Sometimes the guy turns out to be a jerk, and that’s that. Sometimes the woman turns out to be a jerk, and that’s that. Sometimes the husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend dont’ see eye to eye, and that’s that. And sometimes people die or become mentally unstable.

“Let’s all blame the female mother” is not the solution. “Let’s educate our sons and daughters as to how to prevent these difficult situations” is more like it.

The solution for the present is to educate people on how to cope (like this website attempts to). The solution for the future is to educate kids and young adults not only in birth control, but also in how to choose a mate they can relate to for the long term.

As for glamorizing, I don’t think this website does that at all. I think the blogger portrays the situation for what it is, and is making the best of it.

I am a single parent. I have been a single parent for almost 8 years……my son is now 8…you get the picture….

My choice to be a single parent IS in the best interest of my child….why you may ask? I saved him from growing up thinking it was ok to treat woman in a (shall we say) less than an appropriate way verbally, mentally and physically.

I DO work full time……but he is in school full time. There are exactly 2hrs and 22min between his school day ending and my picking him up….the rest IS our quality time. We don’t need to spend every breathing moment together ( and quite frankly that’s not healthy!), but we spend every quality moment we can.

If I want me time….I hop in that bath after he’s gone to bed or ,thankfully I am blessed to have a wonderful family who love to spend time with him. He is not ‘farmed’ out to my X’s.

Yes, I am free…and I do not ‘expose’ my son to my dates…..unless they become a serious part of my life. Perhaps they haven’t lasted as my Prince Charming, but I’ll have you know that I have maintained WONDERFUL friendships with the 1 or 2 that became more serious and they too adore my son and remain wonderful male influences.

Quite frankly Z and anyone else who may agree with Z….being a parent whether you are a mom or dad is a tough job, single or not. Unless you’ve been there, your opinion is based on mere speculation and judgement. Quite frankly, I’m trying to raise my son to be open and accepting to all the possiblities that may cross his path in life…and that includes respecting what people like you might have to say…and then just letting it go…..

Everyone, when they feel discriminated against for whatever reason, reacts this way. You say it’s hard to explain, and you take it seriously. But it’s not hard to explain. In the end, it’s someone who *isn’t* you, shitting on what *you* feel you are. That’s a universal experience (racism, sexism, whateverism).

But be the bigger person, be the one to make the right move first. Your kids look to you for that kind of behaviour – this is my point. Your kids will expect you to be the bigger person and to teach them how.

~ Driz

Is it mob mentality? You’re darn right it is. You say it’s open, honest… but it’s open to speak, not be be heard! It’s honest about our knee jerk reactions to the opposition, not about the real benefits of such a debate!

Are you single parents? Yup. But you read that label as *single* parents.

I read that label as single *parents*. The emphasis is on the second word, always!

Try to read what I wrote again from a different angle. I can assure you that I didn’t say this thread is a waste of anyone’s time.

~ Driz

and like I said or asked…why was “z” on a single mom’s site in the first place?

Is this a mob mentality? Perhaps it may sound or read that way … but this is a single mom’s blog…hence the mob of single moms who read it.

I didn’t want this to turn into an attack against “Z” but I’m not going to delete these comments or tell anyone to “edit” themselves. That’s what this blog is for…

The single parents are a mob, attacking Z, who expressed an opinion. And each war cry fuels the next, who fuels the next, until the mob is speaking as one voice.

This sort of strategy could justify ANYTHING. Anything at all., any absurd idea, or lifestyle, or architecture of parenting.

Do I agree with Z? Do I agree with the single parents? What would it even matter, even if I was a most persuasive writer for either side?

You have to want to get something out of the other person’s perspective. You’re all parents, trying to raise kids in the most confusing society this world has ever seen.

Your children will play with and interact with the other’s children. You cannot promise them a platform of understanding and compassion if you don’t take the time to learn the argument of the other side and see merit in it.

I don’t care when people argue like this over personal bullshit, but you’re debating what’s in the best interests of your kids, and who makes a better role model for their kids.

Those kids, above all, need to grow up with tolerance, and empathy. Open your minds and try to argue the other side with some passion and seriousness. You’ll only be a better mom/dad to your kids for doing it.

Please try this. Please stop.

~ Driz

For a start, I don’t like the apparent sacrificial mentality that seems to go hand-in-hand with that particular lifestyle. As if they’re doing God’s work by putting their own desires on the back burner so they can answer the higher calling of getting dinner on the table and putting out for their man.

Sorry, but I own technical books that are more interesting than the lot that comes with being a SAHM.

I also take issue with some SAHMs making their commitment to motherhood an excuse for not contributing financially to the household. Z says her husband works double-shifts. Ok, we know he’s a hard worker, but what about Z? Is she doing anything to help her husband eventually scale back to a single shift? Maybe he’d like to see his kids more often? Maybe he’d like to have more energy to do something other than work and see Z’s put-upon gaze every evening?

Finally, I would like to make the observation that, in my experience and the related experiences of my married and single friends, the kids with the worst behavior often come from SAHM households. Mind you, I’m not establishing a causal relationship here — I’m just saying. Something ain’t right when kids act out anyway. Still, I find it interesting in the extreme when certain SAHMs talk about the “dangers” of single parenthood to children when the children in their own married houses are hanging from the chandeliers, beating up other kids, and generally acting like little craven beasts. Kinda gives the lie to that whole SAHM argument of “I’m in control of how my kids are raised”, doesn’t it?

Why was “Z” on Ms.Singlemamma’s blog in the first place??????

If she didn’t (a) feel like a single mom herself? Or (b)contemplate/fantasize being one?

And it seems more to me like, her husband is the one “busting his ass” to keep her at home.

Sorry, no sympathy here from me. Would i love love love to stay home wtih my son every day….absolutely!

Would l love to still be with his cheating, cocaine snorting, lying, con of a father, who manupliated me into believing he was someone he wasn’t………HELL NO!

My son, is living in a two parent household, one with his mommy, and one with his daddy. A name he has started referring to my boyfriend of 2 years as. Where my Ex hasn’t been around in over 2 years…..and wasn’t to begin with.

Do I leave him at “daycare” everyday,….sure do. Actually it’s and “ivy” early learning center…and I DO BUST MY ASS to be able to put him there. (sooo many congrats dadshouse on your kids by the way!!!)
But I do it because, after tons of research, it was a facility, that I valued their morals, and their cirruculum. Now my 3 year old speaks more spanish than I do, works a computer very well, and enjoys his homework assignments that we do together.

I don’t think Z is protecting her world…I think she loves her children, and loves being with them everyday….and I also think she feels trapped in her world with maybe a loss of identity, otherwise, why in the world would she perusing websites that have nothing to do with her as she is not a single mom…….living vicariously through other women maybe…until she got her fill, and feels so trapped and frustrated with her lack of sense of her former self…maybe…

or maybe she is just a crazy hell bent person telling the rest of her we are doomed to hell for having a child that we love and take care of by ourselves…or with another parent who dont’ live under the same roof.