Turn-offs and Red Flags: What are yours?
We all have them. Our own little list of secret and not-so-secret red flags.
There are the obvious ones like motorcycles, a low credit score, an overzealous attachment to their mother, a diety or political party, small feet, two divorces, an AA membership, yoga addictions … you get the idea.
And then there are the not-so obvious red flags. The subtle killers. You can’t explain them so instead they just live in your stomach, aging and growing until eventually…boom! There they are stuck in the top of your throat. Yuck. Red flags. It’s a love, hate relationship really.
They’re supposed to be blatantly repelling but they’re too easy to ignore. But as a divorced and single mom, I can’t afford not to. That’s a luxury for the single and childless.
Unlike red flags, turn-offs are an instant repellent. In a split moment, a guy you’re attracted to can suddenly turn into a Quasimoto.
My instant turn-offs include belching (yes, I’m old-fashioned), extreme intoxication, long fingernails, smelliness of any kind (except natural man scents), bad kisses and cheesy jokes, I could go on…
What are your red flags and turn-offs?
Filed under: Dating tips (for the single mama), Dating, sex and love
Turn-offs - Bad kissers, bad breathe, men that look at me with alarm when I tell them I’m divorced AND a single mom, liars and those that immediately throw some cheesy come on line at me.
Red Flags - Liars, no college degree (I’m not sure why on that one as I hate to sound snobby, but it’s important to me), men that look at me with alarm when I tell them I’m divorced AND a single mom, those that do not call when they say they will call, and men that think they are better looking than everyone else on the planet.
Red Flags: talking a lot about money, staring at other women while with you, bragging, having a feeling of being judged
Turn offs: plaque/tartar/bad breath mouth, too much cologne, hairy chest popping out of button down, comb-overs or any other desperate attempt to cover up hair loss (if your going bald thats fine, just don’t try to hide it, it isnt working), long and/or dirty fingernails, and ugly shoes (I’m BIG on guys and their shoes)
From the younger perspective:
Turn offs: Laziness, More than 5 years older than me, Telling me they want to take care of me, Virgins
Red Flags: Lack of ambition, men addicted to their computer games (cars or other inanimate objects). Men with money who won’t spend it (I don’t care if you don’t have any to spend, just don’t be cheap if you do!)
Soooo…… “You’re so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear” is a non-starter…? lol.
Let’s see, from a guy’s point of view:
(the caveat is i am off the market, but i’ll join in anyways)
Don’t ask me to buy you a drink, bad form.
The sloppy drunken kiss, lol.
Being a bad dancer and thinking you can
(a bad dancer who knows it and doesn’t give a damn gets cool points)
Regardless of attraction, don’t be too overt, I like a challenge
Talking about the ex excessively
Asking if I’m a Christian
Clothes that are too tight
Not dressing your age
Asking how much money I make
Not laughing
Fake smiles
Excessive cleavage exposure(this is one of those things where you know you put em out for attention, but god forbid don’t let you catch a guy looking, lol.)
Too much make up, accent yourself, don’t be an extra from Star Trek
Texting constantly
I don’t know, I guess it’s hard to list things that you can’t stand, because attraction and love are strange emotions. My girl does things that I would normally hate, but I think are cute when she does them. Or you just are willing to let things slide by. Like, she is NEVER on time. I know single parenthood brings a different set of rules, but damn. So what I do is tell her to be places a half hour before we are supposed to so she is always on time, lol.
But I do LOATHE small mindedness. You don’t have to be my clone, but don’t slam the door if you think differently. I love to discuss and explore other ideas and perspectives. But I believe limiting what you will listen too or consider limits your ability grow mentally and spiritually.
Turn-offs: Caring more about how you look than I do, Being way more into video games than a 30+ year old man should, lack of ability to talk about anything other than one’s self, chronic tardiness
Red flags: Close mindedness, racist/bigoted tendencies, lack of ambition, serious family issues, a lack of some sort of religion/set of moral values, lack of chivalry, constantly criticizing the ex(es) as if you’re shopping for something better…
(Oh wait, I’m describing my ex!!)
Turn-Offs: Tattoos, facial hair, stupidity, immaturity, long hair,
Red Flags: Any sign of mental instability, lying, unemployment (or inability to hold a job for any length of time), lack of motivation, too charming/smooth.
I’m sure I could list things all day. Perhaps this is why I’m single?
(Hello. I’m a lurker.)
Turn-offs: strong cologne. lack of ambition (doesn’t have to be work-related, but have some goals for gods’ sake). ultra-religious. conservative. self-absorption. pseudo-intellectualism.
red flags: sexism/misogyny (you’ve got a problem with women, or feminism, don’t take it out on me). need to control dates. too physical too soon.
But, on the subject, I’m going to put a plea out there to rethink the “two divorces” deal. I know everyone has their own standards, but I think a person with two divorces who has learned from their mistakes or is committed to doing so is a better bet than someone who has one divorce and whose only explanation is “my wife was crazy.”
I say this because I am in the process of getting my second divorce, and I know how it looks. Some of us are worth getting to know.
…but my wife was crazy!
And today I found out my divorce is final. Bittersweet moment - a little more bitter than sweet.
Okay Andrea … I’ll make it three divorces! : )
Hurrah!
Turn Offs- yucky teeth, pushing to impress, pretending to be what you are not, bad attitudes
Red Flags: any control issues, instability, blaming & risky behaviors, lack of eye contact
Turn Offs: Bad oral hygiene, someone who obviously pays no attention to what I say, judgemental, small-minded, lack of compassion, lack of ambition
Red Flags: Being under 30.
Okay everyone - it’s unanimous - bad teeth = turn off.
This is HYSTERICAL. My favorite post ever perhaps thanks to all you and your comments. I love my readers, I love my readers … I have the coolest readers ever! Yes.
Kisses!
Turn-Off’s:
High-waisted Jerry Seinfeld-style jeans with shirt tucked in without a belt, and a big-ass cell phone hanging from the waistband of the jeans. (In general, I like a man to look fairly modern style-wise).
If the topic of Vas Vegas comes up, he does the thumbs-up and says, “Vegas Baby!”
When strolling in at 4:30 pm for a 4:00 appointment is okay, and then I’m the one being uptight because he loses track of time…EVERY time.
Red-Flags:
When having general opinions that are different (ie politics), he pushes to convince me he’s right. Refuses to agree to disagree.
Can’t accept my love of celebrity gossip.