Turn-offs and Red Flags: What are yours?

by mssinglemama on April 3, 2008

mouse.jpgI know you’re out there.

My blog stats tell me so…I’m not a math wizard but about 97% of you aren’t leaving comments. Which is fine, I’m happy to have you! Believe me. And no pressure, but I was hoping you could do me a little favor – tell me a few things about yourself and why you are reading my blog.

1. Are you a divorced single parent?

2. Why do you read my blog?

3. What would you like to see more of on this blog?

Sign in annonymously if you like…it will help me make this a better blog for … you, my dearest lurkers.

Sincerely,

Ms. Single Mama
mouse.jpgI know you’re out there.

My blog stats tell me so…I’m not a math wizard but about 97% of you aren’t leaving comments. Which is fine, I’m happy to have you! Believe me. And no pressure, but I was hoping you could do me a little favor – tell me a few things about yourself and why you are reading my blog.

1. Are you a divorced single parent?

2. Why do you read my blog?

3. What would you like to see more of on this blog?

Sign in annonymously if you like…it will help me make this a better blog for … you, my dearest lurkers.

Sincerely,

Ms. Single Mama
mouse.jpgI know you’re out there.

My blog stats tell me so…I’m not a math wizard but about 97% of you aren’t leaving comments. Which is fine, I’m happy to have you! Believe me. And no pressure, but I was hoping you could do me a little favor – tell me a few things about yourself and why you are reading my blog.

1. Are you a divorced single parent?

2. Why do you read my blog?

3. What would you like to see more of on this blog?

Sign in annonymously if you like…it will help me make this a better blog for … you, my dearest lurkers.

Sincerely,

Ms. Single Mama
redflag1.jpgWe all have them. Our own little list of secret and not-so-secret red flags.

There are the obvious ones like motorcycles, a low credit score, an overzealous attachment to their mother, a diety or political party, small feet, two divorces, an AA membership, yoga addictions … you get the idea.

And then there are the not-so obvious red flags. The subtle killers. You can’t explain them so instead they just live in your stomach, aging and growing until eventually…boom! There they are stuck in the top of your throat. Yuck. Red flags. It’s a love, hate relationship really.

They’re supposed to be blatantly repelling but they’re too easy to ignore. But as a divorced and single mom, I can’t afford not to. That’s a luxury for the single and childless.

Unlike red flags, turn-offs are an instant repellent. In a split moment, a guy you’re attracted to can suddenly turn into a Quasimoto.

My instant turn-offs include belching (yes, I’m old-fashioned), extreme intoxication, long fingernails, smelliness of any kind (except natural man scents), bad kisses and cheesy jokes, I could go on…

What are your red flags and turn-offs?

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

QTMama April 4, 2008 at 1:22 am

Turn-offs – Bad kissers, bad breathe, men that look at me with alarm when I tell them I’m divorced AND a single mom, liars and those that immediately throw some cheesy come on line at me.

Red Flags – Liars, no college degree (I’m not sure why on that one as I hate to sound snobby, but it’s important to me), men that look at me with alarm when I tell them I’m divorced AND a single mom, those that do not call when they say they will call, and men that think they are better looking than everyone else on the planet.

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missmegs April 4, 2008 at 1:28 am

Red Flags: talking a lot about money, staring at other women while with you, bragging, having a feeling of being judged

Turn offs: plaque/tartar/bad breath mouth, too much cologne, hairy chest popping out of button down, comb-overs or any other desperate attempt to cover up hair loss (if your going bald thats fine, just don’t try to hide it, it isnt working), long and/or dirty fingernails, and ugly shoes (I’m BIG on guys and their shoes)

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The Slutty Duckling April 4, 2008 at 2:46 am

From the younger perspective:

Turn offs: Laziness, More than 5 years older than me, Telling me they want to take care of me, Virgins

Red Flags: Lack of ambition, men addicted to their computer games (cars or other inanimate objects). Men with money who won’t spend it (I don’t care if you don’t have any to spend, just don’t be cheap if you do!)

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jonb April 4, 2008 at 3:12 am

Soooo…… “You’re so hot you melt the elastic in my underwear” is a non-starter…? lol.

Let’s see, from a guy’s point of view:
(the caveat is i am off the market, but i’ll join in anyways)

Don’t ask me to buy you a drink, bad form.
The sloppy drunken kiss, lol.
Being a bad dancer and thinking you can
(a bad dancer who knows it and doesn’t give a damn gets cool points)
Regardless of attraction, don’t be too overt, I like a challenge
Talking about the ex excessively
Asking if I’m a Christian
Clothes that are too tight
Not dressing your age
Asking how much money I make
Not laughing
Fake smiles
Excessive cleavage exposure(this is one of those things where you know you put em out for attention, but god forbid don’t let you catch a guy looking, lol.)
Too much make up, accent yourself, don’t be an extra from Star Trek
Texting constantly

I don’t know, I guess it’s hard to list things that you can’t stand, because attraction and love are strange emotions. My girl does things that I would normally hate, but I think are cute when she does them. Or you just are willing to let things slide by. Like, she is NEVER on time. I know single parenthood brings a different set of rules, but damn. So what I do is tell her to be places a half hour before we are supposed to so she is always on time, lol.

But I do LOATHE small mindedness. You don’t have to be my clone, but don’t slam the door if you think differently. I love to discuss and explore other ideas and perspectives. But I believe limiting what you will listen too or consider limits your ability grow mentally and spiritually.

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liz April 4, 2008 at 11:49 am

Turn-offs: Caring more about how you look than I do, Being way more into video games than a 30+ year old man should, lack of ability to talk about anything other than one’s self, chronic tardiness

Red flags: Close mindedness, racist/bigoted tendencies, lack of ambition, serious family issues, a lack of some sort of religion/set of moral values, lack of chivalry, constantly criticizing the ex(es) as if you’re shopping for something better…

(Oh wait, I’m describing my ex!!)

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Heidi April 4, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Turn-Offs: Tattoos, facial hair, stupidity, immaturity, long hair,

Red Flags: Any sign of mental instability, lying, unemployment (or inability to hold a job for any length of time), lack of motivation, too charming/smooth.

I’m sure I could list things all day. Perhaps this is why I’m single?

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Lynn February 4, 2015 at 3:31 am

Great tips on taking on new clniets. Show me the money! is a key concept. If businesses don’t understand the power of the internet and don’t have an allocated budget, they’re probably going to be a big waist of everyone’s time. I’ve also asked potential clniets questions like:What do you want your website to do for your business?What does your traffic do now?What keywords do you want to be found for in search engines?How much are you spending in online marketing dollars right now?If they can’t give me some pretty good answers, we simply part as friends and go our separate ways. This is hardest when they are actually friends who are looking for free advice . It’s like being a doctor every body wants a diagnosis.

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Andrea April 4, 2008 at 4:13 pm

(Hello. I’m a lurker.)

Turn-offs: strong cologne. lack of ambition (doesn’t have to be work-related, but have some goals for gods’ sake). ultra-religious. conservative. self-absorption. pseudo-intellectualism.

red flags: sexism/misogyny (you’ve got a problem with women, or feminism, don’t take it out on me). need to control dates. too physical too soon.

But, on the subject, I’m going to put a plea out there to rethink the “two divorces” deal. I know everyone has their own standards, but I think a person with two divorces who has learned from their mistakes or is committed to doing so is a better bet than someone who has one divorce and whose only explanation is “my wife was crazy.”

I say this because I am in the process of getting my second divorce, and I know how it looks. Some of us are worth getting to know. 😉

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Jim April 4, 2008 at 5:25 pm

…but my wife was crazy!

And today I found out my divorce is final. Bittersweet moment – a little more bitter than sweet.

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mssinglemama April 4, 2008 at 6:06 pm

Okay Andrea … I’ll make it three divorces! : )

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Andrea April 4, 2008 at 6:44 pm

Hurrah!

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tami April 4, 2008 at 6:55 pm

Turn Offs- yucky teeth, pushing to impress, pretending to be what you are not, bad attitudes

Red Flags: any control issues, instability, blaming & risky behaviors, lack of eye contact

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mommypie April 4, 2008 at 9:40 pm

Turn Offs: Bad oral hygiene, someone who obviously pays no attention to what I say, judgemental, small-minded, lack of compassion, lack of ambition

Red Flags: Being under 30.

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mssinglemama April 5, 2008 at 5:08 am

Okay everyone – it’s unanimous – bad teeth = turn off.

This is HYSTERICAL. My favorite post ever perhaps thanks to all you and your comments. I love my readers, I love my readers … I have the coolest readers ever! Yes.

Kisses!

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Nhyeanyee February 5, 2015 at 3:36 am

If you have a girlfriend and you two have been daitng and your in love, if you find out she becomes insane, abandoning her is the wrong thing to do. A true boyfriend should do everything in his power to help is girlfriend and make her feel better, even if she becomes insane, if you truly love her, then you won’t abandon her because of a mental dis-order. Everyone deserves to be loved, even the mentally ill.

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Gayle April 7, 2008 at 6:33 pm

Turn-Off’s:
High-waisted Jerry Seinfeld-style jeans with shirt tucked in without a belt, and a big-ass cell phone hanging from the waistband of the jeans. (In general, I like a man to look fairly modern style-wise).

If the topic of Vas Vegas comes up, he does the thumbs-up and says, “Vegas Baby!”

When strolling in at 4:30 pm for a 4:00 appointment is okay, and then I’m the one being uptight because he loses track of time…EVERY time.

Red-Flags:
When having general opinions that are different (ie politics), he pushes to convince me he’s right. Refuses to agree to disagree.

Can’t accept my love of celebrity gossip.

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Laura Anguiano April 13, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Red-flags: When they ask you to send them pictures of yourself via text. When they ask you very after meeting them how many men you have “been with?”. When they find out you have children and do not ask anything about them but pretend they do not exist. When they send you pictures of themselves, showing partial skin, without you asking for the pictures.

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