Comments on: Will our kids be worse off? http://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Tue, 22 May 2012 16:28:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: When the children wonder.http://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-51796 When the children wonder. Mon, 19 Mar 2012 08:24:42 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-51796 [...] W&#1110&#406&#406 &#959&#965r kids b&#1077 &#959f poorer quality &#959ff? [...] [...] W&#1110&#406&#406 &#959&#965r kids b&#1077 &#959f poorer quality &#959ff? [...]

]]> By: Kissing in front of the kids (gasp).http://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-50654 Kissing in front of the kids (gasp). Fri, 09 Mar 2012 20:25:10 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-50654 [...] W&#1110&#406&#406 &#959&#965r kids b&#1077 &#959f poorer quality &#959ff? [...] [...] W&#1110&#406&#406 &#959&#965r kids b&#1077 &#959f poorer quality &#959ff? [...]

]]> By: Tips on getting your girlfriend back - When the children wonder.http://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-50560 Tips on getting your girlfriend back - When the children wonder. Fri, 09 Mar 2012 01:33:36 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-50560 [...] W&#1110&#406&#406 &#959&#965r kids b&#1077 &#959f poorer quality &#959ff? [...] [...] W&#1110&#406&#406 &#959&#965r kids b&#1077 &#959f poorer quality &#959ff? [...]

]]> By: When the children wonder. | DatingWithaSecret.comhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-47669 When the children wonder. | DatingWithaSecret.com Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:31:03 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-47669 [...] Will our kids be worse off? [...] [...] Will our kids be worse off? [...]

]]> By: Kissing in front of the kids (gasp). | DatingWithaSecret.comhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-46545 Kissing in front of the kids (gasp). | DatingWithaSecret.com Sat, 28 Jan 2012 09:02:55 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-46545 [...] Will our kids be worse off? [...] [...] Will our kids be worse off? [...]

]]> By: Betseyhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-24351 Betsey Mon, 03 Jan 2011 09:16:32 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-24351 How about teaching men to be good husbands, instead of good fathers? If they were better husbands, women would happily rear their children and society would be better off. If they spent more energy working on their marital relationship, then they wouldn't have to do 100% of the parenting, 50% of the time. That's my 2 cents... How about teaching men to be good husbands, instead of good fathers? If they were better husbands, women would happily rear their children and society would be better off. If they spent more energy working on their marital relationship, then they wouldn’t have to do 100% of the parenting, 50% of the time. That’s my 2 cents…

]]> By: Betseyhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-24350 Betsey Mon, 03 Jan 2011 09:05:41 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-24350 Jim; I agree that a two-parent home with child's natural parents are better. Unfortunately, sometimes you don't get to choose. I never wanted my kids to grow up in a single parent home. My XH's reason for divorce was that he was more "at peace" when I was gone (I deployed for a year). It was a quick and painless divorce, as divorces go...he handed me divorce papers Christmas day last year, and it was final by Mar 2. Needless to say, he got off very easy...and, just like most divorces with kids, we have a variation of joint custody. Currently, neither of us is in a new relationship (thank goodness). So, the kids (9 and 11 y/o) are the center of attention at each house. I was a step-parent to his older kids for 10 yrs. Looking back, I think maybe it would have been better for him to stay single forever, than for us to marry...(don't get me wrong, I love my children, and thank God every day for them, but I just feel very guilty that I brought kids into an already fractured family. He had been divorced for 2 yrs and separated for 4 when we got together. I saw the problems my step kids had over the years, in spite of how amicable their parents were. Over the years, there was a lot of tension in our house, I believe because his older kids needed much more attention than he was willing/capable of giving. I don't ever want my kids to go through that. So, as lonely as I am and hopefully he is, I think it's better for our children to be in two single parent families, than for either of us to remarry. There are just so many stories of kids being treated badly by their stepparent. Even if it's only the child's perception, it still impacts their self-esteem. I was a stepparent for many years and remember thinking how hard this relationship and role was for both me and them. I love my XH's kids and I am very proud of them as adults, but I often question if their lives were worse off as a result of having to share their Dad with a step mom and new younger siblings. I hope someday I will be able to boldly proclaim that I am happy to be a single parent. I'm not there yet. I am self-suffiect and working hard to give my kids a good life as a single parent, but I truly haven't finished grieving over the loss of my ten year marriage and I haven't really gotten over the guilt and shame that I couldn't provide my kids a stable, two-parent home. I salute the women here who have proclaimed their strength as single mom's. Jim; I agree that a two-parent home with child’s natural parents are better. Unfortunately, sometimes you don’t get to choose. I never wanted my kids to grow up in a single parent home. My XH’s reason for divorce was that he was more “at peace” when I was gone (I deployed for a year).
It was a quick and painless divorce, as divorces go…he handed me divorce papers Christmas day last year, and it was final by Mar 2. Needless to say, he got off very easy…and, just like most divorces with kids, we have a variation of joint custody. Currently, neither of us is in a new relationship (thank goodness). So, the kids (9 and 11 y/o) are the center of attention at each house. I was a step-parent to his older kids for 10 yrs. Looking back, I think maybe it would have been better for him to stay single forever, than for us to marry…(don’t get me wrong, I love my children, and thank God every day for them, but I just feel very guilty that I brought kids into an already fractured family. He had been divorced for 2 yrs and separated for 4 when we got together. I saw the problems my step kids had over the years, in spite of how amicable their parents were. Over the years, there was a lot of tension in our house, I believe because his older kids needed much more attention than he was willing/capable of giving. I don’t ever want my kids to go through that. So, as lonely as I am and hopefully he is, I think it’s better for our children to be in two single parent families, than for either of us to remarry. There are just so many stories of kids being treated badly by their stepparent. Even if it’s only the child’s perception, it still impacts their self-esteem. I was a stepparent for many years and remember thinking how hard this relationship and role was for both me and them. I love my XH’s kids and I am very proud of them as adults, but I often question if their lives were worse off as a result of having to share their Dad with a step mom and new younger siblings. I hope someday I will be able to boldly proclaim that I am happy to be a single parent. I’m not there yet. I am self-suffiect and working hard to give my kids a good life as a single parent, but I truly haven’t finished grieving over the loss of my ten year marriage and I haven’t really gotten over the guilt and shame that I couldn’t provide my kids a stable, two-parent home. I salute the women here who have proclaimed their strength as single mom’s.

]]> By: Who needs a husband anyway? « Ms. Single Mamahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-782 Who needs a husband anyway? « Ms. Single Mama Sun, 08 Jun 2008 03:10:03 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-782 [...] Will our kids be worse off? [...] [...] Will our kids be worse off? [...]

]]> By: We’ve got a live one… « Ms. Single Mamahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-772 We’ve got a live one… « Ms. Single Mama Thu, 17 Apr 2008 01:46:57 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-772 [...] Another commenter bashing us because we’re happy single parents. [...] [...] Another commenter bashing us because we’re happy single parents. [...]

]]> By: Dawnhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/20/will-our-kids-be-worse-off/#comment-781 Dawn Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:49:50 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=266#comment-781 Jim, You raise very valid points. You are correct, society is showing that being a single parent thing should not be the norm. Many of the celebrities create this visual world that young people see, that shows them becoming single parents, what they dont show is the large amount of support staff they have helping them. Although, I must add...that when it does happen, it really isnt necessary to put down that single parent for opting to raise the child as a single parent. Having said all that...I can not say that I am a single parent through no fault of my own. Yes I made bad choices in the men I dated. I was often the codependent one...and hoping that the man would change, and of course they never did. I realize the wrong in this thought process and have corrected it now with the choices in the men I date now(or lack of date..since I have been pretty much not dating for awhile now). However, in the same regard..I will not call having my daughter a fault. I have had issue with this thought process. I am real adimant about the fact that my child was not a mistake. Getting mixed up with her sperm donor..was not a mistake, because without him, she would not be here. But effectively..thank you for sharing your thoughts. Jim, You raise very valid points. You are correct, society is showing that being a single parent thing should not be the norm. Many of the celebrities create this visual world that young people see, that shows them becoming single parents, what they dont show is the large amount of support staff they have helping them.

Although, I must add…that when it does happen, it really isnt necessary to put down that single parent for opting to raise the child as a single parent.

Having said all that…I can not say that I am a single parent through no fault of my own. Yes I made bad choices in the men I dated. I was often the codependent one…and hoping that the man would change, and of course they never did. I realize the wrong in this thought process and have corrected it now with the choices in the men I date now(or lack of date..since I have been pretty much not dating for awhile now). However, in the same regard..I will not call having my daughter a fault.

I have had issue with this thought process. I am real adimant about the fact that my child was not a mistake. Getting mixed up with her sperm donor..was not a mistake, because without him, she would not be here.

But effectively..thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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