Okay. This is a tad horrifying.
Last week I offered my video camera to Benjamin’s father. He was also having a birthday party for him. I had videotaped my party for Benjamin, so why not give his dad a chance to do the same? Tonight I got the camera back and on it is a nice little tour of my Ex’s girlfriend’s trailer. (She’s also a single mom by the way. Her son is six. Irony anyone? Pity. Yeah. Got that too.) I’ve never actually seen the place so my Ex decided to give me a virtual tour.
Scene 1:
Grandpa on lazy boy. He’s wearing camoflauge. His stomach is larger than a bean bag.
Benjamin is throwing a balloon in the air. Grandpa is not reacting. He pulls his shirt up and yes, scratches his massive white ass belly.
Scene 2:
Grandma smiles and waves at the camera. She looks sweet. Much more alive than grandpa.
Girlfriend smiles shyly at camera.
Camera swings to Ex’s girlfriend and (I shit you not) focuses on her chest. Her boobs are definitely bigger than mine. But it doesn’t look like she’s wearing a bra and they’re underneath and gigantic red t-shirt. Her hair is long, very long, just above her ass. (Did I mention that she used to be a stripper, oh, and now she works at Taco Bell).
Scene 3:
Finally Benjamin enters again. This time he’s on his father’s lap eating birthday cake. Grandpa is still in the background on the lazy boy. He hasn’t budged.
Scene 4:
Back at the ranch. They’ve returned home to settle in and the tape begins with my Ex giving me a tour of his girlfriend’s living room. I hear Benjamin, but I can’t see him. He’s saying “hold me, hold me.” His father ignores him and continues into the kitchen, “and here is the kitchen,” he’s saying in his thick French accent, “and the floor, nice and clean.” He zooms in on the floor. Benjamin is still crying in the background.
At this point I want to jump through the camera and pick him up. But my Ex keeps going.
He walks into the bedroom and zooms in on his girlfriend. She is on the floor folding laundry. She looks up sheepishly at him, knowing what he’s doing. Knowing that he’s filming this for the sole purpose of “reporting” back to me. Poor thing. She looks tired and sad. Like she’s had such a hard life. And I can’t even believe her dumb luck – that she ended up with my ex-husband. I feel like it’s my fault because I led him to her hometown. I feel for her and then…there’s Benjamin again but only his cries. I still can’t see him.
The cry is now bordering on desperation. He is really upset. Does she grab him? No. She keeps folding the clothes. Now I hate her. No more pity. Why doesn’t she console him? Why isn’t she jumping up to grab him? After all – she knows I’m watching. She doesn’t even care. Benjamin has now been crying for 5 minutes straight.
Scene 5:
My Ex turns the camera on himself. Yes. Really. And then says, “this video is for you Benjamin – you’re the star! It’s your day! Bye Bye.” Then in the last second all you hear is Benjamin crying, “MAMA!!!”
———————
I don’t care about the house, the electric radiator in the bedroom that could burn his little hands or the tacky wall art. Hell, I don’t even care about grandpa and his nasty belly. It was my little guy crying his brains out that kills me.
Sigh. This is officially the worst thing about being a single parent.
P.S. My lawyer says there’s absolutely nothing I can do to control where my Ex takes my son during his visitation.
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This story is heart wrenching. And you’re right, there’s nothing you can do. My attorney told me the same thing. (Sucks that we both had to ask a lawyer)
I want to send you and Benjamin a little hope… when Benjamin gets older (very soon!), he will be able to say, “I don’t want to go to Grandpa’s–” I hope that his dad is able to respect that, if and when his son decides this.
How horrible. As a mother I can imagine the pain searing through you as you listen to his cries. So sorry you had to sit through a viewing of that…even sorrier that Benjamin has to put up with that.
Dad’s House … yes, sucks when you actually call a lawyer about it.
Rachel (SMS) – thanks! You’re right. And he’ll also be able to tell me about his time there…tell me both the good and the bad. Or…call me! Which will be fabulous.
Liz – yep. So, so painful.
Give him a big hug for me…It will not make up for anything…but just sending the good vibes to him.
Wow. This is just heart-wrenching. So sorry you had to see that. So sorry Benjamin had to go through it.
I often wonder how much Son might cry when he’s at daycare. Well, I think about it for a bit, but then I try to force it out of my head. But the looks of the gigantic scratches on his face, he probably cried a lot todoy. Le sigh.
Hugs to you and Ben.
What a sad story. Sorry that you and especially Benjamin had to go through that. There is nothing worse than the crying of a child and it really upsets me when I am in a supermarket or store and I hear a kid crying with no consolation. I can only imagine (having two daughters myself) how you must have felt. So hugs to you and Benjamin and take comfort in the fact that he knows who his mama is and that above everything else, he is the number one person in her life. Kudos to you…
That must be horrible to see/hear. His girlfriend sounds like a real winner…
Hi Miss Megs! Yep…a class act. Sigh. Hopefully he won’t stay with her forever or impregnate her.
Single Working Mommy – just this morning when I dropped him off he was crying his brains out. So hard…as he’s getting older he’s crying more when I leave or drop him off somewhere.
And A Broad – Thanks for the kind words! And yes, you’re right – he and I definitely have the strongest bond you can imagine.
My ex just told me she is moving in with her boyfriend (the lovely soccer hooligan with the spider tattoo on his neck), so my kids will be there every other weekend. Believe me, I feel your pain.
i weant the shirt
Wow. That is SOOOOO sad and soooo disturbing, horrifying . . . . and a zillion other words that can’t even express how awful that is.
Reading things like this reminds me that I should in fact count my blessings and keep my son’s dad at arm’s length. He is not a good person, and I can’t imagine having my son be forced to be with him because of a custody order. Thankfully, since his father has never sought to prove paternity and I had the good sense (thanks to the advice of a lawyer and social worker) not to pursue that either, my son’s dad currently has no legal rights. I was told “If he’s a loser, abusive, and probably won’t pay child support anyway, don’t give him the chance to have visitation or partial custody. Most guys won’t fight for that right if they aren’t responsible.” So far he hasn’t, and reading your stories is really making me count my blessings!
I left my ex when he began ignoring my (it’s hard to say our) daughter to hurt me.
An example, one Sunday while I was fixing breakfast , I could here my 15 month old daughter crying. He was supposed to be watching her, so I waited for just one second to listen for him to pick her up, when he didn’t, I went to her aid and saw her standing at the baby gate. He had blocked her entrance into the office bedroom and was playing games on the computer. She was crying “daddy” and reaching over the gate. He wasn’t even looking at her.
I picked her up and gave comfort, then asked what was going on. He said he was trying to hurt me because I wasn’t making enough money at my present job.
This was from a man who was in the US illegally for 10 years before I met him. He’s from England and he had a great lie. Anyway, we, I helped him get a lawyer, paid for it (well over $3,000) and allowed him to stay at home until the paperwork settled. He then took extra time…6 months turned into 9. He never really had a job, then he got lucky with a good one and didn’t want to share the time to allow me to be with my child.
It’s an ugly fight. I’ve read through some of your post and I can truly relate. I wish he would go away. He’s cruel. My daughter is almost 5 and the games just get meaner. I could continue, but it’s just all so sad.
I wish you all the best. It gives some sort of comfort to know there are others who understand the frustration.
He is a sociopath. He made that video for the sole purpose of inflicting pain on you.
Other than that, I’m at a loss for words.
My daughter Mia told me this once in a very matter of fact way when she was four. She said, “Some people can’t hear what I say?” In her own way, she set herself free.
Aargggggggggggggh! I feel for you!
If anything i think i’d ban myself from letting benjamin to go back there… but of course therea are visitation rights etc.. what a complete @$$hole! Who does that, and just imagine when the camera ISN’T rolling!
Is it so hard to give @#$^ ?? excuse me french.. but it just makes it that much harder to trust that bubba will be okay when he leaves you to go to his fathers im sure.
Hang in there babe, am hoping things will get better!
x