Comments on: Can single moms have married friends?

By: lisa bower

lisa bower — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 16:43:51 +0000

Okay so I'm soon to be divorced mother of two and the hardest part is seeing other people's faces when they find out you're a single parent. As if you chose this for yourself? come on!
I agree that you must be hot to where a bikini and married chick was probably just being insecure. A common problem among married women.
I'm glad that you're blogging about how to make friends because I've been trying to figure that one out too. Hard to fit one in a world of pairs.
I think you should focus on being friends with the female first so she's secure enough that you're not after her man.

By: Ninz

Ninz — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 04:20:27 +0000

Thank you for this fantastic blog. I was looking up this very topic after spending the afternoon with a seemingly happy married couple (do I detect a note of jealousy?) and their new baby. After they had left, I found I had mixed emotions…. I consider my life happy and usually feel very blessed and positive. I came out a relationship with my lilttle girls dad about 9 months ago and have never looked back. To be honest, being without him has been pretty much the same as when we were ‘together’ for all the effort he made – workaholic with not concept of balance!!

I must be honest though, today I felt a twinge of jealousy or loneliness, I’m not sure which… a feeling of “this is not how my life was meant to be”, and now I’m considering making a decision not to spend too much time with married couples. Is this too extreme?…. hmmmm.

By: SingleDaisyGirl

SingleDaisyGirl — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:43:30 +0000

Wow, is so interesting your point of view. Here’s mine.
I have a 2 years old boy and I’m not divorces r separated, I never had a husbund.. worst at all.. the “sperm donner” is from another country so we never get to see him… and nobody in oir “world” have ever seen his face.
My little one (Joaquin) is at nursery school (courtesy of my dad) and he is having friends and parties. I just show up with him. No explanations, no bad thoughs. I think people is smart enough to value you as a good woman and specially as a good mom.
I don’t have to be friends with the other parents (all of them happy married people) but I’m not their enemy either.
I live in a south American country where there is plenty of all fashioned people.. but I just try to keep my life and my little family in a good mood and happy above all.
My advice: don’t worry and do whatever you feel is best for your little boy (you can always come to play with mine also lol)

By: onemorecup

onemorecup — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:07:03 +0000

Two things really…

Leslie, same with me vis-a-vie dinner parties or a ‘couples’ night out featuring married friends–it seems almost set up and it is, god love em’. True friends are the types that think about us and how we’d like to find Mss. Right.

Of the second part, I was so excited about this site that when I wrote my first post (3 up there ^) one could have easily thought the guy’s gone nutz. The story is about the first time my daughter went into the pool at swim class ‘solo.’ CHEERS!

omc

By: Leslie

Leslie — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 13:10:15 +0000

I have to laugh about the dinner parties – I usually just go to my married friend’s parties with another single friend so she can have even numbers- it does matter to her ha. It will probably make her year if I ever find Mr. Right.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 01:08:06 +0000

Some of my favorite lines from this awesome thread:

Getting together is more challenging and we don’t have as much to talk about as we used to. – Andrea

When they complain about their husbands and say how miserable they are, I take it too literally and wonder why they are there??? – Shannon

I have always admired the person who does have married friends; moreover, married friends that treat their friends with that integrity and respect. – OMC

and,

get to know the other moms in nonthreatening environments and make friends with them before the husbands get involved. That’s the best way. – Cato

I LOVE all of your comments btw…just don’t have time to respond to all of them – too much on my mind. Must write my next post! Hoo rah!

By: Cato

Cato — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 22:19:36 +0000

Biggest risk is that married women will have an (unconscious?) fear you will be after their husband (especially if you are hot!). Another reason is dinner parties – what to do with single momma buddie when you want 6 or 8 for dinner. (You laugh… but it’s true.)

That said, it’s not only possible, but necessary. As your boy gets into pre-school and then school, you can get to know the other moms in nonthreatening environments and make friends with them before the husbands get involved. That’s the best way.

By: onemorecup

onemorecup — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 21:43:26 +0000

There I was…standing at the pool’s edge my 3 month old daughter just laughing her teeny-tiny bum off, whilst clapping her hands. I say, “Ready?” At 3 months words didn’t exist or at least one’s that I understood, but she was smiling—then the whistle blows and my little trooper glided down with full immersion, came up paddling the rest of her bum off, busting up laughing, just looking for ‘Da-da.’ (I was right next to her, she just didn’t see me!)

Couldn’t resist that one…precious moments. Married friends…ahem; actually, it sucks that that we would even have to address this ‘little’ idiosyncrasy. As for me, I’ve always seen and treated my friends with the utmost of dignity and of course, integrity. Sure, we all have tons of acquaintances, maybe even some slightly more developed ‘casual’ quasi-friends; however, for me I love my real friends and would give my life for them.

As a single person, one needs to set-up a ‘scheme of arrangement’ with their friends or whatever agreement. As a single person with the ‘B-man’ that little ‘scheme’ really needs to be thinking as a team. Do I think a single parent can have married friends? You bet you’re a$$ I do! However, what I have found through the years with myself, as well as others, is in the notion of how special it is to be their friend as a married couple, and vice-versa. How many dinner parties, weddings, holidays, birthdays, whatever have we been to as the single person? I have always admired the person who does have married friends; moreover, married friends that treat their friends with that integrity and respect. CHEERS!

omc

By: Shannon

Shannon — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:22:19 +0000

So I’m with you. My married friends tended to be ones that were married when I was and theirs just lasted longer. And I didn’t see them all that much. Now here comes the other side again for you-now we have married friends. And guess what, they aren’t as fun! Well, it’s a different kind of fun. Like Andrea above, when I left my husband, I too, lost some married friends. I also don’t make a great friend to married moms. When they complain about their husbands and say how miserable they are, I take it too literally and wonder why they are there???
The bikini part cracked me up. I don’t think I OWN a one piece and sometimes, it seems awkward to be so comfortable with my body, around people who seem very much the opposite! I feel like maybe I’m supposed to be wearing a one piece or something?

By: Leslie

Leslie — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 13:58:24 +0000

You’re so brave! I felt the same way at soccer and most recently at the park this weekend. The couples seem to congregate together, so that’s pretty cool this couple was so friendly.

My only good friends with kids are married, so it does create some challenges for getting together, but what are you going to do *shrug* With almost all of my close friends married or soon to be, it’s just the way it is. But very true sparklingmama, the married folks could be in our boat at any time!