Weak in the knees.

by mssinglemama on March 10, 2008

pornnewmomsbig.jpgMy darling babysitter (who practically raised Benjamin with me during the first year) sent us birthday presents from Nashville today. And for me – the funniest book I’ve seen in ages – Porn for New Moms. Open it and all you see are hot guys holding babies with quotes like, “so tell me again, what is the consistency of the poop?” or “sure, your girlfriends can drop their babies off here while you girls go to the bar” or “now, remember it’s my turn to do the midnight feeding – so don’t wake up.”

The appendix includes the Pornometer quiz titled “How much are You getting?” Here are a few of the questions:

When the baby cries in the middle of the night, does he:

a) quietly urge you to get some more sleep while he gets up and bottle-feeds the baby?

b) gently wake you and say he’s sorry but the baby needs you?

c) break out in a fake snore while forefully pushing you out of bed with both feet?

pornguypage.jpg

When he comes home from work, does he:

a) Kiss you, take the baby, and suggest you take some time for yourself?

b) Ask how your day was and willingly help when asked?

c) Ask if dinner’s ready yet, because he has to be at his poker game by 7:00?

Answering for my ex-husband – he scored -30 – 0 points and the book advises me to “seek an immediate upgrade.” Done and done. HILARIOUS!

The preface to the “book” cites a study showing that a mother’s sense of pleasure was incredibly heightened when looking at a man with a baby. Makes total sense to me. Back in my pre-mommy days a nice ass and designer jeans used to turn me on – now I guy mopping my floor or entertaining Benjamin is a million times hotter.

[This picture’s quote is: “I poured your bath, and here’s a glass of Chardonnay. And don’t worry…even if it gets into the breast milk, it’ll just help him fall asleep faster]

What are your biggest turn-ons? Let’s help the fellas dating single moms out a little, shall we?
pornnewmomsbig.jpgMy darling babysitter (who practically raised Benjamin with me during the first year) sent us birthday presents from Nashville today. And for me – the funniest book I’ve seen in ages – Porn for New Moms. Open it and all you see are hot guys holding babies with quotes like, “so tell me again, what is the consistency of the poop?” or “sure, your girlfriends can drop their babies off here while you girls go to the bar” or “now, remember it’s my turn to do the midnight feeding – so don’t wake up.”

The appendix includes the Pornometer quiz titled “How much are You getting?” Here are a few of the questions:

When the baby cries in the middle of the night, does he:

a) quietly urge you to get some more sleep while he gets up and bottle-feeds the baby?

b) gently wake you and say he’s sorry but the baby needs you?

c) break out in a fake snore while forefully pushing you out of bed with both feet?

pornguypage.jpg

When he comes home from work, does he:

a) Kiss you, take the baby, and suggest you take some time for yourself?

b) Ask how your day was and willingly help when asked?

c) Ask if dinner’s ready yet, because he has to be at his poker game by 7:00?

Answering for my ex-husband – he scored -30 – 0 points and the book advises me to “seek an immediate upgrade.” Done and done. HILARIOUS!

The preface to the “book” cites a study showing that a mother’s sense of pleasure was incredibly heightened when looking at a man with a baby. Makes total sense to me. Back in my pre-mommy days a nice ass and designer jeans used to turn me on – now I guy mopping my floor or entertaining Benjamin is a million times hotter.

[This picture’s quote is: “I poured your bath, and here’s a glass of Chardonnay. And don’t worry…even if it gets into the breast milk, it’ll just help him fall asleep faster]

What are your biggest turn-ons? Let’s help the fellas dating single moms out a little, shall we?
pornnewmomsbig.jpgMy darling babysitter (who practically raised Benjamin with me during the first year) sent us birthday presents from Nashville today. And for me – the funniest book I’ve seen in ages – Porn for New Moms. Open it and all you see are hot guys holding babies with quotes like, “so tell me again, what is the consistency of the poop?” or “sure, your girlfriends can drop their babies off here while you girls go to the bar” or “now, remember it’s my turn to do the midnight feeding – so don’t wake up.”

The appendix includes the Pornometer quiz titled “How much are You getting?” Here are a few of the questions:

When the baby cries in the middle of the night, does he:

a) quietly urge you to get some more sleep while he gets up and bottle-feeds the baby?

b) gently wake you and say he’s sorry but the baby needs you?

c) break out in a fake snore while forefully pushing you out of bed with both feet?

pornguypage.jpg

When he comes home from work, does he:

a) Kiss you, take the baby, and suggest you take some time for yourself?

b) Ask how your day was and willingly help when asked?

c) Ask if dinner’s ready yet, because he has to be at his poker game by 7:00?

Answering for my ex-husband – he scored -30 – 0 points and the book advises me to “seek an immediate upgrade.” Done and done. HILARIOUS!

The preface to the “book” cites a study showing that a mother’s sense of pleasure was incredibly heightened when looking at a man with a baby. Makes total sense to me. Back in my pre-mommy days a nice ass and designer jeans used to turn me on – now I guy mopping my floor or entertaining Benjamin is a million times hotter.

[This picture’s quote is: “I poured your bath, and here’s a glass of Chardonnay. And don’t worry…even if it gets into the breast milk, it’ll just help him fall asleep faster]

What are your biggest turn-ons? Let’s help the fellas dating single moms out a little, shall we?
I’m in Texas. Over a thousand miles away from Benjamin…I miss him SO much. Very, very tired at the moment. The flight was delayed…barely got out of the Midwest thanks to that nasty blizzard. And the airline lost my luggage! So far…wishing I was home snuggled up with my little guy. God I miss him. It’s been two years and 9 months (if you count pregnancy) – and this is the first time we’ve been apart for more than 36 hours.

I also wish the damn airline wouldn’t have lost my luggage.
pornnewmomsbig.jpgMy darling babysitter (who practically raised Benjamin with me during the first year) sent us birthday presents from Nashville today. And for me – the funniest book I’ve seen in ages – Porn for New Moms. Open it and all you see are hot guys holding babies with quotes like, “so tell me again, what is the consistency of the poop?” or “sure, your girlfriends can drop their babies off here while you girls go to the bar” or “now, remember it’s my turn to do the midnight feeding – so don’t wake up.”

The appendix includes the Pornometer quiz titled “How much are You getting?” Here are a few of the questions:

When the baby cries in the middle of the night, does he:

a) quietly urge you to get some more sleep while he gets up and bottle-feeds the baby?

b) gently wake you and say he’s sorry but the baby needs you?

c) break out in a fake snore while forefully pushing you out of bed with both feet?

pornguypage.jpg

When he comes home from work, does he:

a) Kiss you, take the baby, and suggest you take some time for yourself?

b) Ask how your day was and willingly help when asked?

c) Ask if dinner’s ready yet, because he has to be at his poker game by 7:00?

Answering for my ex-husband – he scored -30 – 0 points and the book advises me to “seek an immediate upgrade.” Done and done. HILARIOUS!

The preface to the “book” cites a study showing that a mother’s sense of pleasure was incredibly heightened when looking at a man with a baby. Makes total sense to me. Back in my pre-mommy days a nice ass and designer jeans used to turn me on – now I guy mopping my floor or entertaining Benjamin is a million times hotter.

[This picture’s quote is: “I poured your bath, and here’s a glass of Chardonnay. And don’t worry…even if it gets into the breast milk, it’ll just help him fall asleep faster]

What are your biggest turn-ons? Let’s help the fellas dating single moms out a little, shall we?
pornnewmomsbig.jpgMy darling babysitter (who practically raised Benjamin with me during the first year) sent us birthday presents from Nashville today. And for me – the funniest book I’ve seen in ages – Porn for New Moms. Open it and all you see are hot guys holding babies with quotes like, “so tell me again, what is the consistency of the poop?” or “sure, your girlfriends can drop their babies off here while you girls go to the bar” or “now, remember it’s my turn to do the midnight feeding – so don’t wake up.”

The appendix includes the Pornometer quiz titled “How much are You getting?” Here are a few of the questions:

When the baby cries in the middle of the night, does he:

a) quietly urge you to get some more sleep while he gets up and bottle-feeds the baby?

b) gently wake you and say he’s sorry but the baby needs you?

c) break out in a fake snore while forefully pushing you out of bed with both feet?

pornguypage.jpg

When he comes home from work, does he:

a) Kiss you, take the baby, and suggest you take some time for yourself?

b) Ask how your day was and willingly help when asked?

c) Ask if dinner’s ready yet, because he has to be at his poker game by 7:00?

Answering for my ex-husband – he scored -30 – 0 points and the book advises me to “seek an immediate upgrade.” Done and done. HILARIOUS!

The preface to the “book” cites a study showing that a mother’s sense of pleasure was incredibly heightened when looking at a man with a baby. Makes total sense to me. Back in my pre-mommy days a nice ass and designer jeans used to turn me on – now I guy mopping my floor or entertaining Benjamin is a million times hotter.

[This picture’s quote is: “I poured your bath, and here’s a glass of Chardonnay. And don’t worry…even if it gets into the breast milk, it’ll just help him fall asleep faster]

What are your biggest turn-ons? Let’s help the fellas dating single moms out a little, shall we?
I’m in Texas. Over a thousand miles away from Benjamin…I miss him SO much. Very, very tired at the moment. The flight was delayed…barely got out of the Midwest thanks to that nasty blizzard. And the airline lost my luggage! So far…wishing I was home snuggled up with my little guy. God I miss him. It’s been two years and 9 months (if you count pregnancy) – and this is the first time we’ve been apart for more than 36 hours.

I also wish the damn airline wouldn’t have lost my luggage.
pornnewmomsbig.jpgMy darling babysitter (who practically raised Benjamin with me during the first year) sent us birthday presents from Nashville today. And for me – the funniest book I’ve seen in ages – Porn for New Moms. Open it and all you see are hot guys holding babies with quotes like, “so tell me again, what is the consistency of the poop?” or “sure, your girlfriends can drop their babies off here while you girls go to the bar” or “now, remember it’s my turn to do the midnight feeding – so don’t wake up.”

The appendix includes the Pornometer quiz titled “How much are You getting?” Here are a few of the questions:

When the baby cries in the middle of the night, does he:

a) quietly urge you to get some more sleep while he gets up and bottle-feeds the baby?

b) gently wake you and say he’s sorry but the baby needs you?

c) break out in a fake snore while forefully pushing you out of bed with both feet?

pornguypage.jpg

When he comes home from work, does he:

a) Kiss you, take the baby, and suggest you take some time for yourself?

b) Ask how your day was and willingly help when asked?

c) Ask if dinner’s ready yet, because he has to be at his poker game by 7:00?

Answering for my ex-husband – he scored -30 – 0 points and the book advises me to “seek an immediate upgrade.” Done and done. HILARIOUS!

The preface to the “book” cites a study showing that a mother’s sense of pleasure was incredibly heightened when looking at a man with a baby. Makes total sense to me. Back in my pre-mommy days a nice ass and designer jeans used to turn me on – now I guy mopping my floor or entertaining Benjamin is a million times hotter.

[This picture’s quote is: “I poured your bath, and here’s a glass of Chardonnay. And don’t worry…even if it gets into the breast milk, it’ll just help him fall asleep faster]

What are your biggest turn-ons? Let’s help the fellas dating single moms out a little, shall we?
I’m in Texas. Over a thousand miles away from Benjamin…I miss him SO much. Very, very tired at the moment. The flight was delayed…barely got out of the Midwest thanks to that nasty blizzard. And the airline lost my luggage! So far…wishing I was home snuggled up with my little guy. God I miss him. It’s been two years and 9 months (if you count pregnancy) – and this is the first time we’ve been apart for more than 36 hours.

I also wish the damn airline wouldn’t have lost my luggage.
We got an earlier flight out…instead of waiting until Tuesday morning to see Benjamin – it will be tomorrow at 1:30p.m.!!! Some background – I haven’t seen him since Thursday when I dropped him off at grandma’s so I could jet off to a work conference. This is the longest we’ve ever been apart.
I’ve been calling him every day. Keep in mind – when faced with a speaker phone conversations Benjamin is usually silent. But each time I’ve called he’s been a little chatter box.

Benjamin: “Abbabaa dabba you dattta me dubbba deeeouyaaaa!! Mommy!”

Me: “Wow baby! That’s so exciting, I’m so glad you’re having fun.”

Benjamin: “But…me…abuddaahhhh babale!!!”

Me: “I know honey, I love you too.” Repeat several times until Benjamin accidentally hangs up the phone.

Never before have I ever been so excited to talk to a boy on the phone. In fact, I can safely say that even if Brad Pitt were calling on the other line I wouldn’t pick up.

To hell with time off from the kids. When you’re a single mom it seems the anxiety of leaving them behind dulls the entire travel experience. Maybe I just worry too much. Maybe this time apart is “healthy.”

Well, I’ve had my dose of healthy separation – now I want my kid back. And as for the worrying – I’m working on it, but when you’re the only one who has to worry – that’s a good dose of worrying.

Maybe this will get easier when he’s older – any advice on this one? 

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Angie March 10, 2008 at 1:47 pm

My Daniel was 14 months old the first time I was away from him. Before that the only separation was while I worked (with daily visits to his day care – of course!). I had a trade show in St. Louis, one month after 9/11….three days feeling empty. That’s the only way I can describe it. One minute he’s constantly jumping in my arms for hugs, the next I only have my own arms to hug.

Anyway, I survived, but didn’t plan anything else until he was six! It’s much easier when they’re older, but you never get rid of that nervous excitement to get everyone back home.

Reply

erzsi1113 March 10, 2008 at 2:40 pm

It has always been easier for me to leave them with my parents than it has been to let their father have them for any overnight visits.

The first long period away from them (when they were with their dad) was this past Christmas when they spent a week with him. The first two days it was great (I slept in, didn’t cook, didn’t have to wipe a single bum…) but then I really started to miss them.

It’s good that you miss Benjamin — I’d be worried if you didn’t. But learning to enjoy that time alone has been really important for me. It helps refresh me and makes me a better single-mom!

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Lauren March 10, 2008 at 6:55 pm

No advice since I’m still childless for now… but I already know I’ll have to leave my baby for a couple days in January for a wedding 🙁 There’s a chance I might be able to bring her along, but flying with a 9 month old? Not too sure how fun that’ll be! (I’ll also be flying from the Midwest to Texas… Houston, to be exact) But it’ll be interesting to see how I handle being away from her.

Reply

mssinglemama March 10, 2008 at 9:15 pm

Can I just say how much I love you all! You are all so supportive as I go through the trials and tribulations of being a single mama. Which is why I have this blog – partially for me – to gain your insight – but it’s really for all of us – so we can stay connected and support each other.

Okay – I’m back. Will have to write more later…but I can tell you this – one or two days – no biggie – but I will never do four nights and five days again. It just didn’t feel right. Until later…I think he’s hosing down my counter right now with the faucet sprayer thing.

Reply

singlemomseeking March 10, 2008 at 11:44 pm

I just turned down an invitation to fly to a wedding — my best friend from summer camp, whom I’ve known since I was 7. Her wedding is Kid-Free.

Not only would Mae be so disappointed (she LOVES weddings!)… but after my little health crisis over here (that allergic reaction to steroids following poison oak), I’m feeling really vulnerable. I don’t feel like hopping on a plane for the weekend and partying…

Anyway, welcome home mama!

You sound so in love with your little guy. So sweet.

This is what makes it easier: Benjamin will be talking in full paragraphs soon.

It’s a comfort to know that your child can communicate when he needs something. If you go away again, he’ll be able to tell your mom that he wants lasagna, that he has to poop in the potty… and that he wants to call you. That’s huge.

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Rolin February 4, 2015 at 11:43 am

Bman,Do it. I got my private pilot’s licsnee in 1970 in Palmer, Alaska. It’s a lot more expensive today, of course, but if you dream of something like this, do it.You will not be able to do it if you have serious physical problems, like diabetes, that will keep you from passing the physical.Keep in mind, though, it’s expensive. The lessons are expensive, the planes are, and the insurance is. Cheapest way has always been to join a flying club. They have club airplanes at a discount rental rate and have usually got members who are instructors. Also, memberships can sometimes be bought from current members at a discounted rate, especially in an economic downturn.It’s a kind of an elite group to belong to, but better than that is what you describe: the freedom. My wife and I used to fly up to Talkeetna, about 70 miles, for lunch. Great memories.

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mssinglemama March 10, 2008 at 11:55 pm

I’m glad you turned that wedding down – kid-free? Who does that anyway? I could go on and on about that one….

Yes…it will be easier. But it’s true – I’m so damn in love with the kid. He’s just my everything. and, you’re right – it will get easier. But until then – I’m staying put or bringing him with me.

Reply

apathwaythroughthestorm March 11, 2008 at 12:58 am

I’m a single mom of three who works as an alzheimer’s consultant flying to different parts of the country 3 out of 4 weeks a month. As a single mom, I really need to make a good income…but the guilt of leaving my kids two nights a week with my parents to go save the world from dementia takes it toll. I take a book with me and the kids keep a copy too, that way I can read to them from where ever I am at that moment. My two teenage daughter think I’m crazy…but it’s working! Cell phones and video cams are great. I watched a Christmas program from 10 states away thanks to a video cam. A mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. But the time we are together is like gold!

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a broad March 12, 2008 at 7:13 pm

I am sorry to say that it does not really get any easier! I have a ten year old and a four year old. My youngest was two years old before I left her for any length of time (i went out for five hours!) but I understand your pain when they are not there. my 10 year old has an active social life and goes on sleep overs for girl scouts etc and I really miss her and wait for her return. leaving B with your mother is a great assurance for you. all my family live in South Africa, so no such assurances for us and as a result we can only go away where it is kid friendly, and I actually prefer that because all too soon they will have grown up and moved out. having a break is sometimes good for your soul but you know you are still on track when you want to get back to them!

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