Comments on: Man up fellas…why? Because you’re the man, damn it.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 22:33:46 +0000

Milo – depends. I think it depends on the connection…I’ve written a post on this – http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/17/do-men-really-care-if-youre-a-single-mom/

So check that out.

So…how is it going, did you get the girl??? Sounds like it!!!!

I love this …

“Like I said, maybe that’s just me, but I for one was thankful that I found a girl to really care about (and God knows I’m picky with women) who WAS a single mom – not inspite of it.”

By: milo

milo — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 15:47:18 +0000

I have a question to ask of the readers – both men and women, moms, dads, seeking or found – because it’s been bugging me…

Is it really that big of a deal to most people you have dated to have kids involved in their relationships? Does it maybe have to do with where a person comes from as far as family background?

I only ask because I personally come from a close-knit family…my parents have been together for 37 years and actually still like each other, and I have always felt while growing up that I was in a minority in that respect.
To me, dating a woman with a daughter is like second nature…maybe because I’m so used to kids, maybe because I’m a big kid at heart anyway, but I didn’t see the big deal about it. When you meet someone you truly care about who’s intelligent, driven, and just a great person, their kid is just an extension of those great qualities…granted an occasionaly messy, hyper extension of those qualities (I kid of course), but an asset to the relationship rather than a detriment…that’s how I see it anyway.

Like I said, maybe that’s just me, but I for one was thankful that I found a girl to really care about (and God knows I’m picky with women) who WAS a single mom – not inspite of it.

By: dadshouse

dadshouse — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:15:06 +0000

As a single dad who has been dating off and on for 8 years since my divorce (ie when I’m not in a relationship) – at first I’d tell women right off the bat about my kids. That scared a lot of them off. I was dateless.

So, on the advice of some single female friends, I started NOT telling them until the third date. Bad idea – not because women ran away (they didn’t, because by a third date they knew me better and were more attached), but because my kids are a HUGE part of my life. To not talk about them is weird. It’s like I’m keeping a shameful secret.

Now I’m back to working my kids into conversation immediately. I can usually do so in a way that’s amusing or topical, opening the door for a woman to enter or not as she chooses.

After 8 years I’m still single, and a lot of that has to do with me being a single parent. (I’m guessing Single Mom Seeking will say something similar, as I believe she’s been on her own nearly as long). I don’t hide the fact I have kids. I only date women who are okay with me being a dad – in fact, I only date women who LIKE that I’m a dad. Single parents bring a lot of great qualities to the table.

By: QTMama

QTMama — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:15:40 +0000

Interesting … I was checking out PlentyofFish.com the other night, just poking around. There is the question: Do you have children?

I was shocked at how many men put “Prefer not to say”

Why the hell not? I would NEVER agree to date anyone that had that box checked!!!

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:59:23 +0000

Cara – the jerks do that. The jerks who just aren’t that into you…which is why I always tell right away. That initial fear and panic can be quelched a bit by how, we, the single moms deliver the message too. I’ll go into this more in a new post….Thanks for commenting!

Random – that’s a sad, sad story.

By: Noone

Noone — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 04:12:00 +0000

I am not a single mother or a man, but if I were a man I would like her to tell me on our third date. That way I am not just going to act on the initial fear and panic men get, but I will think about what I already know about her, how I already feel about her and probably take my precious time in considering the logistics involved with dating a single mum.

I say this because I feel during the first date the guy has not formed any sort of attachment to you and it is just EASIER for him to bail on you once he hears that.

And some of them do just that.

C a r a

By: randomesq

randomesq — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 03:46:54 +0000

I’ve got to say that I also think the topic of kids should come up long before an engagement. It’s a pretty important issue for most people and too important to leave until you’re on the verge of deciding if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.

I went to law school with a guy who had two kids and he never told anyone (he had them when he was just out of highschool). He did not have pictures of his kids up and it was like his big shameful secret. The shameful part was that he was secretive instead of proud. I still sort of think of him as an a**hole because of it.

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:10:02 +0000

You’re right QT. Definitely not insta-family, but to a guy dating us – it may feel that way. You know? They’re like – holy crap, this is a family! But we, single parents, obviously see it differently.

Thanks so much for pointing that out.

By: QTMama

QTMama — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:47:16 +0000

I disagree – DATING a single mom does not in fact create an insta-family, it does, however, create the POTENTIAL for one.

By: whatmenthink

whatmenthink — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:12:42 +0000

Jon B is right about its more than financial security to date a single mom. He lists what it takes to have a family and as it has been pointed out many times here, dating/marrying a single parent does indeed create an insta-family.