Comments on: She’s pregnant. Should she tell the father? http://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Tue, 22 May 2012 16:28:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: MAKhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-43554 MAK Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:36:44 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-43554 My situation is hard too! I have been with my bf for almost a year. I am a 28yr old divorced mom of 1. He is a 2x divorced 34yr old man with 2 children. We do live together with my son. My bf works a lot, mostly midnights. He drinks a ton and blames it on work stress. Strange woman txt his cell and he says its just women from work (he's a supervisor) and they have his number from work stuff. We have been having a lot of problems the last few months as I caught him telling his ex wife thru txts that he loves her and even more... Then he never wants to take me out, hasn't ever bought me flowers or even a birthday card. For Xmas I got a massage gift certificate, that's all!!! We had a miscarriage earlier last year, he didn't seem all that upset, he did help me with my son and household things but not emotionally. We had a huge fight 2wks b4 Xmas and then another one on new years eve. I wanted to talk it out and he just kept ignoring me or running from me. He left once and didn't come home. I tracked him down out at his families cabin. I caught him snorting cocaine!!!! I never thought in a million yrs he wld use drugs. I fought with him for hours to get the rest away from him. But I now have this mental picture every time I look at him of him snorting it and his face covered in it, cause it was. I cannot deal with drugs. I never have. So I planned to leave him this week, but yesterday I found out I was pregnant. I'm thinking of still leaving but not telling him about the baby. I know he won't take care of us the way we deserve and I can't handle thinking he uses. Opinions??? My situation is hard too! I have been with my bf for almost a year. I am a 28yr old divorced mom of 1. He is a 2x divorced 34yr old man with 2 children. We do live together with my son. My bf works a lot, mostly midnights. He drinks a ton and blames it on work stress. Strange woman txt his cell and he says its just women from work (he’s a supervisor) and they have his number from work stuff. We have been having a lot of problems the last few months as I caught him telling his ex wife thru txts that he loves her and even more… Then he never wants to take me out, hasn’t ever bought me flowers or even a birthday card. For Xmas I got a massage gift certificate, that’s all!!! We had a miscarriage earlier last year, he didn’t seem all that upset, he did help me with my son and household things but not emotionally. We had a huge fight 2wks b4 Xmas and then another one on new years eve. I wanted to talk it out and he just kept ignoring me or running from me. He left once and didn’t come home. I tracked him down out at his families cabin. I caught him snorting cocaine!!!! I never thought in a million yrs he wld use drugs. I fought with him for hours to get the rest away from him. But I now have this mental picture every time I look at him of him snorting it and his face covered in it, cause it was. I cannot deal with drugs. I never have. So I planned to leave him this week, but yesterday I found out I was pregnant. I’m thinking of still leaving but not telling him about the baby. I know he won’t take care of us the way we deserve and I can’t handle thinking he uses. Opinions???

]]> By: Nikkihttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-38141 Nikki Thu, 10 Nov 2011 22:43:06 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-38141 I told the father as we were living together. It wasn't such a great relationship and we were supposed to go to couples counseling. Anyway, 2 days after we took the test which stated pregnant, he kicked me out. Then he proceeded to tell me that the test said negative. I have been to my Dr who confirmed with a urine and blood test that I was pregnant. He said it wasn't his and he wants a DNA test (Mind you we lived together and it was a very controlling relationship and i was timed each time i left work. My last contact with him was to send him a picture of the ultrasound after many people asked if I would send him that and they thought i should, I was 8 weeks pregnant and you could see the baby. He said stop this lie and started saying how he has me on camera eating cheese fries (not sure what that has to do with me informing him of the child we created). So that's the last contact i've had with him. The rest will be up to the courts. I told the father as we were living together. It wasn’t such a great relationship and we were supposed to go to couples counseling. Anyway, 2 days after we took the test which stated pregnant, he kicked me out. Then he proceeded to tell me that the test said negative. I have been to my Dr who confirmed with a urine and blood test that I was pregnant. He said it wasn’t his and he wants a DNA test (Mind you we lived together and it was a very controlling relationship and i was timed each time i left work. My last contact with him was to send him a picture of the ultrasound after many people asked if I would send him that and they thought i should, I was 8 weeks pregnant and you could see the baby. He said stop this lie and started saying how he has me on camera eating cheese fries (not sure what that has to do with me informing him of the child we created). So that’s the last contact i’ve had with him. The rest will be up to the courts.

]]> By: Mateenhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-37205 Mateen Sat, 05 Nov 2011 17:02:56 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-37205 It's great to read something that's both enjoyable and provides pagrmtaisdc solutions. It’s great to read something that’s both enjoyable and provides pagrmtaisdc solutions.

]]> By: Angelicahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-32028 Angelica Sat, 24 Sep 2011 16:44:56 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-32028 Hey, I really need some advice. I am currently 6 months pregnant and decided not to involve the father in our lives. We only dated for a month until I broke up with him because he does not have a job, car, any education, and drinks and smokes weed daily. Winner right? I didn't find out that I was pregnant until after I ended our relationship. I had to change my number because he is not mentally stable and he constantly called and messaged me and then starting claiming he would post nude pictures of me online if I didn't return to him. Even with all of this happening, I knew I had to keep my baby. So now it's 6 months into my pregnancy and a random girl just messaged me on facebook saying that she knows *name of father goes here* and that he heard I am pregnant and is concerned that the child is his. I have all of the support in the world with my parents and family and have gotten over the fact that I will be a single mom. But now I am worried that if I tell him that he is not the father, later on when my child is born he can get a DNA test ordered for my child, take me to court and sue me for lying to him. And because I am in the wrong, the court bills would possibly be all for me to pay. I just want to know if I am legally obligated to tell him. Any advice out there? Hey, I really need some advice. I am currently 6 months pregnant and decided not to involve the father in our lives. We only dated for a month until I broke up with him because he does not have a job, car, any education, and drinks and smokes weed daily. Winner right? I didn’t find out that I was pregnant until after I ended our relationship. I had to change my number because he is not mentally stable and he constantly called and messaged me and then starting claiming he would post nude pictures of me online if I didn’t return to him. Even with all of this happening, I knew I had to keep my baby. So now it’s 6 months into my pregnancy and a random girl just messaged me on facebook saying that she knows *name of father goes here* and that he heard I am pregnant and is concerned that the child is his. I have all of the support in the world with my parents and family and have gotten over the fact that I will be a single mom. But now I am worried that if I tell him that he is not the father, later on when my child is born he can get a DNA test ordered for my child, take me to court and sue me for lying to him. And because I am in the wrong, the court bills would possibly be all for me to pay. I just want to know if I am legally obligated to tell him. Any advice out there?

]]> By: Courtney Kiddhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-31254 Courtney Kidd Fri, 16 Sep 2011 21:51:38 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-31254 I agree with telling the father although I completely understand her hesitation. I was in a similar situation, in which I was living with the father of my child, not because I was in love but because his living situation fell through and needed a place. We were dating but I wouldn't say as serious as he thought. I ended up pregnant though and I did tell him. He became very abusive, physically and mentally and it was a constant battle with him. Needless to say, I moved out and we broke up. He seemed to change, I had to move in with my folks and he moved to the same town because he wanted to be near the baby and in her life. He seemed to be great some weeks and was really looking forward to being a dad. Although within eight days of being a dad, he left and we haven't seen him since. He would text every few weeks or call for the first month and a half and I haven't heard from him since. Not that I mind but now my daughter doesn't have the chose of having her father in her life. I understand the hesitation of not wanting to tell the father, but I do believe people change and in my case it didn't happen but who's to say it wont happen for her. Some days I wish I hadn't told my daughters dad but then again, I wouldn't want the retaliation if he were to find out. Now though, I wont go to court to get child support because I will not open that door for him to try and be in my daughters life after a year of nothing. I do feel like some men are the scum of the earth (aka, my daughters father) but then there are men like my dad who couldn't be better fathers. So the decision is her's but he does have the right to know, and he then gets to make the decision to be in the child's life or not. I agree with telling the father although I completely understand her hesitation. I was in a similar situation, in which I was living with the father of my child, not because I was in love but because his living situation fell through and needed a place. We were dating but I wouldn’t say as serious as he thought. I ended up pregnant though and I did tell him. He became very abusive, physically and mentally and it was a constant battle with him. Needless to say, I moved out and we broke up. He seemed to change, I had to move in with my folks and he moved to the same town because he wanted to be near the baby and in her life. He seemed to be great some weeks and was really looking forward to being a dad. Although within eight days of being a dad, he left and we haven’t seen him since. He would text every few weeks or call for the first month and a half and I haven’t heard from him since. Not that I mind but now my daughter doesn’t have the chose of having her father in her life. I understand the hesitation of not wanting to tell the father, but I do believe people change and in my case it didn’t happen but who’s to say it wont happen for her. Some days I wish I hadn’t told my daughters dad but then again, I wouldn’t want the retaliation if he were to find out. Now though, I wont go to court to get child support because I will not open that door for him to try and be in my daughters life after a year of nothing. I do feel like some men are the scum of the earth (aka, my daughters father) but then there are men like my dad who couldn’t be better fathers. So the decision is her’s but he does have the right to know, and he then gets to make the decision to be in the child’s life or not.

]]> By: Maddy's Momhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-31210 Maddy's Mom Fri, 16 Sep 2011 12:25:51 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-31210 When I first found out I was pregnant almost 2 years ago, I was given the advice of not telling my baby's father I was expecting because we were broke up and there would have been good reason not to tell him. I thought about it and decided that no matter how I felt, he had a right to know about his child. I also thought about my daughter and decided it would be her choice if she wanted to have a relationship with her dad, not mine. When I first found out I was pregnant almost 2 years ago, I was given the advice of not telling my baby’s father I was expecting because we were broke up and there would have been good reason not to tell him. I thought about it and decided that no matter how I felt, he had a right to know about his child. I also thought about my daughter and decided it would be her choice if she wanted to have a relationship with her dad, not mine.

]]> By: Dharmahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-28098 Dharma Sat, 30 Jul 2011 18:16:52 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-28098 im pregnant with a man from another country with a girlfriend. It was a fling and I never expected to get pregnant because i thought i was infertile. All I have is his facebook and his address at his workplace. He told me before he left that if i got pregnant to "take a pill" and i told him that if anything happened, i wouldn't tell him and he said "f*ck u." So now I don't know whether to tell him, i mean hes from another country and has a girlfriend he loves. I don't know what to do. On top of that he loves kids, hes a social worker that cares for disabled kids. Should I just send him a note and an ultrasound to his workplace in an envelope that says "open in private" or should i tell him on facebook? He hasn't written me for a while now . . . Dharma im pregnant with a man from another country with a girlfriend. It was a fling and I never expected to get pregnant because i thought i was infertile. All I have is his facebook and his address at his workplace. He told me before he left that if i got pregnant to “take a pill” and i told him that if anything happened, i wouldn’t tell him and he said “f*ck u.” So now I don’t know whether to tell him, i mean hes from another country and has a girlfriend he loves. I don’t know what to do.

On top of that he loves kids, hes a social worker that cares for disabled kids.

Should I just send him a note and an ultrasound to his workplace in an envelope that says “open in private” or should i tell him on facebook? He hasn’t written me for a while now . . .

Dharma

]]> By: pollywogghttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-27649 pollywogg Tue, 28 Jun 2011 12:00:47 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-27649 Kat... Based on what you say here and after my nightmare experience with my childrens father, I will advise you to NOT tell that man. If you feel like the father of your child belongs in jail, that is a clear sign that withholding the info is a GOOD idea. I am praying right now that you did not tell him, assuming that you know in your heart that what he did was wrong and DANGEROUS. I have a friend who had children with her husband who offered no help for many years and I always told her to be thankful for that, because of the 2 possible undesirable directions, hers was way better than the fear based controlling, stressful, extremely expensive custody battle I found myself in for many years during my childrens formative years... it's just plain not good for the children and dangerous men are more likely to hassle you and threaten kidnapping. My son's father threatened to take my child out of the country on many occasions and it is terrifying to think that someone would take your baby from you and you may never see him again and the law backs up fathers in court more than people realize, even in cases of abuse. I've done a lot of research. Courts are actually more often on the fathers side and they see children as property to be divided equally. Sometimes it's fine and I understand why they do it, but abuse is HARD to prove. BTW... the girlfriend I mentioned earlier, ended up having a baby with a 2nd man about 1 1/2 years ago and it's turned into a nightmare for her now... she definitely agrees with me now, that the child support (her legal expenses pretty much cancel it out) is not worth the nightmare and over this last weekend, he took the baby without her permission, he literally went in for a visitation at her home and RAN out the door. We've been worried all weekend that he would not return the baby, but luckily he did... she was just starting to wean her off of breastfeeding, but she was not quite done with that yet. It's just sick and wrong to take a child that is breastfeeding for 5 days... oh, and the courts barely admonished him. IN MY OPINION IT IS SOLELY UP TO THE WOMAN IF SHE WANTS TO TELL OR NOT AND IF A MAN HAS SEX WITH A WOMAN HE DOESNT KNOW THATS THE RISK HE TAKES, AS SHE RISKS HAVING TO GO THROUGH THE LIFE CHANGING PROCESS OF MOTHERHOOD. Kat… Based on what you say here and after my nightmare experience with my childrens father, I will advise you to NOT tell that man. If you feel like the father of your child belongs in jail, that is a clear sign that withholding the info is a GOOD idea. I am praying right now that you did not tell him, assuming that you know in your heart that what he did was wrong and DANGEROUS. I have a friend who had children with her husband who offered no help for many years and I always told her to be thankful for that, because of the 2 possible undesirable directions, hers was way better than the fear based controlling, stressful, extremely expensive custody battle I found myself in for many years during my childrens formative years… it’s just plain not good for the children and dangerous men are more likely to hassle you and threaten kidnapping. My son’s father threatened to take my child out of the country on many occasions and it is terrifying to think that someone would take your baby from you and you may never see him again and the law backs up fathers in court more than people realize, even in cases of abuse. I’ve done a lot of research. Courts are actually more often on the fathers side and they see children as property to be divided equally. Sometimes it’s fine and I understand why they do it, but abuse is HARD to prove. BTW… the girlfriend I mentioned earlier, ended up having a baby with a 2nd man about 1 1/2 years ago and it’s turned into a nightmare for her now… she definitely agrees with me now, that the child support (her legal expenses pretty much cancel it out) is not worth the nightmare and over this last weekend, he took the baby without her permission, he literally went in for a visitation at her home and RAN out the door. We’ve been worried all weekend that he would not return the baby, but luckily he did… she was just starting to wean her off of breastfeeding, but she was not quite done with that yet. It’s just sick and wrong to take a child that is breastfeeding for 5 days… oh, and the courts barely admonished him. IN MY OPINION IT IS SOLELY UP TO THE WOMAN IF SHE WANTS TO TELL OR NOT AND IF A MAN HAS SEX WITH A WOMAN HE DOESNT KNOW THATS THE RISK HE TAKES, AS SHE RISKS HAVING TO GO THROUGH THE LIFE CHANGING PROCESS OF MOTHERHOOD.

]]> By: kathttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-27434 kat Sat, 11 Jun 2011 09:15:00 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-27434 Ok will I get in trouble if I don't tell the father because he has threatened my father's life after I paid for our divorce after telling me he wasn't going to because his girlfriend whom he cheated on me with ans him,are trying to. Start new lives without me in it and I don't even know for sure if it is his do I have to tell that horrible person I am pregnant I want absolutely nothing to do with him he belongs in jail for what he has done to my father Ok will I get in trouble if I don’t tell the father because he has threatened my father’s life after I paid for our divorce after telling me he wasn’t going to because his girlfriend whom he cheated on me with ans him,are trying to. Start new lives without me in it and I don’t even know for sure if it is his do I have to tell that horrible person I am pregnant I want absolutely nothing to do with him he belongs in jail for what he has done to my father

]]> By: single parent why me !http://mssinglemama.com/2008/03/01/shes-pregnant-should-she-tell-the-father/#comment-25090 single parent why me ! Fri, 21 Jan 2011 03:40:14 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/?p=231#comment-25090 I am pregnant with my first child and im very young still in high school and the father is the type of guy who will deny the child as soon as yu say "im pregnant !" i dont know how to tell him he has a child due in september ! what should i do ???? ! I am pregnant with my first child and im very young still in high school and the father is the type of guy who will deny the child as soon as yu say “im pregnant !” i dont know how to tell him he has a child due in september ! what should i do ???? !

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