Dear Lurkers:

by mssinglemama on April 3, 2008

mouse.jpgI know you’re out there.

My blog stats tell me so…I’m not a math wizard but about 97% of you aren’t leaving comments. Which is fine, I’m happy to have you! Believe me. And no pressure, but I was hoping you could do me a little favor – tell me a few things about yourself and why you are reading my blog.

1. Are you a divorced single parent?

2. Why do you read my blog?

3. What would you like to see more of on this blog?

Sign in annonymously if you like…it will help me make this a better blog for … you, my dearest lurkers.

Sincerely,

Ms. Single Mama

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

tami April 3, 2008 at 11:38 pm

Im 33, a single mom of a 6 year old daughter, never married (thankfully) but was with him for 13 years.
Ive been single for about 5 years now.
i found your blog through single mom seeking.
I appreciate your ‘real’ ness…your to the point -honesty.
i enjoy your blog, and i think you are doing an excellent job. i wouldn’t change a thing :o)

Reply

Red Wine Gums April 4, 2008 at 12:41 am

I’m a young guy who is a virgin and plans on staying that way until I’m married (Bless my naieve heart)

I like your blog because I like meeting people who are different to me and also I think you’re a very good writer.

Just continue writing as is. Or if you really want to spoil me give me your 2 cents on a guy in my position. Is he being naieve? Idealistic? Romantic? Setting himself up for a fall.

All the best and I hope to keep reading 🙂

Reply

mssinglemama April 4, 2008 at 12:58 am

Tami, hi there! So you have loads of insight on this solo lifestyle…awesome. Thanks for reading and so glad you like it. Now…comment more often. : ) Wasn’t that bad was it?

RWG. Oh jeez. I haven’t told you about the virgin I dated!!! Her technically wasn’t a virgin, but as close as you can get.

One thing he always said, “was, what was I waiting for????!!!!”

I really can’t speak to being a virgin (knowing nothing about what that must feel like). But here are a few things I do know.

There is nothing wrong with waiting.

There is nothing wrong with not waiting.

There is something wrong with not truly loving the people you are sleeping with.

And one last fact … that guy, the virgin, was one of THE best lovers I’ve ever had.

Okay WAY TMI!!!! Back to the Lurkers…keep coming, you guys… c’mon!!! I know you’re out there. : )

Reply

Risma February 4, 2015 at 2:55 am

A million thanks for posting this inomioatrfn.

Reply

Red Wine Gums April 4, 2008 at 1:10 am

@mssinglemama
That’s the thing with us virgins. We’ve nothing to do except read about it and bone up (yes pun intended) on various techniques. When we get there then we’re probably rearing to go and we have so much lost time to make up for…

Not TMI for me. Curious if anything. Feel free to drop me a line 🙂

“What was I waiting for?” – Damn

Reply

Heidi April 4, 2008 at 1:47 am

I lurk and I admit it!

I’m 29 and the single mom of 2 little girls who are 2.5 and 4.5. I’ve been divorced for about 6 months (separated for 2 years).

I read your blog because you are a single mom and I can relate to many of the issues you write about!

Reply

jonb April 4, 2008 at 3:15 am

i was looking for insight into my girlfriend’s thoughts. i’m flying by the seat of my pants so a little perspective is appreciated.

Reply

liz April 4, 2008 at 11:55 am

I’m not really a lurker (perhaps more of a chronic commenter?) but wanted to say thank you for putting it all out there. As a fellow single mom (to young boys), reading what you have to say helps me realize I’m not all alone out here.

Keep up the great work!

Reply

Optimistic Mama April 4, 2008 at 12:09 pm

Another ‘lurker’! Hello!
36 yrs old, single mom of an amazing 6 yr old boy. Divorced last summer, separated over a year, just started dating and hate the ‘out of control’ feeling of not knowing what’s going on! 🙂 Your blog helps me to remember that I’m not the only one trying to meld my roles as Mother and single woman into something that makes some sense. Also helps me to laugh off the bad dates!
It’s really your thoughts on your everyday life with your son that resonate the most. I enjoy your blog as much when you post something upbeat and humorous, as the days when you’ve been dealing with sleep deprivation and ear infections….it’s just all ‘real’. Thank you for what you’re doing, you’re supporting a small nation of single mothers out here! 🙂

Reply

Corey April 4, 2008 at 12:30 pm

28 year old single mom of an almost 4 year old, divorced for about a year. I read because I don’t know any single moms in real life, so I’m interested to see how others do it.

Reply

Heidi April 4, 2008 at 1:59 pm

I’m a single mom to the cutest little girl in the world. Never married, but practically. I got out just in time, though he’s always going to be in our life.

I relate so much. It’s nice that other people have similar problems (even though having no problems would be lots better). Single mommyhood can be great, but also a challenge.

I try to blog. But my computer is not happy with the juice that Abigail spilled on it. So it’s not turning on.

Keep writing!

Reply

Andrea April 4, 2008 at 4:17 pm

1. Divorced (waiting for the final papers to come in the mail) single mom of a perfect 4-year-old girl.

2. That’s why I read. 🙂

3. You should do what you want. Blogging is supposed to be fun, right?

Reply

chris gregory April 4, 2008 at 5:58 pm

I am 36 and in the process of divorcing. i have 2 daughters (3 1/2 and 1 1/2) and i love reading your blog. i read/lurk everyday almost.

your point of view is very similar to mine and i anticipate experiencing some of the things you talk about in the future.

Reply

mssinglemama April 4, 2008 at 6:20 pm

Wow! I can’t thank you all enough for piping in. This is awesome! Thank you, thank you. Now…guess what? I feel less alone too. : )

And, yes, of course, I’ll keep writing. But if there’s anything in particular you want me to dive into – let me know.

I usually have so many story ideas brewing that I don’t even know where to begin.

Reply

dadshouse April 4, 2008 at 6:27 pm

I’m a single dad with half-time custody of a teen and pre-teen, so I can’t be more opposite than Ms Single Mama. Maybe that’s why I like reading your blog so much. The stuff that interests me most: how you as a vibrant woman and single mom in your 20s dates and relates in a modern world.

Reply

AngelRocks76 April 4, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Hey, there!

I’m a single mom to an amazing 6 year old little girl. She is my world, for sure.

I “lurk” about once or twice per week. This blog is funny and it really helps to know that I’m not alone (generic answer, I know).

Thanks for great reads and insight.

Angel

Reply

rae08 April 5, 2008 at 1:16 am

hi ms. single mama,

i found your blog one night when i was really feeling overwhelmed with the whole single mom thing and i read all of your posts that night! i now feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

my story is that i am a single mom to a beautiful 11mth old. I never married the father of my child…in fact we were only together a few mths when i got pregnant. it has been a long hard road…while he did stick around and is very involved as a parent (maybe too involved!), we still have a lot of stuff to work out. there are things he did that i am trying to get past in therapy but i may just need to talk to him about it and get some closure.

The gist of it is that we split our time with our daughter so he has overnight in his home about 3 nights a wk and i have her the remaining 4. he frequently has her around friends of his that i have not met and he does not respect my requests to meet whoever is around my daughter sooner rather than later. His first overnight with our daughter at 4 mths, he had his ex girlfriend over and since then everytime he has someone over to hang out, i think the worst. and its a terrible position to be in.

i guess all things considered, i’m pretty lucky in that he pays child support and has taken care of our daughter on night when i had to work late or when she was sick and i couldnt take time form work. its just getting past the speed bumps that i need help with.

your blog is the one i identify the most with because we are close in age and have very young children. i also love your writing style and you always talk about topics relevant to me. I have recently ventured back into the dating pool and of course my first time out, i ended up dating a manwhore who was definitely not on the same page with me. But i was so desperate for some affection and the fact that he was in his words “ok” with me having an infant that i was going to try to be open to a relationship with him. but in the end i said to myself even if i kept it casual, ultimately i want to be with someone who wants to have a serious relationship. And i just dont have time or energy to put myself at risk emotionally by having casual sex with someone who all 3 times we hung out tried to get me to go home with him. i deserve better and i will keep looking.

thank you for writing this blog! it really helps me out and i am on your page nightly looking to see to read your latest postings.

rae

Reply

mssinglemama April 5, 2008 at 5:05 am

Tks Angel and Dad’s House! So glad you’re lurking too : )

Rae…wow. While it must be awesome to have such an involved father I know how hard that must be to haver he away from you…when she’s so young. But you have to work, right? God, this is hard.

I’m glad you’re dating…and yes, man whores are to be avoided like the plague. We deserve so much better and just don’t have the time or energy to put up with it. I’m SO glad you’re reading. Your comment just made my night. Speaking of night, I must pass out. It’s sooooo late.

Reply

singleworkingmommy April 6, 2008 at 1:03 am

I’m relatively new, and while I comment from time to time, I lurk more than I comment.

I’m a single mom to a 20-month-old son–never married. We officially separated (he moved out) when Son was about 10 months old, but our relationship headed south months before that. We were together for about four years when we split.

I read your blog because I wanna read/hear more about single moms. I relate to your everyday stories of life as a single mama more than the dating, because I’m not there yet. When/if I do get there, I might enjoy that stuff more.

But like someone else said, you should write about what you want to write about–it’s your blog, ms. lady! 🙂

Reply

drizitche April 7, 2008 at 3:57 am

I’m still lurking. I’m trying to figure out who Mssinglemama is aside from being a single mom. I honestly find it really fascinating how consistently you can phrase every little detail of life into this language and lense of ‘the single mom’.

Sometimes I still think you’re boxing yourself in by living so sheltered under this identity you wear. But then I sit back, doubt that opinion, and I keep reading, trying to be persuaded that the life of a single parent (a life I have no exposure to and can’t relate to personally), is really as one-dimensional as it seems.

Don’t mistake my tone here – I speak from a place of curiousity and admiration. I really wonder if maybe that is a better life, in a lot of ways. Being able to focus your whole person in one *very* valuable direction is strikingly enviable.

When I read your blog, I put myself (as best I can) in your shoes, and I find the world looks very different from that viewpoint.

~ Driz

Reply

Shieldmaiden96 April 7, 2008 at 2:15 pm

I’m not a single mom, in fact, I’m not a mom at all…I just saw your link on Random Esquire and started reading because you are a good writer and pretty interesting!
My mom raised us on her own, it wasn’t easy….I just wish I could convince her that she did a great job and owes us no apologies for the things we went through…my sister and I are better, wiser people for it.

Reply

The Queen Chimes In April 7, 2008 at 5:08 pm

I do lurk but have commented a few times. I am a single mom of a 10 & 7 year old for about 5 years now. I am however new to the whole Blog world though so I started my own and am trying to find time to set it up properly. I read for a few reasons, you are a good writer, we have similar situations and you have the same name and nearly same birthday as my daughter so I feel this blog is a meant to read for me. You do a great job, change nothing, just keep it up I enjoy it so much.

Reply

mssinglemama April 8, 2008 at 12:51 am

SWM – Well…yes, soon enough you’ll be back out there. But only when you’re ready b/c otherwise it’s a HUGE pain in the ass, believe me.

Driz – This is a blog about my life as a single mom so I can see how one might assume that it’s a boxy identity. I can totally see that point. But, that’s what this blog is about…and largely b/c I can not relate these stories to anyone else in my life who actually “gets it.” My single mom readers, single dads and those dating us do “get it.” But I have been trying as of late to put more of my personality out there…

Not sure if it’s a “better life.” I mean the ideal life is a happy, happy marriage. But for us – it’s far better than being miserably married. Make sense?

And lastly – I am a mother. Are you a parent? Because being a mom, especially a solo mom to a baby or toddler means that we are defined by that motherhood. It is all-consuming. And it’s fabulous! Because the little ones are worth every bit of it.

Tks for reading though, love your thought provoking comments.

Sheilmaien…so wonderful to hear about your mother. I think a lot of us single moms will find comfort in reading your comment.

Queen – if you ever have any blogging/WordPress questions just e-mail me okay? My addy is on my About page.

Reply

Ame April 9, 2008 at 8:06 am

Hi, I am the 34 year old single mother of a 4.5 year old boy. I am in the odd position of being essentially a stay at home single mom as I only do very part time dance instruction when my son is with his father, and a few various work from home projects. So I spend too much time reading blogs and the like. I especially like to read blogs of single parents to remind me that everyone’s ex drives them nuts and it really is better that my son’s father is in his life even if it makes ME crazy sometimes.

I was going to delurk a couple of weeks ago when you posted about men and heels (since I am rather a shoe afficionado) but when I went to post I discovered that my shoe blog (yes, my SHOE blog) was broken. I proceeded to break it further and it took me two weeks to fix it! So anyway, hi, nice to meet you and I will now comment now and then!

Reply

Rebs April 10, 2008 at 2:43 am

Me:
– 29-year old single mum to The Mook, born 10/05; she alternates weeks between us, no child or spousal support

Just keep writing. It’s nice knowing I’m not alone. Make me laugh and smirk and forget all the other crap.

Reply

mssinglemama April 10, 2008 at 3:13 am

Ame – glad someone appreciated that shoe/men analogy – spent forever on the post! Odd…thanks for reading! Every ex drives everyone a bit crazy, right?

Rebs … one week away from her! God. I can’t imagine. Heart goes out to you and thanks for reading. Glad I can make you laugh. : )

Reply

Hazem February 3, 2015 at 2:05 am

Hi Anette! :-)I finished work about 90 mins ago and I’ve got a hehcadae :-)Nice photos! 🙂 I’m presumning you must be tired in the photo where you are saying good night:-) Taking that into account it’s amazing how fresh, and also beautiful, you look in that one. Nice hair style too! 🙂 That one is a very nice photo of you Anette! :-)Helsingborg looks like a nice place too! 🙂 Looks like quite a small place as well 🙂 I’ve never been so perhaps it’s bigger than it seems :-)Enjoy the rest of your Sunday Anette! 🙂

Reply

Jaclyn May 1, 2008 at 6:53 pm

I’m 28 years old and have a wonderful 3 year old girl who is my star-shine, my everything. I looked up “being a single mom” on Yahoo search and came up with your site after finding some bashing people like me who aren’t “truly single moms” since we get child support and the ex has some time with the child. (Is there a different term for “us”, as opposed to women who have their children 365 days a year, no child support, etc?…or do we have the right to use the same term?)

I read one of your posts…then another, and another. Sometimes I’d find myself laughing, other times nodding and smiling ruefully, and other times thinking “Yeah, I remember that”. I’ve only been single (though I’ve been dating one man for over a year now and we’re still very happy) for a year and half. I relate to your blogs. You are funny, insightful, and say things the way I feel them, but can’t quite convey to others…the frustrations, the joys, the struggle of being the only parent that is “on the front lines” taking care of the child.

The post about the fireman and how men just seem to be checking you out all the time…been there. It really is like you shed the dead weight, take better care of yourself, and are more confident once you find out you really CAN do it by yourself. When I was a brain-washed doormat to my ex-husband, I never got the looks I get now.

The “shared custody of toys” post…totally with you there. The Ex at first insisted on me providing him with clothes, diapers, wipes, toys, everything to go with him to his house when he had our daughter. His reasoning – I pay child support, so the diapers, etc. are things that /I/ bought. You really have to put your foot down with the ex stealing (and in my case, I do mean stealing) clothes and toys. We worked it out that on days he’s picking her up from daycare, I leave a small backpack for our daughter with an outfit for her to wear home. When I pick her up from daycare (ex and I only see each other twice a month on Sunday evenings after his weekend), she is wearing the outfit I provided, and he returns the clothes she was wearing the day he picked her up in the backpack. This has really eliminated me buying something really cute for my daughter, only to never get to see her wear it again because he stole it and claims he doesn’t have it. Also, he knows not to come into my home unless invited (and I never do invite him in). The more space between he and I, the better, because my ex is the type that will use any and all information he has about you and your life against you. Major manipulator.

Another thing…sometimes when I am feeling low because I bought fast food for dinner for us, or dealt with the ex’s immaturity or greed…its nice to come here and focus on the relationship I have with my daughter, know that there are others like me, that I should be very proud of myself for the enormous growth I’ve made as a person, a mother…I’ll give myself a pat on the back, because I know I deserve it and I know that I have adapted and come SO FAR so quickly because I had to for my daughter.

Well, this has been much more long-winded than I expected, but the point is that I feel more centered, inspired, and content after reading your blog. So, kudos to you. Oh, plus, its very entertaining and something good to read when I have some lonely alone time without the boyfriend or my kiddo.

Reply

mssinglemama May 1, 2008 at 7:35 pm

Jacyln. Wow. My mouth is hanging open…I am so incredibly thrilled that you left a comment…finally. : )

It’s funny b/c it’s the comments like yours, and those from all of the other single moms who read my blog, that make ME feel like I’m not the only one.

Funny how that works, huh?

So, thank you, thank you for reading…and I’m so glad you came up with that backpack idea. I’m still losing that battle a bit … but fortunately, my Ex is a dimwit and doesn’t actually scoop info from my house or steal anything. : )

Reply

Leave a Comment