Love vs. Lust

by mssinglemama on February 26, 2008

bond.jpgHow do you tell the difference? How do you know if it’s love or lust? I think it feels different. In the case of my ex-husband it was all lust. Our whirlwind marriage ended after just two years and those two years were hell! At first, we were completely in lust. Hell, we could barely even understand each other (he is French and his English was rough – to say the least) but we got married anyway.

A few months after our wedding I realized he only truly understood about 15% of what I was saying. He’d just been nodding his head all along because it was easier than stopping me – a constant chatter box. But, at the time, I was convinced it was the real deal.

Lust is a powerful, powerful feeling…but love is so much better. And when the marriage went downhill all I wanted was a husband who loved me. To hell with lust…it fades fast.

Here’s how I tell the difference…

When it’s lust:

  • I forget myself…often. Even when I’m with Benjamin. I daydream about the next time he’ll be ripping my clothes off.
  • I nod my head adoringly even when he’s spouting utter bull shit.
  • I look past his obvious flaws and tell myself that said flaws are “cute.”
  • I talk to my friends about him…all of the time because I need validation that I’m with him.
  • Things get very serious – very fast.

When it’s love:

  • I am still me.
  • I know he’s there.
  • I want him more than anything, but not because of the sex. I want to BE with him, to talk to him, to hear about his day.
  • Things are nice and slow.
  • I am still 100% focused on my son because he wouldn’t have it any other way.

What do you think? What do you do to make sure you don’t fall into a whirlwind romance? How do you tell the difference between love and lust?
P.S. I thought a picture of James Bond (the King of Lust) would be appropriate…love Sean Connery! Should add him to my list of the World’s Most Beautiful Men.

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  3. I LOVE being a single mom.
  4. Polka dot love.
  5. And I thought dating was hard…

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Hanie February 26, 2008 at 5:14 am

Oh! love this post. When its lust, its 99% sexual thoughts (thats why its lust)! You tend to overlook a lot of flaws that might bring damage to you.

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Lauren February 26, 2008 at 5:20 am

I think I’ve only felt lust for guys I’ve been involved with. Our relationship will become physical and all of a sudden I’m head over heels with a false sense of “love” for the guy. My baby’s father has so many flaws, yet even after I got pregnant I would still try and look past them and focus on his good qualities. (But I’m doing a much better job of not lusting after him now!) Basically, I completely agree with what you’ve listed as “when it’s lust,” because all of those hold true for me as well.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt love, but I know that when I do feel it, it’ll be completely unlike the way I’ve felt for every other guy I’ve been with.

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mimi February 26, 2008 at 7:12 am

hi .i love u

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mssinglemama February 26, 2008 at 1:06 pm

Hanie – Yep…the flaws disappear and you ignore warnings from family and friends.

Lauren – so glad you can relate. Keep it up! For me it’s easy not to lust after my Ex. I just think about all of the money he owes me. It’s just been too long now – don’t think I could ever, ever see him as anything other than Benjamin’s father. It’s like our marriage is a distant memory.

I agree…have yet to feel reall love myself – looks like Mimi loves us though. Hi there Mimi.

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mediakemi February 26, 2008 at 9:07 pm

Congrats Ms Single Mama. You are the Single Mom of the week on CSM. Celebrity Single Moms was launched Oscar Night. Check it out. I have also added you to my links. I read your entire blog! Excellent. Welcome to our world!

http://celebritysinglemoms.blogspot.com/

I am a TV and Radio News Reporter based in Toronto, Canada and do a lot of freelance media work.

Kemi Olunloyo Joshua
Managing Editor
Keminications Media
647-344-5390
mediakemi@rogers.com

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Manu February 3, 2015 at 2:31 am

14316Oct752658Chris 1074Tommy, your comparison with drugs and aloochl addiction is ridiculous. Drugs and aloochl addiction hurts other people around you, sometimes killing others, i.e. drunk driving. Hannah has every single right to believe as she does. It hurts no one and being proud of who you are and growing as a person leads to a healthier and more fulfilling life. One thing I feel that is always left out and something I struggle with conservative Christians and also why it took me so long to grow as a person is being faced with judgement from family and friends. Doesn’t matter to you or anyone else how I live my life, GOD is my only Judge. I am also a gay Christian. I’ve read just about every post on this page. Lots of opinions and some are hard to deal with. I grew up a chrurch going Christian. I went to the same high school Bryan did and graduated the same year. I’ve always wondered about Bryan and I have to be honest, his post leaves me worried and concerned for his happiness and quality of life. It’s clear that he has a love for Christ which is amazing and unquestionable. It’s awesome that he’s outspoken about his beliefs. I do question though if he’s really happy because he’s clearly struggling with his identity. His words, not mine, a Christian struggling with same-sex attraction. If God meant for him to choose a life of celibacy I don’t think he would have a desire to be with someone else other than God.I believe in Christ’s love and I believe in the gift God gave me to love my partner. I believe my partner is a gift from God. I don’t believe anyone, not anyone, has the right to tell me that this gift is wrong. Not my family, not a pastor or elder, not my state or my government. God willing, I will be able to marry my partner and live a normal happy life raising a family and teaching my kids to love and respect others as they should love and respect themselves. Beliefs are personal so I’ll give Bryan the benefit of doubt that he is living a happy life and not suppressing God’s gift to find and share a life with someone else. I pray this is the case.I personally grew up knowing i wasn’t meant to be alone and also know that I have feelings for the same sex not the opposite sex. I grew up struggling and trying to suppress my feelings for the same sex, having a girlfriend but never connecting as I should have on the level of that kind of a relationship. I grew up being told not to be gay because I would never be happy and I would die of aids. I’m here to tell you I’ve never been happier being myself, growing as a person, growing in my relationship with my partner and growing in my relationship with God and I do not of aids! I pray my family can one day understand this. I pray one day I can marry my boyfriend and take benefit of the legal aspects that the word, marriage, provides to all those straight couples out there. Did you know marriage provides over a 1,000 benefits to straight couples that gay couples do not have access to? I’m not talking of the Biblical term I’m speaking of the legal term. Though I guess that’s a different blog.VA:F [1.9.20_1166](from 0 votes) 17f

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mediakemi February 26, 2008 at 9:33 pm

Tell you the truth Ms Single Mama, it’s LUST for their MONEY. I make money but I could use someone else’s. I have always been the wage earner the man lived off of! My opinion to the ladies. Laugh it out and get it on the search engines!

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mediakemi February 26, 2008 at 10:14 pm

Girl, you are the BEST! Keep on keeping on. Just read your comment at Celebrity Single mom. E-mail me anytime.

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Claire May 17, 2008 at 12:24 pm

Thank you soo much, you have helped me a great deal.

A guy i went to school with moved away after we finished school and recently moved back, we had always kept in contact and I had always liked him, then went he came back we met up a few times, nothing happened.

The thing is I’m in a long term realtionship and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend from school.

This has helped me to realise that what i have with my boyfriend is love, yet what I feel for the old school friend is lust.

This has helped me realise what my boyfriend means to me and how we can both be ourselves together. I’m so lucky to have hhim and to feel this way about someone!

Once again thank you!

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