Then again, your dilemma is real and pain as well. Are we confine to only the married one before showing him to the child? Not really. Following tips might be useful for single mama dating:

1) He must be deem a nice guy who adore you for you, which you did well by identifying it.
2) Someone who are serious about you and has the husband potential
3) Introduce the man officially to your child only when both you’re ready to expose/to the child.
4) Be sure the child could click, which you has a successful one with Kris:).
5) Get feedback from the child if you should be seeing the man more often. but get them to prepare chances of losing him (get ready for the worst)
6) Be honest in the even if it’s really broken up, the child must be well informed, which other mama had advise earlier. Bravo for this idea
7) Remember, they deserve to know the truth and make them involve in bit decision making so to induce responsibility and prepare for the consequence
Most of all, gather feedback from them from time to time if they are comfortable in relationship like this.

Your reign ends today and I thank you for being our dynamic Single Mom of the Month!!!

Kemi at CELEBRITY SINGLE MOMS
http://celebritysinglemoms.blogspot.com

I postjacked, and I’m sorry. I’m tired and totally have PMS!

I don’t think that you should call it quits. It is entirely possible that things will not end badly. All we can do, right now, it take one day at a time. Sometimes I wish I had an instruction manual tho. I guess that is what we are writing by way of these blogs.

QT Mama – I know! This is my worst fear…same question to you – how old is your daughter? How long were you with the guy, etc.

Well…one good thing is that Kris is a good one … not the type to hurt us in anyway and there are no intentions of marriage.

And to Cara .. . Kris and I never, ever kiss in front of Benjamin. We learned this the hard way when Benjamin actually started trying to make out with us. (here’s the entry on it:

http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/11/27/one-side-effect-of-being-a-dating-single-mamamy-baby-is-trying-to-make-out-with-me/

Anyway – the only thing Benjamin sees are standing hugs.

I’ve only dated one guy seriously since splitting with my daughter’s father. She was two at the time. He spent time at the house – she never did see him in my bed, and had no idea there were ever sleepovers, but she did grow very attached.

When we decided to call it quits, she would ask where he was. I’d just say he was at home, and that would be that. Not a big deal, really. But I was amazed that even a YEAR later, she would still occasionally ask. I thought for sure she’d forget. Having him around definitely made an impression.

It’s a complicated thing, to say the least, and unfortunately, there are no clear cut, black and white, absolutely right answers. Like Single Mom Seeking, I also applaud the two of you for your honest conversations. One way or the other, you’ll work it out.

http://carahurley.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-mother_13.html

I think that unless the relationship has reached a stage where you have both decided that you want to commit to each other, spend the rest of your time together (married or not: please read the ‘family’ section of this article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanessa_Paradis ) then ideally you should not expose the child to Kris as ‘your boyfriend’ but as ‘your friend’.

This means a shift in how you conduct the relationship in front of handsome Benjamin.

Basically, ask yourself this question: “Does Benjamin see my platonic male friends in my bed?”

If the answer is no, then Benjamin should not be seeing Kris in your bed. Practically, due to your situation, that seems impossible, but I believe that when there is a will, there is a way and you and Kris can works something out.

Nothing is set in stone, not even marriage vows, so it would be completely foolish and naive of me to expect that the next serious relationship you enter into would last forever. However, we sometimes know ‘deep down’ (maybe due to a hunch, maybe due to many red flags we initially ignore) whether a relationship has longterm potential or not. It is those potential longterm relationships you should be aiming for if you plan to introduce the men to Benjamin as your boyfriend/partner. Certainly not the kind of casual relationship you and Kris are currently striving for (with great difficulty it seems, bless you).

Secondly, no excessive kissy-kissy in front of Benjamin, unless you do that with your platonic male and female friends.

It is fun to get into a relationship and see how it pans out, but until such time that you AND Kris verbally commit to being together for the forseeable future, I just don’t think Kris should be aware of the nature of your relationship. Otherwise one day he might turn around and ask Kris “are you my second daddy?” and Kris would go bright red.

It is not fair on Benjamin to get close to Kris if he is not going to stick around, or at least FIGHT to stick around as your partner in life. If the relationship comes to an end a few years later, at least it was not a ‘fleeting’ attachment for Benjamin, because those are the most damaging ones. The more ‘loss’ Benjamin is exposed in terms of the men you let into your bed in front of Benjamin, who he gets to play with etc, the more likely that he his heart would harden, in order to protect himself from getting hurt again. Until one day he finds that he is now unable to let people in, no matter how hard he tries, there is just a part of his heart that is in ‘self protection’ mode.

It sounds as though you really love Kris and deep down you want him to commit to a serious, LONG TERM relationship with you. There is no need to feel ashamed to admit this, just because that is not CURRENTLY what he wants or SEEMS able to give you. Let him grow with you and the future might be just what you are secretly hoping for with Kris.

What I have written here is based on the knowledge and experiences of several of my friends who grew up with single parents and were well adjusted vs those who were not well adjusted (some of them were ex boyfriends actually, hence the detailed inside knowledge).

x

Cara

PS: MSM, have you read that blog entry of mine? If you can, when you have time, also read this one:

http://carahurley.blogspot.com/2008/03/blog-changes.html

It’s something to bear in mind about how children look back at the events that occurred during their childhood and how it shaped them into who they are.