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From the monthly archives:

April 2008

Men. Shopping. And FREE stuff (from under my couch).

by mssinglemama on April 30, 2008

Benjamin has been at my mom’s for three days now. I’ve been so busy…having fun! Lots of it.

Shopping

Tonight I worked late to catch up on some big projects, then popped into Ann Taylor Loft and found quite a few treasures on the sales rack. Two super cute summer tops, a necklace and a belt!

Men

Then I headed to the coffee shop. For the past few weeks Benjamin and I keep bumping into this guy. We’re usually in a hurry but there’s always quick small talk. Tonight, I’m a childless mama … so we could actually talk. I pay for my coffee and then see him … I fill my coffee with creamer and sugar and then just do it - I just walked right up and said, “Hi!”

Immediately we were chatting it up and then he asked me to sit down. We talked for about 45 minutes. It was like a spontaneous mini-date. Will it ever be a real date? Who knows. I’m indifferent. And honestly, after our mini-date, not sure if I want a real one. (Purple Octopuses).

That’s the funny thing about asking men out or just walking up and talking to them. You might find that your “crush” really isn’t that crush worthy. Then you don’t waste time wondering about him. Would you rather have the wax ripped off in one quick flick or would you rather it slowly pulled, piece by piece?

Approach men and you find out if there’s potential…quickly. And either way - whether it’s you or him doing the quick rip - at least you know. I prefer the quick rip: less painful in the long run.

Life is too short. Seriously.

FREE Stuff

Speaking of life being too short. I have so much to do! And without Benjamin here I can stay up later and sleep in a little later. Tonight I got on a cleaning kick, a much overdue cleaning kick. Look what I scrounged out from under our living room chair.

Wonder how all of this got here? Hmmm… could it have been a little two-year-old with a funny sense of humor, or a mom shoving it under the chair in hurried preparation for dates or sitters? I honestly couldn’t tell you - but there it is. A bunch of forgotten toys and gizmos, oh, and a shoe!

This little pile has inspired a contest, my first contest! So you better play. And it’s easy. Here goes…

MSM Contest: What’s Under Your Couch??

Look under your couch right now. Tell me about something you’ve found. I’ll pick a winner for each of the following categories:

1. Cutest

2. Funniest

3. Grossest

And

4. Best in Show

The Prize

Something in this pile. The four winners each get to pick a prize from the pile! As you can see there’s lots of good stuff in this pile. A baby music toy, a Leap Frog pad, an empty Thomas DVD case, a little fire truck, an outlet extension thing…and some markers.

Or, you can waive on something from the pile and I’ll send you a mystery item (probably from some other pile I find under something else, or maybe it will be a really cool book…you’ll have to find out).

Now go look under your couch…and may the best man or woman win.

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Toddler-free (for one week?)

by mssinglemama on April 30, 2008

My mom has had Benjamin since Tuesday morning (his dad dropped him at her house after their Monday night sleepover). She’d been dying to see him and begged me to hand him over for a night. I did, gladly. “Take him. He’s been driving me nuts!”

Now she’s offering to take him for the rest of the week, “You need a break. You do. And that’s what grandmother’s are for, right?”

So at this point (Wednesday morning) … I’m still all for it.

I do need a bit of a break. Benjamin has been in full blown terrible two mode for weeks now, and it’s been tough - really tough. I’ve reached my breaking point way too many times. If she can really make it until Friday, it could be good for both of us.

But I’m not sure if I can make it until Friday. Major Benjamin withdrawal could set in. But I feel like I have to allow myself a guilt-free week of fun dinners out with friends, shopping and sleeping - lots of sleeping.

UPDATE - It’s now Wednesday night, about to leave work and I’m still sitting in my office. I miss him. Half tempted to jump in the car and go get my little guy. Sigh. Not sure if I can do this. But mom called and he’s still having a blast.

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Mission Not Accomplished: the Thomas Lo Rider

by mssinglemama on April 29, 2008

This weekend Benjamin discovered that if he took his tricycle to the top of our front yard he could zoom all the way down the little hill, down the driveway and then take a hard right turn onto the sidewalk. He nearly flipped twice. So after his nap on Saturday it was off to Target - to find a safe replacement - one with rubber wheels and more weight.

Our pick: the Huffy Thomas Lo Rider Bicycle.

When Benjamin saw the box he started jumping up and down, “Train! Thomas! Traaaiinnn…chooooo…biiiikkkkkeee! More? More? More?”

“Okay, baby.” I know, I know - I’m a sucker.

But it’s only the Thomas obsession. Gets me every time. And the box said it had rubber coated wheels. It’ll do, and if not, I’ll just sell it on Craigslist and find a different one.

So we buy it. We come home, jump out of the car and open the box. His two-year-old ameba brain is, of course, expecting a bike to pop out. Mine is more prepared. I have my little screw driver, my hammer (don’t know why I grabbed a hammer) and some scissors.

And then, there it is. A pile of pieces. This is easy? I tried to breath, it had been a long day…a very long day. And for a split moment I actually wished I had a husband to help. But I sucked it up and dove in.

The two page instruction manual was useless. There weren’t even clear labels or illustrations of each part. Yes, guys, I need them to tell me what each little screw, nut and bolt is. Then Benjamin took off with the bicycle seat and two tires. He stopped at the front porch where he knelt down and started hammering the tires ferociously into the pavement. BANG. BANG. BANG. I think he was trying to help.

But not even Benjamin could save me from the Thomas Lo Rider. I had to give up. He didn’t even mind. He knew it was a piece of junk anyway. So we piled all of the pieces back into the box and now they’re in the trunk of my car. I’m trying to simmer down a bit before I bring it or should I say them back to Target.

Do the people who make these products actually open them up and try to set them up themselves? Who wrote those instruction manuals? WHY???? WHY HUFFY??? Big jerks.

Or…am I a total idiot because I couldn’t put this thing together?

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Why online dating gets a bad name…

by mssinglemama on April 28, 2008

Here are some personals ads I found on Craigslist tonight. Went here on purpose knowing I would find gold! These are aboslutely, 100% authentic. My notes are in italics. Enjoy.

Breakfast in Bed? (Yuck!!! - I don’t want to see ANYONE at 5:00am, let alone a stranger.)

Consider getting to know me over breakfast in bed? I know this sounds completely out of the ordinary and you probably are thinking “OK I know where this is going”, but hold on. Seriously, breakfast in bed with a stranger. We set the boundaries, determine the proper attire for our breakfast in bed date and then order the food. I love the early morning hours so would like to do this between 5:00 and 7:00 am (I suppose I have just lost most of you). I want to sit side by side, pillow behind our backs, trays on our laps, fresh brewed coffee aroma swirling through the air, toast and jelly, perhaps eggs and bacon, OJ and some giggly laughter. After breakfast we get up and head off to meet the day.

Are you adventourous enough to join me?

Ugly, but Got Money!!! (Seriously? Has to be a joke. Either way it’s hysterical.)

Just to let you know, Single WM with a good job, house and things like that. There is only one big, really big problem - I am sooooo ugly, people i know tell me that I am pretty, then add laughing, pretty ugly. What am I to do with all this money I have but no one to spend it on? Guess it just a problem, but a good problem, to have if you are really, really ugly and have lots of money!

Walk and a Movie? (This guy has never slept with a human.)

I’m looking for someone interested in going for a walk today and catching a movie. Nothing serious, but just an attempt at human interaction. I would prefer someone with nice manners, who is witty, semi-dorky and enjoys conversation.

Perhaps we could even see a movie. If you’re interested send me a photo so I may verify that you’re a real person (this city is full of spambots and weirdos) and I will do so in return.

Assignment: go to your area’s Craigslist personals section and post some funny ones in the comment field … or just tell me about your online dating adventures or mis-adventures. And if you wrote these, read my tips on writing an online personal ad.

Want more? Can’t take credit, but this is hilarious - Top 10 Most Bizarre (but REAL!) Personals Ads.

P.S. Speaking of online dating, here’s my review of e-Harmony, the biggest crock out there … (sorry but I’m still mad at them for not giving me a refund.)

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The long weekend, firefighters and iMacs - a video story.

by mssinglemama on April 27, 2008

We were there and so was the camera. So I hit record. This is just a recap of my weekend, the fire station and a little introduction to my crazy two-year-old, Benjamin!!!

Director’s notes:

  • You’ll see him lurching forward because he can see the live recording on the my computer monitor…proving that iMacs are the best toys ever!
  • This was filmed post-bath, pre-bedtime so the lighting is just about as messed up as his hair
  • See photos from this weekend on my Flicker widget!

Enjoy!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNMet8NA8Hc]

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You’re a single mom?!!!

by mssinglemama on April 27, 2008

I love seeing the look on men’s faces when I say, “Okay. You have to leave now.” or “It’s 11:00 o’clock! Holy crap. You’ve got to go. I need to sleep.”

Hilarious.

We say “I’m a single mom.”

They try to digest it. Think they can. Get over it.

And then when that moment comes. The moment when you absolutely must sleep because you have to wake up at the crack of dawn…99.9% of them just stare with a blank face.

All dating rules they’d ever known are thrown out the door. Because they’re looking into the face of a very attractive, strong and sexy woman who has one mission - and that mission does not involve them.

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The Sex in the City Trailer! OMG!!!!! (I’m a dork)

by mssinglemama on April 26, 2008

I know most of you have probably already seen this (because you have TVs). But I just found it. So, because I’m obsessed with Sex and the City, must pass it on.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo0Hkaft7Nc]

They give away a lot in this trailer. Charlotte is pregnant! Samantha isn’t with Smith??? And Carrie’s wedding gets too… Big?

If you were a Sex and the City character who would you be? I think I’m a nice mix of all four …

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Updates Galore.

by mssinglemama on April 26, 2008

1. House Hunt

On hold because spring has sprung and I can’t bear the thought of leaving my cute downtown neighborhood with all of the coffee shops, parks, shops and men!

2. Finding a Sitter

I found one! She clicked with Benjamin right away - got down on her knees to talk to him and we spent an entire afternoon together. She’s coming over tonight to babysit, but alas, I’m sick! Just my luck. I’m going to have her come anyway. Might just go to the coffee shop or a book store for some much needed “me” time. A night out with my single girlfriends is so tempting (it’s been weeks and weeks) but then I’d feel even worse tomorrow.

3. The Firestation

I’m planning on making a trip tomorrow morning…if I feel better. Should be very interesting and I’ll report back immediately.

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Single Mom S.O.S.: Her ex wants full custody!

by mssinglemama on April 25, 2008

Every once in a while I post a Single Mom S.O.S. The first time for my friend Abby who was trying to figure out how to explain a break up to her daughter and now for another single mom, Tricia. The dilemma - her ex-husband wants to fight for full-custody of their oldest son, a 9-year-old.

First some facts. Tricia is amazing. She is light, happy, full of optimism and she loves her two boys.

Since their divorce in July she and her ex-husband have had 50/50 split custody of the kids. She says, “I didn’t fight for full custody because he’s a great father, and my father was so important to me. I want him to be very involved in their lives.”

Now, less than one year later, her son says he wants to live with Daddy full-time and his father is not only encouraging this notion, but threatening to go to court. [click to continue…]

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Pass the man blinders please.

by mssinglemama on April 24, 2008

I’m trying to avoid them but I can’t help noticing them. Lots of them.

Men.

They’re every where. And for some reason, doesn’t matter if Benjamin’s with me or not - they’re all checking me out. The first few times I thought it was all in my head. The blatant stares and smiles. But now…there have been so many I know I’m not hallucinating.

Here are the reasons for this phenomenon.

  • It’s mating season. Everyone is on the hunt.
  • My single glow. I have more time for self-grooming.
  • The fact that I don’t want a man right now. It’s like they know. And to men - that’s hot. The unattainable.

To me, men might as well be ugly octopuses with purple, fleshy skin - skin with boils and blisters- and bulging eyeballs. Right now men are scary.

Then I see them. Damn it. They’re just so beautiful.

Yummy, delicious men. In the bookstore, in the coffee shop, in restaurants, on sidewalks. Yesterday it was a firefighter. Yes, a firefighter. I’m telling you - when I say it’s raining men, I’m not exaggerating. This story proves that karma or fate is either trying to torture me or telling me to just bite the bullet and date one of them. [click to continue…]

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