Why online dating gets a bad name…

by mssinglemama on April 28, 2008

Here are some personals ads I found on Craigslist tonight. Went here on purpose knowing I would find gold! These are aboslutely, 100% authentic. My notes are in italics. Enjoy.

Breakfast in Bed? (Yuck!!! – I don’t want to see ANYONE at 5:00am, let alone a stranger.)

Consider getting to know me over breakfast in bed? I know this sounds completely out of the ordinary and you probably are thinking “OK I know where this is going”, but hold on. Seriously, breakfast in bed with a stranger. We set the boundaries, determine the proper attire for our breakfast in bed date and then order the food. I love the early morning hours so would like to do this between 5:00 and 7:00 am (I suppose I have just lost most of you). I want to sit side by side, pillow behind our backs, trays on our laps, fresh brewed coffee aroma swirling through the air, toast and jelly, perhaps eggs and bacon, OJ and some giggly laughter. After breakfast we get up and head off to meet the day.

Are you adventourous enough to join me?

Ugly, but Got Money!!! (Seriously? Has to be a joke. Either way it’s hysterical.)

Just to let you know, Single WM with a good job, house and things like that. There is only one big, really big problem - I am sooooo ugly, people i know tell me that I am pretty, then add laughing, pretty ugly. What am I to do with all this money I have but no one to spend it on? Guess it just a problem, but a good problem, to have if you are really, really ugly and have lots of money!

Walk and a Movie? (This guy has never slept with a human.)

I’m looking for someone interested in going for a walk today and catching a movie. Nothing serious, but just an attempt at human interaction. I would prefer someone with nice manners, who is witty, semi-dorky and enjoys conversation.

Perhaps we could even see a movie. If you’re interested send me a photo so I may verify that you’re a real person (this city is full of spambots and weirdos) and I will do so in return.

Assignment: go to your area’s Craigslist personals section and post some funny ones in the comment field … or just tell me about your online dating adventures or mis-adventures. And if you wrote these, read my tips on writing an online personal ad.

Want more? Can’t take credit, but this is hilarious – Top 10 Most Bizarre (but REAL!) Personals Ads.

P.S. Speaking of online dating, here’s my review of e-Harmony, the biggest crock out there … (sorry but I’m still mad at them for not giving me a refund.)

Related posts:

  1. Does your online dating profile need a make over?
  2. Online Dating: Rules of Thumb
  3. Online Dating Etiquette: How to break up…virtually.
  4. Online shopping – my only option.
  5. E-harmony Dating Review: for the single parent or any other dater

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

alanglz April 29, 2008 at 12:14 am

jaja really funny
well online dating is very weird, for one instance you can talk with all your heart and tell nothing but the true, and on the other hand you can lie till your hand gets dusty
just passing to say hi
have a nice day

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whatmenthink April 29, 2008 at 4:15 am

Hilarious. I have actually read craigslist ads for entertainment as well.

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dadshouse April 29, 2008 at 11:06 am

MSM – your town has spambots AND weirdos? We just have spam!

I agree with you and have blogged time and again (and will continue to do so), online dating doesn’t work.

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DatingatForty April 29, 2008 at 11:24 am

I didn’t even know Craigslist had personals, but what a find — if you happen to be looking for some serious freaks. Among the married, the kinky, the pitiful and the perverted, look what I found:

I am a wealthy 64 year old male, with not a lot of time to live. I am looking for a woman to marry me, and love me for me and not my assets. I will take care of you as long as you can appreciate my fat belly, bald head, hairy back, short stature, and reduced sex-drive, and false teeth.

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Lauren April 29, 2008 at 12:58 pm

None of the ads in my area were that interesting to read, but I did find two good titles:

“young attractive mail looking to please women of any age” – I can understand the occasional spelling error in a personal ad, but to write “mail” instead of “male”? Now, that’s bad!

“looking for an awesome broad”

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sparklingmama April 29, 2008 at 1:23 pm

The Craigslist postings really are hilarious. It’s kind of frightening though!

There are normal guys out there too, right??

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chatanika April 29, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Here’s one from my area…

“outdoor guy who is single would like to borrow your kitchen. i love to cook and have been wondering the usa and find myself camping in town and am hoping to meet a single lady who would allow me to use you kitchen to make a dinner for two i supply groceries you supply a cozy envirement for us to dine …i am polite respectful and well mannered all i ask is that you be sane and good conversationalist.If there is some chemistry awesome if not well maybe a make a new friend…bye for now..”

Awesome! He’s a slacking bum!

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Pammy Girl April 29, 2008 at 4:38 pm

I know someone who does stuff like that! He usually scours match.com with similar lines except he’s a bit more open about what he wants: he pretty much tells people he wants a one-night stand and gets it. YUK! I can’t imagine actually thinking that type of behavior is acceptable let alone participates in it.

“Rich, divorce WM with 2 children but you’ll never meet them because I just want meaningless sex for the night… nothing more.”

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mommypie April 29, 2008 at 4:55 pm

Okay, I just went to my area’s site, and it’s full of nothing but PREVERTS. Seriously. I guess, at least they’re honest.

Yech.

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mssinglemama April 29, 2008 at 4:58 pm

OMG. I’m seriously laughing out loud at all of your great comments everyone… this is hysterical. I know, can you believe these are real?

I guess my community has a ton of weirdos. Live in a big city, so that’s probably why.

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polisny April 29, 2008 at 6:40 pm

wow, yeah… some of those comments are fun to read. I feel sorry for those people. Man, that guy who said … just be sane and conversationalist, can you imagine his life? so sad!

I wont make fun of them, but sometimes they seem funny as things to advertise..

I just wanted to let you know MSM that I copied this post(not the comments) to show someone a good example of a blog on the internet. I was trying to explain to her that if she does not tell us that her conversation was actually from an article, that we will not know. She proceeded to share with me that the long-standing custom on the internet is to entitle your recorded conversation or article in any way you like, and that the link to the actual place, like craigslist or L.A. Times does not actually need to be seen in the link, nor does the link need to be specified as a link.

I was so confused!
Good job on the format, and funny sutff!

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Tracy May 1, 2008 at 1:24 pm

Ok…this one made me snorfle coffe through my nose!

“I’m looking for something very specific.
Please do not respond if you do not meet at least 97.3% of the listed qualifications.

- Beehive hairdo (or severe bob).
- Foreign accent (or can fake one).
- Own a car (and can drive it).
- Wear knee socks and/or headscarves.
- Mature (30 up)
- Own a small breed of dog (or a very large breed of dog – nothing in between).
- Large collection of vintage clothing.
- Wealthy (no exceptions).
- Own a cocktail shaker.
- Looking for arm candy.

Please send a brief description of your day to day lifestyle “

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polisny May 1, 2008 at 1:50 pm

Wow! This says so much about that person! Does it not? I find that with the possibly foolish trait of gumption, that it says a lot!
Once, in an agency with which I used to work, I was speaking to a girl from Switzerland, and she was saying that she had a friend who flatly refused to speak or at all associate with people who were not clearly wealthy. Funnily, such adds as this remind me of that moment… that kind of realization that although we are all human, we can all be very different. wow!

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polisny May 1, 2008 at 1:58 pm

Behive hairdo!!!!? Clearly she was not being literal! And worse still, hopefully not figurative! Imagine, a rich guy (that does not own a car) and has fake russian accent! Or worse, a British accent said to be French! YIK-IES!!

Cocktail shaker? Has this become the almighty symbol of the nightman? I know of no such male! One who can fluff about under a sexual guise of eccentricity while also be the very adequate monsieur of a far-away abode. He who is this and still the very sophisicated that has worked his way up the rungs of mixing and making all that dines!

At the end, though… I guess there are worse names than dreamer…

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Tracy May 1, 2008 at 2:03 pm

these also gave me a wee chuckle…

“The dental hygienist told me today that I have great teeth. She was surprised to learn that I have never worn braces.

I’d like to build a relationship based on trust, understanding, good sex, and great teeth.

Please send a picture of your own great teeth in your reply. ”

“sane good looking tall man seeks very hairy woman”

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Dawn May 1, 2008 at 5:53 pm

LOL Im goin to blog on this right now…lol

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Stephanie May 7, 2008 at 8:44 pm

Hahahaha, some of these are so funny!!!

I stopped using CL for backpage.com quite a while ago….

“The things I’ve seen in war caused me to become slightly introverted, and a little more shy than I was before. It’s been harder for me to meet a nice girl since.”

That makes me sad…if I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d take him out.

Oh by the way, I met my boyfriend online! So miracles can happen!

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