wont happen anymore,He has no plans anymore of going back here bec. his so called wife wont allow him and he didnt want to spent his life with me. I am so depressed that I have no one here ..just him! MY life revolved with him and I can understand why I need to go through this when I dont have anything bad to make our relationship end this way. Im afraid of retuning back to Philippines with all of the questions i will be receiving from relatives and friends.. Im scared to death that I will have to face the reality that i have a FAILED MARRIAGE. I didnt see it coming! I thought he loves me and my baby 🙁 but everything was all lies and betrayal..

I have to move on for my all what im reading ill take it slowly day by day.. but the pain im going through are all the same…I have to stay in the country where me and my ex husband built our dreams together..Pains are too fresh and its killing me and haunting me everyday.

I dont want to have false hope anymore of him and me will be OK again…whet am I just praying is for I forget all of this and be able to stand up for my baby ..If thats what it all matters 🙁

Thanks…and may we all survive this challenging situation


tooyoungtobesoold April 3, 2011 at 11:20 pm

Is anyone else in the position of having been in this situation a long time? My kids are 18, 16, and 12, we’ve been married for 20 years and have a very negative communication pattern. I know I bear some responsibility, but he doesn’t think he bears ANY. He has given up on us and just figures no fighting is getting along. Its like a war where we have a ceasefire that lasts for a while but then the battles break out again. We stopped being intimate about 2 years ago. He just stopped showing affection toward me. I am not hideous; I run marathons and take good care of myself. But I feel so old and dried up. Like I don’t deserve any better. I am depressed and he says that’s why we don’t get along, but I think I’m depressed BECAUSE I have a loveless marriage. He loves the kids, he’s a great dad, very responsible, he just doesn’t like me. I feel like I deserve more and that we should work on our relationship, but he just wants me to leave him alone. We used to do things together but we don’t anymore. If I leave the kids might choose him, and I don’t know how I’ll do without my kids. I was a stay at home, homeschool mom for 15 years.


Anabel June 17, 2011 at 6:30 pm

I think you shouldnt leave but stop wanting. What I mean is that he can feel your needyness (which is ok) but no, you must make yourself stop. Fake it till you make it! Here is what you do… He loved you once, he doesnt let you go because he still loves you and is selfish enough not to let you be happy with anyone else.. How mean? But cute.
Ok, why dont you stop talking and complaining and just from one day to another CHANGE… get a new hair color and stylish hair cut, continue your runs and make a new friend who he knows nothing about… Not the neighbor he knows but another woman… Talk on the phone to make plan, go out for 2 hours and come home happy! One of two things, he will begin to get closer to you or your heart will get further from him but no one is wanting something else. By going out you are giving yourself the chance to meet new people and you never know. If he comes closer due to fear of loosing you, it will spark the love that is there already. If he doesnt come closer, make sure that he doesnt have anyone else, so I say check up on him but it might hurt.. The purpose is to be free inside and become happy no matter what with no emptyness.


Missy May 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Hey everyone… I’m having such a hard time with this decision. Please someone help me.. here’s my story… I met my husband when I was 20. After dating for 3 months I became pregnant. After 6 months of dating we got married. I grew up with a father who had the belief of doing the right thing. So I didn’t want to disappoint him any more. So during the years, my husband started drinking and coming home late everynight and he was very verbally abusive. A couple of times it got physical but I still stayed. I hate myself now for not leaving then. So here we are 17 years later, he hasn’t been drinking for about 5 years now but he is just miserable. He comes home from work with a face on and I feel like I have to tiptoe around. Him to avoid a fight. I’ve told him how I’ve been feeling and that I’m not happy. He jokes that I have nowhere to go and who would want me. He said that if I leave he will hunt me down. And if he catches me with someone else there would be problems. There are days when he is actually nice and happy and I think ok maybe he is changing but then there is always something to set him off again. He hasn’t been physically abusive in years. But I know he is capable of it. There is so much past I can’t forget and it has made me have actual hate for him. My son is 17 now. But I am still so scared to be on my own. He has made me feel like nothing and that really damaged my self esteem. Please someone tell me if I’m just stupid for feeling this way. Do they change? Would it be a mistake if I leave? I know I’m not happy here but would it be worse out there alone on my own?


confused June 8, 2011 at 1:56 am

First of all, you are not stupid!!!!!! After so long of being put down, that is what they want us to think. i have had abusive reltionships most of my adult life, Inever thought i would be here again. he doesn’t even see what he does, I found out through a friend that i must be going throught the change and that is what is wrong with me. Mine will not put in his teeth, smokes to the point where it is discusting, tells me it might take him 10 more years to go back tothe Lord, it’s been 7, calls my 10 year old fat, has said hateful things and does not apologize, now that I am done, he w ants to change? God says to forgive, I guess that means forget to, because without forgetting, we can’t forgive, but i don’t know if we are suppose to stay in a degrading miserable realtionship with no love. I will pray for you, my problem is my grandson that I promised the Lord I would raise in a christian enviroinment, It isnot happening, I don’t know how you feel but I do feel for you god Bless stay strong. I have decided towait again and see what gets off the boat in a couple days, 1 week on and 1 week off, you would think I could hndle it for 2 weeks a month, it has built up to the point that I really don’t think i can Thanks for reading, I pray tings work out for all of these abused woman that with this day and time in the world, it almost is suposse to be normal Well It’s not!!!!!


confused June 8, 2011 at 1:41 am

I have been sitting here reading these and i am so confused I do not know if this site even exsists anymore. I have been maried 10 years, the lst 7 have been loveless, no respect resentment towrds a 10 year old we have guardianship on my grandson we both agreeed to raise. Every dream I have had has been crushed, we live in a dream house with acreage in the mountains, everything is because i “think he is a piece of junk” or he can’t do anything right, or its the childs fault. We both served the Lord, 7 years ago he quit, I still struggle, god does not like divorce, i feel I am stuck got a backbone last week and am done applied for a job, found a place to move in a coup;e months, still will have my child and horses, andnow he wants to try to fix this,. is there such a thing as I am done. I have had people put in my path that care about me and are willing to help my situation in a platonic relationship, i am stuck on this will he ever change, will i go to Hell for divorce, it’s not even the 100 plus a year income, its how i have always thought since I have met Jesus. the verbal abuse and lack of love towards the 10 year old is what i am serioulsly having a problem with, i can handle verbal abuse, my spirit might be crushed but I see the outcome of the attitude change and lack of respect coming from the child as it is in thethousehold.I am 49 have no education but can work hard and believe if i do stay in the Lord, I will be ok, Now I have to sit and wait out 2months to give a chance?? again?????ThoughtI would vent, thank you


confused June 8, 2011 at 1:44 am

Oh and he is home everyother week so we live a completely different life, one week it’s eggshells, then when heis gone we have peace and after the 10 year old gets his papas attitude gone. Here i sit not wanting tohurt his feelings or make him feel bad, HELP< I am having a hard time keeping my christian suit on


Anabel June 17, 2011 at 6:21 pm

I am not a mother but hope to be welcomed in this page since I forsee these situations. I’m not married but have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years (Nov) on and off, on and off. We have always argued and disagreed. We are both stubborn and we both lack communication skills. I see that none of us were raised in a mom dad family to know better. I am obviously the sensitive one and he does the ignoring, name calling (crazy) and does not follow the promises to change each time. But like you may be saying…Why have you gotten back, why are you still in it? I dont know what happens (passion, love,etc) but I take him back and he takes me, we want it to work so bad but it never does. we always hurt each other. Does that mean we like it? But yet I cry and ask myself whether I should leave him for once since every time he leaves me, we are over a few months and then we get back once I pick up. Mean while we go out separately and try but we belong together, we say.

He proposed to get married in 2 months, mind you… this is our third engagement because we broke 2 of them up before. He says this time is different, that we will get married, but that is what Im afraid of, that we do get married, we do have children and then here I am posting about it 2 years later…

Why dont I prevent it now? We want it to work but it never does, we love each other sooo much on the good times that it hurts, the make ups are amazing like no description… Have I prechosen my divorse? Should I try until we drown for love or negatively tell myself it just wont? But I dont want to.. Ahhh.. Please dont think Im crazy (like he says) but I care much much about him and when I date others, we just dont connect the way we do. 🙁


confused June 23, 2011 at 7:20 pm

I will pray for you. Menatal abuse is worse that physical, physical you can bandage mental stays in you, Please think I believe you already know. I am no one to give advice , read my story,,,,,but really think abuse is abuse divorces are nasty especially if there are children involved, honesltly if I would ofknow what i know now about my husband, I never would of married, God bless Right now i am sitting here waiting for him to get home after a week of being gone to see if maybe he sees something, or be civil,i believe in miracles, but i don’t want this one anymore,


missb2004 July 1, 2011 at 1:32 am

I have decided to leave, but I won’t actually be able to do it for a couple more months. Money is a huge factor, I have three little boys, ages 6, 3, and almost 2. I need to have some sort of savings before I will leave. I’ve never lied to my husband, I’ve always been faithful. He’s seen other women, he’s left bruises on me, he’s choked me while I was pregnant. Now, I’ve started most of these physical fights, due mostly to his mean behavior, I shove him when I’ve had enough. But he escalates it quickly. I’ve had my knee kicked in, luckily he did not break it. I get called a name or yelled at almost everyday. He makes me feel like I’m crazy, and he turns everything around on me. I need the strength to leave, but I am just so damn scared. I know I’m not alone, I know I am not crazy. I know that I don’t deserve this. He’s broken me down to the point that I don’t believe in myself anymore. I need to be me again, my boys need me to be me again. Sorry, I just needed to tell someone what I’m dealing with. Thanks.


Tabbi July 14, 2011 at 7:46 pm

I think Im getting to that point….We’ve been together now for 7 years. The last two we’ve spent married. He never wanted to marry me, he just didnt want to pay Child Support. I chose to stay home with my 5 1/2 year old daughter to do Home Pre-School and to take care of my 2 year old son, who has a disability. I am also 11 weeks pregnant with our third child. Because I dont work and he blows all of the money he earns, its always my fault. He stole our grocery money and for 2 week the kids and I had to go to church for Lunch and dinner. He constantly tells me Im worthless and that Ill never be anything. That I’m lazy, fat, and ugly. I was recently diagnosed with Lupus and he tells me Im faking it. He never comes home after work and the kids cry because they havent seen there Dad before they go to bed. My daughter tells me that if Daddy leaves shes going to leave too. My kids are my life and they are the ONLY reason I get ou of bed everyday and that I am here. When hes home I spend a lot of time sleeping. He doesnt want to be around me and I dont want to be around him either. When he messes up he turns it around into my fault or brings up every mistake I have ever made. He consantly lies and uses everyone around him. I have been trying to get a job so I can leave, but no one has hired me. I have no where to go and no one to turn too. His family doesnt believe me and thinks Im the bad person…Im so tired, just so tired…..


A August 1, 2011 at 2:48 am

I am in awe as I read these stories and the pain all of these women have endured and are going through. My story begins with a man that I had dated for about a year. I became pregnant with my beautiful daughter and not once did he proposed. He is a drinker and when he was under the influence I became his target. One time he got so drunk, he began to stab with a ball that had a happy face on it. I was scared, he stabbed it because the ball was laughing at him. I was scared for me and my daughter, so I gave my furniture and left our apartment. This was the first separation. Went to live with my mom, during the separation we decided to get together. I began to gain weight up to 100 lbs and feeling depressed and lonely. Still in a so called “relationship” while we were seperated he ended up going to a party, getting drunk and had sex with some girl he knew. He told me about it and that was the end, again. After this incident I realized I loved him forgave him and we decided to buy a home and begin a new life. OMG! If I had only known. In our house he would drink every weekend, it became unbareable. There were times I dreaded the weekends to arrive, because I knew what was going to happen. A fight, an argument…the same argument over and over again. ” You are nothing without me, I got this house (that I pay) I got you this truck (that I pay).” Now I won’t deny that he did help by signing his name on the dotted line for the house and vehicle, but I have been paying since we got them…but let me remind you “he got them for me.” Financially, I do not depend on him…yeah I barely make it but I can handle it. What pushed me to the brink was the treatment. His insults in front of my daughter. The jokes to my expense. The evil mean hearted words. One time he told me “Now, I know why you are so butchy…because your dad wanted boys and well he got you.” That hurt me soooo much. I though what kind of husband tells his wife “you are butchy” or “you look like a guy” or “elephant underwear” ouch! One time as he was in his facebook, which by the way he did not want me there, I noticed how nice and a gentleman he was with other females. I noticed how he looked for the attention of theses other female facebook friends gave him. He would post all these depressing post or would post pictures of our house or vehicles to show off of course, but not one picture of me or his daughter. By May 2005 I got in contact wth a lawyer, and eventhough I had been to the appointment I still wanted to give it one more chance. On July 28, I graduated with my M. Ed and I told him. I was so happy I wanted to celebrate but when I told him, he wasn’t very happy. He just said “congratulations” and left. All through the night I prayed and prayed for the sign, sunday morning I turn on the TV and there it was Joel Olsteen was giving a sermon about people in your life that let you down. He said the verse in the new testament Mathew 7:6 and it hit me. Why do I continue to give this individual the best of me, when I only get the crap from him? One minute after he said this, my sister called and told me to look into his facebook. Sure enough there he was in a picture surrounded by a group of ugly females by the way and all this postings thanking him for a great time they had! At this exact moment, I got all his things in front of the lawn and I won’t deny there was fear. There was a point that I regreted doing that, I became very fearfull. I wanted to STILL work things out by suggesting couple couseling, but I just continued to push forward. My divorced was finalized in December 2010 and guess what in April of 2011 I decided to give him another change by June 4 he was the same, drinking, insulting me, arguing with me and it reminded of the past ten years with him. I had been eight months alone in peace and suddenly this again! I don’t think so. Told him to leave me, my life and my house. Til today he gets drunk and still harasses me and insults me, what do i do? Just ignore him and turn off my cell phone. The other day I thought, this was a very good summer and then it hit me-he is not here! Look ladies I am a christian woman that held on to this relationship by my nails and my teeth and still is not good enough. Yes, I am lonely but not alone. Yes there is fear, but God is there for you. I won’t deny that is harder to walk away, but to me enough is enough. Today I live with my daughter in a peaceful environmnet with the drunk, the insults and the pain. Only God knows what is in my future, all I know is that everything is going to be ok.


A August 1, 2011 at 2:49 am

correction on second to the last sentence “without the drunk”


Confused August 28, 2011 at 12:15 am

Wow, I can’t believe that there are so many women going through this. I got together with my bf when i had just turned 15. We only had known each other for days bf we got together. I was kindda boy crazy, and my momwas kindda strict so i thought that the easiest way out was to go live with him. A month after we had gotten together i found out i was prego. During the time of my pregnancy he would go out with his friends and would come home late. Hecheated on me god knows how many times. I always told myself that he would change. I felt like i madly in love with him. But now that im older i have realized that the only reason why i wantedto be with hin is bcs everyone else wanted him, and i tjought i was lucky bcs I was the one living with him. I’m 21 now and have two kids. Been together for 7 yrs. I have been wNting to leave him. But its hard not to think of the financial aspect that being a single parent brings. I feel like his controlling. I dntjave a social life. He doesnt let me have a phone. If i want to ho out i have to ask him permission. How can i leave this man without feeling guilty or feeling like am being selfish gor seeking my own happines rather than my kids? He makes me feel like i cant do anytging without him. He has said many hurtful things to me. In the past he hit me twice, the last time i called the police but he manipulated me into not making a report, saying that i was going to regret. Why do i feel soafraid to tell himthat im not happy and thAt i dnt want to b with him? Please help! Give me your opinions


worried for my baby September 6, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Every story in here sounds the same. I can’t believe so many women are experiencing what I am. It’s miserable. I only knew my husband for a year before he proposed, and I ignored all the selfish and hurtful behavior when I accepted and got pregnant shortly after. He checked out, never spends time with us, drinks every night, and leaves me with ALL of the family tasks (I am my 18 month old’s only provider and always have been). He was unemployed and I was recovering from a c-section delivery that almost took both me and my daughter, and he kicked me out of bed because breastfeeding was disrupting his sleep. He has been verablly abusive and rages and throws tantrums, and two psychologists have told me he has a personality disorder. The ONLY reason I stay is because I’m scared to share custody of my daughter with him. He’s got no parenting skills and never spends time with her other than to pat her on the head when he leaves, but he would insist on “every other weekend.” How am I supposed to let my precious baby girl go off with this selfish man with no parenting skills? I can’t tell if it’s better to try to keep my pain inside and hope my daughter doesn’t pick up on these horrible relationship patterns, or to send her off with him on court-appointed visitation like I had to have with my dad that made me miserable. If he hurt her, emotionally or physically, I’d come out of my skin!


baidu678 September 8, 2011 at 12:36 am

Thank you and I aim to please in the future with my future articles!


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Nelle October 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm

One of the comments above says people do not change, i have found this to be a very true statement. After 27 years of enduring both physical and emotional abuse I am plotting my escape. He rarely lays hands on me anymore however I was called a stupid bitch just the other night and I had to smile to myself because he has no idea what is coming down the pike! I have raised two beautiful children, one has graduated college and the other attends right now, she needs my financial help with this so I have three years before I can finally make my move, however in that three years, the car will be paid off, I will have accumulated a nice sum in my personal bank account, my children will be financially independent, i will be able to support myself w/o ANY help from him whatsoever, so now when I am verbally abused, I almost rejoice as the end is near:)


r December 8, 2011 at 11:01 am

hello my husband and i have been together for 20 years, and married nearly 7, he is 29 years older than me, has health issues, but he is very controlling over me, he keeps telling me he wants me and the kids out the house, our sex life is almost no excistant these days, not that that part bothers me, but we used to be so close, but he was always quite controling, and its only in the last few months or so that i have started to let it get to me, if i try and talk to him he gets angry and says it is all my fault and part of me thinks it is, because i have given up trying to fight for my right to be able to come and go freely from the house, i have given up my hobbies because he said i was never home and it caused aurguments, part of me wants to take the kids and start afresh, but i am afraid of being on my own and left on the shelf, and part of me still loves and cares about him, am i wrong for feeling this and what do you all suggest i do, i am so confused and dont want my teenage kids to behave like this towards there future partners, how the heck do i get this right in my mind that i need to go and not look back and not feel guilty, i have not given my name as i dont want my husband to find out about this email, i fear him greatly but i fear the unknown just as much , thanks for reading this, and does anyone agree this is domestic abuse


Anon February 9, 2012 at 10:20 am

I know this was posted three years ago but I sincerely hope you have left your husband. Having grown up in a house where my mother was treated like that by my father I can tell you that it WILL affect your children very badly, and it’s not very easy to forgive either parent for putting you through it. You’re afraid of being alone, I understand but you’re passing that fear onto your daughters and they WILL fall into the same trap as your unless you show them a better example, do you want this life for them? And your sons will think it’s ok to treat a woman like this, it’s all they’ll know unless you teach them otherwise. You need to leave, I really really hope you have. Don’t live in fear.


Emma January 12, 2012 at 3:08 am

Wow I’m sure glad to see that I’m now alone it’s 3am n I have to go to work in like 5hrs I can’t sleep me n my kid were in bed n my son who is 9months old was crying bc he was tired my husband picks him up n shakes him (not hard enough to Hurt him but it ticked me off) I told him to start acting like a man instead of a 5year old n he grabs me by the neck n screams I outta knock u out I fu**ing
Slut As I have my 9 month old laying ony chest n he(my baby) started screaming he went in the front room n I’m so upset I don’t know what to do I lOve my husband me n him have fought
Like this b4 but he’s never shook my kids b4 iv always made myself stay bc I love him he’s never “hit” me but he’s held a gun to my head tol me he’d kill me he’s picked me up by my neck n threw me down n iv got tithe point that I feel like he don’t love me he don’t help me clean the house or help with my kids as much as he shold n he never is affectionate to me I feel like he dont appreciate me at all he always been a good dad n any time iv tried to
Leave him he’s like I’m sorry I love u n the old him comes back but then it gose back to the same thing everyday he calls me
A curse word n idk y I need help I love him n he’s a good dad I don’t k ow if I should leave him or not


Gab February 5, 2012 at 9:29 am

I’m an Aussie, married to a Ghanaian. Struggle constantly with lack of communication. Not sure what came 1st- my complaining or his lack of help, affection, kindness, care, thought. Last night we were going to have “make up sex” after an argument the night before- which is fine, it works for us usually. I went to kiss him & he pulled away from me. I said “don’t you want to kiss me”?- his reaction was silence, complete silence, like I had switched the light off, or pulled out the plug. This is very very common for him- he can’t handle confrontation, or any reaction unless it’s calm. He was taught to hide his emotions, I was taught to express mine. I’m fire, he is water. When he ignores me I feel, hurt, confused, rejected, unloved, unheard. I always push him (vocally) for an answer & he always resists. This makes me more emotional & leads to anger. I feel a deep repression, a frustration that makes me boil inside. This is only 1 example of many regular insidences where he chooses to completely and utterly ignore me. Sometimes he will bring himself to say “I don’t know”, which is still unsatisfying. I have got to the point where I am loosing control and will go into some kind of rage, mad crazy woman, and end up screaming at him and punching and pushing him, not to hurt but to get a reaction. I hate who I have become, I see behavior I never knew existed in me. I am disgusted, embarrassed, ashamed of what I have done. All because he ignores me. He always tells me that it is all my fault and if I want anything to change then I have to change. Of course all I want is to be happy. I can’t see things improving because he refuses to talk about anything. I don’t want to leave though. This is my 2nd marriage. I have 2 teenagers and we have a 2 yr old together. I waited 10 years to find him & don’t want a 2nd marriage 2fail & be a single mum again. I want a husband, a friend a lover. I just am so unhappy & so is he. But without communication it can’t improve- or do I just excersise patience? Walk away when he hurts me emotionally. I need a strategy.


megan February 9, 2012 at 4:11 am

i don’t know what i should do.. im 18 i have been with my husband for 3 1\2 years i love him. he is the father of my son that is 2. but i dont no what to do im happy but than again im not. he dosent really call me pretty or any thing nice like that and he says the reason why he dosen’t say it is becouse i should already know i am.. everybody always tells me i can do better but i don’t know my sister’s boyfriend has a friend that has always liked me and always calls me pretty and stuff like that. and always says he would drop any thing to be with me. becouse he like me so much. but i dont no if i should leav me husband ive been thinking about this for a long time i think i got married to young to find out who i really am. i have only been with two diffrent guys and the first one always cheated on me and i have trust issues even with my husband he lost his job about a month ago and hasn’t really good for one since and we are broke i dont no if i should take the chance with the guy that really likes me or stay with my husband??


Melly February 25, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Melly, USA
Thank you Lord Musa! The love spell worked and he returned to me. You are a marvelous, wonderful, stupendous, shocking and extraordinary person with so much talent. You have a gift like no other I have seen. You are an amazing person with a beautiful soul and inner balance that shines on all you meet. You surpass any and all other gifted individuals I have ever met. Your Spell is so accurate it is incredibly unbelievable. Your wonder-working magical know how of the universe and its laws are magnified within a structure so unique it’s impossible to find anywhere. Again, thank you for everything! And thank you so much for the happiness you brought upon me we are so much in love again. if your ex leave you alone and you find it so difficult to go back you can try this man!


Angeltears21 July 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I left my husband when I realized, without a doubt, that he was going to kill me. It might not be that day or even that year, but at some point he would kill. I also realized that I wouldn’t be able to protect my son forever. Someday I knew my husband would go through me to get to him. Learning to say, “you can’t treat my son that way,” helped me to say, “you can’t treat me that way.” “Till death do us part” doesn’t mean “I’ll stay until you kill me.”


gm July 19, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Wow, didn’t expect the spell would work so fast. it has only been 4 days since cast a love spell and my lover has been with me, we have been together, our love is now strong again
G. M.


monica July 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I want to express my happiness how brought back my lover, prophetharry gave me happiness.
Monica Fay.


INeverBehave July 25, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Sometimes it’s best to move on and let go. We all know it’s best for us but we’re scared of the outcome and change… but usually the change is for the better. If a voice is telling you constantly that you’re not living right most likely that voice is right!


Amy September 7, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Unfortunetly I’m still with my husband ! He is a quiet hermit. Married 45 years only had sex once, my first,last, and only. From the day after our wedding hes lived (eaten and slept) in our basement. Never comes upstairs unless something needs fixing. He never talks to me or has any interaction with me. He has ignored me for 45 years. He is retired now dresses like a slob, long below shoulder length hair, long straggly beard, old holey clothes. I’ve been so lonely depressed, feel ugly and unwanted. Never had kids I wanted them so bad. I just sob when I think about it. I only stayed in the house cause I have no where to go. I do spend alot of time at a home less womens shelter where I work. There at least some one will talk to me.


JOAN October 15, 2012 at 11:22 pm

My Name is Mohammed.I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster once when i went to Africa to Execute some business. He is really powerful. The woman i wanted to live the rest of my life with left me 3 weeks to our wedding ceremony and my life was upside down. She was with me for 8 years and i really love her so much. She left me for another man with no reason. When i called her she never picked up my calls and she don’t want to see me around her and she also deleted me from her facebook account. so, when i told the man what happened. He helped me to do some readings,and after the readings he made me to realize that the other man has done some spells over my wife and that is the reason why she left me. He told me he will help me to cast a spell that bring her back. At first i was skeptical but i just gave it a try. In 4 days, she called me herself and came to me apologizing for all that happened. I never believed that she was going to come back but today i have her by my side with the love and care i was wanted from her. This man is good and he is the author of my happiness. His email is


Johnson October 16, 2012 at 4:49 am

I just broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months back. I really love her and want to get her back. Its been about 4 months since we broke up. We had a fight and she said she loved me a lot before the fight and after the fight she said she did not have the same feelings for me anymore. I need really help to get her back so i contacted a spell caster on the internet called Dr.Zack Balo and i explain my problems to him and he cast a spell for me and guarantee me of three days that she will come back to me,to my surprise the third day she come back to me and now we are getting married soon.i just want to say thanks to Dr.Zack Balo for helping me to get my ex girlfriend back to me and i am totally grateful.just in case you also need help you can contact him on Email he can also render help to you if you need him for help.


Bagwel November 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

There is no doubt in my mind that this lady caster is truely gifted. She is very seriously powerful and wonderful. I am t regretankful that i never calling her. My situation was as bad as dead that i was tired of existence.
My wife left me, At that same heartbreak i lost my dad, everything on earth seems finished for me, i almost committed suicide until i search online to find out about a spell priestess Ifaa, I saw many psychics and more but none wanted to help me but rhis spell lady told me that she’s going to bring me a new world, I placed all my hope in her, and as she did her spell work, 7days later, my lover came back to me, i was also offered a job in a company i applied for a job, luck was coming from different corners. Today, i owe a house, have a good job, living well, and most of all, am getting married soon to my true love. I have never believed this till now, unlike other psychics who wants to money money money. priestess Ifaa told me i would have my life back even more better, I was a little skeptical because many promised and never fulfilled, but to my surprise my fiancee showed up at my door out of the blue 7 days later!! priestess ifaa is the best. I beg you to contact her and never make any mistkae in going else were. the email is, God Bless and thank you for all that you have done for me!


sandra December 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Hello i am Brana sandra,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to greatzuba the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to greatzuba about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact greatzuba at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct
and get your problems solve like me..


mercy December 14, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I can’t thank you enough for all that you have done for me. About a year ago I my partner split up, we had both made BIG mistakes in our relationship. He ended up moving away from me to pursue a new life. I knew in my heart that he would be the only one to make me happy. I was relieved when I found your email on a site about what you have done. I requested 1 to 2 day casting of the reunite us love spell and within 3days mark company had relocated him back to our hometown where I still lived. We immediately reconnected and move in with each other. Our wedding date is set for Summer 2012. Expect to see your invite in the mail thanks to


jenniffer December 22, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Hello am Jeniffer from UK i wanna thank Dr Paloma for what he has done for me at first i taught he was scam but until i just decided to follow my mind.i told him that my ex lover which i loved with all my heart left me for another all Dr Paloma did was to laugh and said he will be back to me in 3days time i taught he was lying on the 3rd day my ex called me and said he wanna see me,i was shocked then he came over to my place and started begging that he was bewitched,immediately i forgives him and now we are back and he his really madly in love with me.All thanks to Dr Paloma he indeed wonderful incise you wanna contact him here his is private mail


Brianna December 24, 2012 at 12:46 am

Hello every one i have just met with this and i finally find out that he is really a truthful spell caster and so powerful and i believe that he is the most powerful spell caster that i have ever met. how i wish i met him before. my husband would have just come back to me.and every thing happened just the way Dr. Magbu had said it,i am so happy that i have met with Dr. Magbu,and now i have my husband back to my self. if you all that are here have not tried Dr. Magbu,just have to do so and get your heart desires fulfilled. stop been doubting i have tested him and i am now a fulfilled woman. And that’s why i am out on the internet today, testifying of what he has done for me and my husband, if you were in my situation contact him through this email Brianna


Joy December 24, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Love takes over no matter what you have going on in your life. Marcus proved that to me. My husband had so much going on that he had forgotten what was important. Thank you for saving my marriage, and my family.Dr Chucks,your spell worked for me my husband is back home and we both are so mush in love now thank you Dr chucks contact via


enburg December 29, 2012 at 1:46 am

My ex-boyfriend dumped me 4 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness.I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we are about to get married.once again thank you Antonin are truly talented and gifted.Email. is the only answe


Manudee January 4, 2013 at 8:48 pm

I have a fantastic news about my spell: it is working, only 5 weeks after you started it all. Never in my life have I thought magic would work so fast. My man is acting completely different now and we are making love everyday (last weekend, we did it 8 times in total!). Now I can say that your work! Thank you a million times.


Jessie Italroz January 14, 2013 at 4:46 am

Well, You are right with your decision! I guess, life has no sense anymore when your marriage is full of anger and a quarrel here and there. You will never be happy. That simply means, you’re not compatible and don’t love that much each other anymore. Better leave and find a new beginning. Just let him go. Learn to forgive and forget. In that simple way, you will gain happiness in life and at the same time, will have a peaceful life.


Casey January 16, 2013 at 12:28 pm

I have been married to my husband for 13 years. Following some years of drifting apart, I discovered he’d had an affair with a work colleague. Despite the agony of that time, we decided to try again. We have two children, who were 4 and 6 at the time. In the 4 years since this happened, we suffered through a major health crisis with one of our children. Our work with our therapist certainly suffered during that time, and eventually my husband withdrew, as is his tendency. In December I discovered romantic emails between him and a different work colleague. He claims that the relationship was not physical and knows that it was a distraction from the inner pain and unhappiness that he’s suffered with his entire life.

Obviously, I was furious, but have come to a place where I am almost fully ready to separate. He is remorseful and claims to want to do the emotional work necessary to heal himself, but i am skeptical of his ability to really change. He has only proven himself to be a selfish, withdrawn liar through his actions.

Here’s the rub. Our kids are now 8 and 10 and adore their father despite how withdrawn and distant he has been. They are both pretty anxious kids to begin with, and I am terrified of the impact a divorce will have on them. I simply do not know what to do and would love to hear from people who had similar dilemmas and how their children fared with or without the divorce. A tall order, I know, but I am absolutely stuck. Thx.


Casey January 16, 2013 at 12:28 pm

I have been married to my husband for 13 years. Following some years of drifting apart, I discovered he’d had an affair with a work colleague. Despite the agony of that time, we decided to try again. We have two children, who were 4 and 6 at the time. In the 4 years since this happened, we suffered through a major health crisis with one of our children. Our work with our therapist certainly suffered during that time, and eventually my husband withdrew, as is his tendency. In December I discovered romantic emails between him and a different work colleague. He claims that the relationship was not physical and knows that it was a distraction from the inner pain and unhappiness that he’s suffered with his entire life.

Obviously, I was furious, but have come to a place where I am almost fully ready to separate. He is remorseful and claims to want to do the emotional work necessary to heal himself, but i am skeptical of his ability to really change. He has only proven himself to be a selfish, withdrawn liar through his actions.

Here’s the rub. Our kids are now 8 and 10 and adore their father despite how withdrawn and distant he has been. They are both pretty anxious kids to begin with, and I am terrified of the impact a divorce will have on them. I simply do not know what to do and would love to hear from people who had similar dilemmas and how their children fared with or without the divorce. A tall order, I know, but I am absolutely stuck. Thx.


Mrs Leisha January 18, 2013 at 3:03 am

what a wonderful world we are living, i still doubt Lord Mazuka how he did it!!! My mouth is full of testimony, My name is Leisha my husband left the home for two years to Germany for a tourist,he meant a prostitute and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Lord Mazuka and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that he will help me to bring him back in just 12 hours.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in 12hours my husband called me, and told me that he will be comming back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. Lord Mazuka is the best spell caster in the whole wild world. here is his email adress.


blendedfammama January 29, 2013 at 12:28 pm

I’m ready to leave but…My family is not typical. My husband and I have been together for 6 1/2 yrs. When we got together my son from my 1st marriage was 2yrs old and my husband’s son (his mother died when he was 1) was 6. Not only did I fall for my husband but i fell for that little boy of his who needed a mom. I was so in love and sure that it was right that when he asked me to have a baby 5mo after being with him, I agreed. Now, the boys are 8 and 13, and our daughter is 5. Even though my son sees his dad regularly, he calls my husband dad, and my stepson calls me mom. Our blended family is so great that even my ex-husband is close to all 3 kids. However, my husband is very controlling and probably verbally abusive. My friends say I’m so used to it and that’s why I don’t really call it abuse. He has cheated on me, called me horrible names (in front of the kids), spit on me, and really controlled everything in my life for 6 years. Even thought the cheating and spitting stopped a year ago, I’m not in love with him anymore. But he says he’s madly in love with me, which strangely, I do believe. I feel like even if he would change, I can’t fall back in love with him, I resent him too much. He also lashes out at the kids, especially the oldest. I don’t know how to get out of this without destroying my whole family (including my husband), but I’m so unhappy with him. What do I do?


Sonia February 17, 2013 at 5:24 am

i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and suddenly, another woman came into the picture.. he started hating me and he was so abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so a friend told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things.then he did the special spell casting for me. After 2 days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are case you wanna contact this wonderful spell caster, his email address is


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Thelma March 25, 2013 at 8:44 am

Doc i appreciate your work thank you so much
I don’t just know how to start am writing this testimony in tears of joy and happiness,After 2years of heart break by the man i truly love and cherish a man who disvirgined me and took away my pride,He left me and for another lady telling me he is not longer interested i cried and was totally down for 2years never knew who to cry to so ,Until i was reading on a news paper few days ago on how Dr Igbodo helped someone in bringing back her ex i saw the lady who broadcasted the news i was like for a lady to broad cast this good job of this great man Dr Igbodo i decided to collect the contact and also the contact of Dr Igbodo and i called the lady who broadcasted it on the news paper if truly Dr Igbodo has helped? she said if he has not would i be broadcasting it,So i said let me give a try i contacted Dr Igbodo and told him my problem how my lover left me for 2years without even calling or texting me,So Dr Igbodo told me that everything would be okay within 48hours that i would be happy with the man i love,Truly before the 48hours i got a call from my lover saying in tears that he was sorry,And he came over to my place and he proved to me that he will never leave me for any other lady,He made me had access to everything and made me is beneficiary to all is will and asset,Am so happy today for what Dr Igbodo has done for me,Please friends dont make mistake but be in the right path here is Dr Igbodo mail {}
My Name is Thelma, Doc i appreciate your work thank you so much


Amelia March 25, 2013 at 11:02 pm

I am here to give a testimony of a spell caster who help me bring my lover, i never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster once when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful.The man i wanted to marry left me 2 weeks to our weeding ceremony and my life was upside down. he was with me for 5 years and i really love him so much..he left me for another woman with no reason..when i called him he never picked up my calls and he don’t want to see me around him…so,when i told the man what happened.he helped me to do some readings,and after the readings he made me to realize that the other woman has done some spells over my husband and that is the reason why he left me..he told me he will help me to cast a spell that bring him back.At first i was skeptical but i just gave it a try…In 3 days,he called me him self and came to me apologizing..I cant believe he can ever come back to me again email to contact him is here


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Alana H. April 7, 2013 at 6:24 am

Hi there,

Great post. I just wanted to say that leaving a relationship is compounded by financial hiccups (what am I going to do for money? I’ve only been a housewife!) The best advice I can give anyone would be to stick it out and find work in the meantime in order to get some money that will help them move out and get a place to live in and take care of their kids when they finally make that decision.



Alana H. April 7, 2013 at 6:25 am

Hi there,

Great post. I just wanted to say that leaving a relationship is compounded by financial hiccups (what am I going to do for money? I’ve only been a housewife!) The best advice I can give anyone would be to stick it out and find work in the meantime, in order to get some money that will help them move out and get a place to live in and take care of their kids when they finally make that decision.



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jeniffer May 5, 2013 at 5:53 am

Hello, I Just want to thank dr khakani for the great things he has been doing for people in our country and things he has done for me,After my husband smith left me for 3years,i hated myself and almost committed suicide because i truly loved smith with all my heart what even pained me the most was that he left me because i couldn’t give him a child after 6years of our marriage,Due to this i even lost my job,Because i was always drinking and crying because i truly loved him with all my heart,So then i was listening to radio until i had someone talking about dr khakani on radio, How generous and trustworthy the man is, How dr khakani helped her in bringing back her ex within 24hours,i was like i need to get in touch with this man,i got a pen and wrote dr khakani’s number and email,So I decided to give him a call and told him how people talk about him online, I believed this man was real due to the way he spoke to me on the phone. Then he told me not to worry and he said he knows i have lost my job i was shocked and i told him yes,He said everything would be sorted out within 48hours,So i was very happy when i had that good news,Truly within 48hours i got a call from smith saying he is sorry for what he has done to me. he came to me in tears to forgive him which i did,As i was giving smith a sweet cuddle i got a call from the company i worked telling to resume work by monday,i was so happy. now i am also 8month pregnant for smith and his taking good care of me. please friend dr khakani his truly a trusted man and a real spell caster to believe in, Dr khakani has made a good name here in the USA. Please contact him on his private mail khakanibestsolutioncentre12@gmail .com or cell phone +2348062216903


kate May 5, 2013 at 11:37 am

Hello my name is Kate i know a spell caster who helped me when i had problem with my Husband if you need a right place to solve your problems contact DR OFURE SPELL TEMPLE is the right choice. he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience. he cast spells for different purposes like

(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care

Contact him today on: 0r through his mobile:+2347055470055


RHODA May 8, 2013 at 8:36 pm

A amazing testimony of a spell caster that help me
get my husband back to me. My name is Rhoda
william i lived in U S A and i have 4 kids, before i
was having problems with my husband which make
him hate us so much that even lead to breake up
and leave us to another woman, untill a friend of
mine directed me to this man called Dr. omagala, i
contacted him and he start to cast the spell
immidiatly, then he help me get my husband back
in pease and we are now happy family am very
much thankfull to Dr. omagala that help me,so i must
tell the people how good he his. I will advice you to
contact him through this email Then your
problem will be solve.


Reply »


Luis Mary May 12, 2013 at 12:56 pm

After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called EZE MALAKA and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.


Whitney May 17, 2013 at 1:05 pm

Hello every one here, I found a great spell caster on line who helped me to get back my husband who has left me for pass 6months. we where married for 5 years without a child and my friend introduce me to a real spell caster named Dr. Abu which I never believe it exist but after the meeting of this spell caster my problem where solved and now I am with my husband who left me for the past three months, my life and my entire family are now happy, now I’m pregnant with the help of this great spell caster. Thanks to Dr. Abu, I will advice anyone in need of help to contact him with this


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Vanisa May 21, 2013 at 3:38 am

I am Mrs Vanisa from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband Clifford Moore, i love him so much we have been married for 5 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France he meant a lady called Mary?, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do until I met my friend miss Lina and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called Dr Agaga who cast a spell on her ex and bring him back to her after 1days. Miss Lina ask me to contact Dr Agaga. I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great spell caster did for me and my husband, you can contact Dr Agaga on any problem in this world, he is very nice man, here is his contact He is the best spell caster how can help you within three days.


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Tonia June 2, 2013 at 4:46 am


Amazing?? i do not know how to thanks owoeyetemple who did a spell that
make my husband to come back to me.he left me for the past three years,and
for the past three years i have been in pains,sorrow,bitterness and
wiping.until i read a magazine about this man called oweoyetemple, who
help people to reunite their relationship within two days.i never believe in
spell or magic,so i decided to give him a try.i contacted him.he told me
that he shall come back to me according to my believe.he also promise me
that he shall return to me within two days,i was still doubting,if he can
really do according to what he says,unfortunately on the third day he call
me on phone saying that i should forget and forgive him.that he is now
ready to love and cherish me,on the forth day he buy a car for me to say he
is very,very ,sorry,big thanks to owoeyetemple you help me to bring
back my lovely husband,any body out their,having similar problem like
this,thinking on what to do,Email him at he will
surely but a smile on your face.


My Name is faith June 5, 2013 at 11:36 am

My Name is faith, I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Dr.USMAN KERIM has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Steven we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email( then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr.USMAN KERIM for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:

1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) Herbal care



Racheal Mayers June 5, 2013 at 11:56 am

My name is Rachel Mayers from USA, I was married to my husband for three years before we moved to a new location, there he had a new job and before I knew what was happening he started keeping late night and ignoring me and our son. Finally early this year he filed for a divorce, I was diverstated and helpless I cried but he showed me hatred, he brought in his new secretary as his new wife until I meet this great spell caster in a forum discussion, prophet Jumama and I contacted him via mail and he assured me that within three days my husband will come begging. It was like magic, a miracle before me I saw Rowland on the third day he came begging for me to come back…To cut the long story short, we are back together and I am so grateful to the great one. I have found out that we don’t have to cry over crashed marriages and relationships when a man like prophet Jumama is around the corner, you can contact him today on He is real and this is my testimony.


stephanie June 5, 2013 at 4:14 pm

Good day, my name is stephanie and i would love to share a wonderful testimony. I was happily married for about Four years before my husband started messing up haven

tried some spell casters i thought all hope wwere lost and i cried for a while before i was introduced to a prophet called Brian Carn by a friend of mine that helped

put everything back in order by his special prayers and today we are still happily married so i want to use this media to challange anyone of you is is passing through

difficulties to contact this man ladies we were created to have the best of life not to cry every night and day i know how it hurts because have been there so if you

know you are passing through any challange contact him on his email

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My name is Priestess Shira and I am a Professional Traditional Spells Healer, specializing in the fields of Love, Money, Power, Success, Sickness, Luck and Witch Craft. I can help you with any problem or wish that you might have.
I have more than 20 years experience in the field of Spell Casting / Spiritual Healing. Over the years I have worked for thousands of clients in more than 50 countries all over the world. My services are hugely in demand which is proof of the success I am achieving on a day to day basis.
Do you have love problems / issues that you need sorted out? We have a variety of love spells that will change your life forever. Have you lost a loved one? Are you in love with someone who doesn’t seem to care about you? Is your loved one in love with someone else? Call me NOW and I will summon all my powers to make your dreams come true.
Are you battling to make ends meet? Are you experiencing a financial crisis and you cannot pay all your bills? I know what it feels like. Let me help you by casting one of my much sought after Money Spells. I can help you increase your income, land that job you are after, help you achieve success in many fields, improve your luck, and much more…
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After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called EZE MALAKA and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS


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joy philip July 18, 2013 at 6:47 am

I just want to say thank you prophet ahmed for all you have done for me.
He is back now. That very powerful spell caster STOP THE DIVORCE – and get my ex boyfriend back.
My name is Joy Philip, from Canada. I never believed in love
spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went for a business summit
early this year. I meant a man who’s name is PROPHET AHMED
he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone,
lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or
luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to
marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our
relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was
against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster,i
told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At
first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try.And
in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend(now husband) called me by
himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his
mother and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I
didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my
boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now
and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and
our lives became much case you are in any situation you can contact
prophet ahmed at his email or his personal cell +2347053375151
Thank you for all your help prophet.


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I have more than 30 years experience in the field of magic / spiritual healing. Over the years I have worked for thousands of clients in more than 80 countries worldwide. My services are highly in demand, which is proof of the success I achieved on a daily basis.
We can also help those who were victims of fraud by fake loan lender, or in any way scammed get your money back from this fraudulent loan lender that the occupation of our fake magic of the loan and the lender back the money to scam from you and also send money back in your country. i’ve helped so many people around the world and are satisfied with their charm our casting.the All you have to do is send us a false loan lenders e-mail address and name management company and we will help you, we will cast spells ruturn back your money on fake loan lender and after 3 days will be contacted and ask how to send back money scam from you, so it is a good time to get my money back from this scam people.
Do you have the problems issues that you need to solved? i have a variety of love spells that change your life forever. Have you lost a loved one? Are you in love with someone who does not seem to you? Is your loved one in love with someone else? Call me and I will muster all his strength to make your dreams come true.
You struggle to make ends meet? You are experiencing a financial crisis and can not pay all your bills? I know what it is. Let me help you by casting one of my much sought after money spells. I can help you increase your income country, the job you are after, to help you achieve success in many areas, to improve their happiness, and much more …
You live in constant fear? Need protection spell? Call me and I will cast a very effective protection spell that will protect you and your loved ones from evil. Do not wait until it’s too late. Please contact us. Traditional temple gods.
I specialize in different areas of spell casting. Can you help with any problem you might face. Contact me now for immediate results [ KAKARAKASPELL@YAHOO.COM][KAKARAKASPELL@YAHOO.COM] OKK
Thanks for your response. You are welcome to my shrine where all
kinds of problems are solve with the power of my great grand father,
you have make the right choice for contacting me, all you need to do
right now for you to have him back is for you to fill this information
and return it back to me immediately ok.

Your full name
Your ex full name
Your country
Your phone number
Your age Your ex age
The photo of both of you.

Once I get this information from you I will be able to
consult my gods for the items that is needed to cast the spell. i want
to assure you that the spell i cast for people is 100% guarantee
sure and safe no side infect or harm that will affect both of you in
future i have been doing this for more than 40 years no body has come
to my temple and left with the same problem or complain of his ex
lover OK.

Await your urgent response now….


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Katherine August 12, 2013 at 6:16 pm

This is my testimony about the good work of Dr Zunga who help me…. I’m Katherine from London. And am sorry for putting this on net but i will have to by this world top spell caster that brought back my husband which left me out for past 3 years, i eventually met this man on a blog site posting by one of is client for help, i explained everything to him and he told me about a spell caster that he had heard about and he gave me an email address to write to the spell caster to tell him my problems. In just 3 days, my husband was back to me. I just want to say thank you to this truthful and sincere spell caster, sir all you told have come to pass and thank you sir. Please i what to tell everyone who is looking for any solution to problem, i advice you to kindly consult this spell caster, he is real,he is powerful and whatever the spell caster tell is what will happen, because all what the spell caster told me came to pass. You can kindly contact him on: his email address is


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cerli August 14, 2013 at 7:36 am

I and my boy friend as been separated for a long period, I cam across different spell caster and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a spell man called DR OLOKUM, who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldnt believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon. Here is his contact if you need his help. LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM


CALL PRIEST SANGOMA FOR ANY KIND OF SPELL +2348073082462 August 14, 2013 at 1:15 pm


I want to say thanks to PRIEST SANGOMA for bring back my lover to me , my husband said he want to divorce me for him to get marry to another woman after will have be together for 6 years few days for us to go and divorce i say some body testify of what a spell caster have done for her so i desired to give a try it was 7 days to go and divorce and when i contacted him , he said that he can get him back for me’ the third day my husband stop the divorce and now will are to gather for good …..if you in any type of problem in your relationship contact him via email:
OR call him on his cell phone +2348073082462

Elli Avain



CALL PRIEST SANGOMA FOR ANY KIND OF SPELL +2348073082462 August 14, 2013 at 1:19 pm


I want to say thanks to PRIEST SANGOMA for bring back my lover to me , my husband said he want to divorce me for him to get marry to another woman after will have be together for 6 years few days for us to go and divorce i say some body testify of what a spell caster have done for her so i desired to give a try it was 7 days to go and divorce and when i contacted him , he said that he can get him back for me’ the third day my husband stop the divorce and now will are to gather for good …..if you in any type of problem in your relationship contact him via email:
OR call him on his cell phone +2348073082462

Elli Avain


jessica August 15, 2013 at 9:32 am

Dear Master spencer

I just want to take a few moments to personally thank you for helping me bring back my husband to me and his family. About eight months ago, I discovered that my husband of 11 years was having an affair with my next door neighbor and so called friend of five years.
When I found out about this affair, I approached him and he did confessed that he and She was having an affair and that he loved her and wanted to end our marriage and be with her.I was so devastated that I had to be hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. When I got better, I decided to go online and look for someone very good to help me. for a surprised! I was ripped off by many so called Psychics and Voodoo workers who all they did was to take my money with no results.Then one day, I saw your coment and was impressed by what you said ,but I was more impressed with the news reporter who was impressed by you and the fact he pointed out how many of your rivals were so jealous of you and spreading lies about you.
You just responded by simply saying, poof is in the tasting. That was when I made up my mind to contact you and I am so glad I did. After 21 days my husband had a big nasty fight with that woman and he called me from jail to get him out.
He told me that he was sorry and to please take him back. After having a few days of seriously talking we are now a happy family. I thank God for you each day for you and my family.
I want you to put this letter on your website, because I am shocked at the lies these other so called Psychics are doing to other people.
I want who ever reads this letter on your website to know that I do not work for you, you have not paid me and I am a very real person.iam swearing to God that all I have written to you is the honest truth!
That news man was right, you are very good and I can see why so many conning people hate you and hid behind phony names and websites.
Just like you said on your coment, the proof is in the tasting! And I have tasted your work and you are the best! so please contact him via

Your client for life



cynthia August 19, 2013 at 12:06 am

i want to share my testimonies to you all with the instruction from and the
permission from DR AGBER,i got to know him through his email address. am from SOUTH AFRICA but live in UNITED KINGDOM where i worked with my
company.last year my ex lover broke up with me and i was so devastated that
i could not have much to offer to my world again.everything turn down
against me.i did not allowed the feelings of love i had for him to lost.i
told DR AGBER and told him that i want my ex lover back.just a week later i
contacted him, my ex lover boyfriend send me text message on my
phone.apologizing for all that he did to me,i could not hold myself i told
him to come back to me and he promise to stay forever with me.just last
week ,my ex lover boyfriend proposed to me and fix date to get marriage to
me next month.all thanks to DR AGBER for the restoration of my joy and
happiness.please just take a step to resolve your problem through OR YOU CAN CALL HIS HOT LINE +2348100515075


Lord Harry August 22, 2013 at 5:32 pm


What are your needs and request and you keep bordering your self and you think no one am here for you there is still hope, try me and see. Am a powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one`s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell , have any one collected anything that has made you cry, pains you to your bone, come and see surprises. I don’t talk much but come and see for your self. Contact me Sir. Lord Harry via his email:



ELIZABETH August 28, 2013 at 8:36 am

my name is ELIZABETH ZELE from United States and i have been trying to conceive for so many years now more than 15years and i have had 2 miscarriages over the years , i went for series of test , health seminars and all that steel there is nothing working for me ,this my situation made my husband get depressed , one day i was stuffing GOOGLE on pregnancy tips and found out how so many women who has have like my situation have contacted ASHRA SPELL TEMPLE the great spell caster online and they got there solution ,

at first i was skeptical that it was a scam but i just had to give it a try and i never new that it was my moment of break through , i did get the email from one Mrs. Margaret who was help by this same ashra spell to get pregnant , i copied the email and i sent ashra an email and it was replied and i requested for the pregnancy spells after some questions and answer , the items to be used was gotten and the pregnancy spell was cast , the first month passed nothing happened and i was thinking maybe it was just like the others and it was a fair trial until the second month i noticed i missed my period for 11days when i check i found out i was pregnant and i can proudly say to all that am a proud mother of a baby boy now , for all those that think such things are scam just like i use to think is that give ASHRA a fair trial and i say you will never regret it, just like how Mrs. Margaret gave out ASHRA EMAIL THAT I COPIED so am also giving it out , you can contact this great spell caster ashra on or call +2348058176311 , I hope this information gives some one out there hope and faith





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margo September 4, 2013 at 11:49 am

this is Margo ,I want to thank you & the Spirits for all that you’ve done for me all these years. I’m thankful for all the time, money & effort you & the Spirits have put into my case. i have managed to win all court cases against me in short time through your powers, I will always be grateful, you saved me from life imprisonment. Sincerely,if you need his help contact email adress


lilian September 4, 2013 at 11:57 am

My Name is LATINA I am the happiest person on earth today because today My five years run away lover came back to me on his knees with tears on his eye begging me to forgive him and accept him back, Doctor obosianzen a great Spell caster made this possible with the help of a spell. i saw his email on the internet where a girl post on how Doctor obosianzen helped her so i decided to contact him and he told me that every thing will be fine and now i am happy because Doctor obosiazen is a man of his world because every thing went well as he promised me. Are you having misunderstanding with your love or is your love seeing someone ex ? what is your problem that you want to solve? contact Doctor obosianzen today via email and every thing will be fine okay his email:


ROLAND September 4, 2013 at 12:01 pm

I wanted you to know that in February I wrote and asked for some help. I needed some money. Three weeks after my spell was cast I won R25, 400. Then a week later I won R3, 4730, then R800, 290. Esther Cape town ” Thanks for casting a spell for me on march 20th. On the day you chose I won $3959 on Lotto. The next day I won $10000 at Bingo.” Ronald Lynbrook, NY if you need his help contact email adress


Diana Hyde September 12, 2013 at 7:00 pm

I knew I was reaching the end of my rope when I found Dr. Sanu e-mail online. Sadness and depression over losing my lover was reaching the point of unbearable. I didn’t even see our break up coming at all. I was sick & tired of being sad all the time. It couldn’t work, every time I sleep, watch TV etc. everything would remind me of him in some way. Basically, everything was more painful.
The moment I contacted Dr. Sanu I felt like there was a new hope of having my lover back because Dr. Sanu gave me a lot of confidence and was certain he was going to bring back my man and surprisingly he started to call me again after 48 hours and as you know, he came back begging for us to be together again. Dr. sanu Love Spell helped bring back love and harmony into my lost relationship . I promised myself I was going to tell the whole world about Dr. sanu if he helped me and here I am.

Some of you out there might need his help so maybe I should drop his mail;


blenda September 14, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Hello,everyone i am from Canada i never ever believed in spell until i meet a man called dr ogala who help me cast a spell that bring back my ex-lover who left me for two years before our marriage,His spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married with two kids and me and my [ex-lover] now husband are very happy more than ever before,what more can i say rather than to say thank you dr ogala for been there for me,contact him today and your life will never ever remain the same his email is, may the lord continue to use you to save people as you did to me, He is the best spell caster that can help you.


KITE September 16, 2013 at 5:34 pm

My ex-boy dumped me 4 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want her back in my life but she refused to have any contact with me. She changed her line and email address. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how a this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr trust and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and i immediately pleaded and ask her to forgive me. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,i was awarded a contract of 5 Million Pound for 4 years. Once again thank you Dr trust,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: { UILTIMATESPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM }. He is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his good work because people are still talking about him on the Internet and Radio Stations. His Phone number is +2348156885231. : England


KITE September 16, 2013 at 5:34 pm

My ex-boy dumped me 4 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want her back in my life but she refused to have any contact with me. She changed her line and email address. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how a this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr trust and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and i immediately pleaded and ask her to forgive me. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,i was awarded a contract of 5 Million Pound for 4 years. Once again thank you Dr trust,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: { UILTIMATESPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM }. He is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his good work because people are still talking about him on the Internet and Radio Stations. His Phone number is +2348156885231. : England


Mary September 18, 2013 at 5:10 pm

Hello everyone my name is Mary,my mouth is full of testimony. i never believe this could have happen but Dr.jujlove restored my my husband love me more than ever.
my husband left me and the kids for 2 years, i did everything humanly possible to get him back i prayed i even fasted nothing work out.
i was so diver stated i was left with nothing no money to pay for kids up keep. no job my life was tearing apart. till when i head that he was trying to get married to another lady in Italy,Rome..i quickly rush and email Dr.Jujulove for help and i was skeptical because i don’t really believe he can bring him back to me because its too long we have contacted each other,we only comment on each other status on Facebook and when ever he come online he has never talk anything about coming back to me,now i really believe that there is Magic and Dr.Jujulove is a really God sent and has Magic because all these things is still like a dream to me,Dr.Jujulove told me in the first mail that everything will be fine,i called him and he assure me,i have so many doubt but now am happy,i can’t believe it my husband broke up with his Italian lady and he is now coming back to me and he can’t even explain how everything goes, all he said to me was that he want me back,i am really happy and i cried so much because it was just like i am born a new and am really happy and my entire family are happy for me but they never know whats the secret behind this…i want you all divorce lady or single mother to please contact this man for help and everything will be fine i really guarantee you..i have tell all my friends who are in unhappy relationship and they have seen solution in few days ago…if you want to contact him you can reach him through ( or number:2347066207498 that is where you can get to him and i assure you it gonna work fine with you and you will be happy
i am out of .words am just happy and i will be happy forever because i can never have any problem having Dr Jujulovespellcaster.


Audrey September 21, 2013 at 3:40 am

I need to share this with the whole world . Here is my story, since May this year I couldn’t get over my boyfriend who has been in a relationship with me for over two years, suddenly he lost his interest in me and was seeing another girl. Well on the other side I ended up badly hurt and I was madly in love. I started seeing DR. Sanu contact mail ( on several blogs of different people testifying how they had help from DR. Sanu so I contacted DR. Sanu and asked him to help me bring back my boyfriend…The case was extremely complicated all this waiting time was terrible for me so I was bothering DR. Sanu with mails and a lot of questions and he was always there to respond to me calmly. When I thought I had lost my man forever DR. Sanu brought him back to me within only just 48 hours. He begged for forgiveness and said he regrets ever leaving me for someone. I was shocked and a bit lost but thankful to Dr. Sanu for bringing me back to life ……Thank you DR. Sanu for everything you did for me and for being truly there to help me.


Stacey Sleck September 28, 2013 at 8:29 am

i just want to share my testimony here.. i was married for 15 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the life of my husband.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned me and my 5 kids.. so someone told me about trying love spell to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster called dr. ogala spell…so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn’t believe in all those things… then when he cast the spell, after 3 days that he told me, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn’t believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are case anyone needs this man help, his email address his spells is for a better life.


mrs maria September 29, 2013 at 6:02 am

My name is Mrs. maria,From USA ,and
I’m happily married with a lovely husband and
three children.I had a very big problem with my
husband few months ago,to the extent that he
even packed his things away from our house. He
left I and and my kids for almost 5 months,and i
tried all my possible best and effort to bring him
back.l discussed it with a very good friend of
mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a
spell caster, that he is the only one that can
handle my situations and problem,that he’s
always ready and able to do anything related to
spell casting and helping of the needy, pleas
every one i would like you all to contact him
with his email address,which is as
follows.””. I
never believed in spell casting,but My friend
convinced me and i had no choice than to follow
my friend advice,because i never dreamed of
loosing my lovely Husband. And i contacted him
with his email address,and i discussed with him
all my problems and worries and so
surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my husband
back a day after. I didn’t believed Him, until
when i got home,the next day,my husband
called me to inform me that he is coming back
home…..So Amazing!! That’s how i got my back
through spell casting and our relationship was
stronger than ever. One of the price i was asked
to pay was to tell it to the people around me that
problems like this,can always be solved by
awani. So! my advice to you out there is to visit
this same E-mail address,and tell him your
problems too,if you are in any condition related
to love issue or getting your ex back or and
problem at all, pleas Contact him and have a happy
life. you can contact him via email
( )


Stacey Sleck September 30, 2013 at 12:10 am

i am so happy that my husband is back to me he now adore and respect me anything I tell him that is what he follows all thanks to dr ogala, the great spell caster,this man his the best and straight forward spell caster that tells you the truth and you will get result under 1 day,other spell caster are scam but dr ogala, is very trustworthy please if you need your lover once back please kindly contact dr ogala on his private mail


KATE October 4, 2013 at 4:23 pm

What a wonderful spell caster that has brought back happiness to my life, I got married to Paul and we loved and cherish ourselves so much but he just woke up one morning saying he needs a divorce I was so damn surprise to hear that statement from Paul the next day I got a letter from the lawyer that I should be in court on the 4th of September I was like how would I start this new month with a court case and as well I was also trying to get a loan which I have been paying for and I need got the loan so then I contacted Dr Sakura after I read lots of reviews about him on the internet I had confident in him that he would surly cancel the divorce and also my loan would be credited Dr Sakura just told me that everything would be sorted out within 48 hours I put all my trust in him because Dr Sakura does not believe in Black magic or Voodoo power he believes in Almighty God believe me within 48 hours the divorce that we where suppose to go to court was canceled and as well my loan which I have been trying to get for 3 years was credited it was a wonderful news and as well my lover came and apologize to me and told the lawyer to will all his properties to me and make everything be in my name and made me had his SSN, and ATM pin jusT to prove to me that he wont leave me for any reason am so happy today and please if you need help just contact Dr Sakura on or cell number +2348018978213.


tracey October 5, 2013 at 2:56 pm

My Name is mrs tracey, From United Kingdom. I wish to
share my testimonies with the general public about
this man called dr. okanigben has just done for me , this
has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with
great spell, I was married to this man called Steven
were together for a long time and we loved our self’s
when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he
me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was
looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine
me about this man and gave his contact
+2348183347499 then you won’t believe this
when I contacted this man on my problems he
this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and
after a
month I miss my month and go for a test and the
stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a
baby girl, thank you once again the great Dr.okanigben for
you have done for me, if you are out there passing
through any of this problems listed below:
1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
contact him;
or call +2348183347499


santo October 6, 2013 at 5:16 am

For a very long time before i became aware of my wife infidelity, i was lost in our relationship.I always felt like there was something missing in our relationship.The love she felt for me was almost never here.We grown further apart from each other or rather she grown apart from me giving excuses with work and all other things but deep down i knew something was wrong only that i thought the problem was from my side. I thought that i was killing our marriage somehow but really i didn’t know what i did or ever did wrong to place our marriage on the edge of a knife.I remember suggesting we book yourself for marriage counselling.It was suppose to let us understand the reason why our marriage was failing and why her love was drowning.She was so good at lying that she made me feel like i wasn’t being a good husband.She made sure all the problem was going from my angle but really she was the cheating one among us.She was so good at covering her tracks that there was little or no room to make me think she was cheating on me.After three years of being a superhuman all her covers were blown an the entire thing was out or would say i was a fool for three years cos from the way it happened i feel she decided to let everything come out that she was cheating on me with an Italian painter .Cos even when i knew and was furious and asked for a divorces she didn’t even care all she said was i should speak to her lawyer about it and that was all i ever heard from and about her it was like she left the country with the guy i really didn’t know anything about this guy i only knew he was a painter that was all she disclosed i didn’t even get a name or any sort of information and when she left our house it was all i saw of her.Even when processing the divorce my heart and soul was craving for the wife i loved with all my heart.Tried all i could to make myself believe it was over on the grounds that she lied cheated and was not even sorry for anything but heaven knew that i wanted her back badly.I believe that was what made me even think of searching on the internet on how to mend a broken marriage.I was so clear that i needed her back that my miserable life was so incomplete without her .I got lucky my search on the internet on how to mend a broken relationship which ended up helping me.I kinda was referred to a spell caster named SYNAGOGUE as they wrote his is quite good with this work using spell to get back exes and from my experience he is really good at it.Ok some people may Think i am just spamming but that is something i can never do cos it will be going against my morals as a human though there are a lot of lying spell caster but synagogue isn’t one of them that i know cos he help me get my wife back he restored the love we shared together at the beginning of our marriage.Moreover article about him is all over the internet and they are all positive reviews.I only needed four items for the spell and all other little thing i had to do but trust me all he did worked all those little thing are just the finally process to make the spell effective.Every penny i spent on those item were worth it it was not a waste of cash cos he fufilled his promise to help get my wife back.If you may like to contact him for him use this email address:


kenny October 7, 2013 at 6:09 pm

I am Mrs Kenny, i never believes in spells and magic until I experienced one sometime s ago and it really worked for me. I was in love. With this guy and he is in love with me too for 4 years and we were. Ready to get married until this lady strolled along and took my man away from me. I was really devastated so I confided in a friend of mine who now introduce me to dr laku,and he said that he is going to help me cast a spell that we brought back my man within three day, and he did he is the best spell cast in the word you can contact his email, Friends I must tell you the truth dr laku is a very reliable spell caster.


Madison October 9, 2013 at 2:58 am

My name is Madison I live in UK, Two years ago i married a lady called Mary, we had two children together, we were very happy to be husband and wife, so when i travel on business trip to Brazil, i spent 1 year in Brazil due to my kind of business, i and my wife talked on phone all the time, we chat on the Internet, i never knew that my wife had started cheating on me by going out with her old school friend called Jude, i never knew something was going wrong till i came back from my trip, then i and My wife started having problems, she goes out and come back late at night, she changed in a strange way that i could not endure, i tried to do everything to please her but it got worst, so one day she left the house and never came back, i tried reaching her but all to no avail, i never knew she traveled with her new lover which was Jude Germany only to find a letter on the table that she is gone with her man, i wanted her so much because of the children she left for me and because i loved her so much too, because of the heart break she put me into, due to my present situation of being absent minded all the time a friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster called.?????. At first i was skeptical because i never believe all this spell casting, but he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days.. 3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I never believed this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work until she finally came on her knees begging for forgiveness.The spell caster is so powerful the man is indeed the most powerful spell caster i have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way can reach him here:


AMANDA October 10, 2013 at 7:35 pm

My Name is Amanda Nash from USA. My boyfriend had been gone for about 7 months, I contacted Dr.OSUSU from other testifiers and within a few minutes of speaking with him, I realized that Dr.OSUSU spell was the one person whom I could completely trust. I didn’t expect the spell would work so fast. Within 48 hours, my boyfriend was back in my life. I want to express my warmest gratitude to Dr. OSUSU spell Temple. I’ll never ever forget all the happiness you gave me. I’ll like to share his contact OR his phone number +2347063164747


jane October 12, 2013 at 2:43 am

I and my boy friend as been separated for a long period, I cam across different spell caster and they were all unable to bring my lover back. I was so sad and almost gave up on him when i met a spell man called DR OLOKUM, who helped me get my lover back. Ever since then i have been so happy and couldnt believe it would happen. He also helped me with success spell, I have been living happily with my lover now and will be getting married soon. Here is his contact if you need his help. LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM


Emiliano Babarah October 19, 2013 at 8:57 am

I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another woman. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help.And i saw a testimony of a spell caster who help a girl called michelle and i said let me give it a try so i contact him for help and he cast a love spell for me which i use in getting my love back and now i am a happy woman.For what you have done for me,i will not stop to share your goodness to people out there for the good work you are doing.I hope God blesses you as much as you have help me to get my Love back,visit him on is the only answer to your problemS


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my names are Leonard Wilsonian want to testify to the how world of my good experience with Dr UDUEHI the spell caster, my wife ran away from our marriage after 3 years of marriage because she felt i was not the right man for her due to the fact that she was been deceived by her friends in her working place . and she also took our only son along with her so after she left i was not my self because i loved her so so much so i vowed not to rest until i am able to bring my wife back home because i knew she was be deceived by her friends so i began to look for what to do so one day as i was browsing i saw a post about this Dr UDUEHI of on how he helped a lady to restored her relationship so i decided to give him try believe me when i tell my story to Dr UDUEHI him assure me three days my wife will come back home and that was what actually happened so with these great thing Dr UDUEHI has just done for me i have promise to always share his testimonies for others to hear bye


Scott October 26, 2013 at 8:22 pm

I am Scott from USA, after 9 years in marriage with my wife, he divorced
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carine November 29, 2013 at 6:32 pm

Hi My name is Kenny Carina just want to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 4 years with 3 kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster DR OLOKUM, who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 3 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can email him on LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM


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My husband lost his job on Dec 1st and has slowly been looking for a new job. In the mean time my massage carre has really taken off. Which is perfect timing and this is the only way we are able to pay our bills. I took a catering job this past weekend to get extra money and had my in-laws spend time with my son and husband. I arranged the day so that my husband wouldn’t be sitting infront of the tv all day playing video games and my 6yr old would have to enertain himself all day. My husband and son made it back home after a movie and time with the grandparents around 4:30. My husband sent a text to let me know and ask how things were going with the catering. My son saw his friends outside and asked if he could play outside with tehm. We usually have our middle daughter go with him to make sure he is safe, but she was with me that day. My husband walked down the street and asked the older sister of y sons friends if it would be ok if our son played with the friends and if the sister would look after him. Once my son was outside and in-laws were gone my husband turned on the video games and took a couple shots of tequila. My son came home and my husband let him play on the computer so he could continue playing video games undistrubed. When I came home at about 7pm half the bottle of tequila was gone and my husband was still playing video games. My son had stopped playing on the computer and was playing with legos. I dumped the rest of the bottle of tequila down the sink without saying anything to my husband. A few minutes later my husband emerges off the couch and looks for the shot glass, which I had placed in the sink with the dirty dishes that have been there all day. It would’ve been nice if he put them in the dishwasher! He washed the shot glass out, but in the mean time I placed the bottle on the fllor next to the trash, out of sight. He asked where it was and i told him I put it away. He asked “where” and i said “away”! He asked why I hid it from him? I told him because half the bottle was gone. He said he started at 5:30 and had only taken a couple of shots. I asked him why is it that you are unable to spend time with your son and not drink? Why do you have to always drink? Which in all honesty he doesnt drink daily, but he could drink a six pack of sam adams alone and be fine, maybe have a decent buzz. But we arent talking about beer, we are talking about tequila. His answer to me was this “Don’t worry it won’t happen again”. He also said to me that I hate his games, everything he does is stupid and I won’t let him have any fun. What does that mean? Also, he is supposed to be spending time with our son not sending him down the street to play while he plays video games. In addition, he didnt even make dinner for our son and himself. They went to a 1pm movie where my son ate popcorn. It was 7pm when I got home. To me that is immature for a 37 yr old man to be playing video games while he puts his child on the computer with headphones on so that he wont interrupt his game. I just can’t trust him, he’s a horrible father and husband.


joyce December 9, 2013 at 5:52 pm

My name is Mrs joyce from united kingdom i got married at the age of 30 i have only one child and i was living happily .After 5 year of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don’t really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dreams of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail i cry seeking for help i discussed it with my best friend and she promise to help me he told me of a man called PRINCE AYAWU, he is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning love issues he cannot do that is why they call him the great doctor. I contacted him And i told him everything that happen all he told me is that i should not worry that all my problems will be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 4 days my husband will come back to me and start begging, it really happen i was very surprise and very happy our relationship was now very tight and we both live happily again.So my advice for you now is to contact this same email address if you are in any kind of situation concerning love issues and any other things that give you problems contact him.


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joy January 7, 2014 at 3:08 am

I am williams by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage, my wife left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called High Priest OLORUN which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 7 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped High Priest OLORUN ‘s e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. High Priest OLORUN is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man… If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High Priest OLORUN anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here’s his contact:{


williams January 16, 2014 at 10:10 pm

I am williams by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage, my wife left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called High Priest OLORUN which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 7 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped High Priest OLORUN ‘s e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. High Priest OLORUN is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man… If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High Priest OLORUN anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here’s his contact:{


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cynthia jerry February 9, 2014 at 3:32 am

My Name is Cynthia Jerry i have a testimony to say; I have been married for five years without any child, nor pregnancy and so i became very sad and lost hope in life because my doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant and this really make life so hard for me and this made my husband to turn away from me. My sister in-law told me about DR ASOKA from the Internet, how he has helped people with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him and explained to him. He told me not to worry and that everything we soon be okay. He cast a spell and it was a miracle, to my greatest surprise three days later my husband came back to apologize for all he has done and told me he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few months later i got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are now a happy family. Thanks to DR ASOKA for saving my relationship and for also helping others too. continue your good work, If you are interested to contact DR ASOKA for your solution now EMAIL him at ( drasokasolutionhome@gmail . com) for any help you want him to do for you. Thank you Great DR. once again and may your gods reward you for your good deeds.


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I am Norup Carissa from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. my marriage is restored after 2 year of broken marriage, i was in love with this man so much and we have been married for 6 years now with two kids. when he went for a vacation to France, there he meant a lady, and i tried every thing possible to reach him but i was unable to reach him so there was a day he called me and told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more, i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don’t know what to do i was emotionally down so i day i came across testimonies about a spell caster called high priest ADODO, Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also came across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Wayne joy,she testified about how he brought back her husband in less than 3 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped High Priest ADODO ‘s e-mail address. After reading all these, i contacted him and explained my problem he told me not to worry that my husband will come back to me but i never believe him, he told me what to do and of which i did, he told me he is going to bring him back to me within 3days. He also told me by three days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After three day my husband called and told me he is coming back, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman,if you need any restore in your relationship or any other problem contact high priest ADODO, here is he his email address He might be of help to you.


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Miller March 7, 2014 at 6:43 pm

My wife has accused me of a lot of things in our years of marriage some of those accusation were true and i admitted to doing them but am to much in love with her to give her an s.t.d. She was down to end our marriage cos she believed i gave an s.t.d. She had a good reason to believe that cos of late i haven’t been the best husband. Thank God that s@@t was clarified in the Trisha show that i was not responsible for the s.t.d. She was in love with me as i was in love with her. Yes i will admit to the fact that i f$$ked up so many times but we always got around our problem i don’t mean avoid it i mean we fixed our problem like real adults but my stepson always thought i was not good enough for his mother. We never really got along. I never hated him, but he just didn’t like me and i wasn’t gonna suck up to him.He just wanted me out of their life and our problem just made it possible for him to see that happen cos he also accused me of giving my wife, his mother s.t.d. I agreed to do the Trisha show thinking maybe it will help fix our marriage but it made it even worse. After the show she was more down to leave me. She asked that i move out of the house filed for a divorce and all. I thought she will come to her sense and see that though she had s.t.d i still wanted to be with her. I thought if i should give her time the anger and bitterness will die but it didn’t even after a whole month after everything.She had the divorce papers delivered to me. I could not let her go just like that.I got desperate and i started panicking so i used a spell to get her back i know most people don’t believe and you may call me crazy but it worked for me. I found a comment on the Internet about this spell caster Metodo Ell. The comment said he doesn’t do spell for those who are not meant to be together. I mean i believe with all my heart that she is the one thing i needed in my life and i also know she needs me too so i thought he could help me get her back.He agreed to help me cos he also said we are soul mate.All i needed for the spell were materials to get the spell done. I could not get them so i paid him to get them for me since he is the expert in this stuff.After three days, he sent me a substance with instructions on how to make the spell effective and i did as he directed but honestly it took seven days to work i guess good things don’t work like zap. As far as i can tell that s$$t worked cos all my marriage problem just fell off my shoulder AFTER THE SPELL WAS CAST.My wife didn’t go through with the divorce and stepson is cool with me now. If you want to get him to cast a spell for you contact him here with this email address metodoacamufortress@yahoo. com he could also do a direct spell maybe it meant cost a little more than mine i don’t know him only can tell you that..


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Julie March 8, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Well, today is the 8th of march and Jim asked me if we could be back together this morning. Of course I said yes. Thanks to you priestess Munak, thanks to the spirits, thank you God. I cannot thank you enough priestess for bringing him back into my life. I didn’t think it was never gonna be possible possible after all i did to him, I had lost my hope and most of any little faith that I had to begin with, but thanks to you, I have my love and my life back. Thank you. God bless you many many times over for all the help you give to people, you have a beautiful gift to humanity, priestess email is priestessmunak@ gmail. com. contact her on relationship or life issues


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veronica tom March 13, 2014 at 5:47 pm

My name is veronica from Canada I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is still unbelievable to me until now. I had a problem with my husband 5years ago, which lead to our break up. when he broke up with me, I was not my self again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine Lucy told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem, his name is Dr ADE. I email Dr ADE the spell caster and i told him my problem and, i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening my husband called me and told me that he was coming back to me in just 2days and i was so happy to have him back to me. We have two kids together and we are happy. Thanks to Dr ADE for saving my relationship and for also saving others own too. continue your good work sir, If you are interested to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell caster email address is ( or call his mobile number +2348156784928 you are the best among all the spell caster online I hope you see my testimonies and also pray for my family too.


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Faith April 11, 2014 at 8:01 pm

My Husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my husband will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my husband came knocking on my door begging for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Priest Osaze, You are truly talented and gifted. Email: spirituallove@hotmail. com is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.Email him now if you need his help spirituallove@hotmail. com


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