You’re a single mom?!!!

by mssinglemama on April 27, 2008

I love seeing the look on men’s faces when I say, “Okay. You have to leave now.” or “It’s 11:00 o’clock! Holy crap. You’ve got to go. I need to sleep.”


We say “I’m a single mom.”

They try to digest it. Think they can. Get over it.

And then when that moment comes. The moment when you absolutely must sleep because you have to wake up at the crack of dawn…99.9% of them just stare with a blank face.

All dating rules they’d ever known are thrown out the door. Because they’re looking into the face of a very attractive, strong and sexy woman who has one mission – and that mission does not involve them.

Related posts:

  1. How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2
  2. Single Mom Night Out
  3. Single moms and the men who love us.
  4. Boyfriend + toddler + work = tired single mama
  5. Do men really care if you’re a single mom?

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

travelnooks April 28, 2008 at 1:18 am

Haha, I can imagine that! A friend of mine married a single mom though, but he said it was really rocky at first.


Rishat Muhametshin April 28, 2008 at 2:11 am

You break every woman into three parts: mom, wife and “sexy and attractive woman”, like any male will do, because if he wants to see sexy, he wouldn’t see a mom of her child. But since the moment he realizes, that child belongs to him, too, he can combine these three parts into one loved woman. Am I right?


stevieh2 April 28, 2008 at 6:22 am

No Rishat, you’re not right. The children will never belong to a stepfather, as the mother always has the right to pull rank. You are not an equal in the household and will always ultimately be bottom of the heap.


Jim April 28, 2008 at 8:46 am

stevieh2 is right. The child will always come first. You will never be an equal, and you have to realize that if you feel like you are ‘dad’ it’s only because she’s letting you believe you are ‘dad’, and, like stated above, can pull rank at any time.

I even adopted my ex’s son, but at the end of the day, I had very little say.

Mssinglemama, if you only have one mission, and that mission does not include the man, why would you date in the first place? Seems cruel.


mssinglemama April 28, 2008 at 9:12 am

The mission in this case was going to bed – without them. Perhaps I should have been more direct.

My mission, at this moment in time, definitely does not involve finding a husband or a man. And that’s why I’m not dating anyone. This weekend I had a few guys and girls over and when it was time for bed – I just told them – hey everyone – out.

It’s just funny because sleep, my sleep, reigns supreme over any potential “hook up” with a guy. And their faces – they just don’t know what to do. They’re “game” is thrown off.

If I weren’t a single mom (b/c I wasn’t always one) – the guys would linger and prod – asking me to stay up- trying to score or stretch the evening out.

And I have to disagree with what you said Jim about the child always coming first. When I grew up the kids weren’t first – Mom was. And that’s how my Dad raised us … mom first, you second, me third.

I have a very big, big heart. I can imagine one day loving a husband as much as my son (in a very different way). This is hard to express – but I think our “new family” – if that ever happens would ideally be just that – a family. A family where everyone is on equal ground.


DatingatForty April 28, 2008 at 10:37 am

Your dad’s a smart man. I bet your parents had/have a long happy marriage.


jon b April 28, 2008 at 1:37 pm

No offense to the men but I think you are dead wrong. Marriage means a committment to eachother, and to God. It means you are equal partners, and your number one priority is the raising of your children.

My bio-dad was never a part of my life. My mom and FATHER got together when I was four and both raised me. I would even say there were times my dad pulled rank, and vice versa. Marriage isn;t just some “I love you but not your kids” relationship. If that’s how you feel, then you shouldn’t be involved.

If I spend my time with a child, help with discipline, put my personal life aside to include both you and him, leave my friends behind(which happens believe me), and commit my financial resources to the family, I absolutely have equal say at the very least. Marriage is a partnership, not Parent 1 and 1a.

My girlfriend and I discuss everything involving her son. At this juncture I do not have final say as we are not married yet. But I do share my feelings and ideas on things as eventually “the ex” will be my business. Her son may not carry my genes, but he mimics my behavior, calls me “dad jon,” and sees her and I as his parents. I am not “daddy” to him. I never will be, I will be “dad jon.” I certainly do not pretend to think I could have the same connection to him that his mother does. Even for me, “mommy” is the FIRST person on my contacts list.

I think most men are put off by not being priority one. We are by nature very selfish and do not like the competition for a woman’s attention. However, for me if I could get the attention so easily i wouldn’t respect the woman because her child wouldn;t be a priority. Closeness is earned with a single mom. She may show interest, make a move, go on a few dates, but at some point you have to step to the plate and show her that you are mature enough to handle the responsibilty, even a portion of it, that she has in her life. Once you make this decision you either walk away, or move even closer and have the chance to experience something no single woman could ever share with you.


Jim April 29, 2008 at 10:17 am

Hey, jon b – no offense, but I’ve been there, you haven’t.

Sounds like stevieh2 has been where I’ve been.

I especially found this amusing:
“If I spend my time with a child, help with discipline, put my personal life aside to include both you and him, leave my friends behind(which happens believe me), and commit my financial resources to the family, I absolutely have equal say at the very least. Marriage is a partnership, not Parent 1 and 1a.”

Ha. You may THINK it’s going to go down that way, but I bet not. Look – when you marry a single mother, you ARE parent 1a. I thought I was an “equal partner” for 10 years, until my wife’s son (whom I had adopted!) became a teenager. When it came to power struggles, Son was always right in Mom’s eyes, and Dad (me) was always wrong. And it ended in a divorce.

And I don’t really know how you got this “I love you but not your kids” thing from what I wrote. I STILL love my son, and always will – in fact, we get along better since the divorce. Mainly because when we’re together, Mom isn’t around to get between us.

It’s great that you’re non-bio dad had equal say in your upbringing. My son has never met his bio-dad. I’m the only dad he has ever known. I think you’re situation was the exception, not the norm.

One last thing – all I wanted from my wife was equal consideration. No one – NO ONE – should have to be second-place. EVERYONE can be No. 1.


mssinglemama April 29, 2008 at 10:40 am

Simmer down boys. Simmer down. We are all different and so is every situation. Jon that was your situation and it sounds horrible, and probably one most step-parents face at some point in time. But we can’t generalize and say that every step-parent situation will go down as yours did.


jon b May 1, 2008 at 2:24 pm

Jim that wasn’t at you. I certainly meant no disrespect. I may have generalized due to what I have observed amongst my peers. Perhaps the relationship between my mother and father is not the norm. My girl and I work together and she has a lot of patience with me with regard to being a quasi parental unit.

Forgive my brashness everyone.


Leave a Comment