Love vs. Lust

by mssinglemama on February 26, 2008

bond.jpgHow do you tell the difference? How do you know if it’s love or lust? I think it feels different. In the case of my ex-husband it was all lust. Our whirlwind marriage ended after just two years and those two years were hell! At first, we were completely in lust. Hell, we could barely even understand each other (he is French and his English was rough – to say the least) but we got married anyway.

A few months after our wedding I realized he only truly understood about 15% of what I was saying. He’d just been nodding his head all along because it was easier than stopping me – a constant chatter box. But, at the time, I was convinced it was the real deal.

Lust is a powerful, powerful feeling…but love is so much better. And when the marriage went downhill all I wanted was a husband who loved me. To hell with lust…it fades fast.

Here’s how I tell the difference…

When it’s lust:

  • I forget myself…often. Even when I’m with Benjamin. I daydream about the next time he’ll be ripping my clothes off.
  • I nod my head adoringly even when he’s spouting utter bull shit.
  • I look past his obvious flaws and tell myself that said flaws are “cute.”
  • I talk to my friends about him…all of the time because I need validation that I’m with him.
  • Things get very serious – very fast.

When it’s love:

  • I am still me.
  • I know he’s there.
  • I want him more than anything, but not because of the sex. I want to BE with him, to talk to him, to hear about his day.
  • Things are nice and slow.
  • I am still 100% focused on my son because he wouldn’t have it any other way.

What do you think? What do you do to make sure you don’t fall into a whirlwind romance? How do you tell the difference between love and lust?
P.S. I thought a picture of James Bond (the King of Lust) would be appropriate…love Sean Connery! Should add him to my list of the World’s Most Beautiful Men.

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  3. I LOVE being a single mom.
  4. Polka dot love.
  5. And I thought dating was hard…

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Hanie February 26, 2008 at 5:14 am

Oh! love this post. When its lust, its 99% sexual thoughts (thats why its lust)! You tend to overlook a lot of flaws that might bring damage to you.


Lauren February 26, 2008 at 5:20 am

I think I’ve only felt lust for guys I’ve been involved with. Our relationship will become physical and all of a sudden I’m head over heels with a false sense of “love” for the guy. My baby’s father has so many flaws, yet even after I got pregnant I would still try and look past them and focus on his good qualities. (But I’m doing a much better job of not lusting after him now!) Basically, I completely agree with what you’ve listed as “when it’s lust,” because all of those hold true for me as well.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt love, but I know that when I do feel it, it’ll be completely unlike the way I’ve felt for every other guy I’ve been with.


mimi February 26, 2008 at 7:12 am

hi .i love u


mssinglemama February 26, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Hanie – Yep…the flaws disappear and you ignore warnings from family and friends.

Lauren – so glad you can relate. Keep it up! For me it’s easy not to lust after my Ex. I just think about all of the money he owes me. It’s just been too long now – don’t think I could ever, ever see him as anything other than Benjamin’s father. It’s like our marriage is a distant memory.

I agree…have yet to feel reall love myself – looks like Mimi loves us though. Hi there Mimi.


mediakemi February 26, 2008 at 9:07 pm

Congrats Ms Single Mama. You are the Single Mom of the week on CSM. Celebrity Single Moms was launched Oscar Night. Check it out. I have also added you to my links. I read your entire blog! Excellent. Welcome to our world!

I am a TV and Radio News Reporter based in Toronto, Canada and do a lot of freelance media work.

Kemi Olunloyo Joshua
Managing Editor
Keminications Media


mediakemi February 26, 2008 at 9:33 pm

Tell you the truth Ms Single Mama, it’s LUST for their MONEY. I make money but I could use someone else’s. I have always been the wage earner the man lived off of! My opinion to the ladies. Laugh it out and get it on the search engines!


mediakemi February 26, 2008 at 10:14 pm

Girl, you are the BEST! Keep on keeping on. Just read your comment at Celebrity Single mom. E-mail me anytime.


Claire May 17, 2008 at 12:24 pm

Thank you soo much, you have helped me a great deal.

A guy i went to school with moved away after we finished school and recently moved back, we had always kept in contact and I had always liked him, then went he came back we met up a few times, nothing happened.

The thing is I’m in a long term realtionship and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend from school.

This has helped me to realise that what i have with my boyfriend is love, yet what I feel for the old school friend is lust.

This has helped me realise what my boyfriend means to me and how we can both be ourselves together. I’m so lucky to have hhim and to feel this way about someone!

Once again thank you!


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